(no subject)
when i look in the mirror i dont know the person i see.
when i look in the mirror i hate myself for all that i am and all that im not and all the jealously and badness that i let myself feel.
when i think about life in genral im so elated its ridiculous, and when i think about it on a personal level im the most depressed pathetic person ever. getting it thru my head that the connection i feel, and the caring i feel ISNT MUTUAL. that its fucking over...done. because i had it in my head that it was the right person at the wrong time...that MAYBE that was it.
but if you truly find the right person, then anytime is the right time.
and its not even the actual relationship i need to get over. its not having HIM as a boyfriend.
its having him in any kind of way.
because i feel like hes the ONLY person who i can tlak to and really feel like he gets it.
because he keeps me sane.
because hes the one i can call when i look in the mirror and i hate myself because he can see the good. but i guess not anymore.
and its like i hafta depend on these people i dont even know to make sense of everything. i hafta depend on these people to remind me that im good enough. that im not as inadequate as i feel
i hata depend on all these people because i dont know how to depend on myself.
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
and it shoulnt be so hard when all i want to do is call him.
when i look in the mirror i hate myself for all that i am and all that im not and all the jealously and badness that i let myself feel.
when i think about life in genral im so elated its ridiculous, and when i think about it on a personal level im the most depressed pathetic person ever. getting it thru my head that the connection i feel, and the caring i feel ISNT MUTUAL. that its fucking over...done. because i had it in my head that it was the right person at the wrong time...that MAYBE that was it.
but if you truly find the right person, then anytime is the right time.
and its not even the actual relationship i need to get over. its not having HIM as a boyfriend.
its having him in any kind of way.
because i feel like hes the ONLY person who i can tlak to and really feel like he gets it.
because he keeps me sane.
because hes the one i can call when i look in the mirror and i hate myself because he can see the good. but i guess not anymore.
and its like i hafta depend on these people i dont even know to make sense of everything. i hafta depend on these people to remind me that im good enough. that im not as inadequate as i feel
i hata depend on all these people because i dont know how to depend on myself.
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
and it shoulnt be so hard when all i want to do is call him.