[meta] The Poetry of Dean and Cas (a manifesto of sorts)
I know Castiel and the Dean/Cas fandom have been torn up between rage and disappointment for days now and some have been more emotional than most. And others have abandoned ship, and we've been bickering on whose fault it was that things changed. There are those who also felt that the ship's sinking. The thing is, this ship will never sink for as long as there are people who love the characters, and love them together.
But for those who felt that things are in a bad situation between our beloved characters, yes we're in a bad situation. But it isn't hopeless.
So do read on and go through the relationship between Dean and Castiel, written in three songs: The Song of Heroes, The Song of Tragedy and The Song of Love. Theirs is what epics are made of.
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Love is an endless form of goodbye. Always, there is something that you are leaving behind, whether it’s another person as you fall in love with another, an object you’ve grown attached to as a child but then you grew up, a family member you’ve lived with for decades and then you move out and live your own life, the party lifestyle you’ve had as a single person before you got married, the carefree youth you once were as you embrace the life of responsibility, anything and everything you’ve left behind because of love.
Dean and Cas gave up so much of themselves, not always for each other, but for what they believed in, what the other believed in.
The Song of Heroes
Heroic characters are found in epics, in situations of a grand scale wherein they face impressive struggles, where they make grand gestures to overcome the most difficult of obstacles over a long period (or periods) of time. Heroes are born from stories of hard won wars and of unbelievable adventures.
But epics aren’t written with just the hero’s side. True epics have the antihero, the antithesis to counter and balance the hero. They clash for every rhyme and reason, and they will meet over and over and this becomes the language only they can understand. Among the crowd of strangers, of enemies and allies, they will search each other to find an end, the well deserved peace.
And it won’t matter who dies or who lives. They will find peace in their final moments together.
For the sake of going with Supernatural’s very clear cut line when it came to who’s good and who’s bad (even if I disagree with the lack of gray lines when it came to the Winchesters), the Hero is Dean, and Castiel is his Antihero.
Sam is not Dean’s Antihero because Dean will not fight Sam. Dean will just raise both hands up and surrender to Sam (proven in “The End”). The story ends when Sam turns his back to Dean.
Cas has always stood behind Dean. I used to believe it was beside Dean, but after Season 6, I revisited that line of thought and concluded that Cas was behind Dean all this time. He was the guardian, the best friend, and the unsung hero of a kingdom that was never his.
Everything Cas learned of humanity, he learned from Dean. And Dean was far from perfect. It shouldn’t come as a surprise that when Cas grew tired of living vicariously through the shadow of a man, he walked away to be his own man.
For all of Dean’s anti-chick-flick-moment speeches, he is the most emotional of all the characters in Supernatural. His heart will always rule his choices and his entire life. He will pull stupid stunts, because his heart demands it so. And who else will be the balm to that fury but a perfect warrior, cold and efficient, and ruthless in making choices because there will be no heart involved in his actions.
Cas, as the once best friend and support system of Dean, is now in the perfect position to hurt Dean more than anyone, including Sam. Sam is Dean’s weakness, and that remains true. But the same way Dean will surrender if he has to fight Sam, Sam will do the same if he must face Dean and he is the real Sam (not robo!Sam or Lucifer!Sam or blood-addict!Sam any other Sam).
Sam will never hurt Dean. Dean will never hurt Sam. The story will end the moment one of them turns against each other and they’re both in their right minds.
Castiel, on the other hand, is capable of meeting Dean toe to toe. They have argued in the past (S4 and S5), and though in the end Cas believed in Dean’s mission, Cas made plans of his own. Dean could not stop Castiel from searching for God, or for going on suicide missions, or for pissing off an archangel head on. When Cas makes a decision, Dean actually either follows (pissing off Raphael) or does his own thing (saying yes to Michael and then kill Zach in the process).
And they will just meet up later to do their own version of “I told you so”, and it will always be heartbreaking (when Cas tossed back the Samulet, when Cas was in the hospital and told Dean he isn’t the shattered pieces of the man he thought Dean was, Cas telling Dean “I was right” and “I won” in S6 finale).
Besides, a hero’s enemy is the hero of the other side. Same coin, different side.
The Song of Tragedy
Not one villain since S1 comes close to what Cas is to Dean, to what Cas can do to Dean, to Dean’s life and Dean’s family and make it personal. All the other monsters and demons in Dean’s life were those who manipulated his bloodline, and it can be argued that what can be more personal than that?
Well, Cas and Dean met when Dean was at his weakest and worst, that almost demon from hell torturing souls for his own pleasure and escape. He stepped off the rack because the pain was too much.
From that lowest and darkest moment of Dean’s existence (I don’t say life because he’s dead at the time), Cas slowly but surely lifted him up. Piece by painful literal piece, Dean was given back his life (ulterior motive notwithstsanding. It’s still his life that was given back to him). Dean didn’t believe in salvation, Cas gave it to him in blunt truth (“Good things do happen, Dean.”).
