Morning, May 15

[hbic_cuddy]

Cuddy really didn't sleep after House left, not even after she turned off the light and stretched out in the bed. She dozed a little but always roused after a few minutes to look at the bassinet. Emma slept, at least, and watching her daughter sleeping so innocently was completely engrossing for Cuddy

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[whatstheddx]

"I got the screaming while getting her undressed," House argued. "And I did the bath. It's only fair you get the screaming now the bath's over."

A theme, his ass. Though, in all honesty, he wasn't sure he'd be any better at soothing Emma while she screaming than Cuddy would be. In fact, she would probably be better at it. She was the mother. Emma would probably be better comforted by her mother. "Besides, you have the mammary equipment to occupy her mouth with. Last time I checked, I don't come equipped with udders."

He tried his hardest to block the head-shattering screams out while he began putting things away. As Cuddy carried Emma out to the room, he tipped the water out in the sink, put the soap away and set the wash cloth aside to be put in the hospital laundry later. When he looked down, he noticed the front of his sweatshirt was wet. He wasn't cold at the moment anyway, so he stripped that off and hung it over the rail to dry.

He glanced at his watch as he entered the room. It hadn't been that long since Cuddy last fed but each baby had a different routine. In fact, newborns didn't even have a routine or body clock. So, for all he or Cuddy knew, she could be the kind of baby that demanded to be fed every hour until she became adjusted to being on the outside inside of in Cuddy's womb.

"Well, there's only one way to find out," he replied. He walked across the room and sat with a sigh on the chair by the bed. "Put those udders to use and see what happens."

[hbic_cuddy]

Cuddy didn't have any real objections to House's participation in Emma's care. So far, he'd stepped up and done everything she'd asked him to do. Of course, he'd only done what she asked, he hadn't volunteered for anything yet. She knew he felt hesitant because he wasn't familiar with taking care of a baby and that was part of the reason he hadn't volunteered. It was also the reason she'd deliberately asked him to take on some of the jobs of caring for Emma.

She figured once he saw he could do what needed to be done, he wouldn't be intimidated by it. Then she could start working on getting him to volunteer to do those tasks. She figured that might be slightly easier than getting him to volunteer to clean the bathroom.

Cuddy got herself comfortable on the bed, raising the back of the bed and laying a pillow across her lap to support Emma's weight, small as it was. Emma was still fussing, breaking into higher pitched cries every time she realized she wasn't getting any food from sucking her own fingers. It had only been a little more than two hours since she last fed but babies weren't born with a schedule. They were also unaccustomed to having to feed. The sensation of hunger was new and unpleasant and naturally, Emma wanted that bad feeling to go away.

Cuddy glanced over when House told her to use her 'udders.' She grabbed Emma's wet towel and tossed it at his head for being a crude bastard even though she wasn't all that bothered by it. Then she settled back and wrestled with Emma for a few moments until she could get the baby to latch on and nurse.

"Whoa," she murmured when Emma sucked hard, looking for something to sooth her. Nursing was a slightly strange sensation. It wasn't bad by any means but it was a bit weird, both the feeling of Emma sucking and the sensation in her breast as the glands let down to allow the liquid to flow.

Emma settled down, nursing in earnest, her little fist pressed against the top of Cuddy's breast. Cuddy ran her fingertip over Emma's knuckles, just watching her for a few minutes and enjoying the silence after the outburst of crying earlier. Then she looked over at House. She didn't know where his shirt had gone--presumably he'd gotten wet while bathing Emma. He was slumped a bit in the chair and he looked tired.

She stretched her hand out, reaching for his. "How are you doing with all this Daddy stuff?"

[whatstheddx]

House let out a mildly surprised scoff at the towel being tossed at him. He supposed he'd end up with something thrown at him sooner or later, be that an object or a sharp spoken warning, in response to calling Cuddy's breasts 'udders'.

"You didn't really think you were going to escape the bovine jokes, did you?" Rolling the towel up into a ball, he tossed it to the floor by his feet and settled back against the chair. For a minute or so, he closed his eyes and just tried to unwind.

God, he was tense. All over. And now he was sitting, he noticed he was pretty drained, too. A massage to rub away the stress in his shoulders and back, and his head and legs and pretty much everywhere else, would've been awesome right about now. He dropped his head forward and stretched his neck muscles at the back, then rolled his head in circles a couple of times until he felt his neck pop. With a sigh, he dropped his head back to the chair again and looked over at Cuddy feeding.

