Blah.
So the nicest lady came into work today. Though she tests my pacience with every last move, I know that it would be absurb to act in annoyance. I feel sorry, I feel pity, but most of all I feel like an asshole. I thought back to all the days we spent together and it was one fo you "things" to mock them. And I would give you my aproval through laughter each time. Did I do it for acceptance? ease? or did I really find it funny? Thats what troubles me. Maybe you have to see it face to face. To deal with it in your hands, instead of judging from what you hear or see. It made me almost want to cry, thinking of the mockery, the insult, the ridicule, all to a poor innocent lady that had never done anything or even said a word to you. And she cant even help herself and your there to treat her like she is not of this planet, shes just like you or me and the inside. Why should anything else matter. Your state mind, your thought process. I know you are way up there in your head, but someday you will fall down. Im sorry, but I constantly think back to these times, though they are somewhat countered by the enjoyable, I sometimes think that my breath lacks sincerity when I tell you Im sorry, when I say that I miss you from the bottom of my heart. I hate it.