"The Helmsman's Logs - 2372" [PG-13] - Part I

[ctrent29]

I am continuing with the saga of Lieutenant Tom Paris' personal experiences with the Voyager crew, in the Delta Quadrant. This covers Season 2 episodes from "Initiation" to "Basics, Part 1".

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"THE HELMSMAN'S LOGS - 2372"
RATING: [PG-13]
SUMMARY: The second in a collection of Tom Paris' personal logs during Voyager's seven years in the Delta Quadrant. Part 2 focuses upon the ship's second year, 2372.
FEEDBACK: I would appreciate constructive feedback. Thank you.
DISCLAIMER: Tom Paris and all other characters related to Star Trek Voyager
belong to Paramount, Viacom, Rick Berman, the Roddenberry family and other Trek producers.

Part I

STARDATE 49000.95 - Aaaagh! Shit! I've got the worse hangover! I
never thought anyone could get a hangover from synthehol. Hell,
I haven't had one since my days with the Maquis and that was
with real alcohol. Poor Marie was still unconscious when I left
her quarters, this morning. Oh well. At least we had one hell of
a party. Too bad all of us weren't able to enjoy it. Tuvok
wasn't there. And B'Elanna left the party before the New Year.
Too bad. The party became even wilder after she left. In fact, I
have to say this was one of the best New Year parties I have
ever attended. End personal log.

STARDATE 49004.6 - We nearly lost Harry, today. While making a
polaron scan, his shuttle accidentally intersected a time stream.
Harry would have been killed from a warp-core breach, if Torres
had not transported him to the ship in time. After we retrieved
him, he asked if I was aboard the ship. Strange. He said
something even odder after he appeared on the Bridge. "I owe you
one." Now, what did he mean by that? End personal log.

STARDATE 49013.63 - Harry told B'Elanna and me a strange tale,
this evening. Only, it wasn't really a tale. That time stream
that Harry had intercepted, sent him to an alternate reality. A
reality where neither of us ended up on Voyager.

Harry told us that in the other reality, he served in the
Starfleet Corps of Engineering and lived with his fiancée in San
Francisco. Lucky bastard. It seems my alter ego never made it
aboard Voyager, especially after I . . . I mean, he got into a
fight with that Ferengi bartender on Deep Space Nine. Alternate
Tom was pardoned on Stardate 48702 - three months short of my
full sentence. I, or he ended up as drunken barfly in
Marsailles. When Harry told us this - most reluctantly, I may
add - not even B'Elanna could look me in the eye.

In the end, even Harry ran into hot water after visiting a known
"Maquis sympathizer" - namely me - and accessing classified
files about Voyager. Those idiots at Starfleet Command accused
him of spying for the Maquis. Harry found out about the
time stream accident from an extra-dimensional intelligence named
Cosmo. Assigned to watch over Harry after the accident, Cosmo
eventually gave Harry the coordinates to return to the right
timeline. And Harry would have never accomplished this without
help from Libby and Alternate Tom. I may add that my alternate
ego died in a shuttle core breach just seconds after helping
Harry return to our time. Poor bastard. Makes me appreciate my
life aboard Voyager even more.

B'Elanna asked Harry why he didn't remain in that alternate
life, when given the chance. It seemed he couldn't live with his
friend, Danny Byrd, being unnecessarily stuck aboard Voyager. Or
me, wasting my life away at Sandrine's. Poor Harry. He gave up
so much in the name of friendship. And to right a wrong. That's
Starfleet for you. I hope he never changes. End personal log.

STARDATE 49045.55 - The Captain has finally approved my
suggestion to conduct flying lessons for members of the crew
outside of the Conn Division. So far, only five crewmen have
volunteered. Harry, of course; Mike Ayala; a Bajoran named Tal
Celes; Sue Nicoletti and Kes. I noticed that my good buddy,
B'Elanna, failed to volunteer. She claimed that Engineering took
too much of her time. Right! Tell me something new. The truth is
that she can't bear to drag herself out of Engineering for
anything other than meals and sleep.

