Morning, May 15
Cuddy really didn't sleep after House left, not even after she turned off the light and stretched out in the bed. She dozed a little but always roused after a few minutes to look at the bassinet. Emma slept, at least, and watching her daughter sleeping so innocently was completely engrossing for Cuddy
( Read more... )
She had no desire to talk about telling his parents but as long as he kept resorting to his old habits of ignoring any issue he didn't like, she had no choice. She'd much prefer that John and Blythe already knew about their granddaughter. She'd prefer that she'd already met them, for that matter. She'd settle for having them involved with Emma, though, and if that meant dealing with House's issues with his Dad, then they'd deal with them. She wasn't sure how to deal with it, but that's part of the reason he had a therapist now--to help him face his issues. The one thing she was certain of was that ignoring the situation was only going to make it worse for House in the long run.
She leaned back against him and tucked her head in against the side of his. She could see Emma sleeping peacefully and it seemed to trigger some kind of sympathetic urge to sleep for her. She wanted to curl up and close her eyes and let her tired body rest. She still had that desire to not miss a minute with Emma, though, even if all she was doing was sleeping.
"Why don't you tell me what you want to talk about?" Cuddy said, keeping her voice soft so she wouldn't disturb Emma. She doubted he really wanted to hear about what was happening to her body as it recovered. She wasn't sure he'd really want to listen to her go on and on about how perfect their daughter was either. She was happy to snuggle and talk to him, even if he was angry with her, but if he wanted to avoid talking about his parents, then he could talk to her about something else he cared about.
"Talk to me about Emma. Talk to me about how many pairs of shorts you soiled last night. Talk to me about anything you want to talk about."
Reply
When she leaned into him with her head tucked by his, though, he closed his eyes and tried to calm his irritation with a slow, quiet exhale. God, he was tired, he realised. He was tired to the bone, the kind of tiredness that no amount of sleeping would really cure unless most of his troubles magically disappeared.
"I didn't soil any pairs of shorts last night," he retorted. Last night, he'd felt at times like he almost would, though. The previous night still felt like something from a dream instead of something that actually happened. The baby still didn't seem real to him in some ways.
He sighed again. What did he want to talk about? He didn't know. There was so much to talk about and yet too much to talk about that it overwhelmed him at the same time. After a short pause of silence, he lifted his other hand to Cuddy's back and rubbed it. Then he drew both arms around her waist and held her to him.
"What a night," he admitted quietly after another short spell of silence. "I'm still waiting for everything to not feel like some kind of acid trip."
Reply
She couldn't blame House for wondering if it was all real. She felt slightly discombobulated herself. Being at the center of the action, being consumed by it, she hadn't been able to truly take in the full impact of what was happening. She knew it was real. She'd felt the connection the moment they laid Emma on her chest--bloody, crying, and perfect. But it was such a huge thing, some part of it seemed unreal. That's probably part of the reason she found it difficult to be separated from Emma for even a short time. She felt like if she turned her back for a moment, Emma would disappear.
The trouble with wanting something so important and wanting it so badly, now that she had it, she had so much more to lose. Rationally, she knew nothing would happen. Emma was here and she wasn't going to disappear. Even so, until the reality of finally becoming a mother sank in, she was going to stick very, very close to her little girl.
"You're good with her," she said quietly. She didn't want to spend time trying to untangle how real it felt to be a mother. She'd drive herself crazy analyzing her feelings, and for no reason. The more time she spent with Emma, the reality would sink in on its own. It was easier to encourage House to accept his new reality.
She smiled and kissed his jaw. "Admittedly, you could use a little diaper practice, but you're good at engaging her, talking to her. She's already learning you're someone important to her."
Reply
"You've barely seen me with her," he replied.
From what he'd seen of Cuddy, she was good with the baby. He hadn't expected any less, though. He knew how much she'd wanted to be a mom and she he knew she'd be a good mother. Of course, the baby was less than a day old, too. Cuddy had only passed the first test with giving birth. She still had to pass all the hurdles and tests that motherhood was going to throw at her. So did he.
