(no subject)
so these past few days have been pretty hard..i honestly didnt think i would take it this hard and to think it hasnt even sunk in yet..it just seems like one big nightmare. yesterday musta been one of THE hardest days of my life. I walk into school and it wasnt that bad and then Cydne gave me a hug and asked if i was ok...man-oh-man i lost it after that...and then i run into jezica and dre and i lost it totally. well we were walkin rond (me dre jezica and mandy) and just talkin bout Lauren and stuff then we go to class and we were sittin there and our teacher walked in and she was soooo sad and she dint even have lauren in her classes! but she started ballin and i was sittin there cryin and then they made the announcement ..that did it in for me. i just couldnt hold it in...that class was hard cuz some people were just askin what happened and who she was and all this and i answered a lot of people cuz i was one of the only people who knew her. and then 2nd period wouldn't have been so bad if i hadnt walked in and saw Tiben sittin at his desk cryin. then kenny and alex were real nice and carlos asked me what was wrong and i coudlnt handle it..there i go again cryin. then brandon was being a complete jerk about it (although today he saw a picture of her and he wasnt so bad). 3rd period me n mandee n jezica n hannah went to the library and we stayed there through 4th too just talkin to this one coulselour about her and all our memories of her...it was real nice..then me n mandee gave ourselves headaches from holdin in the tears and then cryin sooo much and then holdin them in some more..but i swear i thought i was out of tears but during volleyball we had a sub so me n mandee were jsut sittin there and then mark and issac and nathan were there for open gym b-ball and mark came in and said hi to me and i was like hi..all quiet and i started cryin again so i had to go to the bathroom right there..i dont even know why i started cryin just then but i did.. but ugh people make me soo angry with how they make it into a joke and just mess around and wonder what kind of gun it was....it mostly pains me to know that there are that insensitive people out there. some of the things these people said made me cry! gawsh! it was harrible! and today....well today wasnt so bad ..it was still hard a lot cuz people were still talkin about her and wondering what happened and how she was and all that. but i had to go to the doc at lunch i got an x-ray..they said its not broken but to wear an ankle brace all the time and i cant do volleyball for 4 to 6 weeks. booo thats gay.. but my rents are gona make me do the city league volleyball ...but not at school cuz they are paying for city league or something liek that....when really im not supposed to do any of it! but hey whatever if i end up breaking it its their fault not not really but still. ok well after that mandee kial and jezica came over and we made AWSOME shirts to wear tomorrow in memory of Lauren. They're baby blue and jsut have stuff on it that she liked its really cute. and last night me n my mom wanted to make buttons for her friends n family and we designed one and my mom took it to some place to get made oh my gawsh they are gorgeus.im gona give some out tomorrow... Tomorrow is the viewing and Thursday is the funeral. imm goin tomorrow with kial and mandee and then some people might come with me to to the funeral. well im off....later days...