As for Kes - well, I didn't really expect her to volunteer. A
part of me felt elated. Another part of me dreaded the lessons.
I mean, c'mon! Kes and me inside a small shuttle, together?
I don't know if I would be able to keep my hands off her.
End personal log.

STARDATE 49053.37 - I am so pissed! That goddamn warthog! (Takes
a deep breath) Okay, I'm calm. How to start from the beginning?

Well for one, I finally admitted my feelings about Kes - to
Harry, of course! I sure as hell didn't confess to Kes. Even
when I had the opportunity. It was those damn flying lessons! I
knew those lessons would be a problem. Watching her face lit up
as she attempted to maneuver the shuttle (in Holodeck Two, of
course) through one of the simulations I had created. And then
she fell right into my arms . . . It's a damn good thing I have
great restraint, or I would have tried to seduce her right there
on the spot.

That little shuttle lesson became the breaking point for me. I
had to tell someone. Who better than my good friend, Harry Kim?
When we arrived in the Mess Hall for lunch, I felt relieved that
he had joined me. We found Kes eating her lunch, all alone.
Unfortunately, Harry was called to the Bridge. Which left me
alone with Kes . . . and Afarian hair pasta. Who in the hell
ever heard of hair in pasta? Anyway, Neelix went green-eyed
jealous over the whole thing and dumped a plate of pasta on my
chest. So, I decided to return the favor. And the next thing I
knew, he tackled me to the floor and we began to wrestle. The
Captain summoned us to her Ready Room for a mission, before I
had the chance to change into a fresh uniform. Needless to say,
she was a little miffed. However, she seemed more concerned with
our mission. Which was? Neelix and I were ordered to fly to an
M-class planet to collect foodstuff. Great! Just what I need! A
day with a jealous, volatile warthog with no fashion sense. Oh
well. At least we didn't get busted for the fight. End personal
log.

STARDATE 49055.85 - This has certainly been a day of changes.
Yesterday, I wanted to strangle Neelix. But after spending
several hours on a planet together, caring for a baby
reptohumanoid, we're now best buddies. Who would have thought?
To be honest, once you get past Neelix's insecurities and
jealous temper, he's not a bad guy. He's one of the very few
people I can talk with on this ship. I even told him about that
ridiculous grade Dad gave me in Survival Training at the
Academy.

Now that Neelix and I are friends, I have to consider Kes off-
limits, permanently. I'm still attracted to her, but as I had
told Neelix, she has eyes for no one but him. I might as well
stop fooling myself and admit it.

Shit! This itching is driving me crazy! Damn trigemic vapors! I
hope the Doc has some cordrozine available. End personal log.

STARDATE 49068.04 - Miracle of miracles! Harry and I finally
persuaded B'Elanna to volunteer for pilot lessons in the
Holodeck. Today marked her first day in the classroom. After
insisting that she was already a pretty good pilot, she managed
to crash the shuttle during a flight through an asteroid belt. I
didn't laugh out loud, but she did order me to wipe that smirk
off my face. What smirk? I don't recall smirking. End personal
log.

STARDATE 49089.37 - Is it me or is the Captain becoming testy,
lately? I suppose it was inevitable, with everyone demanding her
attention. We're about to enter Botha space and Neelix has
expressed concern over the matter. Doesn't exactly do much for
my sense of security, either.

Both Harry and B'Elanna are still in Engineering, trying to find
a way to install holoemitters throughout certain areas of the
ship. They've been working on this project for nearly a week,
now and I miss them. New holoemitters would supposedly free the
Doc from the confines of the Sick Bay and the holodecks. Hell!
It's bad enough dealing with the man, while in Sick Bay. Must we
have him underfoot, as well? End personal log.

STARDATE 49098.27 - If I ever find myself in Botha space again,
it would be too soon. God, what a horrible place! To have one's
deepest fears and desires exposed like that. I simply hated it!

