Ruffled Feathers Part 5
AN: So this chapter covers the Super Bowl episode, which was really hard to do cause there's like, 5 minutes of Klaine screentime. So it was tricky. I hope you enjoy this take! And on another note, I can't seem to contact my Beta, so this chapter might be not as smooth as the others. I do apologize for that. Today's my birthday, so I wanted to give this to you guys, for supporting me so much and all your amazing reviews and just the fact that you are actually reading this. It means a lot to me. Now on with the story!
Glee belongs to someone smarter than me.
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Of all the devices humans have created, I think I know which one I hate the most.
Cellphones piss me off.
Why do they have to vibrate? Isn't the sound enough to alert them? And why does Kurt insist on placing it on the table, always, and I tell you, always, next to my cage?
One of these days, I'm going to steal and destroy it. It looks heavy, but I know I'll manage. Somehow.
We're in Kurt's room right now, we just came from a warbler meeting. I love it when Kurt takes me there, because it's really fun to watch them. They are funny, they act all serious and the next thing you know they're dancing around and singing like a group of small kids. And he knows I get bored easily if you leave me in this room for too long. I think he suspects that me getting bored is not good, but boy, he doesn't quite know yet to what extent.
The phone is abandoned on the desk, and it just keeps buzzing, rattling my whole cage.
"Kurt, please! I can't reach the green icon from here, and I know the buzzing stops every time you press it, can you please do it already? My head is starting to ache!" I chirp, but if he can't hear the sound of the music coming out of his phone's speaker, I doubt he can hear my voice. He's been in the bathroom for almost an hour now. I've already gotten used to Kurt's timetable. He should be getting out of there soon enough.
Ah, blessed shaking earth, there he comes.
"How many times do we have to go through this, Kurt? Really," I complain, because, seriously. I've told him so many times not to leave that thing so close to the cage. With how smart he is, you'd think he had taken a hint by now.
He does something with the screen and leaves the thing back in the desk, next to my cage. Oh, for the love of…at least it stopped buzzing.
"Hey girl, I miss you," Kurt says aloud, walking towards his closet to start picking an outfit.
"I miss you too, boy. You have NO idea how much."
"OHMYGOD!" I panic, falling from my perch in what is sure to be a very unstylish way "It talks!" I chirp, confused. I know Kurt talks to the thing, and he must get some sort of answer, but I never thought it worked like this! Humans are so weird.
"Is that Pavarotti? He's a strange bird, Kurt. The other day, I could swear he was answering me"
"How can he answer you, Mercedes? He's a bird," says Kurt in his 'you're not making any sense' tone, but then he stops, and stares at me, frowning. "Although I could swear he understands sometimes"
"Of course I do, what do you take me for?" I complain. Kurt could be so clueless.
"See? He even sounds like he's sassing on you," she laughs, and I glare at the device, but I doubt it feels intimidated or anything. It just sort of… lies there. "Oh god, Kurt, I'm so messed up I'm even thinking a bird can understand," she says, and I feel insulted. Really. What do they take us birds for? We are SO smart "you should see the mess glee club has become!"
"Did Rachel start to try and make a list for regionals that will only feature her again?" he says, knowingly and with sympathy. I met this girl Rachel. All I say is, she is scary.
"No, I kinda wish it were that, you know? It would mean things were normal. You know how the football team is always on the boy's case for being in glee?" Kurt merely hums in acknowledgement while he starts dressing "Well, apparently, they lost the last game because Karofsky did something stupid in the game, and he mocked Finn about being in Glee" Kurt stops at the mention of that name, and there was this expression on his face. I can't yet understand it, but I do know something. Every time that Karofsky gets mentioned, Kurt does NOT look happy. I don't know what this guy did, but I don't like him. No one messes up with Kurt and gets away without receiving the full force of this irate bird. Nu-huh. "So Coach Beiste and Mr. Shue had the worst idea ever, and decided that the football team has to spend a week in Glee"
"What!" Kurt exclaims, so suddenly that my attempt at reaching the perch again got thwarted. Maybe it's safer to stay on the floor for now "Is everyone still alive?"
"Barely. You should have seen it. Puck and Rachel sang a duet-"
"I bet it was Rachel's idea to make Finn jealous," he mumbles, and the voice from the phone laughs.
"I think so too. Anyway, they sang that to show the jocks what we did at glee. And Azimio ruined everything by calling Puck a girl, and Puck almost hits him with the guitar"
"I can see that," he acknowledges, now focusing on picking a scarf. I kinda hope he goes with the blue and silver one, because I would love to steal a little thread from one of the tassels. I'm still pining for the duvet one. I so need to steal that... "So what happened?"
"Well, we almost killed each other. It's insane, Kurt. Everyone was so pissed off about having Karofsky there, because of what he did to you. Even Mr. Shue admitted Karofsky's homophobia. Rachel was this close to having a coronary."
Kurt is taking longer to reply than usual, and I couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking. I couldn't see his face, so I couldn't guess from his expression, and I doubt I could anyway. Sometimes, he just makes these faces that I can't comprehend. And I don't really understand half of what Mercedes is saying, anyway. But it doesn't sound good for this Karofsky guy. Wait until he meets me, Kurt. He'll regret ever messing with you. I can be very menacing, you know? I can peck at his fingers until he begs for mercy. I did that to Blaine once, it totally worked.
"So what do they think they can accomplish by having them there?"
"Coach Beiste expects them to act more like a team, I guess. And Mr. Shue hopes they will see, and I quote, 'how cool being in Glee club is'. He's so delusional, it kind of makes me feel sorry for him."
"But maybe he has a point. I mean, I doubt the football team will ever appreciate it, but being in
glee IS cool. I know it doesn't work like that at McKinley, but here, we're like… rock stars or something. Maybe they will leave you alone if it means not having to join in, I don't know"
"Oh, baby. You have been in Dalton for too long. Wishful thinking is all that is," Kurt just sighs, and picks a red scarf. Damn him. I can't make the red work as well as the blue.
"I know, I just wish I could do something. Tell me about any progress, ok? Bad or good."
"At this point, I think bad is more likely. I'll keep you updated. I have to go now, see you later, Kurt. Give your boyfriend my regards"
"He is not my… forget it" he says, apparently tired of explaining the same thing over and over again.
