My Vacation To NJ
Well I know that A LOT of you have been waiting to see why I came back yet, so traumatized from New Jersey. I just started this trip on the complete wrong leg…. Yes LEG, because foot would just not describe the intensity of this hell-bent weekend. Well, it all started
Wednesday Night - Well I had yet to pack… I was procrastinating because, well, I hate packing. So it takes me about 4 hours to pack for 4 days. Well after I finished packing it was about Midnight and I had yet to feel the tiniest bit sleepy (I always get like that the night before a flight)… so I am online and talking to my friends and my ex boyfriend and somehow, through conversation, we decided he was going to come over and chill (I couldn’t sleep anyway). Well… he did come over, we watched movies… my mother saw that he came in, didn’t really say shit…. Hah. Spoke too soon. My mom wakes up to go to work and DECIDES that she wants to have a fight at 4:30 or so in the morning. Ofcourse accusing of (nonetheless) having sex with my ex, in my room, in my house and sneaking him in. OK PEOPLE…. #1 we were fully clothed, #2 nothing happened…. AT ALL and #3 HER BURNT ASS SAW HIM WHEN HE GOT HERE!!!!!!. Maybe something should’ve happened to give her reason to bitch, but I do have common sense…
So that set my mood for Thursday MORNING.
After my ex left, I just decided, wtf I am just going into work early today so I can get out early. I get to work at about 6:15 in the morning and said… you know what… my boss doesn’t come in until about 7… let me take a nap. So… lol… I open my emails, keep them open and put paperwork next to me and put my head down. That way when by boss walks in and I’m pretty much next to the door I can get up and pretend I am working… That worked out great, I took a 40 min nap… my only sleep for now, I dunno 30 hours? So anyhow, I leave work at about 12 pm, run some errands, get home, finish packing (because I decided there were just some things I could not take), took a shower and waited for my mom to get home….
Ok, so my mom is about to get home… and I really do not want to rehash what had happened that morning… so I said to myself “I’ll just talk to her when I get back”…
Apparently, my mother didn’t have the same mindset.
As soon as that woman walks in through the door, hell broke loose. I tried being civilized and speaking to her but her and her old antique Cuban mind would refuse to see reason (and BTW my grandmother was on my side b/c she said my mother was completely out of tact). I tried explaining to my beloved mother that you can tell someone something in a civilized manner and the message will get through the same. Basically she grabbed her chach… that’s right kids… my 60 year old mother grabbed her chach and said “Porque me salio de aqui”… I would translate into English, but that term just doesn’t have the same… what’s the word? Umph? When translated. So I ignore her to the best of my ability and tell her to take me to the airport.
We get stuck in traffic 2 hours. Takes me that long to get to the damned airport. ALL THE WHILE LISTENING TO MOM.
AS SOON AS I GET TO THE FUCKING AIRPORT IT STARTS RAINING AND THUNDERING!!!!!! So at this point, they can’t fuel the planes because lightning and thunder is striking too close to the aircrafts and that they would have to take the planes to Ft. Myers to get them fueled and then bring them back. Not only that… Ft. Lauderdale/Hollywood Int’l Airport is closed about an hour for ANY incoming or outgoing flights…. You know what this means right? That we will have like 50 planes ahead of us to depart before we can. They preboard us. 21 planes ahead of us. My original landing time in NJ? Was 10:15.. actual time landed? Almost 1 am. I still haven’t slept at this point. When I get there we have to drive about an hour to my friends house. I went to sleep at 3:30 AM… almost 48 hours later.