As Cuddy kissed his jaw and told him the baby recognised him as someone important, he said, "She's just a baby. A pre-verbal, one day old..." He was going to say runt but now he'd seen Emma, he couldn't bring himself to call her names. "...creature who has no concept of right or wrong, left or right, or Mom or Dad other than the sound of your voice. I could be God Almighty himself, the supposedly most important guy in the entire universe, and it wouldn't mean poop to her."
It wasn't that he didn't want to be told he wasn't good with Emma. Now he'd held her in his arms and touched his daughter and felt her fingers clutching his, he wanted to believe he was good with her. More than that, he wanted to believe she was important to him already. He'd been so sure he wouldn't be bitten with the adoring father bug and he hadn't been... though, that same bug must have taken a nibble on him somewhere because he certainly hadn't had this stronger, almost connective feeling of protectiveness for her when the baby had been in Cuddy's belly.
He pulled his head away from Cuddy's to look around her, at Emma. The baby hadn't stirred since Cuddy had put her down for a sleep. He could see her tiny face through the plastic side of the bassinet. Lips pursed and mimicking a slight sucking motion, eyes firmly closed, tufts of hair sticking up in all angles on her head. The fascination he'd had towards her last night hadn't gone away. He felt like he could just stare at her for ages, study her every move, try and let it sink it that this kid was his.
"I have a daughter," he said in a quiet, absent voice to himself. "We have a daughter." He then looked up at Cuddy. "I'm still waiting for those two sentences to make sense."
Reply
"You interact with her. You watch her, talk to her, hold her." She didn't need to observe him for days or weeks. She'd seen enough in the hours since Emma's birth to know he'd barely taken his eyes off her. He didn't have to be engaged in some formal, meaningful activity with her. Any interaction he had with her was meaningful. And the more time he spent with the baby, the more she'd respond to him and it would become a positive feedback loop.
She lifted her head when he moved to look around her. She joined him in watching Emma for a moment, marveling at how something so small could so completely change her life. She looked back at him with a smile. "Give it a couple of days. Before you know it, you'll be bragging about the fact you have a daughter."
Cuddy looked over her shoulder then when the door opened. A slightly chubby young man in scrubs walked in. He gave Emma a quick look, then walked over to where House and Cuddy were sitting. She felt slightly awkward at having someone walk in while she was sitting on House's lap, but not awkward enough to move. In a hospital, nurses and doctors walked in on all kinds of family situations. You just had to kind of ignore their presence.
"Good morning, Dr. Cuddy. I'm sorry to disturb you but I just wanted to say hello," he said with a faint southern drawl as he offered his hand. "I'm Nick and I'm your nurse today so if y'all need anything, just shout for me."
"Thank you, Nick," Cuddy said, grasping his hand lightly. Most male nurses tended to gravitate to the trauma or surgical wards. It was unusual to see one on an obstetrics floor.
"Now, I've got Miss Emma's paperwork here," he said, handing Cuddy a form for the baby's birth certificate. "Just check it over, make sure it's correct, then sign it and we'll get it filed with the county." Nick gave her a quick smile and started to leave, turning back as he walked past Emma. "Oh, and call me when Miss Emma's awake next and we'll give her a little bath--get her all cleaned up and looking her prettiest."
"I will," Cuddy said. She turned her attention to the form as Nick left the room. She read down through the information: her name, House's name, Emma's name, the date and time of birth, the delivering doctor....
"Well, I don't know if this makes sense of having a daughter," she said, showing House the form. "But this certainly makes it legal."
Reply
"Yeah. Wiping poop of her backside is the ultimate bonding and interaction experience," he replied dryly. He was about to add further to that, about bragging about Emma, when the door opened. Immediately, House tensed a little at the fact the nurse could see Cuddy sitting on his lap. But at the same time, he'd gone through so much in the last twelve hours, with nurses and doctors walking in and out and seeing him tending to Cuddy in all sorts of ways, that he couldn't truly bring himself to care too much right now.
