Family Practice...Some Time Later
A little fluffy ficlet that takes place the day after "Family Practice."
Rating: G
House/Wilson
Summary: How was your night, House?
“Geez, that was some storm, House,” Wilson said. He was holding his overcoat, standing in House’s office. “I could hardly sleep with all of that thunder. But it’s a beautiful day. How was your night? You look like crap.”
House leaned back in his chair, arms behind his head. “Hmm,” he murmured. “How was my night? I spent the night with Arlene.”
Wilson dropped his coat in surprise. “House! You too? Were you high?”
“Unlike you, I wasn’t in the throes of drunken Yiddish passion." He sighed. "Arlene had heart problems and Cuddy brought her here. Then assigned me as her doctor, then unassigned me, then secretly assigned me behind the assigned doctor’s back-“
“Wait, I think I need a notepad.” Wilson sank down in the chair opposite the desk. “You’re kidding me, right? I mean, that’s just crazy.”
“Yeah, and then we secretly swapped out her drugs but they made her sick so Cuddy swapped them back and she got more sick-god, it’s all one swirling mess in my head-and I thought she had leukemia-“
“Hold it right there!” Wilson raised his hands. “She had cancer and you didn’t think to call, oh, say, an oncologist?”
“Cuddy was losing her shit If I brought you into it, it would have been losing her shit squared plus you might have been one of the hordes running around Princeton Plainsboro committing ethics violations. Then Arlene demanded to leave, Cuddy ordered her to stay, I figured out it was heavy metal toxicity-“
“Isn’t it always,” Wilson mused.
“The only fun part was making Masters puke. Oh, and yelling at Cuddy a couple of times that she was going to kill her mother. You should have seen her face.” House grinned. “I’ve done it thousands of times and she’s gotten pissed, but it’s different when it’s Arlene. To think, in one night I probably made more ethical violations than the entire staff of St. Luke’s/Roosevelt. Kind of makes a fellow proud. And tired as hell.” He paused. “And then the sun came out. The last time I looked Cuddy was all smiles with that crazy bitch mother of hers. You know, Cuddy's got a younger sister, and none of them look like each other, and they sure as hell don't look like Arlene. I should run a DNA test. See what you missed?”
Wilson smiled. “It would have been worth it to see Cuddy lose her shit. What are you doing now?”
House gave his friend a long look. “Going home to a lonely apartment…dirty dishes…unmade bed…beer bottles around…”
“Sounds like heaven.” Wilson stood up, walked around the desk and gave House a peck on the lips. “I’ll drive.”
As they walked toward the elevator, Wilson stopped. “Why didn’t you call me?”
“Between Arlene, Masters, and Cuddy, I couldn’t have handled another female.” House slapped Wilson lightly on the ass.
“Fuck you, House.”
“Up yours, Wilson.
“Soon enough.”
They both smiled contentedly as the elevator doors closed.
Rating: G
House/Wilson
Summary: How was your night, House?
“Geez, that was some storm, House,” Wilson said. He was holding his overcoat, standing in House’s office. “I could hardly sleep with all of that thunder. But it’s a beautiful day. How was your night? You look like crap.”
House leaned back in his chair, arms behind his head. “Hmm,” he murmured. “How was my night? I spent the night with Arlene.”
Wilson dropped his coat in surprise. “House! You too? Were you high?”
“Unlike you, I wasn’t in the throes of drunken Yiddish passion." He sighed. "Arlene had heart problems and Cuddy brought her here. Then assigned me as her doctor, then unassigned me, then secretly assigned me behind the assigned doctor’s back-“
“Wait, I think I need a notepad.” Wilson sank down in the chair opposite the desk. “You’re kidding me, right? I mean, that’s just crazy.”
“Yeah, and then we secretly swapped out her drugs but they made her sick so Cuddy swapped them back and she got more sick-god, it’s all one swirling mess in my head-and I thought she had leukemia-“
“Hold it right there!” Wilson raised his hands. “She had cancer and you didn’t think to call, oh, say, an oncologist?”
“Cuddy was losing her shit If I brought you into it, it would have been losing her shit squared plus you might have been one of the hordes running around Princeton Plainsboro committing ethics violations. Then Arlene demanded to leave, Cuddy ordered her to stay, I figured out it was heavy metal toxicity-“
“Isn’t it always,” Wilson mused.
“The only fun part was making Masters puke. Oh, and yelling at Cuddy a couple of times that she was going to kill her mother. You should have seen her face.” House grinned. “I’ve done it thousands of times and she’s gotten pissed, but it’s different when it’s Arlene. To think, in one night I probably made more ethical violations than the entire staff of St. Luke’s/Roosevelt. Kind of makes a fellow proud. And tired as hell.” He paused. “And then the sun came out. The last time I looked Cuddy was all smiles with that crazy bitch mother of hers. You know, Cuddy's got a younger sister, and none of them look like each other, and they sure as hell don't look like Arlene. I should run a DNA test. See what you missed?”
Wilson smiled. “It would have been worth it to see Cuddy lose her shit. What are you doing now?”
House gave his friend a long look. “Going home to a lonely apartment…dirty dishes…unmade bed…beer bottles around…”
“Sounds like heaven.” Wilson stood up, walked around the desk and gave House a peck on the lips. “I’ll drive.”
As they walked toward the elevator, Wilson stopped. “Why didn’t you call me?”
“Between Arlene, Masters, and Cuddy, I couldn’t have handled another female.” House slapped Wilson lightly on the ass.
“Fuck you, House.”
“Up yours, Wilson.
“Soon enough.”
They both smiled contentedly as the elevator doors closed.