"Hmm," he answered with a barely there shrug. He stretched his hand out to meet Cuddy's and loosely tangled two of his fingers with hers. He let their hands hang there, supporting each other between them. "Give me about... I don't know. Another eighteen years, then I'll think about answering that question."

He shrugged again, with one shoulder. "I don't know," he then said honestly. "How am I doing with all this Daddy stuff? Nothing's ended up in a fight yet, so I must be doing something reasonably okay. Unless being a new mom is just distracting you from being at your usual level of annoying."

[hbic_cuddy]

"Right, because me being annoying is the absolute measure of how you're doing."

She gave his fingers a warning squeeze, then let her head drop back against the raised head of her bed. Most new parents wouldn't consider a lack of fights to be even relevant. Most new parents didn't expect to have fights on the day of--or after--their baby's birth. But most new parents weren't she and House and in their case, no fighting was a positive step because they could fight about almost anything.

Of course, the day wasn't over yet but she wasn't going to dwell on all the possible ways they could screw it up. The only thing that mattered was they had a healthy new baby and they were off to a reasonably good start. A surprisingly good start, actually, given that House could've reacted in any number of negative ways.

"Besides, I didn't mean how are you doing with diaper changes or baths. You're doing fine with that stuff. I never doubted you would." She slipped her hand from his and adjusted Emma into a slightly different position because her arm was getting tired. She looked back at House then and tapped herself on the head. "I meant how are you doing up here. How do you feel about how you're doing?"

She paused, a thoughtful look on her face as she remembered something that had almost slipped her mind in all the excitement. She had to stop and think to even remember what day it was since to her, today was just an extension of the previous day. Once she figured out the day, she had to think on what had been planned for this day before Emma turned everything upside down.

"Don't you have an appointment with Megan this afternoon?"

[whatstheddx]

How was he doing in his head? He thought about that for a moment. He was doing... possibly what every father did when their kid was born: having bouts of unnerving panic in between bouts of other out of control feelings, like pride. And more panic.

He went to open his mouth to answer but Cuddy cut in with a reminder about Megan. With a jolt at suddenly remembering he had an appointment, he looked straight at his watch. "Crap," he muttered under his breath before letting his head drop back against the chair. He added unenthusiastically, "Yeah."

He was still trying to get used to having to see her once a week. But more than that, he was so damn tired and was hardly in any mood to sit down for an hour, examining his feelings and his thoughts. He'd done more than enough feeling and being unable to think because of those feelings for the last eighteen hours, thanks very much. He puffed out a sigh with his cheeks inflated as he dropped his hand back to his lap. "I'm supposed to see her at eleven. A little over an hour from now."

Well, now he wasn't sure what to do. He'd committed himself to seeing her each week and he planned on sticking to that commitment - so far, at least. But he wanted to stay with Cuddy, too. And he wanted to sleep. He glanced over at the loveseat and considered taking a raincheck with Megan for today and spending the day here, perhaps get a nap in somewhere if he was able to.

He looked back to Cuddy with an indecisive frown. "Well, that's inconvenient."

[hbic_cuddy]

Cuddy watched House's reaction as he was reminded of his appointment. She could practically see his thoughts. He looked like he was trying to come up with some reasonable sounding excuse to cancel his appointment. She understood it was bad timing--Emma being born right before his first appointment with his therapist. He was tired and talking was probably the last thing he wanted to do.

She thought he needed to go, though. She guessed that his thoughts and emotions were probably even more chaotic than usual. Her thoughts and emotions were a jumble and she didn't have all the issues to deal with like he did. She was also unfailingly happy about Emma's birth and she knew his emotions were more mixed. The inside of his head was probably a real mess...which was exactly why he should go to his appointment.

"It's inconvenient," she agreed. "But you should go." She shrugged and looked down at Emma. "I'm not going to be doing anything while Emma's nursing. And then she'll probably go down for a nap. I will, too, if I can. You won't be missing anything here." She nodded toward the loveseat. "In fact, why don't you take a quick nap? Then you can go and get this appointment out of the way."

[whatstheddx]

He hoped Cuddy would excuse him from going to his therapist. He hoped she'd say, 'I'd rather you stay here today with me and Emma', or 'you've had a long night, you can always see Megan next week'. Any excuse would have sufficed and he would have gladly taken up the excuse. He wouldn't have had to argue with Cuddy over not going then.

