(no subject)
yeah today's a day where I don't feel well.
I really just want some answers. Like I said before, (and probably lied to myself) I'm done fighting the one-sided war. I know I've done my part.. But, now, I'm shutting out people because of this. well, not yet, but more like, I want too. But then I feel like an asshole. But I dont want to explain myself to anybody, I just want to be like, "I'm sorry. But I have issues, you might want to waste your time on somebody who has themselves together, because its not me." I just want to be alone right now. besides around Dan,nakita, and Jon. Thank god for dan, He keeps me grounded and opens my eyes to things. "Youre too damn nice." "Youre happy all the time (around people...or at least act like it), youre always laughing, youre just a nice girl, youre too damn charming." "You need to be mean once in awhile, otherwise people will walk over you." and He was absolutly right. Im just wierd. I guess. I do laugh, I joke around, Im nice to everybdy. I dont judge anyone.
But besides that, other things dont seem to be getting better. my mom says its just a bump in the road. She seems to be staying pretty optimistic about things.
I wish saturday night could have been prevented. Instead of staying there, I just wanted to run out of there. He acted so strange around me, and I'm sure made eveyrone else feel wierd. but come on, what are the chances? Its too complicated.
Eventhough this winter hasn't been all that bad, I just want it to be over. It just isnt for me. Even march would be fine right now.. I know for a fact I wont be living here that much longer.. It just makes things worse.
I wish I had something figured out.
I really just want some answers. Like I said before, (and probably lied to myself) I'm done fighting the one-sided war. I know I've done my part.. But, now, I'm shutting out people because of this. well, not yet, but more like, I want too. But then I feel like an asshole. But I dont want to explain myself to anybody, I just want to be like, "I'm sorry. But I have issues, you might want to waste your time on somebody who has themselves together, because its not me." I just want to be alone right now. besides around Dan,nakita, and Jon. Thank god for dan, He keeps me grounded and opens my eyes to things. "Youre too damn nice." "Youre happy all the time (around people...or at least act like it), youre always laughing, youre just a nice girl, youre too damn charming." "You need to be mean once in awhile, otherwise people will walk over you." and He was absolutly right. Im just wierd. I guess. I do laugh, I joke around, Im nice to everybdy. I dont judge anyone.
But besides that, other things dont seem to be getting better. my mom says its just a bump in the road. She seems to be staying pretty optimistic about things.
I wish saturday night could have been prevented. Instead of staying there, I just wanted to run out of there. He acted so strange around me, and I'm sure made eveyrone else feel wierd. but come on, what are the chances? Its too complicated.
Eventhough this winter hasn't been all that bad, I just want it to be over. It just isnt for me. Even march would be fine right now.. I know for a fact I wont be living here that much longer.. It just makes things worse.
I wish I had something figured out.