Death by Saccharine -- Happy Pi Day~!
Title: Death by Saccharine
Fandom: Original fiction
Pairing: Pie x Ni
Rating: PG
Warnings: An overdose of pie. And some language.
Dedication: For Jenny, on Pi Day!
When he walked into his home, he almost turned right back around. He could’ve choked on the overpowering smell of sugar, cinnamon, flour, fruit.
“Oh fuck,” he gagged, his hand at his throat. “What the hell is going on?”
He staggered to the kitchen, cursing the creation of the olfactory sense. He froze in the doorway, staring with wide, incredulous eyes.
“Pie.”
His common-law wife-and daily dose of saccharine-turned from where she stood humming at the kitchen counter. She smiled at him.
“Yes?”
“No.” He shook his head. “Pie.”
She blinked.
“Yes?”
“No.” He pointed. “Pie.”
The kitchen was filled with pie. Apple pie, cherry pie, peanut butter pie, chocolate cream pie, enough pie to end world hunger. (Perhaps an exaggeration, but…)
“Why?”
“Oh, it’s March 14th! Pi Day!”
Ni frowned.
“Pie Day? What, it isn’t-” He paused fearfully. “It isn’t your birthday, is it? Shit, I didn’t know-”
“No, no, no,” she laughed, waving her hand dismissively. “It’s Pi Day. Pi, as in the constant, irrational real number, approximately equal to 3.14159, which is the ratio of a circle's circumference to its diameter in Euclidean geometry, and has many uses in mathematics, physics, and engineering. It is also known as Archimedes' constant-not to be confused with an Archimedes number-and as Ludolph's number.” She finished her explanation with a silly smile, the tip of her tongue peeking out from between her lips.
Ni gaped at her blankly.
“Y’know…sometimes the most amazing things come out of your mouth.”
“Thank you!”
Ni rubbed at his neck and regarded the pies wearily.
“So…the pies?”
“Because it’s Pi Day.”
“Right.” He sighed. “And who’s going to eat all these pies?”
“Well-” She paused and her face fell a little. “I…I thought that…you would…”
Ni felt an annoying tug in his chest at the way her voice turned hesitant and her eyes dropped to the floor. He walked up to her then, ran his finger along the cream that covered the pie closest to him, and licked it off. He put his arm around her shoulders and squeezed her affectionately, pulling her close to him. He kissed her cheek in reassurance and she giggled. As long as she was there to help him, he could learn to love pie, he reasoned, and if he died from sugar overdose in the process, well, that seemed like a damn good way to go.