(no subject)
Nothing much has been going on in my life. I'm really cold right now and tired. I have softball on Mondays and Wednesdays. Starting Monday I have driver's ed for the next two weeks. I'm gonna try to get out of the house this weekend. I'm trying really hard to surround myself with positive things. Sometimes I just still feel trapped inside. I'd give anything to just have control of my own body. My own life. When I turn eighteen, I'm moving out and going up near Cedarville. I'm getting my belly button, tongue, and lip pierced. I might get my eyebrow pierced too. I don't know yet. But if I move in with my dad this summer I'm piercing my own belly button because I mean seriously, just doing that much will make me feel a lot better about myself. I got put on birth control Friday for my cramps (haha yea, I know, Felecia on birth control pills sounds funny. I found out I'm not really even 4'10" I'm actually 4'9" without shoes. So that just made me feel a lot better about myself. I have to wear my uniform to school all day every day now. Two girls from class have been forced out or quit. I have competitions soon. Prom is in March. I need to find a dress for that. Jordyn probably can't go. Sean said he might go with me just as friends. I'm realizing that I'll never amount to anything in life. I still haven't gotten my PSAT results and it really upsets me. Mrs. Rovai hasn't emailed me back yet. Which is also making me mad. What is she too afraid of admitting she was wrong? I still haven't sent in my article for the Middletonian. I need some quotes for that, I have to remember to get those. Um we have a bake sale next week. Fun fun. Valentine's Day is coming up. Right now I just feel trapped. Like all of this stuff is happening around me and I have no control whatsoever. Jeanne made the comment today "These are the best years of our lives." Heh. I wish it was. I don't do anything. I'm not allowed to leave the house. I think the last time I had a really fun time was with Adrian a few weeks ago. All day long I'm ok, it's like nothing bothers me. Then I come home and it's just downhill. I don't know anymore. This past weekend I went to Rhiannon's party and Tara's party. They were pretty good. I danced a little at Tara's. I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to be here. Ergh.