Despair
I don't know what to do anymore. My life just seems pointless. I'm nearing 50 and what do I have to look forward to? My "career" never really went anywhere, top-university Ph.D. notwithstanding. A few years back I contracted diabetes type 1-the one you're supposed to get as a child, the one that has nothing to do with lifestyle/diet-so now I'm injecting insulin 4 times a day for the rest of my shortened life: yoohoo! Till recently, I actually had my blood glucose level under perfect control but that has gone down the drain too. I'm too fat and that doesn't help my cholesterol. My wife doesn't like having me around, she despises me that much. I breathe too loud! Really, no kidding. I drink my soda pop too loudly! I open the soda pop 2l bottle too often, making a hellacious noise! Really... I'm not allowed to touch her. She wants the house to be at refrigerator temperature and, no, it's not just due to menopause because she's always been like that, not that said menopause helps of course. She complains about me not putting things away but drops her shoes wherever she feels like all over the house. Guess what our kids do? I buy vegetables, put them in the vegetable crisper in the fridge, nobody eats them. She says I have to wash 'em, put them out ready for consumption. I'm sleeping on a small bed in the basement as I got tired of sleeping with her in the same bed and have her complain that I'm too hot and sweaty, that I snore, that she basically doesn't want me around. I used to cook but there was always somebody of my 3 kids and wife who hated whatever I prepared. Got tired of that, putting in all that effort only to end up feeling like crap and then still have to rinse dishes, load the dishwasher, unload it. My wife wants to eat on the couch every night. I hate that, balancing your plate on your lap, trying not to spill-which she by the way is very adamant about. She loves to watch so-called reality shows of all stripes and colors. Need I say I despise those? Yes, I know, I'm an intellectual snob... So now I eat downstairs, surf the internet. She's mad at me of course for staying out of her way, never mind that I don't feel welcome in the living room where she always can be found on the couch, working from home, all the while complaining about the kids not leaving her alone. When we're all together, say, at a restaurant, the kids are allowed to just talk and talk, I can't get a word in edgewise. When I get upset about it, she complains that I'm putting her in an impossible situation, having to choose between the kids and me. Guess whom she chooses? Yes, you've guessed it. I can't remember the last time we've had sex: a year ago? even more? All I remember is that it was lousy. A lot of pressure to perform when it only happens reluctantly from her part and once a year or so. She just lies there. Doesn't tell me what she likes or anything. That last time, I had no stamina, tried to please her, she didn't react much and I couldn't come either before I got tired. She was mad, said that she felt horrible, after all, "a $10 whore could make a man come and she couldn't"...