(no subject)
Things don't always work out the way you want it to, in fact, things rarely work out the exact way you want it to.
I don't know what the situation is with the potential crush is. We kissed, I left to go home. He lives in Paramus and left to go home two days after me. We talk, occasionally. But I feel like I'm trying harder to see him and talk with him more than he is with me. It sounds stupid, but if any of you know me at all you already know that I am the definition of over-thinking and reading to much into it. So I don't know what to do, he is really busy with work and firefighting things when he's home, so maybe that stuff is just more important to him than I am. But this is where my heart starts talking because I want to be important to him, but I can't be yet and that's what's killing me. I know that I'm messing up because I want things to happen way too fast. I haven't had like a legit crush in forever, probably since the beginning of senior year. And so the first sign of a crush that I had, I jumped for joy and went in full speed, and got my hopes up, even though I knew I shouldn't have. Whatever, it's not completely wasted yet, I just need to learn to relax, let things flow, and see where time takes my crush and I.
I didn't make dean's list. I had such high expectations (and one bad grade in my Mass Communication class) that stood me up waiting to make it. I had a 78 average in my Mass Comm. class, I was so angry. But I'm happy with all of my other grades and I guess you could say that my first semester grades are a good starting point, and that there is definitely room for improvement.
Since I've been home I've realized that things change. For all of you that are still in high school and reading this, savour your high school moments until you can't savour it anymore. Relationships change when you go to college, even when you stay at home and go to school. It's a hard transition this first semester; leaving home to go to school, then back home, then school again, then back home again. You realize the freedom you receive when you get to college, and realize when that freedom is not so free when you come home again. It's going to sound like I'm an alcoholic and lazy but I miss going to the bar on a Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday, and I miss eating whenever I'm hungry or going to someone's room just to see what they're up to without calling or texting. College is truly a whole new world, and I'd never thought that I would miss it. I really don't like separating with my friends from home, with Britt and Frankie I feel like I've separated with them the most. Frankie and I still talk almost everyday but it's not the same. It's not like it used to be, and now that I have gone away and come back from college, I don't think it will ever be like it was when I was in high school, but I guess that's okay and knowing that he'll still be there (just slightly altered) when I come home, is a really comforting feeling. Britt and I haven't seen each other since summer. We've been friends since first grade. We talk occasionally and even video chat sometimes, but we jumped on different paths and I'm not sure how it will work out or even how to handle it.
Merry Christmas or Happy Hanukkah to all of those celebrating, I hope you have a wonderful holiday.
Things don't always work out the way you want it to, but there's always room for improvement, and don't forget to accept it, and move on with other things.
I don't know what the situation is with the potential crush is. We kissed, I left to go home. He lives in Paramus and left to go home two days after me. We talk, occasionally. But I feel like I'm trying harder to see him and talk with him more than he is with me. It sounds stupid, but if any of you know me at all you already know that I am the definition of over-thinking and reading to much into it. So I don't know what to do, he is really busy with work and firefighting things when he's home, so maybe that stuff is just more important to him than I am. But this is where my heart starts talking because I want to be important to him, but I can't be yet and that's what's killing me. I know that I'm messing up because I want things to happen way too fast. I haven't had like a legit crush in forever, probably since the beginning of senior year. And so the first sign of a crush that I had, I jumped for joy and went in full speed, and got my hopes up, even though I knew I shouldn't have. Whatever, it's not completely wasted yet, I just need to learn to relax, let things flow, and see where time takes my crush and I.
I didn't make dean's list. I had such high expectations (and one bad grade in my Mass Communication class) that stood me up waiting to make it. I had a 78 average in my Mass Comm. class, I was so angry. But I'm happy with all of my other grades and I guess you could say that my first semester grades are a good starting point, and that there is definitely room for improvement.
Since I've been home I've realized that things change. For all of you that are still in high school and reading this, savour your high school moments until you can't savour it anymore. Relationships change when you go to college, even when you stay at home and go to school. It's a hard transition this first semester; leaving home to go to school, then back home, then school again, then back home again. You realize the freedom you receive when you get to college, and realize when that freedom is not so free when you come home again. It's going to sound like I'm an alcoholic and lazy but I miss going to the bar on a Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday, and I miss eating whenever I'm hungry or going to someone's room just to see what they're up to without calling or texting. College is truly a whole new world, and I'd never thought that I would miss it. I really don't like separating with my friends from home, with Britt and Frankie I feel like I've separated with them the most. Frankie and I still talk almost everyday but it's not the same. It's not like it used to be, and now that I have gone away and come back from college, I don't think it will ever be like it was when I was in high school, but I guess that's okay and knowing that he'll still be there (just slightly altered) when I come home, is a really comforting feeling. Britt and I haven't seen each other since summer. We've been friends since first grade. We talk occasionally and even video chat sometimes, but we jumped on different paths and I'm not sure how it will work out or even how to handle it.
Merry Christmas or Happy Hanukkah to all of those celebrating, I hope you have a wonderful holiday.
Things don't always work out the way you want it to, but there's always room for improvement, and don't forget to accept it, and move on with other things.