(no subject)
there are phases in my life where i scare myself. where i make decisions that arent in character for me...and i make many more mistakes than usual. this is one of those phases.
and this time it consisits of morbid thoughts and emo poetry. and self hate. etc etc
this is one of those times where i look at myself and i see my birthmom. i see failure.
and i feel like no matter what i do i could not nearly amount to what i once was, so why try? and i give up. act on impulse. i fuck up. i fucked up a lot lately and messed up a lot of relationships.
its like if i couldve looked at myself and everything ive been doing i would jsut be so ashamed.
i cant say anything right. i cant do anything right. i cant be the person i want to be because the person i want to be is everyone else.
i cant fuckin EXPRESS myself anymore. nothing makes me happy but memories. nothing really feels real. whats real now?????
could you be real for me and make it okay? i need you as a friend.
but i cant wait for everyone else to fix me
that doesnt work.
its me.
.
and this time it consisits of morbid thoughts and emo poetry. and self hate. etc etc
this is one of those times where i look at myself and i see my birthmom. i see failure.
and i feel like no matter what i do i could not nearly amount to what i once was, so why try? and i give up. act on impulse. i fuck up. i fucked up a lot lately and messed up a lot of relationships.
its like if i couldve looked at myself and everything ive been doing i would jsut be so ashamed.
i cant say anything right. i cant do anything right. i cant be the person i want to be because the person i want to be is everyone else.
i cant fuckin EXPRESS myself anymore. nothing makes me happy but memories. nothing really feels real. whats real now?????
could you be real for me and make it okay? i need you as a friend.
but i cant wait for everyone else to fix me
that doesnt work.
its me.
.