He quirked his brows at the 'Miss Emma', though. House just eyed the nurse's hand when it was offered to him and the nurse seemed to take the hint. Once he left the room, he looked down at the piece of paper Cuddy was holding. He took it from her to have a look, at his name, Cuddy's name, Emma's name. It seemed like only a month ago he was debating over signing the affidavit. He'd dwelled on that for ages and a few times he wasn't even sure if he was ever going to sign it. He wasn't even sure during those times if he and Cuddy were going to last. And now here they were, sitting together on a seat near their daughter's bassinet and looking at her birth certificate.
In a strange way, seeing the birth certificate reminded him that all of that stuff was in the past now. None of it even seemed to matter anymore, either, because Emma's birth had immediately brought about new priorities and new responsibilities. But he got a strange twisting feeling in his gut at seeing Emma's name paired with his. A twisting feeling of nervousness or excitement or pride - he wasn't sure which. Perhaps it was all three.
"Emma House," he read out quietly. With a raise of his brows, he drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly, puffing his cheeks out, as though seeing that this was all now official was overwhelming. Which it was in a lot of ways.
"Well, that's it, kiddo," he said to the baby, though he kept his voice low so as to not wake her. He looked over at the bassinet. "You're officially a House until you do something stupid like get married."
Reply
She knew House's views of marriage but she didn't agree with them. She accepted she wasn't going to get married and she was okay with that. But if Emma should ever want to get married, Cuddy hoped she'd be lucky enough to meet a good man who'd love her and who'd want to get married as well.
Cuddy settled her head back against his, resting again after the nurse's interruption. "Emma House--it has a nice ring to it," she said, closing her eyes and relaxing. She supposed she should move. Just because she'd had a baby didn't mean she'd dropped all the pregnancy weight and she had to be uncomfortably heavy on his legs. She enjoyed being close to him, though, so she lingered there, savoring the calm.
Naturally, she didn't get to linger long. Her phone went off, slightly muffled by being in her purse but still audible. "That's got to be my Mom," she said with a sigh. She forced herself to get up and she hurried over to her purse. Emma was already stirring a bit, disturbed by the phone and Cuddy didn't want her to wake up.
"Hi, Mom," she said after a quick check of the caller ID on her cell phone. She shuffled to the corner of the room, keeping her voice low as she answered her mother's most immediate questions, which were all about Emma, of course.
"Hang on a second," she said after giving her mother all the vital statistics. Plain information wasn't good enough for her mother. Carol wanted pictures. Cuddy would take some decent ones later but for now she simply took her phone over to the bassinet and used the camera's phone to take a quick picture of Emma and send it to her mother.
"Oh, she's beautiful," Carol said as soon as she received the picture.
"Of course, she is, Mom," Cuddy said, smiling down at Emma. "What did you expect?"
"Is Greg there?"
"Yes," Cuddy said warily. She moved away from the bassinet again, glancing over her shoulder at House. "Don't say it, Mom."
"I didn't say a word."
"You were thinking it," Cuddy said.
"So now you're a mind reader?" Carol shot back. "Was he there for the birth?"
"He was here the whole time," Cuddy said. "He was here for me."
"Well, that's good then," Carol said. She dropped the subject and exchanged a little more bragging about the baby before letting Cuddy get off the phone.
Cuddy turned back to the room as she flipped her phone shut. "Well, that was fun, as always."
Reply
Having Cuddy resting against him was good, though. As she settled against him again, he moved a hand to her thigh and rubbed it idly while staring off into space at nothing in particular. Her sitting on him wasn't incredibly comfortable but he could put up with it a while longer.
The moment the phone rang, however, he released Cuddy. "Say hi to your mom for me," he replied to Cuddy dryly as she climbed off his lap. And sure enough, it was her mother. He tried to ignore the conversation due to still feeling awkward about how much he ruined the night Cuddy arranged to meet her mom. He still overheard Cuddy's end of the conversation and from that alone, he could guess what her mother was saying.
Especially when Cuddy glanced over at him while mentioning that he'd been there for her all night. God only knew what her mom thought of him. Normally he wouldn't care but in this case, he did and he didn't like that he did. Luckily, the baby began stirring enough that she woke herself. She grizzled as her arm shot out of her blanket Cuddy had swaddled her in and hit herself on the cheek.