Dean also broke in front of Cas, several times (Dean actually prayed to save Sam and Cas said prayer is a sign of faith when Dean said he had none; Dean cried while in the hospital, saying he can’t meet expectations and Cas just told him he can), I can only remember twice but there might be more and my memory just fails me. Both times Cas was there to remind him of his value, and that he wasn’t alone.
Dean always has to be strong for Sam. Even when he’s breaking inside, he will always put up a face and a confident smile if Sam is looking. But Cas already saw what broke Dean, what can break him and, more than anything, Cas also knows how to break Dean.
Any smart demon or monster will go after Sam, because it’s obvious that Sam is Dean’s weakness. And Cas did go there, he (nearly) broke Sam to keep Dean out of the game. It’s possible he had plans to ‘fix’ Sam after Raphael died. Considering his plans to be GOD, fixing a human would be just a snap. The point is, Cas went immediately for the most obvious thing that would hurt and disable Dean.
Obviously Cas didn’t want either Winchesters dead, or he would’ve killed them already for not only not believing him, but betraying him. Instead, disabling them was first priority because he knew what the odds were if humans and an angel fought. Let alone a god.
But what else, or what more can hurt Dean beyond Sam?
When Dean’s at the brink of a meltdown, who was there for him? Recall when he actually first prayed despite throwing faith in the faces of angels, when he cried and doubted himself, when he was in hell. Who had been there to lift him up, be it literally or just through simple words of reassurance and/or a disguised form of assistance?
Castiel.
“I’ve lost Lisa. I’ve lost Ben. Now I’ve lost Sam. Don’t make me lose you, too.”
That’s Dean’s last ditch attempt to save himself.
Cas didn’t believe him. Not anymore. And Dean’s blink and recoil was his reaction to the once savior stabbing him where he’s vulnerable -- being alone.
Bobby was there, I know. But Bobby is also a broken man, bitter and angry with a suicidal tendency and a bullet that already has his name carved on it. Dean would still be alone.
Then Sam showed up, and Cas still stood. Technically, it should’ve been fine after that but herein begins the next arc of the long poetry that is the epic tale of Dean and Cas. The road to salvation/redemption (and it could lead to another heartbreak for all we know) which would be the road not taken so far by any angel… or god. It’s unpaved, strewn with thorns with grass as high as walls, and thick trees that block the sun.
The path that led to that severe moment of heartbreak had been nothing but blood and sweat and unshed tears from the both of them. I’ve mentioned before (in a fic), that between Dean and Cas is a language of gestures.
Dean fails at words because of his insecurities. He will do everything (pull every macho stunt known to mankind) possible to not open himself up to be vulnerable. He’s very emotional, but to say it out loud, to acknowledge his feelings in words, is to make everything too real. And then it will hurt more.
And as for Castiel, he utilizes speech in a very economic manner. He doesn’t say much unless to inquire, or to make statements. He never had emotions, or he might have but he never had to clarify it. The Host are considered as one at least when they’re not squabbling. They’re linked together and so there likely was no need to state one’s emotions. Why bother when everyone else already knows?
The friendship or romance per se between Dean and Cas developed through actions and sacrifices, in things that are petty (brothel, fart jokes - I can’t think of a ‘small’ thing that Cas did for Dean) and grand (Dean torturing Alistair; Cas betraying heaven) all the same.
Hearing is the last sense to fail when you die. This is science, and to romanticize it also makes equal sense. Because sometimes, sometimes, words are necessary. Because there will come a point when you’re already too far apart that you can no longer see, or touch, or feel. In these moments, you are still able to hear (pick up the phone, write a letter, send a sms, etc).
And this is what makes the song between Dean and Cas a tragic one.
They grew apart in the year that Cas never showed himself, in the year that Dean shut off the Hunter in his new life as a family man. They never saw each other, let alone shared a friendly nudge or tap. Notice that in the few episodes in Season 6 when Cas actually showed up, they touch? Dean’s always been the one to slap his ass or pat his shoulder, and Cas always did stand too close.
But these small acts were overshadowed by “bigger things”. Dean’s sight tunnels when Sam is involved. With the whole adventure of robo!Sam, Dean barely saw through the haze of doubt, worry and pain. The same can be said for Cas. When the war (that he started) built and built into more chaos than what he anticipated, his sight also tunneled into getting rid of his biggest problem, Raphael. Dean’s world is Sam. Cas’ world is well…his literal world, Heaven.
Dean demanded that Cas be around all the time and he would not hear any reason far more important than saving Sam. Cas would like to, but he was already stretched and buried deeper than he’d planned for and Dean would not listen.
It was a lot of miscommunication, and the more Dean worried about Sam, the less inclined Cas was to tell the truth. This is pride and guilt burdening Cas, pride that he’d be able to fix it and guilt that it was his fault in the first place that he failed to take Sam’s soul with him. Dean simply would not hear anything, so Cas didn’t feel like sharing his weakness -- especially when Dean’s more blatant actions say that he only wants and sees Cas as the biggest gun hunters can only dream of ever having.
