Breakdowns.

[cswallow]

I had these days of desperation and, indeed, fear last summer. The memory comes welling forth like fresh blood from a wound reopened. I remember expressing my frustration to many of my loved ones, only to be gently reminded that the goals I’d chosen to pursue were difficult ones with a high likelihood of failure. Julia said that she asked herself

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Breakdown twins!

[ext_1241438]

I, too, had a breakdown over the weekend. I was stuck at a Tanzanian party with no way to leave. It made me aware of how vulnerable I am here. The night ended on a high note with some Tanzanian girls trying to teach me how to booty dance, very entertaining.

Sometimes I feel guilty about my fears and worries when I am the one that signed up for this and when I have so much in comparison to those that I live amongst and work alongside. And yet, our feelings are legitimate. We need to own them. We don't need to fully understand them. But we need to have the self-respect and appreciation for our accomplishments and our capacity to succeed in the future as evidence of our worth and value.

While I dread that this country may swallow me whole, I try to remind myself that I, too, have the ability to gulp up this experience and swallow it. Allowing it to churn in my stomach and digest the elements. This too shall settle, and I will surely feel the absence of the excitement of this place when I return to Durham.

Sending positive and productive vibes!
Kirsten