The Captain was the first to experience these illusions. She
claimed that she saw her fiancé on the view screen. Tuvok saw
his wife and Harry, Libby. Soon, nearly the entire crew ended up
telepathically manipulated by the Bothan. I thought I would end
up facing my old love, Susie Crabtree. Or Kes. Instead, I found
myself facing good ole Admiral Owen Paris, my childhood horror.
There was he was, standing behind my shoulder and spouting those
same hateful words I had to endure during most of my life.
Naturally, I lost it.

Why the Admiral? Why him, of all people? Dammit! It was like
facing all the insecurities and doubts of the past, again. I
thought I had put it behind me, when I ended up in the Delta
Quadrant. (Sighs) Apparently not.

Sandrine's was pretty crowded this evening. Even Neelix and Kes
were there. Kes seemed particularly wary of me. I wonder why.
Harry began his usual chatter about Libby. I guess seeing her in
that alternate timeline made his longing for her, even worse.
B'Elanna never told us what she had imagined. She didn't have
to. The Captain and Chakotay's appearance told me everything. I
can only imagine what had gone through her mind.

This is just great! B'Elanna is still mooning over the Great
Spirit Guide and Harry still longs for Libby. At this rate,
they'll end up as the two loneliest people on this ship - after
Captain Janeway. End personal log.

STARDATE 49123.7 - Spent a pleasant Valentine's Day. The crew
held a party inside Sandrine's. Harry and B'Elanna arrived
together. I came with Ensign Renlay Sharr. I think B'Elanna
would have enjoyed herself more, if Chakotay had not been there.
She spent most of the evening, shooting discreet, yet longing
glances at him. At least Harry and I were able to distract her
with a dance, each.

I also managed to enjoy a dance with Kes. Again, she seemed a
bit distant and I don't know why. She has been like this ever
since we left Botha space. When I finally brought up the
subject, she snapped out of it and became the old Kes I know and
love. I wanted to ask what happened, but instinct told me it
would be best to remain silent. End personal log.

STARDATE 49166.03 - Ten months after our encounter with the
Caretaker, we came across another array station, similar to the
one that brought us into the Delta Quadrant. The Captain ordered
Harry to hail the station. To our surprise, we found it
maintained by Ocampans - unfriendly ones, at that. They would
have continued firing upon the ship, if Kes had not asked them
to stand down. Neelix told me that the Captain will hold a
dinner for our Ocampan guests in her new private dining room.
Along with him, Chakotay, Tuvok and Kes have been ordered to
attend. And the food will be prepared by the Ocampans. Lucky
people. End personal log.

STARDATE 49171.76 - We finally made contact with the Caretaker's
mate and it nearly ended in disaster for Voyager. Her name is
Susperia and she came close to killing the Captain, B'Elanna,
Tuvok and a few others in Engineering. Susperia had no desire to
help us return to the Alpha Quadrant. Instead, she wanted
revenge for the Caretaker's death. Despite what the Captain told
her, she believed that we had killed him. If it hadn't been for
Kes, she would have eventually destroyed the ship.

Speaking of Kes, I heard the Ocampans helped strengthen her
telekinesis. Because of this, she nearly killed Tuvok, destroyed
the plants in the Airpondics Bay and weakened Susperia by
attacking one of the Ocampans. Whew! I never realized how
powerful she could be. Then I remember she was the one who had
defeated that Bothan. End personal log.

STARDATE 49179.6 - While delivering a navigational report to
Engineering, I asked Sue Nicoletti out for a date. She said no.
Okay. I'm a little disappointed, but I'll get over it. I realize
that Sue might not be my type, but neither is Kes. And I ended
up falling in love with her.

Of course, one might ask why Sue Nicoletti? Again, like Kes,
she's different from the other women I usually date. And quite
frankly, I'm getting a little weary of fleeting romances. Sue is
beautiful, intelligent and seems like someone I would like to
know very much. Unfortunately, she is not interested in me. But
hey! I'm a Paris. And Parises never give up. End personal log.

