Standing Still 18/?
Title: Standing Still (18/?)
Author: CSIGeekFan
Rating: R (Language)
Genre: Drama/Angst
Summary: It's been five years since that fateful day that he walked away from Oakdale. Five years since he had his heart ripped to shreds. Five years since the ultimate betrayal.
A/N: I want to thank everyone who has commented. I'm thrilled that so many have been enjoying this story.
PREVIOUSLY
Alone with Lanie, Ash asked, "Did you have a good day?"
Instead of answering, she strode over, wrapped her arms around him, and laid her head on his shoulder. With a smile, she remembered to say something she ought to be saying more to him.
"Love you."
He didn't give a thought as to what brought this on, and instead decided to end his day in the contented way he'd spent it. Wrapping his arms around her and hugging her close, he replied, "Love you too."
He'd worry about tomorrow in the morning.
X X X
"Pie?" Jason exclaimed as he bound into the kitchen. He'd barely stepped in, spied the luscious pumpkin dessert, and nearly swooned. Instead he reverently glided further into the room and whispered, "Ice cream, too."
It sounded more like a prayer than a treat.
His mother rolled her eyes, held out a plate, and watched her son giggle his way across the room.
Ash arrived to breakfast last and shook his head at the instantaneous sugar rush that shone in the kid's eyes. It only took a glance to note the glazed eyes and Cheshire grin.
"It smells good in here," he announced as he sauntered into the room, poured a cup of coffee, and settled at the table next to Jason. A sip later, he asked, "When's the turkey gonna be done?"
"At eleven o'clock," Lanie replied. "We're due at the farm by noon."
With a nod, Ash headed back to his room, grabbing the sports section of the paper out of Carl's hands as he went. His stomach flipped over when Jason turned to his mother and said, "Guess what? Ethan says all kinds of cousins and stuff are gonna be there today! He says all your family will be there, so we might get to play football or somethin'."
Nausea coursed through Ash's stomach, and a sense of dread settled in the pit of his stomach.
X X X
Carl and Holden stepped out onto the back porch within minutes of their arrival. Emma and Lily immediately pulled Lanie into a conversation, clucking over how golden the turkey looked. Exclamations of perfection were made all around, and Ash distracted himself by watching her cheeks glow. He'd always loved her like this, and considering the tension in her shoulders since their arrival, he reveled in her current manner. His Lanie was the toughest woman he'd ever met, and (in his opinion) the most beautiful.
For all their time together, he'd seen her at her worst, and he'd seen her at her best. He really liked her happy most of all.
"Jason!" Ethan shouted as he ran into the kitchen. With a grin, he grabbed the other boy's hand before Jason could remove his jacket, and the two went flying back out the door.
The fishing expedition from the day before had irritated his leg, so Ash lightly limped with his cane over to the table and settled into a hardback chair. No one else seemed to be within sight, so he ignored the women and closed his eyes.
He couldn't remember the last time he'd been in this kitchen, other than the one time after he'd arrived from New York. Even then, though, he'd only stood in the doorway and quietly said his dutiful 'hello' to Emma. It had been too soon to take that step inside.
With eyes clamped shut, Ash could recall so many holidays before - Christmas, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and so many more. It seemed a lifetime ago that he'd felt comfortable in this place or with these people.
He didn't hear his brother approach, and nearly jumped when Aaron settled a hand on his shoulder. He didn't say a word, as Aaron stared at him. He didn't breathe, until Aaron smiled. He didn't so much as blink until Aaron patted the unmarred side of his face, and said, "When Dad told me they'd found you, and that you were here… I flew in last night because I had to see for myself."
"Yeah?" Ash asked. Emotions welled up, choking him, so he turned his gaze to the tabletop.
Aaron surprised his little brother when he smacked Ash up the back of the head and said, "You ever pull a disappearing stunt like that and I'll kick your ass."
The older brother's thick, watery voice gave away the bluff, though, and Aaron roughly pulled his kid brother into a hug.