Wait, what! Are they talking about Blaine? Cause I can't come up with anyone else. Someone really needs to update me on these things, stat! I can't properly gossip without real information!
"Bye, Darling!"
The screen of the phone changes to the usual one, and the phone stops talking. Kurt finishes dressing up, and sits at the desk, staring at me, but I know he's lost in thought. I stare back, trying to guess what he's thinking. His old Glee Club sometimes makes him sad, and I don't want him to be like that.
"Cheer up. They'll probably be ok. Even though I have no idea what's going on," I offer, and he smiles at my chirping. I'm not sure if it's the words or just my presence, but I'm glad I make him smile, because it's so pretty.
Like shiny things.
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It's that damn phone again. It's been buzzing like crazy these days. And it's never good news. Kurt closes the textbook, the one he's been pretending to read the whole afternoon, but I know better. He reads something on the screen and his eyes go so big, I'm kind of scared they will pop out of their sockets. He quickly does something with the screen and puts the device against his ear.
I hope there's nothing bad. Kurt is distracted enough as it is, and he still has to study. The door is wide open, and I see Blaine walking by, and stopping right at the door when he hears Kurt's words. I can't blame him, they startle me just as much.
"What the hell do you mean with 'goodbye', Britt! That text looked like you were about to commit suicide!"
Oh, this is no good. Blaine looks worried, but he doesn't want to interrupt Kurt. He probably would have gone by now, he's not the kind of guy to listen to someone else's conversations, but I bet that he rather stay to support Kurt in case things go… not so well.
"She's what! She can't fire you out of a cannon, Boo. That's too much, even for her. Are you sure you heard correctly? Or understood? What were her exact words?" He starts massaging the bridge of his nose, and I recognize that from the times when Kurt had to be extra patient, because he's not really good at the whole waiting thing. Blaine now just looks confused as hell, but he's still there, albeit unsure. He's probably thinking the same thing I am thinking.
What the feathery hell? Probably not as birdie, but you get the point.
I try to catch his gaze, but he only has eyes for Kurt. Domingo's words come to my mind. Totally smitten, alright.
"What? You quit glee? But, Britt, that stunt with the cannon is going to kill you!"
I think Blaine now is just more curious than anything else, because he comes in, something he would have never done without consent, and touches Kurt's shoulder, mouthing an 'is everything ok?' with a worried look, but Kurt just raises his hand, telling him to wait.
"Britt, Boo, cannons don't have feelings, they're inanimate objects," he pauses, and then rolls his eyes "inani… forget it. They just don't feel, ok? Coach Sylvester is lying to you. She just wants to win the competition. Don't let her do it. In fact, just leave her and go back to Glee, because, what the hell? She's awful to you. And Glee needs you girls more!" he waits, listening to the phone, and his face changes along with what he's hearing, and it's kind of hilarious.
"It's like watching a movie without sound, Kurt," I say, and Blaine looks briefly at me, frowning. What's with the frowns lately?
"It's Thriller, Britt! Do you have any idea how many body parts I would give to perform that song with you guys! Just, forget Cheerios, go back to glee, don't listen to Santana, and stay alive. Call me when you have news. Yeah. Ok. Bye, Boo"
"Boo?" Blaine asks, with a skeptic tone that I don't quite get. Kurt just sighs.
"Just a nickname. Can you believe how crazy my old school is? The cheerleader coach moved the date of the competition to the same day of the football championship game, just because she was not allowed to fire Britt out of a cannon, and now she's making them choose between doing the halftime with glee club and the football team, or the competition."
Blaine stares at him, and I never felt so in sync with him, because he voices the exact same thing that's on my mind.
"Is that really happening? Do people in your old school know the concept of logic?"
"Apparently, no. And the guys in the football team have to perform with the glee club at half time. You can imagine how excited they are about that. This whole thing is just crazy"
There's a contemplative pause after that, Blaine is probably still trying to figure it all out. I just decided long ago that it's easier to give up altogether. Humans are just too confusing for their own good, and humans at Kurt's old school are just insane. I've heard things that don't make sense at all. I just focus on the parts that I can sort of understand.
"Football is the thing that involves yellow posts, right?" I ask, because the color reminds me of my fellow warblers. I'm just trying to find some common, sane ground.
I get abysmally ignored.
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They've been rehearsing this number for a while now, and I must say, I like it. They all look so loose, compared to how they usually act. And I can see Kurt enjoys it, his shoulders look more relaxed than usual. But Blaine's cool entrance gets kind of old after the fifth time. Just saying.
"Ok, order," the guy that I now know as Wes says, while hitting that damn wooden thing like he's so fond of doing. But it seems to work like magic, because everyone drops the free attitude and go back to their stuck up selves. Except for Kurt, who still manages to look uncomfortable and amused at the same time. I can't help but smile at him. He's so unique, even among this sea of blue blazers "We're almost there. There's still a few things to polish, but we'll work them out tomorrow. Dismissed," he announces, with another- rather unnecessary, I must add- bang of his gavel, and the room slowly empties. Kurt puts his sheet back in his messenger bag, and takes out the phone. Blaine is just finishing talking with David something, when Kurt snorts. I wonder what he's reading.
"Is everything ok?" Blaine asks, and now we're alone in the room. It's nice when it's just the three of us. I wish Domingo was here, though. Maybe I could tell him about what I heard from Kurt, and ask him about Blaine. I can't still be sure if the boy likes Kurt back or not, but they do look rather smitten. Domingo is better at this than me, anyway. I'll ask him later.
"Artie just texted me. The football team got slushied. Karofsky was actually happy about the performance, imagine that," he says, looking briefly at Blaine, who just raises his eyebrows "but the slushie made him change his mind. Serves him well, now he knows how painful and humiliating and just cold it is"
"Who slushied them?"
"The hockey team, apparently, in their never-ending fight to see who rules the school." He says, putting the phone away and standing up. He gets a hold of my cage and tries to walk and not rattle the cage too much.
"But why would they slushie them?" Blaine asks, walking along with us through the corridors of Dalton. I've heard the term slushie so many times that by know I kind of understand what it is about. Some sort of territory skirmish ritual to establish the alpha male. Or something.
"Are you kidding me? I was surprised they didn't do it before. The football team has to dance and sing, it's like painting a bulls eye in their necks. It's just a perfect opportunity for the Hockey team to get revenge."