Friday Morning/Evening
After falling asleep at 3:30 am my friend wakes me up to go to a staff meeting with her at 7:30 AM!!!. Why??????? Let me sleep! Nope… if she’s up, I’m up. So…. I go with her to the meeting. Heh. The meeting takes… FOREVER. Well atleast they bought me B-fast. Well whatever, we finished there and did some SHOPPING! Yey! FI-NA-LLY! *Woot* Ok, so we don’t do much, but I was in heaven for about an hour. So we go back to her house and we start jamming to reggaeton because her hick husband is more like a HICKSPANIC… lol. He’s latino by association. So we are jamming, I am trying to teach white boy to dance, it’s like 6 p.m. in the evening…. *KNOCK KNOCK*. (Scooby voice) huh? C-O-P-S. The music was disturbing the Nazi neighbor… so we were issued a warning. We call the Townships police station to see if there was a noise ordinance and the ordinance is in effect until 10 p.m…. so we were like mmmmk… maybe she was just tripping b/c it was Spanish music. So we put on some AC/DC and ELVIS…. Lol… no one calls the cops on the KING come on! Right? It’s only 8 p.m….WRONG! Cops come back for a second time and issue a summons to appear in court… then her husband which was intoxicated, was becoming highly annoying and started putting ELVIS louder and louder until my friend and I interfered and told him “listen lower ‘LOVE ME TENDER’ before you start singing ‘JAILHOUSE ROCK’” He got upset so we all ended up going to sleep around 10:45 p.m. J Fun times.
Saturday
We wake up and veg out. Then Liz’s friend Dawn decides to pay a visit. Can you we say… WHAT A FUCKING DITZ? I mean, don’t get me wrong, she’s a sweetheart… but it’s one of these COMPLETELY random people that can’t follow a conversation along? Oh yeah. I felt like throwing her out of the second story window. Well yeah we spent most of the day with her until I decided to take a nap until she left… in case she didn’t get the hint you know? Lol. So… she leaves. Yey! After a lot of pressure I convince my friends, “lets go to a club since we can’t play music!!”. OK! Soooo… get ready, get glamourized, get down! Lol. We go to this club that is full of white people and Mexicans and playing… get this… SPANISH MUSIC!!!!!! *woot* IM IN HEAVEN! Right? Nah uh. I go to the bar with my friend and I am ordering myself a drink… this REALLY BEAUTIFUL white guy walks up to me and asks me my name… I was like “I’m Kelly”… heh, here’s the greatest part… he looks at me in his drunk stupor and says… “FINALLY! A white girl and not a SPIC”. (scratches forehead). So I look at him with my best ‘YOU BETTER BACK OFF’ smile and tell him… “Ummm sweety, I’m Cuban and you need to watch out your racial slurs”. Yeah Mistake. He grabbed my arm (which is 95 better now) and drags me towards the door screaming “get this fucking spic out of here!!!”. Mind you people, I am not one to just stand around. So I took my left arm out of his STANK ASS DRUNK HAND and fucking back handed him. He stood there completely dumbfounded and I went QBON on his CRACKER ASS. My luck is, the police only saw when I HIT HIM. OFCOURSE. So when the police approached me, luckily I had some Mexicans and other witnesses on my side, including my friends. Well, we got another SUMMONS, for the SAME DATE. Lol. My friend will be claiming discrimination all the way… considering we were escorted out of the club. My friend was kinda upset because last time I went there was a blizzard, this time she has a court appearance and she wonders if next time I visit it’ll be an arrest. Lol.
SUNDAY - peaceful.
We visited GRANDMA aka GRAMS, whoms I adore… so I loved Sunday.
Monday - MIAMI HERE I COOOOOOME! (I hope)
Well we spend a nice morning, Liz cooks B-fast… we leave towards the airport… I get there, I pass security… until the last security point… the guy takes a look at my boarding pass and license and says “Ma’am please step aside, there’s a problem with your boarding pass”… I look at him and say “your kidding” and basically start having a heart attack while he pulls me aside… he looks at me all seriously and starts laughing and says “I’m just kidding ma’am, go right on ahead”. NOW… GOD FUCKING FORBID, you crack a joke… no SCRATCH that… a riddle, a limerick, anything about a bomb and it’s considered a FEDERAL offense, but yet these fuckers can play with you.
Well…
My plane leaves and lands on time! WOO HOO….. ummm…. Mom?