There’s pride and greed all over the place. Dean was greedy. Cas was prideful. Dean wanted more than what Cas could offer this time, and it just added another crack in the forming crater between them.
Cas held too much pride that he could fix all this eventually, that he’d kept everything even the worst of the problems from what was supposedly his friends. Friends who he deemed had already paid too much.
Cas’ sin right there was making the decision for Dean. At the same time, Dean did not really act like he would care beyond his immediate problem, which was Sam.
They barely saw each other to rekindle the lost language of gestures. And when words would count, they said none. Neither of them made it easy for each other to actually say something. Nothing was ever said, and when words were finally let out (last 3 episodes), the cracks on the gap between Dean and Cas were already broken into craters (soon to be grand canyon).
I shot an arrow into the air,
It fell to earth, I knew not where;
For, so swiftly it flew, the sight
Could not follow it in its flight.
I breathed a song into the air,
It fell to earth, I knew not where;
For who has sight so keen and strong,
That it can follow the flight of song?
Long, long afterward, in an oak
I found the arrow, still unbroke;
And the song, from beginning to end,
I found again in the heart of a friend.
-- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
The Song of Love
It’s interesting the way some arguments about love always come between “I love you” and “I’m in love with you” in the end. The insertion of “in” makes all the difference. Somehow, based from this difference, being “in love” is the highest form of affection between two people.
This, among other things, is why I find the English language very limiting. But let’s not go into linguistics because that’s a different argument. This is also why I can’t get behind any argument based on “being in love”, because there’s so much more in the relationship than what’s covered in being in love.
Since we’re about to explore homoeroticism (namely because Castiel is in the body of man, but he is technically genderless), I find the Greek love as more than apt to convey the song of love between Dean and Cas.
Just a brief glance to ancient Greece: To the Greeks, women aren’t even citizens. So the love between two men wasn’t about homosexual tolerance, neither was it all about “homosexual practice” (only). It’s the highest form of camaraderie between two respectable citizens (again, women weren’t counted. They were quite the chauvinists but that’s a different story) of a civilization. Because who else can make you a better man, but one of equal standing if not better than you?
And who makes Dean a better man?
Not Sam, because to Sam, Dean already is a better man. The best one there is, actually. So when Dean falters, Sam usually falls with him because they will always stand together like that. They rise and fall together. It’s a pact they’ve made.
How about Castiel?
The relationship between Dean and Cas is dynamic in that it’s a continuous tug of war.
Castiel wasn’t always the better man, as we’ve recently just painfully witnessed and experienced in Season 6. Dean wasn’t always the ‘better man’ either, not in Castiel’s eyes. Not since Cas first showed up.
Since Season 4, Dean’s doubted god and the angels, doubted Sam, doubted himself, buried himself in so much pain that he’d made bad decisions. The highlight of his worst plan was to say yes to Michael to save everyone else the pain, and Cas literally sent him down to the ground bleeding and waiting for the end.
And yet, when necessary, they were each other’s wall of support.
The first time they met, Cas told Dean that good things happen. Then, Cas told Dean to shut up and show respect. This is a long list that I’d rather not go through, but to make a long story short, Cas had pushed Dean forward literally and figuratively when Dean was overwhelmed by despair.
And this did not go one way, either. Dean also played the part of a better man to Cas, at least in the terms of being human. Dean taught Cas that human life was valuable, that humans weren’t toys you get to trash when convenient. Dean made it okay to doubt, to ask questions, to talk. Somehow, I think Cas doesn’t really talk much, and only does so when he’s addressed directly and how often do you suppose that happens in the army? His opinions didn’t really matter amongst the Host, especially when all that mattered was “Yes.”
So I reiterate that Dean made it okay to ask questions (and ever since then, Cas had always been curious about human nature). Cas obviously doubted the orders he was given, but always feared the consequences of disobedience. Dean gave Cas the courage necessary to make the right choice (for humans). I keep stressing the human side because if we were to look at the situation from the angel’s perspective, then Cas had been very wrong. Heaven wasn’t happy when Cas voiced out his own thoughts, definitely.
Whereas Cas made Dean learn his worth and not by self-sacrifice, Dean gave Cas a voice. In a way, they paved the road for each other to see their own value and self-worth as an individual. Cas repeatedly told Dean that all these things he’d done, he did because of Dean and for Dean. Dean separated Cas from the Host that did not value him beyond that of a pawn. And for a while, Dean treated him as friend, as brother and family. Unfortunately, on Dean’s part, all of these were left unspoken and unheard of, which brought the Song of Tragedy into play.
Now, let me mention the Greek words for love: Storge, Philia, Eros and Agape. I’m sure that for slashers, these terms are already familiar but bear with me as I use the same argument and narrate the road to love of Dean and Cas.
Storge is affection. Dean and Cas did not start off kindly. Cas nearly blew Dean’s eardrums off his head, not to mention he left Dean buried and logic says unless Dean wasn’t buried six feet under, that amount of soil would’ve collapsed on him and then killed him anyway. But yes, details and oversight. While Dean shot and stabbed Cas the first time they saw each other eye to eye.
