Then came loneliness
He left me. Lucas is gone. I can't believe it.. the house is empty, Rachel hasn't realized yet he's not coming back, and I don't know how to tell her. Then again, she's always so excited to see House, that I'm not sure if she ever considered Lucas to be her dad or anything like that. I wonder why that is - he was SO good with her, like he'd always been her father.
I've been feeling miserable and sometimes just numb. I can tell I'm not depressed, it's just the sadness of losing him. It will go away eventually, I hope.
House.. I went to their house last night. We had dinner and wine. He was being his familiar self, calling Lucas a jerk (well, guess he's entitled to do so) and so on. But somehow I could also feel him really worrying about me and the break-up. I'm not sure. It might be my wishful thinking that's leading me to the wrong paths, yet again.
The dinner was lovely. We talked about stuff and spent time together like friends do. Wilson says we don't do it often enough. I agree.. but it's always been so hard to be genuinely friends with House. Because he is House, AND because he is House. Hard to explain, some might know what I mean. After he went to sleep, me and Jimmy drank a little more wine. Talked about things. Talked about Amber. It's weird how we all miss her, me included, although I was never really a good friend to her.
I loved the talk. James is always so considerate about everything and easy to talk to. He doesn't hold everything inside him, well, not all the time at least.
We have a.. I don't know if I can call it a date, but yes. We have a date with Greg on Wednesday night. I'm more excited about it than I ever should be. I know he doesn't think of it as a real date, just a night out (or in) with the boss. I'm afraid something will happen. That nothing will happen. That I want something to happen and act on it and get rejected. I even thought about cancelling the whole thing, so I wouldn't have to worry, think about it too much.
But, as Lucas said as he was leaving - I try to follow my head, and I really should be following my heart.
Guess I'll just let that stupid, naive little organ lead me from here on. Wish me luck..
I've been feeling miserable and sometimes just numb. I can tell I'm not depressed, it's just the sadness of losing him. It will go away eventually, I hope.
House.. I went to their house last night. We had dinner and wine. He was being his familiar self, calling Lucas a jerk (well, guess he's entitled to do so) and so on. But somehow I could also feel him really worrying about me and the break-up. I'm not sure. It might be my wishful thinking that's leading me to the wrong paths, yet again.
The dinner was lovely. We talked about stuff and spent time together like friends do. Wilson says we don't do it often enough. I agree.. but it's always been so hard to be genuinely friends with House. Because he is House, AND because he is House. Hard to explain, some might know what I mean. After he went to sleep, me and Jimmy drank a little more wine. Talked about things. Talked about Amber. It's weird how we all miss her, me included, although I was never really a good friend to her.
I loved the talk. James is always so considerate about everything and easy to talk to. He doesn't hold everything inside him, well, not all the time at least.
We have a.. I don't know if I can call it a date, but yes. We have a date with Greg on Wednesday night. I'm more excited about it than I ever should be. I know he doesn't think of it as a real date, just a night out (or in) with the boss. I'm afraid something will happen. That nothing will happen. That I want something to happen and act on it and get rejected. I even thought about cancelling the whole thing, so I wouldn't have to worry, think about it too much.
But, as Lucas said as he was leaving - I try to follow my head, and I really should be following my heart.
Guess I'll just let that stupid, naive little organ lead me from here on. Wish me luck..