Here it comes...
You knew it would. Whenever I have a boyfriend, there is inevitably the first LJ rant.
Matt. He's great, he's different. He's a good yin to my yan, because I'm always a ball of stress, and even when he's under pressure, he's pretty damn calm about everything. Unfortunately, that "just let it go" mentality is hurting our relationship. Let me rephrase. When "get over it" is said by one significant other to the other enough times, it can take a toll on ANY relationship.
I'm not going to bother to get into many extended details. Basically, I have acknowledged that I'm a fairly needy girlfriend at times. I have a lot of baggage, and I'm often really stressed out. I know these things, though. I told Matt about them when we met, because I didn't want there to be surprises. I told him that it had the potential to be hard, especially since he's never been in a long-term relationship before. He clearly took the challenge, and I have been trying to bend and cooperate. Obviously, there have been some very strange and unusual things that have happened that have made it harder for me to be sane lately, but for the most part, those strengthened our relationship.
Whatever. On to my case. There's no point in rehashing anything that came before this because they really haven't upset me like I was last night.
Basically, Matt had gone out, and we were talking on the phone to say goodnight. When he's drunk, Matt has a tendency to start really deep conversations with me, that are very personal. It's because it's the only time he's really sympathetic of how he sometimes comes off to me. He does his apologies, we discuss our feelings, blah blah blah. Anyway, that clearly takes a long time, especially when it's drunk, talkative Matt. Now, let's be clear: I don't start these conversations, because the LAST thing I want to do before I go to sleep is cry, and when it comes to talking about my life (where I've been and where I'm going) it's very hard for me not to shed a tear or two.
Next: Matt's phone dies. Bummer. I'm upset, mostly because he just left me crying on my couch when before talking to him, I was just sleepy. A few seconds later, I get a call from Spaller's phone. Matt says, "Hey it's Matt and this is Spaller's phone. I have 5 minutes." Immediately a red flag went off in my head and I said, "You really should have just waited a couple seconds and called me back on your plugged-in phone." Anyway, we continued talking, and of course it went on longer. Let me stress that for ONCE it was not me making the phone convo long. The last thing I want to do is be that girlfriend who MAKES her boyfriend stay on the phone when he has people over at his house. I'd like to have his friend like me, you know?
So Matt's philosophical rant or whatever finally winds down, and he start saying goodnight. I hear Spaller in the background and Matt goes, "I've gotta go. I'm sorry. It's Spaller's fault." And I was like "I know, we're saying goodbye... and no, it's not Spaller's fault, you should have called me back on your phone..." And sometime in the middle of that sentence I hear "It IS my fault and I'm taking my buddy now for one night. I'm sorry but we're hanging out. You can let me have my buddy for ONE night,"
I'm like, "Spaller? I didn't relaize you guys switched on the phone, but I get it, can you put Matt back on to say goodbye?"
By this point, I am clearly livid, because that is RUDE and OBNOXIOUS. I know they are drunk, but don't pass me around on the phone, and don't have your friend get on the phone to tell me that YOU are leaving.
Matt gets back on, yells "OKAYBYEEE" while I am trying to tell him never to do that again, and Spaller gets back on as I am rambling about how I am not the one who prolonged the conversation, etc, says something along the lines of "whatever" and hangs up.
I was pissed last night, and had most of today to think about it. Was I being unreasonable? No. It is NOT too much to ask that you don't let your friends yell at me.
Needless to say, today Matt was a raging bastard about the entire thing. He told me that I just complain about everything, to get over it, etc. All I wanted to say is that I expect HIM to tell me what he's going to do, and not his friends. Hell, that's backwards anyway, as he doesn't do things because "I want him to," so why is he doing and defending things because his "friends want him to?" Makes no sense.
He told me, "I'm going to do what I want to do." Now, of course I don't want him to do things he doesn't want to do. But it would be ideal if being considerate of my feelings was something that he wanted to do. Really, choosing to be in a relationship with him is saying that I trust him with my heart, and he's really squandering that trust. The emotional side of things are not developing, and they need to. I know he needs time, since I'm now officially his longest relationship ever, but I need to be taken into account as well.
Again, it is not too much to ask that he tell me when he has to go, rather than his friends. It is also not too much to ask that his friends respect that I was not holding him by the neck, he could have gone whenever he wanted. Matt is NOT the boyfriend that does whatever I want him to. He was into our conversation as much as I was, and while they can whine at him to get off the phone all they want, it's a far different thing to get on and yell at ME.
Anyway, I deserve to be taken seriously, and I'm just filing this away, because while this might not be the be-all-end-all of our relationship, it is definitely worrisome. It isn't Matt's nature to be inconsiderate of people, but apparently his comfort level with me is allowing him to regard me with much less respect than other people.
