(no subject)
I find myself wondering what happened to the girl that I used to be, I don't really know that she exists anymore, or if she does, she is somewhere deep in hiding. The girl that was an extreme optimist. Who hardly ever doubted the way things were and who knew that everything was going to work out eventually. I'm so unsure. I forget so much. My patience is limited. I'm still surviving and I'm still happy, I just don't feel like I'm as happy as I once was. And maybe it's just one of those things... like most girl's opinions of their own bodies. I look back at photos from a few years ago and think, man, I was really in shape then, I wish I could look like that now... and yet I know that even at that time when I was in shape I still wasn't satisfied with how I looked. Looking back things seem sweeter. I guess it's because mostly you try to remember only the good and forget the bad.
I'm scared that I'll never figure out where I really want to go in life. I don't just want to pick the lesser of the evils, I want something extraordinaryly good. I'm lonely. There is no one. There are no feelings. I'm beginning to think that what I've been holding onto should be let go. Apparently, I've always been portrayed as taken. And maybe I have been. And somehow or another, that needs to change.
I want to paint my own universe...
I'm scared that I'll never figure out where I really want to go in life. I don't just want to pick the lesser of the evils, I want something extraordinaryly good. I'm lonely. There is no one. There are no feelings. I'm beginning to think that what I've been holding onto should be let go. Apparently, I've always been portrayed as taken. And maybe I have been. And somehow or another, that needs to change.
I want to paint my own universe...