Somehow, affection broke through and Cas “grew attached”, while Dean began to trust Cas. This trust is the begrudging affection to this weird angel who seemed to be pulling through in the worst circumstances.
By Season 5, that affection went deeper which I would root to the day Cas died for the first time. Dean had this look when Cas said they’re making it up as they go. It was the look that said “Oh my god, oh my god… he’s with me” and nothing coherent came after that because so many things happened (stop Sam, save Sam, Lucifer free).
Philia, the love and loyalty between friends and/or brothers. This was the season when Dean and Cas crossed the line between affection and easy friendship. The jokes and ridicule started. The touching also started, but personal space issue had gone from issue to non-issue as well. Being ‘there’ became less of a hope, and more of an expectation. (No, I’m not forgetting Sam in this friendship with Cas but we’re talking about Dean and Cas here so unless absolutely necessary to bring Sam up, I won’t.)
Eros, the love for passion and desire and intimacy. I would’ve skipped this for the sole reason that no one kissed, had sex or showed any strong desire to get physical between Dean and Cas beyond beating the crap out of each other (from Cas to Dean), but for the side of ‘longing’ I would include Eros.
There was longing in Season 6. The more blatant proof about this longing came from Cas, in all his lingering stares and silent vigil (spying) of the situation. He’s spying on the Winchesters and Bobby, but his eyes had always been on Dean. But Dean had one line in all of these that could meet that longing in spades, “I was here. Where were you?”
Dean actually waited for something to happen. Maybe for a visit, be it physical or in a dream. But he’d waited. Unfortunately, if he actually made the call, he might’ve had that visit but that was his choice and the miscommunication (“lost language of gestures” I called it in a previous rant) was his fault as much as it was Cas’. But there had been longing.
Another reason to include ‘eros’ was Plato’s redefinition of this love through the removal of its sexual nature. Eros is just more known as intimacy and sexual.
Eros is probably the closest to being ‘in love’ as it could get -- without the sex. Because to Plato, eros is the love that sees through physical beauty and delves into the truth behind physical beauty/attraction. Cas saw through the mess of life that made Dean. And Dean saw through the armor that Castiel wore as a soldier. This is love at its most poignant.
And last, there is Agape which means “I love you”, this is the highest form when love becomes unconditional. A part of you, a huge part of you, is lost to this love because what else is there to give but yourself?
Cas reached the stage of Agape, which had hurt him so much he donned the armor of a soldier once again. More than the soldier, actually. He wore it with the entire regalia of a general.
Dean’s not here yet, and they have to meet at some point (hopefully in S7). Unfortunately, Dean isn’t capable of unconditional love when it comes to Castiel. He’d already given everything to Sam’s well-being that there’s nothing really left of himself to give to anyone else.
Fortunately, this unconditional love isn’t what Cas wants (I’m ignoring the verbal vomit of Godstiel that is “profess your love or be destroyed”). What Godstiel wants is obedience, and not love. Godstiel is also the Cas who’s been scorned too often, too much by all he’s ever loved and cared for. As much as this is still Cas albeit the one with the hardest armor to crack, this isn’t all of him.
However, Agape isn’t all about the unconditional and self-sacrificial love either. It is also the love of the mind, one that understands and loves just as much. Cas understood Dean, in as much as he could grasp of human nature and of what was important to Dean, which was family (Sam, apple-pie life Lisa and Ben, to an extent Bobby).
Dean does not understand Cas, and as far as S6 went, he did not try. But Dean does hold Cas in high enough regard that Cas with a demon had hurt so much, Dean refused to hear any reason. He’s blind and deaf to anything that Cas said and did after the demon was confirmed, and with Crowley to make it worst.
In earlier paragraphs, I mentioned that Dean saw through the armor of Cas. That armor is now thicker and more solid than Dean’s ever encountered, that he could no longer see Cas. The same goes for Cas. Once, Cas saw through the mess of a man that was Dean and gave him value. Cas also took all of that away and told Dean he meant nothing (“I don’t care what you think.”).
But is this where the story ends? No. This is where the new arc begins: the road to Agape, the meeting of two minds and understanding.
Because up until this point, Dean and Cas never really stood on equal grounds. They tugged at each other up and down, but no one really stayed on the same ground.
The differences between Angel and Human had never been highlighted so much in this show up until Cas himself drew the line for all of them. For the last couple of years it was always Cas who tried to understand and fit in with human norm. Dean never bothered to understand the other side, because he expected Cas to come to him.
My hope for S7 is that Dean actually takes that step forward to understand what led to this mess. It doesn’t have to mean that Dean would ‘side’ with Castiel, but more of meet him halfway. Otherwise, I’d like to quote Castiel’s S5 parting words, “Just more of the same.”
I wrap up the last song of Dean and Cas with my opening statement, that love is an endless form of goodbye. Dean and Cas gave up so much of themselves, not always for each other, but for what they believed in, what the other believed in.
