Wedding crasher...
I'm never going to be invited to a wedding ever again, I just know it.
Briefly (because I have to drive to DC in a minute), drove 13 hours to get to St. Louis after having been up all day long, slept an hour and a half, drove to Illinois for rehearsal things, got really giddy with one of the groomsmen's wives and got yelled at by the preacher for not being more serious and talking during rehearsal (actually, for distracting the usher, but I was repeating the instructions, sheesh), managed to find the last hotel room in Illinois near the wedding, got barely enough sleep to live on, used hand lotion in my hair instead of conditioner because who ever saw them put shampoo and LOTION in the little bottles next to each other for use in the bathroom (certainly not me!), freaked out and could not get it together in time, had to grab my "get ready" stuff and get ready at the church, except the bathroom I went in to get ready was filled with bridesmaids and had no mirror so they ushered me into this other room that turned out to be the BRIDE'S getting ready room (the bride, by the way, was not anyone I knew--we knew the groom), huddled in the corner trying to be inconspicuous with my curling iron and not get in the way of the photographer who showed up and was taking pictures of all these girls who started asking ME questions about MY wedding and I panicked and grabbed my "get ready" stuff and ran.
I think I managed to avert all disaster after that point. I didn't burn the church down. Didn't knock any old ladies over. Didn't trip on my dress. Whew.
Still probably not going to be invited to anymore weddings...