Letters and Musings
There are certain things I'm thankful for that get me through each day. The anticipation of seeing Baby Hayes at the hospital. The morning trips to the market to buy breakfast for the family. Friends and loved ones that surround us. The midnight letter writings to Baby Hayes. They're my alone time, when I have to shed off my skin and cry for a while. I get to write to Baby Hayes, and I go through the whole gamut of emotions. I cry, I smile, my heart is filled with everything...except for anger. Somehow I am at peace, I'm still sad and I still cry, but I never went through an anger phase. I don't think Baby Hayes would like me that way.
For Posterity
FOR ARTUR HAYES
From humble beginnings
Unexpected was your arrival
A life and death struggle
Your start, rather jolting
Like your namesake, the King
Through tough time, you persevere
The King had his knights and sword
You have your family's love and word
As long as you continue to fight
We will always be by your side
Bring it on and march forward
EJ and EM will act as your wards
Your mother fought and endured
An emotionally, physically draining
A tough pregnancy to bring you forth
We welcome and urge you to start training
8/30/2007
My Dearest Artur Hayes
You are one extra special person. You're a fighter. I remember during your first trimester, we thought we lost you. You fought, your mom fought. You made it through. That made a lot of people happy.
Wen I went home a few months later. I felt you kick against my hand. You game me a smile that stayed in my face for days.
I though about you every single day. When I found out that you were a boy, I was ecstatic. We picked out the name of 2 noble people we knew. One who was well known throughout the world. His name was synonymous with leadership and strength. Valor and Just he was. The other person your grandfather, a kind and gentle man.
Last month, we discovered that mommy was showing sime issues with her amniotic fluid (it's the stuff you've been swimming in while you were inside your mommy's womb). We were concerned and worried about you. We kept on praying that you'll be okay. Remember all those times EM kept asking you if you're okay?
Las Sunday (US Time), it was Monday here though, mommy was going to for a regular check up and they noticed you had slowed down in your growthy. They decided to deliver you right away. I wish I could've been there with you and mommy. Although in hindsight, it helped both of us prepare. I think it made us more ready to take in the news.
It's doesn't make it any easier though. Man, I bought you a lot of clothes. Even some Nike booties. You'll love wearing them, they look comfy.
When I got in Tuesday night, I stopped by your bed. I saw all of the doctors around you. My heart sank. I have never felt that feeling before. It was scary and it hurt. I was glad to see that the doctors and nurses were smiling after a few minutes.
The next morning mommy and I dropped by to see you. Did you remember our visit? I read you parts of the poem I wrote for you while I was on the plane. I touched your hand that day. So did your mom. You even kicked while I held your hand. It reminded me of that night that I felt you kick for the first time.
I hope you remember what I told you that day. When people started telling us more about your struggle, I called your Uncle JC. I wanted to talk to him, he had a way to make me feel better. He had a gift, just like you do of making people happy. I cried when I told him, I kept thinking of you the whole time. How throughout all of this you fought and you spread joy with everyone involved. How it felt to hold your had. How brave you are, how absolutely wonderful and special you are.
I miss holding you. I want to hold you in my arms soon. We'll always be there for you. I wish everyday, I could stay by your side. I wish mommy, EJ, and EM could join us, so we can be one big happy family. EJ and EM keep asking when you'll join us at home. They want to be with you too.
Come home soon, okay? I owe you a lot of hugs, kisses, and stories. Let's work on one thing at a time. Visualize your ling expanding as you take in air. Visualize oxygen coming in as a bright light helping your system develop. I want to be able to pick you up soon. I'll visit you today and everyday that I'm here. I want to let you know how your courage is giving everyone here hope and joy. You have that magic of touching people's lives. Every one is rooting for you.
Thank you. You made me realize that there's an even deeper love. I'm sure you have a lot more lessons to teach me. I love you with all my hear and I miss you.
Daddy Joe.
For Posterity
FOR ARTUR HAYES
From humble beginnings
Unexpected was your arrival
A life and death struggle
Your start, rather jolting
Like your namesake, the King
Through tough time, you persevere
The King had his knights and sword
You have your family's love and word
As long as you continue to fight
We will always be by your side
Bring it on and march forward
EJ and EM will act as your wards
Your mother fought and endured
An emotionally, physically draining
A tough pregnancy to bring you forth
We welcome and urge you to start training
8/30/2007
My Dearest Artur Hayes
You are one extra special person. You're a fighter. I remember during your first trimester, we thought we lost you. You fought, your mom fought. You made it through. That made a lot of people happy.
Wen I went home a few months later. I felt you kick against my hand. You game me a smile that stayed in my face for days.
I though about you every single day. When I found out that you were a boy, I was ecstatic. We picked out the name of 2 noble people we knew. One who was well known throughout the world. His name was synonymous with leadership and strength. Valor and Just he was. The other person your grandfather, a kind and gentle man.
Last month, we discovered that mommy was showing sime issues with her amniotic fluid (it's the stuff you've been swimming in while you were inside your mommy's womb). We were concerned and worried about you. We kept on praying that you'll be okay. Remember all those times EM kept asking you if you're okay?
Las Sunday (US Time), it was Monday here though, mommy was going to for a regular check up and they noticed you had slowed down in your growthy. They decided to deliver you right away. I wish I could've been there with you and mommy. Although in hindsight, it helped both of us prepare. I think it made us more ready to take in the news.
It's doesn't make it any easier though. Man, I bought you a lot of clothes. Even some Nike booties. You'll love wearing them, they look comfy.
When I got in Tuesday night, I stopped by your bed. I saw all of the doctors around you. My heart sank. I have never felt that feeling before. It was scary and it hurt. I was glad to see that the doctors and nurses were smiling after a few minutes.
The next morning mommy and I dropped by to see you. Did you remember our visit? I read you parts of the poem I wrote for you while I was on the plane. I touched your hand that day. So did your mom. You even kicked while I held your hand. It reminded me of that night that I felt you kick for the first time.
I hope you remember what I told you that day. When people started telling us more about your struggle, I called your Uncle JC. I wanted to talk to him, he had a way to make me feel better. He had a gift, just like you do of making people happy. I cried when I told him, I kept thinking of you the whole time. How throughout all of this you fought and you spread joy with everyone involved. How it felt to hold your had. How brave you are, how absolutely wonderful and special you are.
I miss holding you. I want to hold you in my arms soon. We'll always be there for you. I wish everyday, I could stay by your side. I wish mommy, EJ, and EM could join us, so we can be one big happy family. EJ and EM keep asking when you'll join us at home. They want to be with you too.
Come home soon, okay? I owe you a lot of hugs, kisses, and stories. Let's work on one thing at a time. Visualize your ling expanding as you take in air. Visualize oxygen coming in as a bright light helping your system develop. I want to be able to pick you up soon. I'll visit you today and everyday that I'm here. I want to let you know how your courage is giving everyone here hope and joy. You have that magic of touching people's lives. Every one is rooting for you.
Thank you. You made me realize that there's an even deeper love. I'm sure you have a lot more lessons to teach me. I love you with all my hear and I miss you.
Daddy Joe.