Let it be duly noted
that staying alone overnight at my parents' house - the house I grew up in - to care for their dogs and have a hot tub - with luxurious Chinese carpets and 3 foot wide tv screen in their BEDroom, with panoramic views and fog wafting over the moonlit hillside garden and slowly blocking out the stars, with pictures of my not-very-long dead grandparents lining the hallway, with "weight-control" dog kibble my mother repeatedly directed that the pups "really didn't need much of - really not very much at all", with a brand-spankin' new red-covered diet book stacked on the dining room table and another, blue one, stacked on her bedside table, guaranteeing the secret truth about quick and easy weight loss/burning off that ugly fat that "they" don't want you to know, and how to "safely" take off 10 lbs in a week, and the two scales in the bathroom between two sinks, does, indeed, always end up with me: curled up in fetal position, floating in the hot tub, crying my heart out, and will henceforth be considered self-assault with a deadly weapon.
Thems that support the peace in cub_cake land are hereby empowered and enabled to remind said cub [me] that spending the night here is not spending the night in a happy place and that my knowledge that I am whole and worthy and loveable and healthy and not-insane did not grow and flourish here. And that maybe I could visit for picking some lemons and then leave a few hours later. Or bring back-up.
Came late, after lovely dinner with Xinerini. Sleep with dogs, now. Then wake up early and leave here without trying to eat or drink anything but water. Get myself the nourishment I need somewhere I don't keep gagging on it.
p.s. the tv is so wide-screen that everyone is stretched and while not fat, is thick, a cousin to fat. others may know this because of more current tv watching. strangely mind fuckety-fucky.
pps. There have been lovely things yesterday and today, and I anticipate lovely things tomorrow...but I did not bring any of them with me, and am, as always, unarmored in the middle of an old and strangely shifty minefield in my mother's house. bleh.
Thems that support the peace in cub_cake land are hereby empowered and enabled to remind said cub [me] that spending the night here is not spending the night in a happy place and that my knowledge that I am whole and worthy and loveable and healthy and not-insane did not grow and flourish here. And that maybe I could visit for picking some lemons and then leave a few hours later. Or bring back-up.
Came late, after lovely dinner with Xinerini. Sleep with dogs, now. Then wake up early and leave here without trying to eat or drink anything but water. Get myself the nourishment I need somewhere I don't keep gagging on it.
p.s. the tv is so wide-screen that everyone is stretched and while not fat, is thick, a cousin to fat. others may know this because of more current tv watching. strangely mind fuckety-fucky.
pps. There have been lovely things yesterday and today, and I anticipate lovely things tomorrow...but I did not bring any of them with me, and am, as always, unarmored in the middle of an old and strangely shifty minefield in my mother's house. bleh.