"I just don't get what the big deal is. It's just a song, and it's Thriller, it's an awesome, pop anthem kind of song. It's Michael Jackson, you don't get cooler than that"
"The big deal is, Blaine, that McKinley is not Dalton," Kurt explains, and I have to secretly laugh at their interactions. Kurt always seems more down to earth than Blaine does, but it's times like these when it's really noticeable. They make such a good team. "And down there in Lima, anything that has to do with singing and dancing is labeled as gay. Hell, anything that has to do with having a personality and an opinion is either gay or loser, or freak. If you step outside the box, you're doomed. And the football team got slushied because they dared, albeit unwillingly, to step outside their perfectly caged world of being a jock." Kurt looks at Blaine, who seems to be deep in thought now, and asks "Was it not like that at your old school?"
"Yeah, sort of," he says, but there's something else bothering him, I think, because he's frowning, and Blaine doesn't frown very often. He always has some smile to offer from his wide catalog of winning smiles. "So what did they do after the slushie attack?"
"I don't know, but I doubt they'll go through with the performance if they got slushied. I mean I just can't imagine them doing it in the first place. But if they don't do it, I don't know what Coach Beiste is going to say, because it sounded like she was really excited about it, and she can be really scary"
"I gotta tell you, Kurt, this whole thing is crazy. Your old school sounds very insane," says Blaine, and I have to agree on that. I can see Kurt's room door now, and I'm kind of glad, because Kurt was getting worked up by the conversation and totally forgot to keep the cage steady. The floor is completely wet and my water container almost empty by now.
"I know, but it seems like this week is so much worse than normal. Either that, or now that I'm away from it, I can truly appreciate the sheer insanity that McKinley is."
"I'll say second choice," Laughs Blaine, but Kurt is distracted by a sound that I now know very, very well. That damn phone.
"See? Mercedes texts me saying she needs a small taste of sanity and asks me for coffee today," Blaine nods with a knowing humming.
"You know the world is definitely wrong when someone comes to Kurt Hummel for sanity"
Kurt stops at our room, and he puts the phone away, spilling even more water into my cage floor. Thanks, Kurt.
"I know. That's why she requests for you to be there," he says, giving Blaine one of those looks that I find terribly endearing. It's like he's trying to sound super smart, but with something else hidden behind it.
Too bad he closes the door before I can actually see what Blaine looks like after that.
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"Oh my god, Kurt, how hard is it to understand! Keep that thing AWAY!" I chirp, and sorry if I sound so annoyingly loud, but seriously! How hard is it to understand? Every time the phone vibrates, It shakes the whole structure of the cage! Do they really need for the phone to shake so much in order to get their attention? Wouldn't it be better to work at improving their attentiveness instead of just making louder, more obnoxious devices!
"Game on?" Kurt questions out loud, and it sounds weird because, for the last hour or so, we've been in the commons, studying with Blaine, and no one had made a sound. I haven't seen Kurt so focused in days. But of course his phone had to go and ruin that. I seriously hope you pass the test, Kurt.
"Who sent that?" Blaine asks, looking up from his book.
"Mercedes. But I don't quite…" then a realization seems to hit him, because his eyes get bigger. Oh, I never actually noticed they were kind of green too… Did I? "Oh, she means they're playing!"
"How? The guys got back?"
"I seriously doubt it," he snorts, and writes on his phone quickly, getting a reply just as fast. Those things sure are obnoxious, but they do seem pretty useful. "Oh my god, Blaine. I'm going to kill you"
"Um, why?" he asks. I kinda love how he doesn't question Kurt, just wonders about the reason. He totally loves him. As soon as I catch up with Domingo, I'm confirming it. But he has to. He must. He definitely does. I'm getting so damn good at this human emotion thing!
"Because you planted the seed of an awful idea in the very fertile minds of Rachel Berry and Mercedes Jones. The girls are joining the team!"
"As in the football team? I never… I just figured… Is that even legal?"
"Did it ever matter?" I ask, because nothing I hear from Kurt's old school sounds legal. I mean, I don't know many human rules, but firing a girl out of a cannon doesn't sound very legal to me.
"Apparently, because Coach accepted it. They say they're not going to really play, just lie on the ground. If anyone gets killed, I'm holding you responsible, Anderson"
"Then I guess I'll have to go and make sure you don't thwart the facts," he says, but he looks rather happy about it. Kurt stares at Blaine, suddenly serious, and I feel like the mood change, because Kurt looks worried.
"I'm not going, neither will you. Karofsky is off the team, he'll be lurking around"
"He won't be able to get close to you, your dad will be there, right?"
Kurt stares at Blaine like he is being particularly dense, and I must say, I gave that look at Blaine too. Because he is rather dense when he wants to.
"He didn't take it well when you confronted him. Maybe I have to go, because the girls would kill me if I missed it. But you're staying here. There's no way you're going near Karofsky again."
"You're worried about me?"
"Oh my god, Blaine, how dense can you get?" I chirp, which earns me a weird look from both of them. What?
"Look, Kurt. I really want to watch the game. The girls are playing, and New Directions is doing Thriller. I say it's time to pay back for you spying on the Warblers," He jokes, and I can see Kurt already give in to Blaine's reasoning. But he still tries to look tough.
"Fine," Kurt finally says, with that snappy tone I love so much "But you're not allowed to wander on your own. You stick close to my dad, or you don't go at all."
Blaine smiles, and I have no problem finding which smile it is on his catalog. It's the 'you just made me really happy' smile.
"Deal"
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They left an hour ago. I think it's safe to say they're gone for good. Or at least for a very long time, because I heard a football game can go for hours.
I think it's time for me to finally do it. I have my strength back, I am alone. No time like today.
I slyly hop to the floor of my cage, and look around. The place is safe. Let's do this.
It's easier than I thought. The latch goes up with just a small push of my beak. I sneak my beak between the small slit of the door and the floor, and push up, and dive for the outside of the cage.
I kinda forgot the cage was at the edge of the desk, though.
The fall isn't pretty. I try to open my wings in time, but by the time I manage to fully unfold them, I'm already on the carpeted floor of Kurt's room.
Did I mention I can't really fly? We warblers get our wings trimmed once we get a human to take care of us. Kurt has been neglecting the trimming, so I can glide, and just fly a bit.
But the desk is like, super high.
But the blue thread is right in front of me, so can you really blame me if I forget about how to get back to my cage? Cause there's this REALLY AWESOME BLUE THREAD just there, hanging, waiting for me.