Holden found his sons holding on for dear life a couple minutes later as he and Carl hauled in the traditional Hubbard squash. Silently, he laid the vegetable on the counter, took a deep, shuddering breath, and did his best not to cry.
X X X
It took two hours for everyone to arrive. They trickled in a little at a time; and Ash began to wonder if it hadn't been synchronized, staged, and possibly choreographed. Each greeting came suspiciously gruffly, as if the greeters had been warned to give him space. Or maybe they'd picked up on the way he drew back from most physical touches. Even now, only a few could touch him without making him at least wince.
Only his siblings took those extra few moments to satisfy themselves. Natalie, Faith, and Ethan did their best to study their big brother, like they expected him to disappear at any moment. Yet at the same time, they treated him like a gift. And each repeatedly touched his hand or his arm or his shoulder - each grabbed onto the tangible, now that he graced their farmhouse once again.
That alone freaked Ash out more than a little.
X X X
"So let me get this straight," Carl began, with his brow furrowed, "you have a huge celebration just to hack a massive vegetable into chunks."
Holden nodded with a grin, and Jack, Aaron, and Parker nodded their affirmations as well.
"Whatever floats your boat," Carl eventually replied with a shrug, while those around him chuckled.
Just a few minutes later, as Ash watched everyone mill around and idly chat, Lanie stepped up behind him. Arms wrapped around him, and he felt his friend tremble. She could handle a dozen drunks, but her nerves had kicked in and she found herself overwhelmed by the sheer number of them. Little did she know that Ash felt the same.
"It'll be alright," he murmured after turning his head a little. To himself, he added, "I hope."
X X X
"So, tell me about New York," Aaron prompted before taking a bite of potatoes.
At first, Ash just shrugged. In reality, his mouth had begun to water from the smell of the turkey and gravy slopped across his plate. The way the dressing sent up wafts of sage in its steam, he really wanted to shut out the world and worship his plate.
"I don't get nearly this good of food," he eventually replied and then stabbed a forkful of the feast. The light smack up the back of the head wasn't particularly surprising. Neither was the glare from Lanie.
To placate, he swallowed his food loudly, and gave her an exaggerated apologetic look. She never could resist the pathetic little puppy dog look.
"Carl owns and manages the bar, I run it, and Lanie waitresses," he grudgingly explained, finally stopping the death stare. Turning his attention to Aaron, he shrugged and continued, "Lanie, Jas, and I live over the bar. We do okay."
X X X
"Have you seen Jason?" Lanie asked after dinner was finished and the plates had been cleared. The last time she'd spotted her son, he'd been donning a ski cap and gloves. Yet when she looked into the yard, she couldn't find him outside.
"I'll track him down," Ash offered. The meal had started off okay, and he'd eventually settled in with his family. Yet by the end, the room felt smaller to him - a little oppressive.
Too many voices conflicted over whatever game shone on the television. Others loudly discussed mundane topics, like school.
Grabbing his coat, he headed out the door and into the cold.
He checked the barn. As a boy, he'd loved to spend his time there among the horses. The smell of the tackle, the hay, and the horse sweat mingled to fill the structure with an earthy essence.
After striking out there, he head back to the house. The last he'd seen the boys, they'd been heading out the door; but maybe they returned to the warmth offered by the home. Maybe they'd come in the other entrance and headed upstairs to watch television.
Pushing open the door into the kitchen, Ash limped in, grumbling to himself about the cold ache running up and down his leg. His cane thumped as he found Lanie and asked, "Did they come back?"
It took a moment for him to realize Lanie wasn't alone. First, he caught sight of Katie, holding the hand of a dark haired little boy. Jacob.
Then he saw Chris.
Previous Chapters:
Chapter 17
Chapter 16
Chapter 15
Chapter 14
Chapter 13
Chapter 12
Chapter 11
Chapter 10
Chapter 9
Chapter 8
Chapter 7
Chapter 6
Chapter 5
Chapter 4
Chapter 3
Chapter 2
Chapter 1