It didn't quite go that way, however. He gave a glum roll of his eyes. He knew he should go. But he didn't want to go. But he'd also promised Cuddy he'd commit to this, he'd promised Megan and he'd promised himself. In some ways, he'd even promised Emma.

At Cuddy's nod to the loveseat, he looked back over to it. Regardless of his appointment, a nap was so tempting. His eyes were scratchy with tiredness and his whole body felt weary. With a sound of displeasure at the fact he had his appointment today, he got to his feet and stretched his arms above his head until he felt his spine pop. Then he dropped his hands to his sides and approached Cuddy's bedside, stifling a yawn.

"Can't you just shove over so I can sleep on the bed with you?" he whined. He propped a hand against the upright part of the bed and looked down at Emma. She was still feeding but the rigourousness of her sucks had lessened significantly. She'd probably be asleep within a matter of minutes.

"I should just send you off to see Dr. Lecter," he said to the baby. "Being squeezed out of Mommy's hoo-hoo is bound to be way more entertaining a story to share than the stories your old man has to tell."

The baby just gave a couple of light, sleepy sucks on Cuddy's nipple. "Then again, maybe not," he observed of Emma's rapid descent into sleep. "Want me to put her in the bassinet?"

[hbic_cuddy]

Cuddy couldn't deny she was cringing on the inside. She truly expected House to argue about going to his appointment. She expected him to claim he was too tired, that missing one appointment wasn't the end of the world, that the birth of his daughter was a pretty damn good excuse to do nothing but spend time with that new daughter. All those reasons were valid to an extent, too, but she still felt it would be better for him to get into a routine of attending his therapy sessions.

She was relieved when he didn't argue. For one thing, she simply didn't want to argue. She never wanted to argue with him but she especially didn't want to argue on this day of all days. More than that, though, she was glad he was taking his therapy seriously. His committment to getting better could only mean good things for both...for all three of them.

She ran her finger over Emma's cheek, provoking a couple of lazy sucks from the baby but Emma was pretty well out of it. It had been a big day for her already and she was half asleep. Cuddy looked up when House whined at her, and he looked like he was half asleep, too.

"There's time enough for her to get into therapy," Cuddy observed dryly. Emma barely stirred when Cuddy pulled her away from her breast. The baby was completely relaxed, her mouth parted slightly, and Cuddy was taken again by how beautiful she was.

"Yes, please," she said, wrapping Emma more snugly in her blanket and handing her up to House. While he settled Emma in her bassinet, Cuddy rearranged her gown to cover her breast and straightened the bed covers a bit. She leaned back against her pillows and waited for him to finish, then she held her hands up, arms open.

"Come here," she said quietly. "Rest a little. If you fall asleep, I'll make sure you're up in time to make the appointment."

[whatstheddx]

House replied with soft but dry 'hmphf' at Cuddy's statement that there was plenty of time for Emma to get into therapy. He hoped for her sake, she'd never have to go through that. Then again, with parents like Cuddy and himself, anything was possible.

As Cuddy tightened the blanket and lifted Emma up to him, he took her in his arms and transferred her to the bassinet. She stirred but only a little, her little arms jerking out reflexively as he lay her down. He folded her arms down and wrapped the blanket more securely around her. He went to step back but her sleeping form distracted him for a moment. He'd already stared at and watched her sleep a couple of times already and there was nothing different about how she looked sleeping now than she did before. In fact, there was nothing interesting about how she slept at all. But it wasn't the sleeping that fascinated him; it was her.

"How thoughtful of you," he replied to Cuddy dryly. But then he looked over at Cuddy and her outstretched arms, and he moved straight to her. He leaned into her arms until he was bent over, embraced in her arms a little awkwardly.

"I'd prefer to go next week, not today," he said, muffled into her shoulder. Or not at all, he thought to himself. He withdrew from Cuddy just enough to lazily climb onto the bed. There really wasn't enough room for him to fit on the mattress, not with where Cuddy was seated, but he somehow managed to get himself wedged onto the bed with a fair bit of nudging and prodding. At last, he was reclining on the bed with his legs stretched out, squashed up next to Cuddy.

He scrubbed his face with one hand as he yawned. "Too much has happened in the last twenty-four hours," he said once his yawned tapered off. "My head's going to explode if anything else happens."