I hop to the bed in small jumps and my beak closes around the wire, and I pull, trying to fly away with it.
I kinda forgot it was attached to something, yeah. I fall back to the floor. Hard.
But I'm not letting go of this thread. Never. It's going with me even if it's the last thing that I do. So I pull harder.
It takes three exhausting hours, but after a new pull, the thread finally loosens, and I have it in my beak.
And I'm somehow rolling backwards, hitting some shoe that was on the floor. And the shoe kind of turns around, and the world goes very, very black, and way smaller.
Oh, crap. I'm totally trapped here.
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I'm wondering for the millionth time how long will it take for Kurt to come back, when I'm startled by the sound of the door opening. And even though I feel like chirping in relief, I am terribly scared. I don't know if I want Kurt to find me, he'll be so pissed that I left the cage. But I tried getting out of this shoe, and it has proven to be impossible. I can't stay here forever. I should chirp, and let Kurt know I'm here. But my beak makes no sound. I know it's because of my pride. I feel so stupid right now.
But I want to make something clear. The thread is still very firmly in my beak. Nothing will make me let go of it, not after all the trouble I went through to get it.
The sound of Kurt's steps going around the room lasts for only a few more minutes, and then they stop. I hold my breath.
"Oh my god…" he whispers, and I know. He must have seen the empty cage. For a few seconds, I don't hear anything, and then steps again, and sounds I can't even describe because of how frozen I am in place. I really should chirp. I have to. He'll scare himself thinking that I left for good! But I feel so dumb! And he'll get super angry at me. What if he doesn't want me anymore? What if he returns me to the big warbler cage? I don't want to go back! I know I used to say that being a Dalton Warbler was the worst thing that could happen to me, but I was wrong, ok? There, you made me say it! I was wrong, and I love Kurt, and I want him to love me back, and I don't want to go, and ohmygod I'm panicking. What does a heart attack feel like? I think I'm having one.
I don't quite know how much time went by, I was busy panicking, but I hear a knock at the door and Blaine's voice comes through the door, and the shoe, into my ears, and oh god, I didn't need for this to be even more embarrassing than it already is. Did we really need to add Blaine into this!
"Kurt, I got your text, what's going on?"
"Blaine…" Kurt says, in a steady voice. The one he uses when he's about to drop a bomb. Ohdeargod. Is he going to kick me out! Kurt, in front of Blaine? Don't do this to me!
"Yes?" Blaine prompts, when Kurt fails to continue, and then his voice adds, in a slightly amused tone "Why are we talking through the door? Can't I come in?"
"NO!" Kurt practically yells, too quickly to answer, and I don't really know what it means, but I pretty much got worked up over everything already, might as well get worked up over this too.
"Ok? What's wrong, Kurt?"
"What… What happens if you… this is all hypothetical, ok?" Kurt makes sure to clarify "Cause, I forgot what the Warbler Rulebook said about this fact"
"You actually read the Warbler Rulebook?" Blaine asks, skeptical. "Who does that? I think the only one that actually read it was Wes"
"Yes, well, I did, ok? But let's say… hypothetically, right? That one… lost the bird that was assigned to them," he finally says, so fast that it was almost one continual sound instead of actual words. "Do they kick you out of the Warblers or something? Do you get expelled?"
There's a long silence after that, and I hold my breath. By now I know that if Kurt is asking that, he's not as mad to me yet as I thought he might be, but I still keep silent, because I don't know if Kurt being worried about that is just a prelude to him being mad as hell. So I keep quiet, and wait for Blaine to reply.
But there's thirty seconds, and a minute, and there's only silence.
"Oh my god, they really do kick you out, don't they?" Kurt says in such a scared, sad and anguished voice that I start to panic for him. As if I need any more stress, really.
But then someone's laughing, and it sounds definitely like Blaine. My world is reduced to black right now, but I'm pretty sure I can imagine Kurt's confused face.
"Oh my god, Kurt, you lost Pavarotti!"
"I said it was hypothetical!" complains Kurt, but I know it's only halfheartedly because if he thinks his whole hypothetical excuse could have worked, he's dumber than I thought he was.
"Come on, Kurt, open the door"
"I don't want to. I don't want to leave this room until I know for sure the Warblers are not going to kick my derrière into oblivion for losing Pav. You have to promise me!"
"Do you really want me to go get Wes and ask him?"
The door opens not a second after Blaine says that.
"No, Wes scares me," Kurt says in a tiny voice, and Blaine laughs again.
"You and me both," he says, and I'm sure it did nothing to ease Kurt's worry because he changes into a reassuring tone "But don't worry, Kurt! I lost Domingo so many times, you have no idea. Pavarotti was always trying to get away from the cage, I'm actually surprised it took him this long"
"Well, excuse me for molting at inappropriate times!" I chirp, slightly offended by the implications that I am slow. Do you have any idea how exhausting molting is?
"Did you… hear that?" Kurt says, trying to be quiet. I realize my mistake too late.
"You didn't lose Pavarotti, Kurt, he just figured a way to open the door of the cage, and is somewhere in this room. He can't fly too far, the windows are closed, and his wings are trimmed, anyway"
"Yeah, about that… I kind of neglected the trimming. Don't look at me like that, Blaine! I felt awful every time I did it!"
"This is why I love you, Kurt," I say before I can help myself, and I curse mentally, because it was loud enough to make them know where I am. I hear the steps and soon enough, there's a blinding light invading my eyes. I brace myself for the worst. I tell myself to be strong. I can live without Kurt. Yeah, no big deal. He'll hate me, so what?
Oh god I can't! Please let me stay, please don't be mad, please love me still, please don't-
"Oh god, Pav! You scared me so much! I thought I lost you for good!" He whispers, and I feel his soft hands holding me and I'm moving upwards and I open my eyes.
The world is super bright, but Kurt's smile is brighter. I can't help but chirp back in happiness.
The world is awesome. Kurt won't get kicked out of the Warblers. Kurt doesn't hate me. He promised to let me out more often if I was good.
But most of all? I get to keep the blue thread.
I chirp success.
