(no subject)
I've found myself lost in noise. The sounds of even the nearly silent happenings around me become a cacophonous torture machine fueled and inspired by the self-hating qualities existing within the lower coils that create the fabric of my mind. Imagine scratching ones nails on a chalkboard... that spine melting sound can nearly paralyze a person for that moment. Yet, I unwillingly have the mental forbearance to endure such torture for indefinite periods of time. As one can imagine, this makes sleep difficult; damn near impossible. I block out the noise of life to hopefully gain a few hours of rest and peace, but I am a slave to the fortitude of my mind. I am certain this would drive anyone over the edge. I seem to have the ability to remain teetering on the brink of falling into the chasm of my mentally generated hell.
As I probe the darkest parts of my being, I become more aware of how prone my mind can be into pursuing dark and sinister activities. I am not dangerous, but certainly unpredictable. It's as though I can separate myself into a true dichotomy of good and evil. However, we translate through better as constructive and deconstructive. I find solace in the fact that building and demolishing both present a clear picture of progress. The goal, or it's opposite, has been achieved. Yet, how are these goals relevant to the big picture? It's not as though I am lost with myself, but lost in life, love, and the universe. All of it makes sense, yet none of it has meaning. Is the universal essence in the search for meaning or in the meaning itself. Should it be the latter, then what's the meaning, how did it originate, and were can I find it.
I leave with this thought: If we are, in fact, here for a defined purpose, I can find no other universal purpose on any level of life form or natural process other than matter enrichment. All things, both alive and physically active, turn one form of matter into another which is used for a further purpose. This process has no obvious destination in it's path, so where are we going?
-drugs and thinking don't mix
As I probe the darkest parts of my being, I become more aware of how prone my mind can be into pursuing dark and sinister activities. I am not dangerous, but certainly unpredictable. It's as though I can separate myself into a true dichotomy of good and evil. However, we translate through better as constructive and deconstructive. I find solace in the fact that building and demolishing both present a clear picture of progress. The goal, or it's opposite, has been achieved. Yet, how are these goals relevant to the big picture? It's not as though I am lost with myself, but lost in life, love, and the universe. All of it makes sense, yet none of it has meaning. Is the universal essence in the search for meaning or in the meaning itself. Should it be the latter, then what's the meaning, how did it originate, and were can I find it.
I leave with this thought: If we are, in fact, here for a defined purpose, I can find no other universal purpose on any level of life form or natural process other than matter enrichment. All things, both alive and physically active, turn one form of matter into another which is used for a further purpose. This process has no obvious destination in it's path, so where are we going?
-drugs and thinking don't mix