[hbic_cuddy]

"I know you would but you don't want to get off to a bad start on your outpatient therapy," Cuddy said, wrapping her arms around him. She shifted over a bit to give him room to lie down next to her. Only a bit, though, because there wasn't really more than a bit of room to give. Hospital beds were meant for a patient and maybe some equipment. They weren't meant for two adults to snuggle in.

She wrapped her arms around his shoulders again once he was settled against her. She rubbed her hand up and down his back while he yawned, and she tried not to yawn herself. It wasn't that she was tired, although she was, but yawns were oddly contagious. If she let him get her started, she wouldn't stop until she fell asleep.

"I think it's safe to say there won't be anything happening bigger than what's already happened," she said quietly. She reached up and combed her fingers through his hair. "I think your head is safe from explosion for now."

The events of the last twenty-four hours--less--had literally changed their lives. Yesterday they'd been a couple, now they were a family. Yesterday they'd had only their own lives to be responsible for, now they were completely responsible for another human being. It was enough to make your head explode, or your heart. Her thoughts were a jumble but that didn't matter next to how full her heart was. She figured her thoughts would sort themselves out as she and Emma got settled at home. She couldn't imagine her heart ever recovering.

"Maybe that's a good reason to see Megan today," she continued in a soft voice. She continued rubbing his back soothingly as they lay together. "Maybe she can help defuse your brain."

[whatstheddx]

Cuddy was probably right - it probably was safe to say there wouldn't be anything bigger happening than what had already happened. But a whole lot of big things had happened already. His life had undergone two huge changes in the last month, huge enough that they were life changing. House didn't do well with change at the best of times.

Though, maybe his brain had gone on automatic lock down for the time being because even when he thought about the two huge changes he'd had to face, neither of them seemed real or even that huge right now. He was mentally still somewhere back when Cuddy was still pregnant in some ways.

Just as he was thinking that, Cuddy mentioned Megan and her helping him diffuse his brain. He made a quiet but argumentative grunt, though let Cuddy keep rubbing his back. That felt soothing, almost as much as her fingers running through his hair.

After a sigh, he pulled back a little from Cuddy and let his head rest against the raised bed. "Feels like I need at least a week to let everything sink in, though," he said. "None of it seems real yet. Well, it does. But it doesn't at the same time."

[hbic_cuddy]

"It feels real enough from this side," Cuddy said dryly. She couldn't imagine anything more real than spending hours laboring to push another human being from your body. The effort, the pain--it didn't allow a woman to delude herself into thinking it was anything but real.

Still, she understood what House meant. Having a baby was such a huge change and it happened so quickly.... Okay, it wasn't exactly quick. It hadn't been for her anyway. She'd felt the physical effects of pregnancy almost from the very beginning. Being pregnant was shockingly different to being a new mother, though. Even the hours of labor didn't give much time to take in the reality of the situation because she'd been too caught up in getting through labor to think much about how it would end.

That moment, though, when the doctor held up her new daughter had spun her world 180 degrees. Part of her brain was completely caught up in the joy of being a mom. Another part of her brain was still trying to process it. She couldn't imagine how House felt. He'd been ambivalent to begin with and then he hadn't ever felt the baby kicking inside him or struggled through a contraction. He was less prepared for the change than she'd been.

"Just wait," she said, turning her head against the pillow to look at him. "In a few weeks...months...we'll probably wonder what all the fuss was about." She didn't really believe that but she did think they'd settle into a new routine and it would start to feel normal.

[whatstheddx]

"You know what I mean," House shot back mildly. Of course it felt real enough on her side. He wasn't talking about the physical element of anything, though, and he knew she knew that.

Still, he went on to explain. "Remember when you had concussion, how weird everything seemed to you." God, that felt like a lifetime ago now, he thought to himself. "Everything was real but to you it seemed foggy." He turned his head against the mattress and looked at her. "That's kind of like me at the moment. I got hit on the head with a reality two-by-four yesterday and now I'm waiting for the fogginess to pass."

In all honesty, this wasn't how he expected the birth of their kid to be like for him. Actually, come to think of it, he wasn't sure what he expected. He'd tried envisioning it enough times before the baby was due but even then, it had seemed such a surreal situation to be in that he could never quite grasp an idea of what to expect.

As Cuddy replied that they'd both soon enough wonder what the fuss was all about, he snorted lightly. "Be careful what you wish for. Maybe in a few weeks time, we'll be wondering when the hell all the fussing ends."

Maybe Cuddy had a point. Or maybe he had an even bigger one. Having a new baby was so far into the realm of the unknown for House that he just didn't know where this new change would take him. Or Cuddy, for that matter.