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AN: So, 'Comeback'. Anyone else is sad for the fact that we don't get to stare at Kurt while other characters do stuff in glee? Cause it's getting me really down. I want him back at New Directions with his crazy outfits, his snarky remarks, and his bitch!please stares. Badly. And oh god, the preview. I'm on vacations, I don't want time to fly, but damnit! I want it to be tuesday already! Ok, done ranting XD
Glee belongs to someone smarter than me.
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Of all the devices humans have created, I think I know which one I hate the most.
Cellphones piss me off.
Why do they have to vibrate? Isn't the sound enough to alert them? And why does Kurt insist on placing it on the table, always, and I tell you, always, next to my cage?
One of these days, I'm going to steal and destroy it. It looks heavy, but I know I'll manage. Somehow.
We're in Kurt's room right now, we just came from a warbler meeting. I love it when Kurt takes me there, because it's really fun to watch them. They are funny, they act all serious and the next thing you know they're dancing around and singing like a group of small kids. And he knows I get bored easily if you leave me in this room for too long. I think he suspects that me getting bored is not good, but boy, he doesn't quite know yet to what extent.
The phone is abandoned on the desk, and it just keeps buzzing, rattling my whole cage.
"Kurt, please! I can't reach the green icon from here, and I know the buzzing stops every time you press it, can you please do it already? My head is starting to ache!" I chirp, but if he can't hear the sound of the music coming out of his phone's speaker, I doubt he can hear my voice. He's been in the bathroom for almost an hour now. I've already gotten used to Kurt's timetable. He should be getting out of there soon enough.
Ah, blessed shaking earth, there he comes.
"How many times do we have to go through this, Kurt? Really," I complain, because, seriously. I've told him so many times not to leave that thing so close to the cage. With how smart he is, you'd think he had taken a hint by now.
He does something with the screen and leaves the thing back in the desk, next to my cage. Oh, for the love of…at least it stopped buzzing.
"Hey girl, I miss you," Kurt says aloud, walking towards his closet to start picking an outfit.
"I miss you too, boy. You have NO idea how much."
"OHMYGOD!" I panic, falling from my perch in what is sure to be a very unstylish way "It talks!" I chirp, confused. I know Kurt talks to the thing, and he must get some sort of answer, but I never thought it worked like this! Humans are so weird.
"Is that Pavarotti? He's a strange bird, Kurt. The other day, I could swear he was answering me"
"How can he answer you, Mercedes? He's a bird," says Kurt in his 'you're not making any sense' tone, but then he stops, and stares at me, frowning. "Although I could swear he understands sometimes"
"Of course I do, what do you take me for?" I complain. Kurt could be so clueless.
"See? He even sounds like he's sassing on you," she laughs, and I glare at the device, but I doubt it feels intimidated or anything. It just sort of… lies there. "Oh god, Kurt, I'm so messed up I'm even thinking a bird can understand," she says, and I feel insulted. Really. What do they take us birds for? We are SO smart "you should see the mess glee club has become!"
"Did Rachel start to try and make a list for regionals that will only feature her again?" he says, knowingly and with sympathy. I met this girl Rachel. All I say is, she is scary.
"No, I kinda wish it were that, you know? It would mean things were normal. You know how the football team is always on the boy's case for being in glee?" Kurt merely hums in acknowledgement while he starts dressing "Well, apparently, they lost the last game because Karofsky did something stupid in the game, and he mocked Finn about being in Glee" Kurt stops at the mention of that name, and there was this expression on his face. I can't yet understand it, but I do know something. Every time that Karofsky gets mentioned, Kurt does NOT look happy. I don't know what this guy did, but I don't like him. No one messes up with Kurt and gets away without receiving the full force of this irate bird. Nu-huh. "So Coach Beiste and Mr. Shue had the worst idea ever, and decided that the football team has to spend a week in Glee"
"What!" Kurt exclaims, so suddenly that my attempt at reaching the perch again got thwarted. Maybe it's safer to stay on the floor for now "Is everyone still alive?"
"Barely. You should have seen it. Puck and Rachel sang a duet-"
"I bet it was Rachel's idea to make Finn jealous," he mumbles, and the voice from the phone laughs.
"I think so too. Anyway, they sang that to show the jocks what we did at glee. And Azimio ruined everything by calling Puck a girl, and Puck almost hits him with the guitar"
"I can see that," he acknowledges, now focusing on picking a scarf. I kinda hope he goes with the blue and silver one, because I would love to steal a little thread from one of the tassels. I'm still pining for the duvet one. I so need to steal that... "So what happened?"
"Well, we almost killed each other. It's insane, Kurt. Everyone was so pissed off about having Karofsky there, because of what he did to you. Even Mr. Shue admitted Karofsky's homophobia. Rachel was this close to having a coronary."
Kurt is taking longer to reply than usual, and I couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking. I couldn't see his face, so I couldn't guess from his expression, and I doubt I could anyway. Sometimes, he just makes these faces that I can't comprehend. And I don't really understand half of what Mercedes is saying, anyway. But it doesn't sound good for this Karofsky guy. Wait until he meets me, Kurt. He'll regret ever messing with you. I can be very menacing, you know? I can peck at his fingers until he begs for mercy. I did that to Blaine once, it totally worked.
"So what do they think they can accomplish by having them there?"
"Coach Beiste expects them to act more like a team, I guess. And Mr. Shue hopes they will see, and I quote, 'how cool being in Glee club is'. He's so delusional, it kind of makes me feel sorry for him."
"But maybe he has a point. I mean, I doubt the football team will ever appreciate it, but being in
glee IS cool. I know it doesn't work like that at McKinley, but here, we're like… rock stars or something. Maybe they will leave you alone if it means not having to join in, I don't know"
"Oh, baby. You have been in Dalton for too long. Wishful thinking is all that is," Kurt just sighs, and picks a red scarf. Damn him. I can't make the red work as well as the blue.
"I know, I just wish I could do something. Tell me about any progress, ok? Bad or good."
"At this point, I think bad is more likely. I'll keep you updated. I have to go now, see you later, Kurt. Give your boyfriend my regards"
"He is not my… forget it" he says, apparently tired of explaining the same thing over and over again.
Wait, what! Are they talking about Blaine? Cause I can't come up with anyone else. Someone really needs to update me on these things, stat! I can't properly gossip without real information!
"Bye, Darling!"
The screen of the phone changes to the usual one, and the phone stops talking. Kurt finishes dressing up, and sits at the desk, staring at me, but I know he's lost in thought. I stare back, trying to guess what he's thinking. His old Glee Club sometimes makes him sad, and I don't want him to be like that.