STARDATE 49201.76 - Voyager took one hell of a beating from the
Kazon-Nistrim, today. We came across a Federation signal from a
nebula cloud. A cloud that hid a Kazon ship, commanded by an old
friend, Maje Cullah. The attack turned out to be a raid,
masterminded by another old friend, Seska. Who now looks
completely Cardassian. The raid resulted in the theft of a
transporter module, a Kazon shuttle stuck in the ship's hull and
a collapsed warp field. It's a damn good thing the Kazon were
only interested in a hit-and-run raid. Or we would have been in
serious trouble.

Harry later managed to drag B'Elanna out of Engineering for
dinner in the Mess Hall. We talked about the raid and Seska.
B'Elanna told us that Chakotay felt guilty for recruiting Seska
into the Maquis in the first place. Not really surprised.
Chakotay had never been a good judge of character. Tuvok, on the
other hand, is a pretty good one. Neelix repeated a suggestion
he had made to the Captain. And I quote: "Perhaps Commander
Chakotay could use his intimate knowledge of Seska to manipulate
her in much the same way she manipulated us." (Laughs) Oh God!
(More laughter) I wish I had witnessed that little moment.
(Takes a deep breath) Poor Neelix looked embarrassed when he
repeated Tuvok's words. So did Harry. As for B'Elanna . . .
hell, she looked as if she could commit murder. Instead, she
stormed out of the Mess Hall in a huff. Probably to offer
comfort to our embarrassed First Officer. End personal log.

STARDATE 49204.06 - We finally managed to rescue Chakotay from
Seska and the Kazon-Nistrim. It seemed Seska had integrated our
transporter module into Kazon technology. She and Cullah
executed three men from the Kazon-Relora by transporting them
into space. This turned out to be the last straw for Chakotay,
who went after Seska and the module in a shuttle, without
Janeway's permission. He left a message beacon, instructing us
not to rescue him. Tuvok argued that we should heed the good
Commander's advice. I had no problem with that. However, the
always loyal B'Elanna convinced the Captain to go after
Chakotay. We rescued him by first, kidnapping a group of Kazon,
including Cullah, and insisting on a trade. It worked. End
personal log.

STARDATE 49209.09 - Stunning news, today. Well, first things
first. Chakotay has returned to duty. He and the Captain spent a
few minutes inside her Ready Room. Judging from their
expressions, the Captain must have placed an official reprimand
on his record.

And the big news? Seska left behind a message beacon for
Chakotay. He rejected the Captain's offer to relay the message
to his office. Big mistake. It seems Seska had used the sample
of Chakotay's DNA she had stolen to impregnate herself. And now,
she's carrying his child. Boy! The look on Chakotay's face was
one I will never forget. He looked absolutely stunned. I can
imagine how B'Elanna will react when she hears the news. End
personal log.

STARDATE 49220.98 - Saw B'Elanna for the first time in four
days. Ever since Seska's little bombshell, she has been hiding
out in her quarters or Engineering. Harry finally forced her to
show up her shuttle lesson, today. In the end, I couldn't keep
my mouth shut and asked where had she been for the past several
days. B'Elanna claimed that she had been busy repairing the hull
breach from Seska's raid. I called her a liar (God, I'm a brave
man!) and told her I knew what was really going on.

"Like what?" she demanded.

I told her. I told her that I knew she was upset over Seska's
pregnancy. I added that it wasn't Chakotay's fault. That Seska
had stolen his DNA, while he was unconscious. And that Seska
used the DNA to impregnate herself. "It's not like they had
sex," I added.

Big mistake. B'Elanna immediately ended the lesson and started
to leave the holodeck. Determined to make her see the light, I
blocked her way and added that a) I knew about her infatuation
with Chakotay; b) she was wasting her time on a man who was not
the ideal she seemed to believe he was; c) Chakotay never struck
me as her type; and d) that being the case, she should consider
letting go of this infatuation.

