(no subject)
Ok so its 5:20 in the morning and i suppose i should be asleep with having no school today or owt. I didnt get much sleep last night. Had a MASSIVE argument with my mum which wasnt fun.. i feel sorry for dan cos he had to sit there and watch it all.. so yeah, she told me shit like i was a mistake and she wasnt the kinda person to have an abortion etc... and she regrets having me bla blah..it could have been the alcohol talking but it still hurt.. it lasted... i dunno, about an hour? of constant critisizm and bullshit from my alcoholic mother. I took it with a pinch of salt untill the abortion thing but then I felt really shit. I didnt feel uncomfortable about crying infront of dan or owt but theres just some stuff that i couldnt say in front of him and such.. and thats been left unsaid. But whatever. I know that from today onwards i wont exactly look at my mum in the same way. Afterwards she was in bed and she called me in for a chat, and basically said she loves me and everything but all it is, is mothers love. if she was anyone else she probably wouldnt. But ok, she can give me all the critisizm she can throw at me but for what? why? Why is she giving me stick? because im a bad son?? Why am i a bad son? The only reason i am the way i am today is because of my surroundings and how ive been treat etc... im not saying ive been treaten too bad but... possibly... to good? She called me spoilt and stuff like it is my problem? woah, skyooz me. I havent exactly "Spoilt" myself have i? your the one who has given me my fucking materialistic life and made my world what it is today but THAT IS NOT MY FAULT. You made the fucking mess and you cant clean it up. I admit, im lucky. I don't truley appreciate what i've got untill its gone. If my mum was to take away everything around me my world would collapse really wouldnt it? heh. its because im weak and hard times are here to test us. The car crash and everything are put here to make us stronger. Ok so im talking some shit thats probably from the bible but it makes sense. But as I was saying, some people can be complete wankers and not help it, Its not their fault is it? I mean, Their parent or peirs could like influence their actions? You dont just be a wanker for no reason do you? oh fuck it. people are prolly gunna read this and think im a worse person. what can i say.
shit happens.
shit happens.