"Cheer up. They'll probably be ok. Even though I have no idea what's going on," I offer, and he smiles at my chirping. I'm not sure if it's the words or just my presence, but I'm glad I make him smile, because it's so pretty.
Like shiny things.
______________________________________________________
It's that damn phone again. It's been buzzing like crazy these days. And it's never good news. Kurt closes the textbook, the one he's been pretending to read the whole afternoon, but I know better. He reads something on the screen and his eyes go so big, I'm kind of scared they will pop out of their sockets. He quickly does something with the screen and puts the device against his ear.
I hope there's nothing bad. Kurt is distracted enough as it is, and he still has to study. The door is wide open, and I see Blaine walking by, and stopping right at the door when he hears Kurt's words. I can't blame him, they startle me just as much.
"What the hell do you mean with 'goodbye', Britt! That text looked like you were about to commit suicide!"
Oh, this is no good. Blaine looks worried, but he doesn't want to interrupt Kurt. He probably would have gone by now, he's not the kind of guy to listen to someone else's conversations, but I bet that he rather stay to support Kurt in case things go… not so well.
"She's what! She can't fire you out of a cannon, Boo. That's too much, even for her. Are you sure you heard correctly? Or understood? What were her exact words?" He starts massaging the bridge of his nose, and I recognize that from the times when Kurt had to be extra patient, because he's not really good at the whole waiting thing. Blaine now just looks confused as hell, but he's still there, albeit unsure. He's probably thinking the same thing I am thinking.
What the feathery hell? Probably not as birdie, but you get the point.
I try to catch his gaze, but he only has eyes for Kurt. Domingo's words come to my mind. Totally smitten, alright.
"What? You quit glee? But, Britt, that stunt with the cannon is going to kill you!"
I think Blaine now is just more curious than anything else, because he comes in, something he would have never done without consent, and touches Kurt's shoulder, mouthing an 'is everything ok?' with a worried look, but Kurt just raises his hand, telling him to wait.
"Britt, Boo, cannons don't have feelings, they're inanimate objects," he pauses, and then rolls his eyes "inani… forget it. They just don't feel, ok? Coach Sylvester is lying to you. She just wants to win the competition. Don't let her do it. In fact, just leave her and go back to Glee, because, what the hell? She's awful to you. And Glee needs you girls more!" he waits, listening to the phone, and his face changes along with what he's hearing, and it's kind of hilarious.
"It's like watching a movie without sound, Kurt," I say, and Blaine looks briefly at me, frowning. What's with the frowns lately?
"It's Thriller, Britt! Do you have any idea how many body parts I would give to perform that song with you guys! Just, forget Cheerios, go back to glee, don't listen to Santana, and stay alive. Call me when you have news. Yeah. Ok. Bye, Boo"
"Boo?" Blaine asks, with a skeptic tone that I don't quite get. Kurt just sighs.
"Just a nickname. Can you believe how crazy my old school is? The cheerleader coach moved the date of the competition to the same day of the football championship game, just because she was not allowed to fire Britt out of a cannon, and now she's making them choose between doing the halftime with glee club and the football team, or the competition."
Blaine stares at him, and I never felt so in sync with him, because he voices the exact same thing that's on my mind.
"Is that really happening? Do people in your old school know the concept of logic?"
"Apparently, no. And the guys in the football team have to perform with the glee club at half time. You can imagine how excited they are about that. This whole thing is just crazy"
There's a contemplative pause after that, Blaine is probably still trying to figure it all out. I just decided long ago that it's easier to give up altogether. Humans are just too confusing for their own good, and humans at Kurt's old school are just insane. I've heard things that don't make sense at all. I just focus on the parts that I can sort of understand.
"Football is the thing that involves yellow posts, right?" I ask, because the color reminds me of my fellow warblers. I'm just trying to find some common, sane ground.
I get abysmally ignored.
_______________________________________________________
They've been rehearsing this number for a while now, and I must say, I like it. They all look so loose, compared to how they usually act. And I can see Kurt enjoys it, his shoulders look more relaxed than usual. But Blaine's cool entrance gets kind of old after the fifth time. Just saying.
"Ok, order," the guy that I now know as Wes says, while hitting that damn wooden thing like he's so fond of doing. But it seems to work like magic, because everyone drops the free attitude and go back to their stuck up selves. Except for Kurt, who still manages to look uncomfortable and amused at the same time. I can't help but smile at him. He's so unique, even among this sea of blue blazers "We're almost there. There's still a few things to polish, but we'll work them out tomorrow. Dismissed," he announces, with another- rather unnecessary, I must add- bang of his gavel, and the room slowly empties. Kurt puts his sheet back in his messenger bag, and takes out the phone. Blaine is just finishing talking with David something, when Kurt snorts. I wonder what he's reading.
"Is everything ok?" Blaine asks, and now we're alone in the room. It's nice when it's just the three of us. I wish Domingo was here, though. Maybe I could tell him about what I heard from Kurt, and ask him about Blaine. I can't still be sure if the boy likes Kurt back or not, but they do look rather smitten. Domingo is better at this than me, anyway. I'll ask him later.
"Artie just texted me. The football team got slushied. Karofsky was actually happy about the performance, imagine that," he says, looking briefly at Blaine, who just raises his eyebrows "but the slushie made him change his mind. Serves him well, now he knows how painful and humiliating and just cold it is"
"Who slushied them?"
"The hockey team, apparently, in their never-ending fight to see who rules the school." He says, putting the phone away and standing up. He gets a hold of my cage and tries to walk and not rattle the cage too much.
"But why would they slushie them?" Blaine asks, walking along with us through the corridors of Dalton. I've heard the term slushie so many times that by know I kind of understand what it is about. Some sort of territory skirmish ritual to establish the alpha male. Or something.
"Are you kidding me? I was surprised they didn't do it before. The football team has to dance and sing, it's like painting a bulls eye in their necks. It's just a perfect opportunity for the Hockey team to get revenge."