Okay, perhaps I had been a little too blunt. My words didn't
exactly sit well with B'Elanna. In fact, she lost her temper and
threatened to dismember me if I didn't get out of her way. Well,
a guy usually knows when he's not wanted and I knew that if I
didn't step aside, she would carry out her threat. So I moved.
And she left. God only knows when she'll speak to me, again. End
personal log.

STARDATE 49234.53 - I must be very unpopular with female
engineers, lately. B'Elanna still isn't speaking to me. I really
must have pissed her off. I also asked Sue Nicoletti for another
date. This time, she responded with an emphatic no. (Sighs) I
wonder if Harry is available for a quick game of pool, tonight.
I might even allow my old snuggle bunny, Ricki, to make an
appearance. End personal log.

STARDATE 49245.06 - Trouble aboard Voayger, today. The warp
field coils are beginning to malfunction. And they're affecting
the port nacelle. Engineering had to reroute power to the anti-
matter reactor. It's the only way we can keep moving. Harry and
B'Elanna informed us that Voyager desperately needs tellurium
for the reactor. Fortunately, Neelix knows where we can acquire
a supply. Until then, many shipboard systems will be down. End
personal log.

STARDATE 49250.52 - Ever since the Captain, Tuvok, and B'Elanna
end up missing on the Mokra homeworld, the crew has been in a
state of anxiety. All because of the damn tellurium. Neelix's
description of the Mokra Order reminded me of the Nazi regime
from 20th century Earth history. In the end, our missing trio
and Neelix ended up dealing with representatives from the
Alsarian resistance movement. Neelix returned to the ship with
the tellurium. Unfortunately, the others ended up either missing
or captured. End personal log.

STARDATE 49253.87 - We got the Captain, B'Elanna and Tuvok back.
Barely. Chakotay sent me and an Away team to rescue them from
the Mokra Order. By the time we found them, they had rescued
themselves. Augris, head of the Mokra, had been killed. I think
the Captain is still upset over the death of that old man. The
Doctor healed Tuvok's wounds. Never saw a Vulcan look so chewed
up like that. I don't know about B'Elanna. She has been in her
quarters, since her return to the ship. I think Harry is with
her. I'd join them, but I don't think B'Elanna wants my company.
End personal log.

STARDATE 49260.43 - I'm running late! The staff meeting
starts in less than 15 minutes and I just finished showering. If
I had remembered, I would have never spent the night with Margot
Gallagher. She and Dick Bennet had finally called it quits some
five weeks ago. Big argument in the Mess Hall. Bennet consoled
himself with Jana McCormick from Engineering. Since Sue
Nicoletti is proving to be elusive, I decided to try my luck
with Gallagher. At least for a while. According to Harry, Bennet
is pissed. Too bad. He should have thought of that before he
took up with McCormick. End personal log.

STARDATE 49278.21 - The crew found and beamed aboard an android
that had been floating in space. Naturally Tuvok, with his usual
Vulcan "doom-and-gloom", nay-sayed the idea. But the Captain
gave B'Elanna and Harry permission to repair the android. Now,
they have a new toy to become obsessed over. Harry eventually
grew tired and left Engineering. Not B'Elanna. I gather she's
still there, obsessing over her new toy.

Also, Gallagher asked me over to her quarters for dinner. I
guess I would have preferred Nicoletti, but something tells me
that a date with her would be hopeless. So, I'll be keeping
company with the lovely Margot, tonight. End personal log.

STARDATE 49281.19 - A hell of a lot has happened, lately. The
android that B'Elanna had repaired, kidnapped her so she would
create a prototype of Pralor druids. The Captain threatened the
Pralor ship with force, in order to force them to return
B'Elanna. Instead, they responded by attacking the ship. The
attack left Voyager with little warp power for half a day. End
personal log.

