(no subject)
I haven't felt this calm in a long time. I also feel extreme melancholy. Today my parents and my little sister were looking at photo albums so I joined them, I saw pictures from my parents' wedding, from my baptism, my sister's first birthday, my brother taking a nap with my cousin when they were just days old. I remember when my grandmother passed away I told myself I could never look at those pictures without crying, I said that when I was 12 and I thought I would be over it by now. The funny thing is that, I was feeling alright, remembering my life and family back home, it felt comforting and reminded me that I must keep myself grounded to my roots and what I know, but then all of the sudden I felt my heart sinking and at that same moment my sister started crying. Why? I couldn't contain myself, I hate it when I see my sister so upset and I try to do everything but she won't talk or say anything, she just cries. I felt so impotent and I wish I could have made her smile. So after that I went upstairs and watched TV for hours, trying to avoid thinking but now the Degrassi Maraton is over and I can't avoid thinking and remembering. I am trying so hard to not get paranoid and nervous. I love my life so much but I'm afraid that I'm not living it the way I should. I used to do so much, I used to be someone completely different and I miss being that way. I want to talk to someone, but I won't.
Tonight is one of my favorite nights. I mean that with no sarcasm. I wish you all could see those pictures that hold so many memories and so much history.
I love my family.