Breakdowns.

[cswallow]

I had these days of desperation and, indeed, fear last summer. The memory comes welling forth like fresh blood from a wound reopened. I remember expressing my frustration to many of my loved ones, only to be gently reminded that the goals I’d chosen to pursue were difficult ones with a high likelihood of failure. Julia said that she asked herself

Comments

You're blessed with a wonderful conscience, Jen

[anonymous]

How many people would even agonize over these things? It shows your altruistic and honest heart, and exposes your vulnerable underbelly! To me, that's the sign of someone who really cares, and really wants to help these people.

I suppose you can't know what the ultimate outcome will be for the people you're trying to impact there, but what's worse?-- never trying anything at all, or trying and maybe failing in some ways, but at least they will have new avenues to explore.

Today is Father's Day--and it makes me remember something my dad once said to me. I've never forgotten this, because I've found it to be good advice: he said that in life, when you have choices/decisions to make, you do the best you can in a given moment to assess your options, and you determine, to the best of your ability, what you ought to do. Once you do it, you don't look back. You don't have regrets, and think "I should have, or I ought to have..." You made the best decision with what you had available to you at that moment in time.

I think it's only natural in a new, overwhelming situation, to have old hurts and wounds surface, and create insecurities and doubts in ourselves. Trust the successes you HAVE had, and realize that you've made it through so many difficult things in life, and you'll move forward in positive ways.

Thinking of you--if you do the best you know how to do, what more can anyone ask of you, Jen?