STARDATE 49282.84 - The Captain, Tuvok and Chakotay finally came
up with a plan to rescue B'Elanna. Thank God! The plan was to
distract the Pralor ship long enough for me to slip inside its
shields by shuttlecraft, beam B'Elanna aboard and fly back to
Voyager. I did suggest getting inside the Pralor's shields
without a diversion and Mister "Crash" Chakotay had the nerve to
hint that I might wreck another shuttle. This coming from a man
who has wrecked more shuttles than all of the Federation's
enemies combined!

In the end, another ship filled with androids created the
diversion. They were the Cravic, and were at war with the
Pralor. I managed to slip through a breach in the Pralor's ship,
caused by the Cravic. I also beamed B'Elanna aboard the shuttle.
Unfortunately, not before she was injured.

Later at Sandrine's, Harry and I learned from B'Elanna that
there had been a war between the Pralor and the Cravic. They had
created androids to fight their armies. When the two races ended
their war, the androids exterminated them in fear of being
deactivated or destroyed. I've said it before and I'll say it
again - we're too dependent upon technology.

And yes, B'Elanna is speaking to me again. She thanked me for
rescuing her from the Pralor. After Harry left our table for
drinks, she also admitted that I had been right about her and
Chakotay. I don't think her infatuation is completely over, but
I can see that she no longer puts him on a pedestal. It's a
relief to know that she is finally on the road to recovery. End
personal log.

STARDATE 49302.85 - Sad news today. Q or Quinn has committed
suicide. According to Kes, he killed himself by swallowing
Nogatch hemlock. A little gift provided by that other omnipotent
being, Q. After the Captain gave him asylum aboard Voyager, I
thought he would readily join the crew. I guess not. Kes said
that she didn't feel too sad. Not only was Quinn free of the Q
Continuum, he no longer had to deal with an existence in
eternity. End personal log.

STARDATE 49315.82 - The Kazon-Nistrim are back. Dammit! Voyager
sustained damage to several decks and impulse engines, during a
twenty minute battle. We engaged against two Nistrim ships. One,
I'm happy to say, was destroyed. The other, although heavily
damanged, managed to escape. I hope it will be a while before
our next encounter with the Kazon. However, my gut tells me that
we'll be seeing them a lot sooner. End personal log.

STARDATE 49327.65 - God, I'm tired! Once again, Voyager had
another battle with the Kazon. Don't these people ever give up?
This time, they managed to take us by surprise, during Gamma
shift. The battle ended in the destruction of the Kazon ship.
Unfortunately, Voyager sustained damage to the starboard nacelle
and Deck Eight. Two crewmen - Larson and Golwat - were injured.
Right now, I need a bite to eat and some rest. End personal log.

STARDATE 49330.11 - Another battle with the Kazon-Nistrim.
Cullah and Seska seemed to be after us with a vengeance. Again,
several decks were damaged, along with the navigational
deflector and impulse engines. B'Elanna had to shut down the
warp engines to prevent a core breach. After the battle, I went
to Engineering to help her repair the navigational deflector.
The place was a mess! Several crewmen had been injured, along
with Kurt Bandera. B'Elanna told me that he died not long after
he had been beamed to Sick Bay. She seemed pretty shaken by the
news. So was I, to be honest. Kurt had been the only Maquis who
had treated me decently, despite being one of Chakotay's closest
friends.

Kurt's memorial service was held during Gamma shift. After the
service, Ensign Hogan, another ex-Maquis, accosted the Captain
about trading Federation technology with the Kazon. He saw no
harm in it. Mind you, I have a pretty low opinion of the Prime
Directive, but not even I would consider such a trade. Unless
the situation was desperate enough to call for one. But I don't
see the harm in forming an alliance with the Kazon.