She forgot to pick me up. So I must wait for her.
So in short... lmao… I need a vacation from my vacation. Ain’t life grand?
Xoxo, Kells
Wednesday Night - Well I had yet to pack… I was procrastinating because, well, I hate packing. So it takes me about 4 hours to pack for 4 days. Well after I finished packing it was about Midnight and I had yet to feel the tiniest bit sleepy (I always get like that the night before a flight)… so I am online and talking to my friends and my ex boyfriend and somehow, through conversation, we decided he was going to come over and chill (I couldn’t sleep anyway). Well… he did come over, we watched movies… my mother saw that he came in, didn’t really say shit…. Hah. Spoke too soon. My mom wakes up to go to work and DECIDES that she wants to have a fight at 4:30 or so in the morning. Ofcourse accusing of (nonetheless) having sex with my ex, in my room, in my house and sneaking him in. OK PEOPLE…. #1 we were fully clothed, #2 nothing happened…. AT ALL and #3 HER BURNT ASS SAW HIM WHEN HE GOT HERE!!!!!!. Maybe something should’ve happened to give her reason to bitch, but I do have common sense…
So that set my mood for Thursday MORNING.
After my ex left, I just decided, wtf I am just going into work early today so I can get out early. I get to work at about 6:15 in the morning and said… you know what… my boss doesn’t come in until about 7… let me take a nap. So… lol… I open my emails, keep them open and put paperwork next to me and put my head down. That way when by boss walks in and I’m pretty much next to the door I can get up and pretend I am working… That worked out great, I took a 40 min nap… my only sleep for now, I dunno 30 hours? So anyhow, I leave work at about 12 pm, run some errands, get home, finish packing (because I decided there were just some things I could not take), took a shower and waited for my mom to get home….
Ok, so my mom is about to get home… and I really do not want to rehash what had happened that morning… so I said to myself “I’ll just talk to her when I get back”…
Apparently, my mother didn’t have the same mindset.
As soon as that woman walks in through the door, hell broke loose. I tried being civilized and speaking to her but her and her old antique Cuban mind would refuse to see reason (and BTW my grandmother was on my side b/c she said my mother was completely out of tact). I tried explaining to my beloved mother that you can tell someone something in a civilized manner and the message will get through the same. Basically she grabbed her chach… that’s right kids… my 60 year old mother grabbed her chach and said “Porque me salio de aqui”… I would translate into English, but that term just doesn’t have the same… what’s the word? Umph? When translated. So I ignore her to the best of my ability and tell her to take me to the airport.
We get stuck in traffic 2 hours. Takes me that long to get to the damned airport. ALL THE WHILE LISTENING TO MOM.
AS SOON AS I GET TO THE FUCKING AIRPORT IT STARTS RAINING AND THUNDERING!!!!!! So at this point, they can’t fuel the planes because lightning and thunder is striking too close to the aircrafts and that they would have to take the planes to Ft. Myers to get them fueled and then bring them back. Not only that… Ft. Lauderdale/Hollywood Int’l Airport is closed about an hour for ANY incoming or outgoing flights…. You know what this means right? That we will have like 50 planes ahead of us to depart before we can. They preboard us. 21 planes ahead of us. My original landing time in NJ? Was 10:15.. actual time landed? Almost 1 am. I still haven’t slept at this point. When I get there we have to drive about an hour to my friends house. I went to sleep at 3:30 AM… almost 48 hours later.
