Smashed
I don't think it's no coincidnce that a shot is called a shot. You throw back that little jigger of liquor with the same urgency with which a gun fires ammunition into open space. You feel the same ringing in your ears, the same kickback in your arms and chest. The first time you drink, you don't aim to get drunk. The thrill of pulling the trigger is itself enough. If you like the crack of the rifle, you'll be back for a second go, which is when you'll pay attention to the crosshairs and fire enough shots to hit the mark.
The closest thing I found to a summer fling was alcohol: I was introduced to it. I loved it instantly. Then circumstances separated us. Tasting alcohol just once is as hopeful and as heartbreaking as kissing a boy just once. It feels like the time I kissed a boy in the coatroom at a wedding where he was on the bride's side and I was on the groom's side, and it was a sweet, singular kiss that dizzied my head and made me want to stay there among the trench coats forever. But then the cake got cut and the bouquet got chucked, and the boy's father put on his jacket an the boy's mother swung her purse over her shoulder, and my eyes followed dhim uner the balloon arch and out the door, and I never saw him again. I can't imagine a way to rendezvous with liquor again.
I've been through the ceremony of my first drink. Now I am ready to consummate it by drinking faster, drinking more. Nights before I go to sleep, I try to imagine what being drunk feels like. I'm not sure why, but I decide the sensation must have weight. After the third or fourth drink, the drunken feeling must sneak up and pin you down. It must quiet your mind, like a lover that puts one finger to your lips, saying "Shh, baby." It must crush you with the force of its embrace. It must bore into you, permeatingyour whole body, your whole soul.
There's no point in getting drunk without having a friend along to encourage me to drink more and faster in order to get drunk. There's no rivalry when you're drinking alone; it's like playing Battleship without an opponent.