Thankfully, Chakotay managed to convince the Captain into
considering a Kazon-Federation alliance. Harry was appalled.
Tuvok, surprisingly, seemed to have found logic in the idea.
Tuvok and Chakotay agreeing to the same thing - scary! B'Elanna
suggested we try to make an alliance with the Nistrim. I thought
it was a good idea. Chakotay didn't. I guess he would have
preferred another Kazon sect. But the Captain told him that he
would have to deal with an alliance with Seska and Cullah. Since
the whole idea was his to begin with. You know, I'm glad the
Captain has finally considered this alliance, but I have a
nagging feeling that she hopes it will fail. End personal log.

STARDATE 49332.42 - Harry is still bitching about the possible
alliance with the Kazon. He said that the latter cannot be
trusted and such an alliance would be a violation of Federation
ideals. B'Elanna coolly asked him if he had felt the same about
the Federation's treaty with the Cardassians. Harry remained
silent after that.

Neelix has left to make contact with the Kazon-Pommar. I guess
the Captain has plans to establish an alliance with all of the
Kazon sects. Good luck! We should rendevous with Neelix,
tomorrow. End personal log.

STARDATE 49337.71 - The whole alliance between us and the Kazon
has gone to hell, thanks to the Trabe. Funny thing is, I'm not
really surprised. People don't really change that much, and I
guess one could say the same about the Trabe. A few decades ago,
they had been a highly sophisticated race who oppressed the
Kazon for generations. Turned them into a slave race. The Kazon
eventually rebelled against the Trabe and more or less, have
been hunting them down, since.

The Captain, Chakotay and many others believed the Trabe had
learned some humility over the years. Ha! What a joke! I'm not
saying that I was suspicious of the Trabe, but I don't think
people change that drastically, no matter what they went
through. And I certainly didn't think the Kazon would tolerate
the Trabe's presence at the peace conference. Well, I was right.
The Trabe tried to kill all of the Kazon majes and the entire
alliance fell apart. So, that's the end of that. And judging
from the Captain's little "we are Starfleet" speech, I think
she is secretly pleased over the alliance's failure. She never
wanted the alliance in the first place. But sooner or later, I
suspect she's going to realize that one day, she will have to go
against Starfleet protocol to ensure our survival in the Delta
Quadrant. End personal log.

STARDATE 49346.39 - Harry, B'Elanna and I discussed an
interesting topic during lunch, today. Warp 10 flight. According
to B'Elanna, the dilithium we had picked up from that dark
nebula about a month ago, has proven to be strong and rich
enough to remain stable at a much higher warp frequency. In
other words, it could be used to allow a ship to travel at Warp
10. Starfleet has always considered it an infinite velocity
unattainable by normal warp drive technology. But with this new
dilithium, Voyager could travel at Warp 10. This would enable
the ship to travel at a speed that theoretically occupies all
points in the universe simultaneous. Perhaps give us the ability
to travel at transwarp speed.

We all agreed it was something to think about. I think B'Elanna
and Harry saw this as an opportunity to quickly get home. I
saw it as an opportunity to make aviation history. Since the
Captain is now in her quarters, we plan to present the idea to
her. I better hurry or I'll be late. End personal log.

STARDATE 49346.8 - The Captain has agreed to let us work on the
Warp 10 project. (Takes a deep breath) Okay. Warp 10. God, I
hope we'll be able to pull it off. (Pauses) Boy, wouldn't that
be something? To be the first pilot to reach Warp 10. I wonder
how Dad would react if I succeed? Would he finally see more than
just an embarrassment to the Paris name? (Pauses) I don't know.
End personal log.

STARDATE 49357.67 - I didn't know whether to hug or kiss Neelix
after listening to his little story. Okay, I had settled for a
hug. Harry, B'Elanna and I have been running holodeck
simulations on the Warp 10 flight. And each simulation ended
in failure. We thought it were the nacelles buckling under
pressure of transwarp flight, but it was the shuttle's hull.
Neelix's tale (hell, I forgotten all the details) gave me an
idea. We should strengthen the shuttle's hull with tritanium,
instead. A second holodeck simulation proved that my idea worked.
Harry, B'Elanna and I informed the Captain and Chakotay. And now,
it seems I will be conducting the Warp 10 flight, tomorrow morning.
I only hope . . . (door chimes) Hell, who is it now? End personal
log.

