still crying

[cucrew]

Not a good week for me. Combined with pms I'm feeling...I hate to use the word, but 'depressed.' Everything seems so bleak. Still crying all the time. I knew it would be bad but not this bad. I'm stuck on that thought, I don't really know how to continue. I get why he thinks made the right decision, because he determined I'm not right for him. It's just really hard for me to accept because I never doubted that I wanted to be with him, and I never thought we were incompatible. And for me it wasn't just like 10 months...it felt longer because I had liked him for so long even when we were just friends. I still feel like I'm losing something special and non-duplicable. I guess the very fact that he doesn't feel similarly should tell me something though. Life is great for him now: he's going on trips, hanging out with friends, is free of me, and has all kinds of career potential and options. I'm already set nicely back into his collection of friends where I can't hinder him any longer. It sucks. I'd rather him be as miserable as me and consider it the single biggest mistake of his life, but that's just wishful thinking.
Parents are taking me with them to Orlando tomorrow for dad's interview because they're worried about me. We won't be doing much besides shopping and looking at real estate and maybe meeting up with their old friends. They're hoping another change of scenery will snap me out of it. It won't. I don't really know what will. Lots of time I guess. At least a year. Let him graduate and move far away so maybe pretending he doesn't exist will make it better.
It's weird that someone can make such an impact on me, but I make so little impact on him.