It’s now time to grow up, Dean.
You too, Cas. You, too.
fin.
(If you’ve read this far, then OMG. Thank you very much for sparing the time and going through my headspace.)
But for those who felt that things are in a bad situation between our beloved characters, yes we're in a bad situation. But it isn't hopeless.
So do read on and go through the relationship between Dean and Castiel, written in three songs: The Song of Heroes, The Song of Tragedy and The Song of Love. Theirs is what epics are made of.
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Love is an endless form of goodbye. Always, there is something that you are leaving behind, whether it’s another person as you fall in love with another, an object you’ve grown attached to as a child but then you grew up, a family member you’ve lived with for decades and then you move out and live your own life, the party lifestyle you’ve had as a single person before you got married, the carefree youth you once were as you embrace the life of responsibility, anything and everything you’ve left behind because of love.
Dean and Cas gave up so much of themselves, not always for each other, but for what they believed in, what the other believed in.
The Song of Heroes
Heroic characters are found in epics, in situations of a grand scale wherein they face impressive struggles, where they make grand gestures to overcome the most difficult of obstacles over a long period (or periods) of time. Heroes are born from stories of hard won wars and of unbelievable adventures.
But epics aren’t written with just the hero’s side. True epics have the antihero, the antithesis to counter and balance the hero. They clash for every rhyme and reason, and they will meet over and over and this becomes the language only they can understand. Among the crowd of strangers, of enemies and allies, they will search each other to find an end, the well deserved peace.
And it won’t matter who dies or who lives. They will find peace in their final moments together.
For the sake of going with Supernatural’s very clear cut line when it came to who’s good and who’s bad (even if I disagree with the lack of gray lines when it came to the Winchesters), the Hero is Dean, and Castiel is his Antihero.
Sam is not Dean’s Antihero because Dean will not fight Sam. Dean will just raise both hands up and surrender to Sam (proven in “The End”). The story ends when Sam turns his back to Dean.
Cas has always stood behind Dean. I used to believe it was beside Dean, but after Season 6, I revisited that line of thought and concluded that Cas was behind Dean all this time. He was the guardian, the best friend, and the unsung hero of a kingdom that was never his.
Everything Cas learned of humanity, he learned from Dean. And Dean was far from perfect. It shouldn’t come as a surprise that when Cas grew tired of living vicariously through the shadow of a man, he walked away to be his own man.
For all of Dean’s anti-chick-flick-moment speeches, he is the most emotional of all the characters in Supernatural. His heart will always rule his choices and his entire life. He will pull stupid stunts, because his heart demands it so. And who else will be the balm to that fury but a perfect warrior, cold and efficient, and ruthless in making choices because there will be no heart involved in his actions.
Cas, as the once best friend and support system of Dean, is now in the perfect position to hurt Dean more than anyone, including Sam. Sam is Dean’s weakness, and that remains true. But the same way Dean will surrender if he has to fight Sam, Sam will do the same if he must face Dean and he is the real Sam (not robo!Sam or Lucifer!Sam or blood-addict!Sam any other Sam).
Sam will never hurt Dean. Dean will never hurt Sam. The story will end the moment one of them turns against each other and they’re both in their right minds.
Castiel, on the other hand, is capable of meeting Dean toe to toe. They have argued in the past (S4 and S5), and though in the end Cas believed in Dean’s mission, Cas made plans of his own. Dean could not stop Castiel from searching for God, or for going on suicide missions, or for pissing off an archangel head on. When Cas makes a decision, Dean actually either follows (pissing off Raphael) or does his own thing (saying yes to Michael and then kill Zach in the process).
And they will just meet up later to do their own version of “I told you so”, and it will always be heartbreaking (when Cas tossed back the Samulet, when Cas was in the hospital and told Dean he isn’t the shattered pieces of the man he thought Dean was, Cas telling Dean “I was right” and “I won” in S6 finale).
Besides, a hero’s enemy is the hero of the other side. Same coin, different side.
The Song of Tragedy
Not one villain since S1 comes close to what Cas is to Dean, to what Cas can do to Dean, to Dean’s life and Dean’s family and make it personal. All the other monsters and demons in Dean’s life were those who manipulated his bloodline, and it can be argued that what can be more personal than that?
Well, Cas and Dean met when Dean was at his weakest and worst, that almost demon from hell torturing souls for his own pleasure and escape. He stepped off the rack because the pain was too much.
From that lowest and darkest moment of Dean’s existence (I don’t say life because he’s dead at the time), Cas slowly but surely lifted him up. Piece by painful literal piece, Dean was given back his life (ulterior motive notwithstsanding. It’s still his life that was given back to him). Dean didn’t believe in salvation, Cas gave it to him in blunt truth (“Good things do happen, Dean.”).
Dean also broke in front of Cas, several times (Dean actually prayed to save Sam and Cas said prayer is a sign of faith when Dean said he had none; Dean cried while in the hospital, saying he can’t meet expectations and Cas just told him he can), I can only remember twice but there might be more and my memory just fails me. Both times Cas was there to remind him of his value, and that he wasn’t alone.