LOG SUPPLEMENTAL - Dammit, I nearly lost the flight! All because
of the Doc. The Captain came by to inform me that the Doc found
a slight enzymatic imbalance in my cerebellum. And that
something that might affect my health during the experiment. And
that Harry will conduct the flight in my stead.

(Sighs) For a moment, I thought I might have overreacted at the
news. I really didn't realize how much I wanted to make
this flight, until I nearly lost it. Do I want the recognition
that badly? To be known as the one who made the first Warp 10
flight? I mean, what was it going to get me? (Pauses) I don't
know. I . . . Hell! Who am I kidding? It's not the name
recognition I want. It's the respect.

Yeah, I know that some of the crew have begun treating me with
more respect and friendliness, in the past six months or so.
Treat me as part of the crew. But I still see signs of hostility
and disgust in the eyes of many people. Especially people like
Chakotay. Maybe this Warp 10 flight will finally erase their
distrust for good. End personal log.

STARDATE 49359.86 - I did it. I became the first Human or
sentient being to achieve Warp 10 speed. It was amazing! In a
breath of a second, I went everywhere in the universe. Other
sectors of the Delta Quadrant, the Alpha Quadrant, in the past
and in the future . . . My name will probably end up in the
History books, with others like Cochrane, Armstrong and Kelly. And yet
. . . I don't know. I guess I don't feel as elated as I should.
The Captain certainly did. And so did B'Elanna. Now, why don’t
I feel the same? I don't know. Maybe earning the respect of
others just isn't enough. (Sighs) Oh well. Huh, it's almost
17:00 hours. I forgot that I'm supposed to meet B'Elanna in the
Mess Hall, so we can go over the specs of the flight. End
personal log.

STARDATE 49378.33 - This has all been a surreal dream. I wish it
had been a dream. But it wasn't. I actually died. And
resurrected as a lizard, a salamander or something. The Doc claimed
that I had evolved into man's future state. I don't know if I
agree with that conclusion. How can an amphibian be considered
man's future form?

The funny thing is that I don't remember a damn thing that
happened. Well, I take that back. I do remember how awful
Neelix's coffee tasted. Maybe I can get him to change the name.
And I remember lying flat on my back in the Mess Hall, and
writhing in pain, while B'Elanna stroked my hair. (Pauses) Whoa!
Now why did I say that? Anyway, the Doc happily filled me in on
some of the hazy moments. Let's just say that he knows a lot
about the history of my sex life. Perhaps too much. He also
knows that I don't trust people who don't cry and that I have a
serious inferiority complex. God! What else did I reveal? Oh,
he did add that I asked Kes to give me a kiss. Thank goodness
Neelix will never find out.

The Doctor had a plan to restore my original DNA, using matter
from the ship's warp core. Only, I managed to escape, kidnap the
Captain, and leave Voyager in the Cochrane, before he could
succeed. The crew found the Captain and I on some swampy planet,
three days later. And we had transformed into a pair of
salamanders. Salamanders with babies. Great! In a space of four
days, I've died, resurrected, transformed into another species,
kidnapped the Captain, transformed her, took her to a planet and
knocked her up. I must add that we had three babies. Chakotay
and Tuvok decided to leave them on the planet. Huh. Too bad.
I wouldn't have minded being a father. I think.

I had apologized to the Captain for my behavior. She's really
something. She had suggested that she might have been the one to
initiate our . . . uh, mating. Shit! Now I feel like an
embarrassed schoolboy! As for the Warp 10 project, it looks as
if we might have to find another way for a starship to travel at
that speed - and without "evolving" into another animal.
End personal log.

END OF PART I