He stood and stepped over to the bassinet. Both her arms were out now, moving around erratically. Her face was pulled into a grimace and she wasn't crying just yet but she was building up to it, he could tell.
"Yeah, I know," he said to Emma in a low voice, as though sharing a secret with her, as her grizzling became a little more insistent. "Mommy's mom has pretty much the same effect on me."
Emma turned her head one way, then the next and her gums were bared as she began whining in earnest. House reached into the bassinet, pulled the receiving blanket the rest of the way open and picked her up. He bounced her a couple of times in his hands, which soothed her temporarily, but the moment he stopped her grizzling started up again. Shifting her about in his hands, he moved her up so that she was settled against his chest, one hand supporting her tiny back and head and the other tucked under her bottom. Her little fists knocked him a few times on his chest but she then quickly quietened down again until she was silent.
Just then, Cuddy finished on the phone. "There'll be plenty more of that where that comes from," he replied. He was about to ask if her parents and family were going to come down to Princeton to see the baby but he kind of really didn't want to know at the same time. Instead, he looked down at Emma curled up in his hands against his chest, awake and content for the moment.
"Meanwhile, Mini Me leaped out of the bassinet and attached herself to my chest," he added.
Reply
"Very talented of her," she said, leaning down to look Emma in the eye when he claimed she'd lept onto him. "Maybe she'll be a gymnast. Or a high-jumper." She ran her finger lightly over Emma's head, watching her as she rested against House's chest. After a moment, Emma tried to stick her fist in her mouth, her head jerking back against House's supporting hand as her arm flew out to the side.
"You surely aren't hungry again already," Cuddy murmured. It didn't seem like it had been nearly long enough for her to be ready to nurse but Cuddy knew every baby was different. Some ate frequently, others didn't. Some were fussy, some were calm, some were slept a lot, some didn't. She couldn't say yet what Emma's nature was. It was still too early to tell.
Emma managed to get her hand to her mouth and she settled back against House's chest, sucking on her knuckle. Cuddy smiled at her and straightened, smiling just as much at the sight of House gently cradling his daughter. Cuddy's eyes widened slightly and she looked around the room.
"Where's that camera you had last night?" she asked. She waved her finger at him. "I need photographic proof of this."
Reply
Just as he'd thought, she didn't seem hungry so much as she just wanted to suck for comfort. She quietened back down again completely once her knuckle had found its way to her mouth. House smiled ever so slightly, a sense of pride that this was his daughter swelling in him. This was the first time he'd cuddled the baby instead of just holding her and he had to admit - though only to himself - that he kind of liked it.
He looked up quickly at what Cuddy said next, though. "No, you don't," he replied immediately. He didn't want a picture taken. But too late - Cuddy was on a mission to find the camera. House gave a quiet exasperated sigh. But this wasn't going to be the first picture she'd ever get of him with Emma and he knew it.
"I haven't put my make up on yet," he insisted mock seriously when she found the camera. But then he rolled his eyes, deciding to let Cuddy have her way. "We'll get Mommy back for this," he told Emma, looking back down to her. She was still contentedly sucking on her knuckle, gazing off to the side of the room. That same sense of pride swelled in him again and he bent his head lower to press a light kiss to the top of her head.
Reply
It took a couple of moments for her to find the camera. She hadn't really been paying attention the previous night when House took a quick family picture. She located the camera finally and turned it on as she shuffled back toward House.
"Doesn't look like you've combed your hair either, but I don't think anyone will care," she said. As she'd told him before, all eyes would be on Emma. She and House would be a secondary concern. She had no doubt, though, he'd get his revenge. She was going to have to make sure she always had her hair combed and her make-up on if she didn't want pictures of her looking like a zombie floating around.
She raised the camera to her eye and snapped a quick picture of him kissing Emma's head. Then she took another quick one to catch his reaction to her taking the first picture. Emma didn't react at all, obviously quite happy to snuggle with him and suck her hand.
"See? She's happy with you," Cuddy said as she set the camera on the bedside table. She had an intense wish she could send the first picture off to House's parents. It was moment she wished they could see. She'd decided not to push him, though, so she'd have to wait to show them the picture at some later point.