Dean always has to be strong for Sam. Even when he’s breaking inside, he will always put up a face and a confident smile if Sam is looking. But Cas already saw what broke Dean, what can break him and, more than anything, Cas also knows how to break Dean.
Any smart demon or monster will go after Sam, because it’s obvious that Sam is Dean’s weakness. And Cas did go there, he (nearly) broke Sam to keep Dean out of the game. It’s possible he had plans to ‘fix’ Sam after Raphael died. Considering his plans to be GOD, fixing a human would be just a snap. The point is, Cas went immediately for the most obvious thing that would hurt and disable Dean.
Obviously Cas didn’t want either Winchesters dead, or he would’ve killed them already for not only not believing him, but betraying him. Instead, disabling them was first priority because he knew what the odds were if humans and an angel fought. Let alone a god.
But what else, or what more can hurt Dean beyond Sam?
When Dean’s at the brink of a meltdown, who was there for him? Recall when he actually first prayed despite throwing faith in the faces of angels, when he cried and doubted himself, when he was in hell. Who had been there to lift him up, be it literally or just through simple words of reassurance and/or a disguised form of assistance?
Castiel.
“I’ve lost Lisa. I’ve lost Ben. Now I’ve lost Sam. Don’t make me lose you, too.”
That’s Dean’s last ditch attempt to save himself.
Cas didn’t believe him. Not anymore. And Dean’s blink and recoil was his reaction to the once savior stabbing him where he’s vulnerable -- being alone.
Bobby was there, I know. But Bobby is also a broken man, bitter and angry with a suicidal tendency and a bullet that already has his name carved on it. Dean would still be alone.
Then Sam showed up, and Cas still stood. Technically, it should’ve been fine after that but herein begins the next arc of the long poetry that is the epic tale of Dean and Cas. The road to salvation/redemption (and it could lead to another heartbreak for all we know) which would be the road not taken so far by any angel… or god. It’s unpaved, strewn with thorns with grass as high as walls, and thick trees that block the sun.
The path that led to that severe moment of heartbreak had been nothing but blood and sweat and unshed tears from the both of them. I’ve mentioned before (in a fic), that between Dean and Cas is a language of gestures.
Dean fails at words because of his insecurities. He will do everything (pull every macho stunt known to mankind) possible to not open himself up to be vulnerable. He’s very emotional, but to say it out loud, to acknowledge his feelings in words, is to make everything too real. And then it will hurt more.
And as for Castiel, he utilizes speech in a very economic manner. He doesn’t say much unless to inquire, or to make statements. He never had emotions, or he might have but he never had to clarify it. The Host are considered as one at least when they’re not squabbling. They’re linked together and so there likely was no need to state one’s emotions. Why bother when everyone else already knows?
The friendship or romance per se between Dean and Cas developed through actions and sacrifices, in things that are petty (brothel, fart jokes - I can’t think of a ‘small’ thing that Cas did for Dean) and grand (Dean torturing Alistair; Cas betraying heaven) all the same.
Hearing is the last sense to fail when you die. This is science, and to romanticize it also makes equal sense. Because sometimes, sometimes, words are necessary. Because there will come a point when you’re already too far apart that you can no longer see, or touch, or feel. In these moments, you are still able to hear (pick up the phone, write a letter, send a sms, etc).
And this is what makes the song between Dean and Cas a tragic one.
They grew apart in the year that Cas never showed himself, in the year that Dean shut off the Hunter in his new life as a family man. They never saw each other, let alone shared a friendly nudge or tap. Notice that in the few episodes in Season 6 when Cas actually showed up, they touch? Dean’s always been the one to slap his ass or pat his shoulder, and Cas always did stand too close.
But these small acts were overshadowed by “bigger things”. Dean’s sight tunnels when Sam is involved. With the whole adventure of robo!Sam, Dean barely saw through the haze of doubt, worry and pain. The same can be said for Cas. When the war (that he started) built and built into more chaos than what he anticipated, his sight also tunneled into getting rid of his biggest problem, Raphael. Dean’s world is Sam. Cas’ world is well…his literal world, Heaven.
Dean demanded that Cas be around all the time and he would not hear any reason far more important than saving Sam. Cas would like to, but he was already stretched and buried deeper than he’d planned for and Dean would not listen.
It was a lot of miscommunication, and the more Dean worried about Sam, the less inclined Cas was to tell the truth. This is pride and guilt burdening Cas, pride that he’d be able to fix it and guilt that it was his fault in the first place that he failed to take Sam’s soul with him. Dean simply would not hear anything, so Cas didn’t feel like sharing his weakness -- especially when Dean’s more blatant actions say that he only wants and sees Cas as the biggest gun hunters can only dream of ever having.
There’s pride and greed all over the place. Dean was greedy. Cas was prideful. Dean wanted more than what Cas could offer this time, and it just added another crack in the forming crater between them.