I do not want to be walked all over ever again, and I'm not going to be.
Matt. He's great, he's different. He's a good yin to my yan, because I'm always a ball of stress, and even when he's under pressure, he's pretty damn calm about everything. Unfortunately, that "just let it go" mentality is hurting our relationship. Let me rephrase. When "get over it" is said by one significant other to the other enough times, it can take a toll on ANY relationship.
I'm not going to bother to get into many extended details. Basically, I have acknowledged that I'm a fairly needy girlfriend at times. I have a lot of baggage, and I'm often really stressed out. I know these things, though. I told Matt about them when we met, because I didn't want there to be surprises. I told him that it had the potential to be hard, especially since he's never been in a long-term relationship before. He clearly took the challenge, and I have been trying to bend and cooperate. Obviously, there have been some very strange and unusual things that have happened that have made it harder for me to be sane lately, but for the most part, those strengthened our relationship.
Whatever. On to my case. There's no point in rehashing anything that came before this because they really haven't upset me like I was last night.
Basically, Matt had gone out, and we were talking on the phone to say goodnight. When he's drunk, Matt has a tendency to start really deep conversations with me, that are very personal. It's because it's the only time he's really sympathetic of how he sometimes comes off to me. He does his apologies, we discuss our feelings, blah blah blah. Anyway, that clearly takes a long time, especially when it's drunk, talkative Matt. Now, let's be clear: I don't start these conversations, because the LAST thing I want to do before I go to sleep is cry, and when it comes to talking about my life (where I've been and where I'm going) it's very hard for me not to shed a tear or two.
Next: Matt's phone dies. Bummer. I'm upset, mostly because he just left me crying on my couch when before talking to him, I was just sleepy. A few seconds later, I get a call from Spaller's phone. Matt says, "Hey it's Matt and this is Spaller's phone. I have 5 minutes." Immediately a red flag went off in my head and I said, "You really should have just waited a couple seconds and called me back on your plugged-in phone." Anyway, we continued talking, and of course it went on longer. Let me stress that for ONCE it was not me making the phone convo long. The last thing I want to do is be that girlfriend who MAKES her boyfriend stay on the phone when he has people over at his house. I'd like to have his friend like me, you know?
So Matt's philosophical rant or whatever finally winds down, and he start saying goodnight. I hear Spaller in the background and Matt goes, "I've gotta go. I'm sorry. It's Spaller's fault." And I was like "I know, we're saying goodbye... and no, it's not Spaller's fault, you should have called me back on your phone..." And sometime in the middle of that sentence I hear "It IS my fault and I'm taking my buddy now for one night. I'm sorry but we're hanging out. You can let me have my buddy for ONE night,"
I'm like, "Spaller? I didn't relaize you guys switched on the phone, but I get it, can you put Matt back on to say goodbye?"
By this point, I am clearly livid, because that is RUDE and OBNOXIOUS. I know they are drunk, but don't pass me around on the phone, and don't have your friend get on the phone to tell me that YOU are leaving.
Matt gets back on, yells "OKAYBYEEE" while I am trying to tell him never to do that again, and Spaller gets back on as I am rambling about how I am not the one who prolonged the conversation, etc, says something along the lines of "whatever" and hangs up.
I was pissed last night, and had most of today to think about it. Was I being unreasonable? No. It is NOT too much to ask that you don't let your friends yell at me.
Needless to say, today Matt was a raging bastard about the entire thing. He told me that I just complain about everything, to get over it, etc. All I wanted to say is that I expect HIM to tell me what he's going to do, and not his friends. Hell, that's backwards anyway, as he doesn't do things because "I want him to," so why is he doing and defending things because his "friends want him to?" Makes no sense.
He told me, "I'm going to do what I want to do." Now, of course I don't want him to do things he doesn't want to do. But it would be ideal if being considerate of my feelings was something that he wanted to do. Really, choosing to be in a relationship with him is saying that I trust him with my heart, and he's really squandering that trust. The emotional side of things are not developing, and they need to. I know he needs time, since I'm now officially his longest relationship ever, but I need to be taken into account as well.
Again, it is not too much to ask that he tell me when he has to go, rather than his friends. It is also not too much to ask that his friends respect that I was not holding him by the neck, he could have gone whenever he wanted. Matt is NOT the boyfriend that does whatever I want him to. He was into our conversation as much as I was, and while they can whine at him to get off the phone all they want, it's a far different thing to get on and yell at ME.
Anyway, I deserve to be taken seriously, and I'm just filing this away, because while this might not be the be-all-end-all of our relationship, it is definitely worrisome. It isn't Matt's nature to be inconsiderate of people, but apparently his comfort level with me is allowing him to regard me with much less respect than other people.
I do not want to be walked all over ever again, and I'm not going to be.