She stepped closer and softly caressed Emma's cheek. "You like your daddy, don't you?" she said quietly. Emma made a couple of loud sucking sounds, shifting her head to the side, then settling again. "Yes, I agree. He's very likeable."
Reply
"You mean she's happy sucking her hand," he corrected her. Maybe that was the only reason she was happy, though she had been restless in the bassinet and had settled once she was resting against him. Whichever the reason for her contentedness, he was secretly pleased she was content while he was holding her.
He looked down while Cuddy stroked the baby's cheek and watched her squirm a little against him, all her movements jerky and weak. In his hands, she looked so tiny. He'd thought it a hundred times already but he just couldn't believe she was his kid.
"Don't listen to Mom," he retorted at Emma when Cuddy said he was likeable. "She's lying. I'm mean, cranky and very unlikeable."
Emma responded with another loud suck and House cocked his head to get a better look at her. Her eyes were wide open, though she was still squinting and pulling expressions as though everything was too bright or as though everything was fascinating. He could see her mouth working on her hand, too - hard, firm sucks that was drawing her little knuckle and finger into her mouth.
"You suck any harder on that knuckle of yours, you're going to cause a vacuum and make the entire solar system collapse into a black hole," he said. He looked up suddenly at a knock on the door and the nurse that had been in here earlier poked his head in.
The nurse smiled. "Oh, good, she's awake. Miss Emma ready for her bath yet?"
Reply
She gave House a mischievous grin before she turned her gaze on Emma again. She was endlessly fascinated by everything Emma did. It was crazy--she'd certainly seen babies before and she knew all about how they developed and about their sensory and motor abilities. It was different, though, because this was her baby and that made every little thing Emma did worthy of attention.
She glanced up when Nick came back into the room. "Well, she's awake. I'm not sure how ready she is."
"That's fine. This won't take long," Nick said, giving a dismissive wave with one hand. He crossed to one of the cupboards and retrieved the supplies he'd need for the bath. "We'll just give her a quick wash--more of a sponge bath than anything else--and clean away any blood or 'goop' in her hair or the creases of her skin.
"We really do this more to make sure new parents are comfortable with bathing their baby," he explained as he quickly and efficiently prepared everything. He went into the bathroom and added a small amount of warm water to a small plastic tub. "Not that I'm suggesting either of you is ignorant of how to handle a baby," he added quickly.
"It's all right," Cuddy said, amused by the way he talked non-stop while he was working, never missing a beat. She'd bathed babies before so she wasn't too worried about handling that particular task but she figured House might be a little less knowledgeable about the subject. His knowledge of anything to do with babies was limited to the theoretical. The more opportunities he got for hands-on experience, the less likely he'd feel so intimidated.
When Nick had everything ready, Cuddy took Emma from House and laid her in the bassinet to remove her diaper. The air hitting her bare bottom must've felt cool because she made a funny face and peed. Fortunately Cuddy hadn't yet pulled the diaper from under the baby so she was able to quickly fold it back between her legs until she finished peeing.
"You're sneaky," Cuddy told her as she was able to finally dispose of the diaper. She picked Emma up and gave her a kiss on the forehead before turning to House. "You want to give this a shot?"
Reply
As much as House wasn't sure what to make of his new role as dad, he didn't want some nurse standing over him, telling him how to do things. He definitely wasn't ignorant in how to handle a baby and he was certain he could do something simple like bathing Emma. Then again, this particular bath was probably going to be Cuddy's job and he'd stand by and watch.
He looked over Cuddy's shoulder and watched in amusement as the baby urinated. "That's my girl," he said to Emma as Cuddy removed the diaper completely. "Making practice target shots."
He stepped back and went to grab the camera, deciding he'd snap some pictures of the kid having her first bath, when Cuddy turned to him with Emma. He frowned in mild surprise, watching the baby and the small spit bubble that had formed in her mouth from the idle sucking motions she was making. Well, he supposed he could bath her, but...
"Only if Elvis wannabe takes a hike," he replied, jerking a thumb over his shoulder in the direction of the bathroom. He then reached for Emma. "Otherwise I'll make sure the only thing he'll be drawling is 'Blue Suede Peed On Shoes'."