Cas held too much pride that he could fix all this eventually, that he’d kept everything even the worst of the problems from what was supposedly his friends. Friends who he deemed had already paid too much.
Cas’ sin right there was making the decision for Dean. At the same time, Dean did not really act like he would care beyond his immediate problem, which was Sam.
They barely saw each other to rekindle the lost language of gestures. And when words would count, they said none. Neither of them made it easy for each other to actually say something. Nothing was ever said, and when words were finally let out (last 3 episodes), the cracks on the gap between Dean and Cas were already broken into craters (soon to be grand canyon).
I shot an arrow into the air,
It fell to earth, I knew not where;
For, so swiftly it flew, the sight
Could not follow it in its flight.
I breathed a song into the air,
It fell to earth, I knew not where;
For who has sight so keen and strong,
That it can follow the flight of song?
Long, long afterward, in an oak
I found the arrow, still unbroke;
And the song, from beginning to end,
I found again in the heart of a friend.
-- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
The Song of Love
It’s interesting the way some arguments about love always come between “I love you” and “I’m in love with you” in the end. The insertion of “in” makes all the difference. Somehow, based from this difference, being “in love” is the highest form of affection between two people.
This, among other things, is why I find the English language very limiting. But let’s not go into linguistics because that’s a different argument. This is also why I can’t get behind any argument based on “being in love”, because there’s so much more in the relationship than what’s covered in being in love.
Since we’re about to explore homoeroticism (namely because Castiel is in the body of man, but he is technically genderless), I find the Greek love as more than apt to convey the song of love between Dean and Cas.
Just a brief glance to ancient Greece: To the Greeks, women aren’t even citizens. So the love between two men wasn’t about homosexual tolerance, neither was it all about “homosexual practice” (only). It’s the highest form of camaraderie between two respectable citizens (again, women weren’t counted. They were quite the chauvinists but that’s a different story) of a civilization. Because who else can make you a better man, but one of equal standing if not better than you?
And who makes Dean a better man?
Not Sam, because to Sam, Dean already is a better man. The best one there is, actually. So when Dean falters, Sam usually falls with him because they will always stand together like that. They rise and fall together. It’s a pact they’ve made.
How about Castiel?
The relationship between Dean and Cas is dynamic in that it’s a continuous tug of war.
Castiel wasn’t always the better man, as we’ve recently just painfully witnessed and experienced in Season 6. Dean wasn’t always the ‘better man’ either, not in Castiel’s eyes. Not since Cas first showed up.
Since Season 4, Dean’s doubted god and the angels, doubted Sam, doubted himself, buried himself in so much pain that he’d made bad decisions. The highlight of his worst plan was to say yes to Michael to save everyone else the pain, and Cas literally sent him down to the ground bleeding and waiting for the end.
And yet, when necessary, they were each other’s wall of support.
The first time they met, Cas told Dean that good things happen. Then, Cas told Dean to shut up and show respect. This is a long list that I’d rather not go through, but to make a long story short, Cas had pushed Dean forward literally and figuratively when Dean was overwhelmed by despair.
And this did not go one way, either. Dean also played the part of a better man to Cas, at least in the terms of being human. Dean taught Cas that human life was valuable, that humans weren’t toys you get to trash when convenient. Dean made it okay to doubt, to ask questions, to talk. Somehow, I think Cas doesn’t really talk much, and only does so when he’s addressed directly and how often do you suppose that happens in the army? His opinions didn’t really matter amongst the Host, especially when all that mattered was “Yes.”
So I reiterate that Dean made it okay to ask questions (and ever since then, Cas had always been curious about human nature). Cas obviously doubted the orders he was given, but always feared the consequences of disobedience. Dean gave Cas the courage necessary to make the right choice (for humans). I keep stressing the human side because if we were to look at the situation from the angel’s perspective, then Cas had been very wrong. Heaven wasn’t happy when Cas voiced out his own thoughts, definitely.
Whereas Cas made Dean learn his worth and not by self-sacrifice, Dean gave Cas a voice. In a way, they paved the road for each other to see their own value and self-worth as an individual. Cas repeatedly told Dean that all these things he’d done, he did because of Dean and for Dean. Dean separated Cas from the Host that did not value him beyond that of a pawn. And for a while, Dean treated him as friend, as brother and family. Unfortunately, on Dean’s part, all of these were left unspoken and unheard of, which brought the Song of Tragedy into play.
Now, let me mention the Greek words for love: Storge, Philia, Eros and Agape. I’m sure that for slashers, these terms are already familiar but bear with me as I use the same argument and narrate the road to love of Dean and Cas.
Storge is affection. Dean and Cas did not start off kindly. Cas nearly blew Dean’s eardrums off his head, not to mention he left Dean buried and logic says unless Dean wasn’t buried six feet under, that amount of soil would’ve collapsed on him and then killed him anyway. But yes, details and oversight. While Dean shot and stabbed Cas the first time they saw each other eye to eye.