He leaned in closer and kissed her, a barely there press of their lips on each other. When he pulled back, he was stifling another yawn. "Think I will have a nap," he decided. He started to sit up. "You should, too. You look about as glad to be awake as a zombie."

[hbic_cuddy]

Cuddy wondered if the fogginess would ever pass for House. Maybe by the time Emma left home for college.... She wasn't going to say that, though. She figured he was having a difficult enough time with trying to absorb the changes. She doubted he'd enjoy hearing the surreal feeling wasn't going to end, even if she was joking.

She didn't feel foggy, not like she had with the concussion. It was more that it was all too exciting and amazing and, yeah, intimidating--so much so she couldn't quite take it all in. She didn't feel like she had to process it all right now, though. She kind of liked the awed feeling she had when she looked at Emma. She liked feeling like this was the most amazing event in her life. She liked feeling a bit overwhelmed with love and protectiveness every time she thought about the little girl sleeping just a few feet away. She wasn't in any hurry to stop feeling like this.

"Hey," she said quietly, reaching out to grab his arm when he started to sit up. "Stay here." She grabbed the bed control with her other hand and lowered the head of the bed. She urged him to lie down on his side and she snuggled up behind him. The bed didn't feel so cramped when they spooned together and this bed had to be more comfortable than the foldout bed in the loveseat.

"I'll keep an eye on the time," she said, fighting back a yawn as she draped her arm over him. "I'll sleep after you go to your appointment."

[whatstheddx]

He was just sitting up on the edge of the bed when Cuddy grabbed his arm. "Why?" he asked, though he didn't argue as she lowered the bed and pulled him towards her. Scooting back up, the bed creaked a little while he shuffled and shifted around until he was on his side.

"Except for one small little baby-sized problem where you probably won't get to sleep once I've left," he pointed out. Emma could very well wake at any time and he'd be gone at least a couple of hours. If Cuddy did manage to squeeze in any sleep after he left, it wouldn't be very long.

"Don't worry about the time," he added. He moved a little so he could look at his watch and, with his other hand, he depressed one of the buttons on the side several times. "There," he said once he'd dropped his hands back to the bed. "Alarm's set to go off in half an hour."

He groaned quietly to himself. Half an hour. That was barely anything. Still, with Cuddy cuddled up warm and solid to his back and her arm around him, it was near impossible to resist sleep. House fought to keep his eyes open for a few minutes, peering over to where the bassinet was. The baby hadn't stirred yet; she was still sound asleep, the lucky thing.

Clutching Cuddy's hand, he pulled her that bit closer to his back and closed his eyes with a sigh. It took less than five minutes for him to drift off into a deep, groggy doze, the kind where everything in his body felt tired and heavy with weariness.

It seemed like only a minute had passed when the high pitched sound of his watch alarm pierced into his sleep. He awoke but only just and fumbled around sleepily for the snooze activation before relaxing straight back into the deep doze.

[hbic_cuddy]

"I'll sleep," Cuddy said, yawning again against his shoulder. If she didn't sleep while he was at his appointment, she'd sleep after he got back.

Sooner or later she'd get synchronized with Emma's schedule. She'd learn to sleep when Emma did. For the time being, despite her fatigue, she still had a hard time settling down. She couldn't stop thinking about Emma. Her emotions were running on high. She was a bit uncomfortable, too--she had some mild cramping as her uterus contracted down and the discomfort between her legs.... Well, she tried not to think too much about her vagina had endured. Everything conspired to keep her from really get calm and comfortable.

Still, as she lie curled up to House's back, she felt as relaxed as she had in a while. She kept her arm around him and tucked her head up to the back of his neck. Without intending to, she fell asleep in just a few minutes, the heat of his body lulling her that last little bit into slumber.

She jerked awake as an obnoxious sound penetrated her hearing. The sound had already stopped by the time she cracked her eyes open. She pulled her hand from around him and rubbed at her eyes, trying to dislodge what felt like a bucket full of sand under her eyelids. She noticed Emma stirring, most likely disturbed by the sound. She waited, watching quietly, and thankfully, Emma settled down again once the room was silent.

Cuddy woke up enough to realize the sound had been House's alarm. She let out faint groan, then shifted up onto her elbow when he didn't move. "House," she said, whispering to avoid disturbing Emma again. She leaned over him and shook his shoulder. "House, you have to get up."