"I just don't get what the big deal is. It's just a song, and it's Thriller, it's an awesome, pop anthem kind of song. It's Michael Jackson, you don't get cooler than that"
"The big deal is, Blaine, that McKinley is not Dalton," Kurt explains, and I have to secretly laugh at their interactions. Kurt always seems more down to earth than Blaine does, but it's times like these when it's really noticeable. They make such a good team. "And down there in Lima, anything that has to do with singing and dancing is labeled as gay. Hell, anything that has to do with having a personality and an opinion is either gay or loser, or freak. If you step outside the box, you're doomed. And the football team got slushied because they dared, albeit unwillingly, to step outside their perfectly caged world of being a jock." Kurt looks at Blaine, who seems to be deep in thought now, and asks "Was it not like that at your old school?"
"Yeah, sort of," he says, but there's something else bothering him, I think, because he's frowning, and Blaine doesn't frown very often. He always has some smile to offer from his wide catalog of winning smiles. "So what did they do after the slushie attack?"
"I don't know, but I doubt they'll go through with the performance if they got slushied. I mean I just can't imagine them doing it in the first place. But if they don't do it, I don't know what Coach Beiste is going to say, because it sounded like she was really excited about it, and she can be really scary"
"I gotta tell you, Kurt, this whole thing is crazy. Your old school sounds very insane," says Blaine, and I have to agree on that. I can see Kurt's room door now, and I'm kind of glad, because Kurt was getting worked up by the conversation and totally forgot to keep the cage steady. The floor is completely wet and my water container almost empty by now.
"I know, but it seems like this week is so much worse than normal. Either that, or now that I'm away from it, I can truly appreciate the sheer insanity that McKinley is."
"I'll say second choice," Laughs Blaine, but Kurt is distracted by a sound that I now know very, very well. That damn phone.
"See? Mercedes texts me saying she needs a small taste of sanity and asks me for coffee today," Blaine nods with a knowing humming.
"You know the world is definitely wrong when someone comes to Kurt Hummel for sanity"
Kurt stops at our room, and he puts the phone away, spilling even more water into my cage floor. Thanks, Kurt.
"I know. That's why she requests for you to be there," he says, giving Blaine one of those looks that I find terribly endearing. It's like he's trying to sound super smart, but with something else hidden behind it.
Too bad he closes the door before I can actually see what Blaine looks like after that.
___________________________________________________________
"Oh my god, Kurt, how hard is it to understand! Keep that thing AWAY!" I chirp, and sorry if I sound so annoyingly loud, but seriously! How hard is it to understand? Every time the phone vibrates, It shakes the whole structure of the cage! Do they really need for the phone to shake so much in order to get their attention? Wouldn't it be better to work at improving their attentiveness instead of just making louder, more obnoxious devices!
"Game on?" Kurt questions out loud, and it sounds weird because, for the last hour or so, we've been in the commons, studying with Blaine, and no one had made a sound. I haven't seen Kurt so focused in days. But of course his phone had to go and ruin that. I seriously hope you pass the test, Kurt.
"Who sent that?" Blaine asks, looking up from his book.
"Mercedes. But I don't quite…" then a realization seems to hit him, because his eyes get bigger. Oh, I never actually noticed they were kind of green too… Did I? "Oh, she means they're playing!"
"How? The guys got back?"
"I seriously doubt it," he snorts, and writes on his phone quickly, getting a reply just as fast. Those things sure are obnoxious, but they do seem pretty useful. "Oh my god, Blaine. I'm going to kill you"
"Um, why?" he asks. I kinda love how he doesn't question Kurt, just wonders about the reason. He totally loves him. As soon as I catch up with Domingo, I'm confirming it. But he has to. He must. He definitely does. I'm getting so damn good at this human emotion thing!
"Because you planted the seed of an awful idea in the very fertile minds of Rachel Berry and Mercedes Jones. The girls are joining the team!"
"As in the football team? I never… I just figured… Is that even legal?"
"Did it ever matter?" I ask, because nothing I hear from Kurt's old school sounds legal. I mean, I don't know many human rules, but firing a girl out of a cannon doesn't sound very legal to me.
"Apparently, because Coach accepted it. They say they're not going to really play, just lie on the ground. If anyone gets killed, I'm holding you responsible, Anderson"
"Then I guess I'll have to go and make sure you don't thwart the facts," he says, but he looks rather happy about it. Kurt stares at Blaine, suddenly serious, and I feel like the mood change, because Kurt looks worried.
"I'm not going, neither will you. Karofsky is off the team, he'll be lurking around"
"He won't be able to get close to you, your dad will be there, right?"
Kurt stares at Blaine like he is being particularly dense, and I must say, I gave that look at Blaine too. Because he is rather dense when he wants to.
"He didn't take it well when you confronted him. Maybe I have to go, because the girls would kill me if I missed it. But you're staying here. There's no way you're going near Karofsky again."
"You're worried about me?"
"Oh my god, Blaine, how dense can you get?" I chirp, which earns me a weird look from both of them. What?
"Look, Kurt. I really want to watch the game. The girls are playing, and New Directions is doing Thriller. I say it's time to pay back for you spying on the Warblers," He jokes, and I can see Kurt already give in to Blaine's reasoning. But he still tries to look tough.
"Fine," Kurt finally says, with that snappy tone I love so much "But you're not allowed to wander on your own. You stick close to my dad, or you don't go at all."
Blaine smiles, and I have no problem finding which smile it is on his catalog. It's the 'you just made me really happy' smile.
"Deal"
_______________________________________________________________
They left an hour ago. I think it's safe to say they're gone for good. Or at least for a very long time, because I heard a football game can go for hours.
I think it's time for me to finally do it. I have my strength back, I am alone. No time like today.
I slyly hop to the floor of my cage, and look around. The place is safe. Let's do this.
It's easier than I thought. The latch goes up with just a small push of my beak. I sneak my beak between the small slit of the door and the floor, and push up, and dive for the outside of the cage.
I kinda forgot the cage was at the edge of the desk, though.
The fall isn't pretty. I try to open my wings in time, but by the time I manage to fully unfold them, I'm already on the carpeted floor of Kurt's room.
Did I mention I can't really fly? We warblers get our wings trimmed once we get a human to take care of us. Kurt has been neglecting the trimming, so I can glide, and just fly a bit.
But the desk is like, super high.
But the blue thread is right in front of me, so can you really blame me if I forget about how to get back to my cage? Cause there's this REALLY AWESOME BLUE THREAD just there, hanging, waiting for me.
I hop to the bed in small jumps and my beak closes around the wire, and I pull, trying to fly away with it.
I kinda forgot it was attached to something, yeah. I fall back to the floor. Hard.