Somehow, affection broke through and Cas “grew attached”, while Dean began to trust Cas. This trust is the begrudging affection to this weird angel who seemed to be pulling through in the worst circumstances.
By Season 5, that affection went deeper which I would root to the day Cas died for the first time. Dean had this look when Cas said they’re making it up as they go. It was the look that said “Oh my god, oh my god… he’s with me” and nothing coherent came after that because so many things happened (stop Sam, save Sam, Lucifer free).
Philia, the love and loyalty between friends and/or brothers. This was the season when Dean and Cas crossed the line between affection and easy friendship. The jokes and ridicule started. The touching also started, but personal space issue had gone from issue to non-issue as well. Being ‘there’ became less of a hope, and more of an expectation. (No, I’m not forgetting Sam in this friendship with Cas but we’re talking about Dean and Cas here so unless absolutely necessary to bring Sam up, I won’t.)
Eros, the love for passion and desire and intimacy. I would’ve skipped this for the sole reason that no one kissed, had sex or showed any strong desire to get physical between Dean and Cas beyond beating the crap out of each other (from Cas to Dean), but for the side of ‘longing’ I would include Eros.
There was longing in Season 6. The more blatant proof about this longing came from Cas, in all his lingering stares and silent vigil (spying) of the situation. He’s spying on the Winchesters and Bobby, but his eyes had always been on Dean. But Dean had one line in all of these that could meet that longing in spades, “I was here. Where were you?”
Dean actually waited for something to happen. Maybe for a visit, be it physical or in a dream. But he’d waited. Unfortunately, if he actually made the call, he might’ve had that visit but that was his choice and the miscommunication (“lost language of gestures” I called it in a previous rant) was his fault as much as it was Cas’. But there had been longing.
Another reason to include ‘eros’ was Plato’s redefinition of this love through the removal of its sexual nature. Eros is just more known as intimacy and sexual.
Eros is probably the closest to being ‘in love’ as it could get -- without the sex. Because to Plato, eros is the love that sees through physical beauty and delves into the truth behind physical beauty/attraction. Cas saw through the mess of life that made Dean. And Dean saw through the armor that Castiel wore as a soldier. This is love at its most poignant.
And last, there is Agape which means “I love you”, this is the highest form when love becomes unconditional. A part of you, a huge part of you, is lost to this love because what else is there to give but yourself?
Cas reached the stage of Agape, which had hurt him so much he donned the armor of a soldier once again. More than the soldier, actually. He wore it with the entire regalia of a general.
Dean’s not here yet, and they have to meet at some point (hopefully in S7). Unfortunately, Dean isn’t capable of unconditional love when it comes to Castiel. He’d already given everything to Sam’s well-being that there’s nothing really left of himself to give to anyone else.
Fortunately, this unconditional love isn’t what Cas wants (I’m ignoring the verbal vomit of Godstiel that is “profess your love or be destroyed”). What Godstiel wants is obedience, and not love. Godstiel is also the Cas who’s been scorned too often, too much by all he’s ever loved and cared for. As much as this is still Cas albeit the one with the hardest armor to crack, this isn’t all of him.
However, Agape isn’t all about the unconditional and self-sacrificial love either. It is also the love of the mind, one that understands and loves just as much. Cas understood Dean, in as much as he could grasp of human nature and of what was important to Dean, which was family (Sam, apple-pie life Lisa and Ben, to an extent Bobby).
Dean does not understand Cas, and as far as S6 went, he did not try. But Dean does hold Cas in high enough regard that Cas with a demon had hurt so much, Dean refused to hear any reason. He’s blind and deaf to anything that Cas said and did after the demon was confirmed, and with Crowley to make it worst.
In earlier paragraphs, I mentioned that Dean saw through the armor of Cas. That armor is now thicker and more solid than Dean’s ever encountered, that he could no longer see Cas. The same goes for Cas. Once, Cas saw through the mess of a man that was Dean and gave him value. Cas also took all of that away and told Dean he meant nothing (“I don’t care what you think.”).
But is this where the story ends? No. This is where the new arc begins: the road to Agape, the meeting of two minds and understanding.
Because up until this point, Dean and Cas never really stood on equal grounds. They tugged at each other up and down, but no one really stayed on the same ground.
The differences between Angel and Human had never been highlighted so much in this show up until Cas himself drew the line for all of them. For the last couple of years it was always Cas who tried to understand and fit in with human norm. Dean never bothered to understand the other side, because he expected Cas to come to him.
My hope for S7 is that Dean actually takes that step forward to understand what led to this mess. It doesn’t have to mean that Dean would ‘side’ with Castiel, but more of meet him halfway. Otherwise, I’d like to quote Castiel’s S5 parting words, “Just more of the same.”
I wrap up the last song of Dean and Cas with my opening statement, that love is an endless form of goodbye. Dean and Cas gave up so much of themselves, not always for each other, but for what they believed in, what the other believed in.
It’s now time to grow up, Dean.
You too, Cas. You, too.
fin.
(If you’ve read this far, then OMG. Thank you very much for sparing the time and going through my headspace.)