Wow
So yeah...high school's officially over. Everyone says my speech was good, I think I botched the quote but w/e at least it's over. I'm surprised I haven't really cried yet. I've choked up a little, but only a few times. One was while hugging Brad Pitt. Other people, like Maggs or the Nerd Herd, are equally as important to me, but I'll be seeing Maggs at Merrimack next year (or else I would've wept over him) and the rest of them I'll prolly see tomorrow night lol. But Brad, she's not going to Merrimack, and I'm prolly not likely to see her much if at all over the summer. So tonight was really like goodbye. I still don't think I've wrapped my head around that yet. I love Brad.
Another was saying goodbye to Mrs. White. She's been my teacher for three years, and she's always been one of my favorites, one of the one's whose rooms we invaded after/before school when we were bored. I could always talk to her about random stuff in regular conversation (minus the obcenities obviously) and feel totally comfortable about it. Then this year, after all the shit that went down, she was always hounding me making sure I was alright if I looked at all upset, making sure I was getting enough sleep, etc. Then today, I was so nervous about my speech, and she kept on hugging me and grabbing me by the shoulders and going, "Just remember: we love you," again and again. And then inside the church, the whole time leading up to my speech, and then while I was actually onstage, she kept giving at me w/ that comforting smile she has, and sometimes mouthing "We love you." Then afterward she kept on glancing at me, but then the look was more like "I'm so proud of you." After the ceremony, when I was hugging her she was like, "I'm so proud of you, you did amazing, Merrimack is going to love you, you better come visit!" It felt like saying goodbye to my own mother.
The other one was saying goodbye to Dearborn. After all she did for me when all that shit went down, after all the time I spent w/ her this year, watching her fight w/ Rachel, hitting her in the head w/ a squishy ball, practicing my speech, she's just a really amazing person. Like Mrs. White, I just felt so comfortable around her. And she's so cool for an old lady, she's so funny, just like any one of my friends, I mean you could make obnoxious jokes around her and she would not only laugh but make one in return. Like today we were making fun of Monsignor Garrity because he couldn't seem to grasp the fact that the quote in my speech was meant to be funny. Or I was practicing my speech and a fly landed on the paper and mid-sentence I smacked the podium and screamed "BAH!" and I was on the mic so it was mad loud and she jumped like 10ft outa the pew and shrieked, it was fucking awesome. Or we were talking about my article in the paper and how I said I hate math, and she goes "He likes that word, 'hate.' You should use another word...like 'dislike.'" And I go, "Yeah, but I hate that word." Just really awesome memories like that. And today after the ceremony she hugs me and goes "You did absolutely fabulous, it was perfect, I seriously can't think of one thing you could've done better, I'm so proud of you." And then I pull away and I see she's choking up and she goes, "I'm so proud of you," in this way that just like made me grateful I was still alive for this moment, if that makes any sense. So I started choking up, and she put on that stupid grin that makes you just wanna poke her pudgy cheeks, and was like, "Don't worry. You'll be back." Then later on, as I was leaving, I met her on her way out as well, and she goes, "I really am proud of you. And you will be back...now I'm off into the sunset!" and I just got this image like out of a movie of her shadow disappearing over a hill into an orange sunset like from an old western or something, and it just rammed home the fact that it really is all over.
It's all over. I have that feeling like I'm gonna cry. But I'm not crying yet. I give it until tomorrow night. I'd like to apologize in advance to the rest of the Nerd Herd, I'm going to be an absolutely wreck, I guarantee it.
I love every single one of you, I don't care who you are. Thank you for making the last four years the best of my life. I'll never forget any of you.
I need sleep. Goodnight all.