But I'm not letting go of this thread. Never. It's going with me even if it's the last thing that I do. So I pull harder.
It takes three exhausting hours, but after a new pull, the thread finally loosens, and I have it in my beak.
And I'm somehow rolling backwards, hitting some shoe that was on the floor. And the shoe kind of turns around, and the world goes very, very black, and way smaller.
Oh, crap. I'm totally trapped here.
_____________________________________________________________
I'm wondering for the millionth time how long will it take for Kurt to come back, when I'm startled by the sound of the door opening. And even though I feel like chirping in relief, I am terribly scared. I don't know if I want Kurt to find me, he'll be so pissed that I left the cage. But I tried getting out of this shoe, and it has proven to be impossible. I can't stay here forever. I should chirp, and let Kurt know I'm here. But my beak makes no sound. I know it's because of my pride. I feel so stupid right now.
But I want to make something clear. The thread is still very firmly in my beak. Nothing will make me let go of it, not after all the trouble I went through to get it.
The sound of Kurt's steps going around the room lasts for only a few more minutes, and then they stop. I hold my breath.
"Oh my god…" he whispers, and I know. He must have seen the empty cage. For a few seconds, I don't hear anything, and then steps again, and sounds I can't even describe because of how frozen I am in place. I really should chirp. I have to. He'll scare himself thinking that I left for good! But I feel so dumb! And he'll get super angry at me. What if he doesn't want me anymore? What if he returns me to the big warbler cage? I don't want to go back! I know I used to say that being a Dalton Warbler was the worst thing that could happen to me, but I was wrong, ok? There, you made me say it! I was wrong, and I love Kurt, and I want him to love me back, and I don't want to go, and ohmygod I'm panicking. What does a heart attack feel like? I think I'm having one.
I don't quite know how much time went by, I was busy panicking, but I hear a knock at the door and Blaine's voice comes through the door, and the shoe, into my ears, and oh god, I didn't need for this to be even more embarrassing than it already is. Did we really need to add Blaine into this!
"Kurt, I got your text, what's going on?"
"Blaine…" Kurt says, in a steady voice. The one he uses when he's about to drop a bomb. Ohdeargod. Is he going to kick me out! Kurt, in front of Blaine? Don't do this to me!
"Yes?" Blaine prompts, when Kurt fails to continue, and then his voice adds, in a slightly amused tone "Why are we talking through the door? Can't I come in?"
"NO!" Kurt practically yells, too quickly to answer, and I don't really know what it means, but I pretty much got worked up over everything already, might as well get worked up over this too.
"Ok? What's wrong, Kurt?"
"What… What happens if you… this is all hypothetical, ok?" Kurt makes sure to clarify "Cause, I forgot what the Warbler Rulebook said about this fact"
"You actually read the Warbler Rulebook?" Blaine asks, skeptical. "Who does that? I think the only one that actually read it was Wes"
"Yes, well, I did, ok? But let's say… hypothetically, right? That one… lost the bird that was assigned to them," he finally says, so fast that it was almost one continual sound instead of actual words. "Do they kick you out of the Warblers or something? Do you get expelled?"
There's a long silence after that, and I hold my breath. By now I know that if Kurt is asking that, he's not as mad to me yet as I thought he might be, but I still keep silent, because I don't know if Kurt being worried about that is just a prelude to him being mad as hell. So I keep quiet, and wait for Blaine to reply.
But there's thirty seconds, and a minute, and there's only silence.
"Oh my god, they really do kick you out, don't they?" Kurt says in such a scared, sad and anguished voice that I start to panic for him. As if I need any more stress, really.
But then someone's laughing, and it sounds definitely like Blaine. My world is reduced to black right now, but I'm pretty sure I can imagine Kurt's confused face.
"Oh my god, Kurt, you lost Pavarotti!"
"I said it was hypothetical!" complains Kurt, but I know it's only halfheartedly because if he thinks his whole hypothetical excuse could have worked, he's dumber than I thought he was.
"Come on, Kurt, open the door"
"I don't want to. I don't want to leave this room until I know for sure the Warblers are not going to kick my derrière into oblivion for losing Pav. You have to promise me!"
"Do you really want me to go get Wes and ask him?"
The door opens not a second after Blaine says that.
"No, Wes scares me," Kurt says in a tiny voice, and Blaine laughs again.
"You and me both," he says, and I'm sure it did nothing to ease Kurt's worry because he changes into a reassuring tone "But don't worry, Kurt! I lost Domingo so many times, you have no idea. Pavarotti was always trying to get away from the cage, I'm actually surprised it took him this long"
"Well, excuse me for molting at inappropriate times!" I chirp, slightly offended by the implications that I am slow. Do you have any idea how exhausting molting is?
"Did you… hear that?" Kurt says, trying to be quiet. I realize my mistake too late.
"You didn't lose Pavarotti, Kurt, he just figured a way to open the door of the cage, and is somewhere in this room. He can't fly too far, the windows are closed, and his wings are trimmed, anyway"
"Yeah, about that… I kind of neglected the trimming. Don't look at me like that, Blaine! I felt awful every time I did it!"
"This is why I love you, Kurt," I say before I can help myself, and I curse mentally, because it was loud enough to make them know where I am. I hear the steps and soon enough, there's a blinding light invading my eyes. I brace myself for the worst. I tell myself to be strong. I can live without Kurt. Yeah, no big deal. He'll hate me, so what?
Oh god I can't! Please let me stay, please don't be mad, please love me still, please don't-
"Oh god, Pav! You scared me so much! I thought I lost you for good!" He whispers, and I feel his soft hands holding me and I'm moving upwards and I open my eyes.
The world is super bright, but Kurt's smile is brighter. I can't help but chirp back in happiness.
The world is awesome. Kurt won't get kicked out of the Warblers. Kurt doesn't hate me. He promised to let me out more often if I was good.
But most of all? I get to keep the blue thread.
I chirp success.
________________________________________________________________
AN: So, 'Comeback'. Anyone else is sad for the fact that we don't get to stare at Kurt while other characters do stuff in glee? Cause it's getting me really down. I want him back at New Directions with his crazy outfits, his snarky remarks, and his bitch!please stares. Badly. And oh god, the preview. I'm on vacations, I don't want time to fly, but damnit! I want it to be tuesday already! Ok, done ranting XD