Reply
Nick looked at Cuddy when House dismissed him, his expression concerned. "I'm supposed to demonstrate, or at least supervise," he said.
"It's okay," Cuddy told him, nodding toward the door. She was sure she and House could manage to safely bathe Emma. They might get a bit wet and messy but nothing would be permanently damaged. Nick was still hesitating, though. "Don't make me pull rank." Her tone was perfectly pleasant but she wasn't kidding.
"You are the boss," he agreed albeit reluctantly. Cuddy smiled. Sometimes it really was good to be boss. It could be a huge headache but being able to play the boss card was definitely a perk. And when better to take advantage of that perk than to be able to take care of her baby the way she wanted to? To justify her actions further, in a way, she was doing Nick a favor, because she was far more pleasant than House would be if he had to press his own case.
"Fair enough," Nick said, giving a small shrug of defeat. "I'll let y'all be then."
Cuddy immediately grabbed the camera before watching House start the baby's bath. He'd had a good idea. Emma's first bath was an event that demanded a photographic record. The bonus was, this way she got more pictures of House and Emma together--which she was sure he'd love--and she didn't have to worry about him taking any unflattering pictures of her.
Nick had already organized everything necessary for the bath so House didn't have to worry about reaching the washcloth or the soap. All he had to do was figure out how to hold Emma safely with one hand while washing with the other. With a wet, slippery baby, that wasn't always as easy it should be.
"Need some help?" she asked after taking a quick picture.
Reply
Luckily - for the nurse - he backed down and relented. He and Cuddy may have been new parents but neither of them were incompetent or stupid when it came to babies. He definitely didn't need supervision for bathing Emma. House kept his eyes on the door, watching until the nurse had actually left before he carried the baby into the bathroom.
At least the nurse had laid everything out, he thought to himself. A towel to lay the baby on, a soft washcloth and a small tub filled around three inches deep with warm water. Everything was ready. This would be easy, he thought as he lay Emma out on the towel. Her arms flung out reflexively at being put down, fingers splayed.
Of course, Cuddy didn't even wait to start snapping pictures. As he was trying to pull one of the baby's arms out of the arm hole, the flash went off. He stopped what he was doing for a moment, then looked over at Cuddy.
"Not yet," he replied in a dry tone. He faced back to the baby, whose fist had found its way to her mouth again and she was sucking on it before her arm jerked and her fist hit the side of her face. He managed to pry that arm out of the arm hole but as he pulled the clothing over her head, she began to cry. Newborn babies hated being naked, as they were so used to being tightly secured and warm inside their mother's womb.
This was the point where House realised bathing her may not be as simple and easy as he originally thought. Her face had quickly reddened, her arms were batting about, her fists clenched tight, and while a screaming baby did little else except irritate him otherwise, he wasn't irritated right at this moment so much as a little panicky.
He aimed to keep his cool, though. Tossing the clothing aside, he rolled up his sleeves to his elbows and put his hand in the tub, testing the temperature with the inside of his wrist. He then shook it dry as he leaned back over Emma, who was still screaming. She was making fast, repetitive 'heh-heh' noises with her crying. "You know, this'll go a lot easier and quicker if you put a clamp on those vocal chords," he said to her.
Of course, the baby paid no attention. The slightly chilled air in the bathroom didn't help with how uncomfortable she felt. Determined not to have Cuddy think just yet that he needed help, he scooped her up, mindful of the way she was thrashing about with her crying, he carefully lowered her into the tub.
Her crying escalated and took on a slightly higher pitch. Already his ears were hurting from the noise. Holding her in the tub wasn't as easy as he thought it would be, either - her body was so small and fragile and without any coordination.
"Oh come on, it's not that bad," he said to her. "You're making out I'm torturing you. Believe me, if you think I'm torturing you, you haven't seen me at my best."
In attempt to soothe her, he started to swish her back and forth lightly in the water, so the water was sloshing in gentle waves around her body while he supported her head. Something about the rocking motion seemed to work - within a few seconds, her cries turned down a few notches until at last she was quiet except for the occasional cooing sound.
Reply
Leave a comment