Friday Morning/Evening
After falling asleep at 3:30 am my friend wakes me up to go to a staff meeting with her at 7:30 AM!!!. Why??????? Let me sleep! Nope… if she’s up, I’m up. So…. I go with her to the meeting. Heh. The meeting takes… FOREVER. Well atleast they bought me B-fast. Well whatever, we finished there and did some SHOPPING! Yey! FI-NA-LLY! *Woot* Ok, so we don’t do much, but I was in heaven for about an hour. So we go back to her house and we start jamming to reggaeton because her hick husband is more like a HICKSPANIC… lol. He’s latino by association. So we are jamming, I am trying to teach white boy to dance, it’s like 6 p.m. in the evening…. *KNOCK KNOCK*. (Scooby voice) huh? C-O-P-S. The music was disturbing the Nazi neighbor… so we were issued a warning. We call the Townships police station to see if there was a noise ordinance and the ordinance is in effect until 10 p.m…. so we were like mmmmk… maybe she was just tripping b/c it was Spanish music. So we put on some AC/DC and ELVIS…. Lol… no one calls the cops on the KING come on! Right? It’s only 8 p.m….WRONG! Cops come back for a second time and issue a summons to appear in court… then her husband which was intoxicated, was becoming highly annoying and started putting ELVIS louder and louder until my friend and I interfered and told him “listen lower ‘LOVE ME TENDER’ before you start singing ‘JAILHOUSE ROCK’” He got upset so we all ended up going to sleep around 10:45 p.m. J Fun times.
Saturday
We wake up and veg out. Then Liz’s friend Dawn decides to pay a visit. Can you we say… WHAT A FUCKING DITZ? I mean, don’t get me wrong, she’s a sweetheart… but it’s one of these COMPLETELY random people that can’t follow a conversation along? Oh yeah. I felt like throwing her out of the second story window. Well yeah we spent most of the day with her until I decided to take a nap until she left… in case she didn’t get the hint you know? Lol. So… she leaves. Yey! After a lot of pressure I convince my friends, “lets go to a club since we can’t play music!!”. OK! Soooo… get ready, get glamourized, get down! Lol. We go to this club that is full of white people and Mexicans and playing… get this… SPANISH MUSIC!!!!!! *woot* IM IN HEAVEN! Right? Nah uh. I go to the bar with my friend and I am ordering myself a drink… this REALLY BEAUTIFUL white guy walks up to me and asks me my name… I was like “I’m Kelly”… heh, here’s the greatest part… he looks at me in his drunk stupor and says… “FINALLY! A white girl and not a SPIC”. (scratches forehead). So I look at him with my best ‘YOU BETTER BACK OFF’ smile and tell him… “Ummm sweety, I’m Cuban and you need to watch out your racial slurs”. Yeah Mistake. He grabbed my arm (which is 95 better now) and drags me towards the door screaming “get this fucking spic out of here!!!”. Mind you people, I am not one to just stand around. So I took my left arm out of his STANK ASS DRUNK HAND and fucking back handed him. He stood there completely dumbfounded and I went QBON on his CRACKER ASS. My luck is, the police only saw when I HIT HIM. OFCOURSE. So when the police approached me, luckily I had some Mexicans and other witnesses on my side, including my friends. Well, we got another SUMMONS, for the SAME DATE. Lol. My friend will be claiming discrimination all the way… considering we were escorted out of the club. My friend was kinda upset because last time I went there was a blizzard, this time she has a court appearance and she wonders if next time I visit it’ll be an arrest. Lol.
SUNDAY - peaceful.
We visited GRANDMA aka GRAMS, whoms I adore… so I loved Sunday.
Monday - MIAMI HERE I COOOOOOME! (I hope)
Well we spend a nice morning, Liz cooks B-fast… we leave towards the airport… I get there, I pass security… until the last security point… the guy takes a look at my boarding pass and license and says “Ma’am please step aside, there’s a problem with your boarding pass”… I look at him and say “your kidding” and basically start having a heart attack while he pulls me aside… he looks at me all seriously and starts laughing and says “I’m just kidding ma’am, go right on ahead”. NOW… GOD FUCKING FORBID, you crack a joke… no SCRATCH that… a riddle, a limerick, anything about a bomb and it’s considered a FEDERAL offense, but yet these fuckers can play with you.
Well…
My plane leaves and lands on time! WOO HOO….. ummm…. Mom?
She forgot to pick me up. So I must wait for her.
So in short... lmao… I need a vacation from my vacation. Ain’t life grand?
Xoxo, Kells