(no subject)
I guess it’s a good thing that we arent together because this way we have th opportunity to get to know each other and build a solid friendship..maybe even best friends, but what if that’s all it ever amounts to? Mayb that means its not meant to be but something is telling me to hold on…something is telling me that maybe we are meant to be
And I know its to early to talk like that but idk..i never believed in love at first sight but why not? Whos to say what love is or is not and who makes the rule deciding how long someone has to be together to fall in love? Love means different things for different people. I am a firm believer that a successful marriage is always between best friends, and im not jumpin into the marriage thing with mark, but what I always wanted was the serious guy throughout h.s. and college, or at least college, who I marry when I graduate..before law school..im gonna be 22 when I graduate. I want to have babies and a beautiful house on the beach! I want to wake up next to THAT PERSON who I know im going to spend eternity with…and I prayed for 2 signs, and they both came within seconds
…it makes me hold onto the hope of me and mark and I don’t know if that’s right or wrong, but that’s all I got at this point
Im scared!!!! Im so scared to get hurt im scared marks gonna hurt me like Patrick did. Hes gonna go fuck other girls and hes gonna use me as his “good girl” I hope its not like that. I hope he cares about me enough to not hurt me!!! And I know he doenst want to hurt me but he might accidentally and what do I do then? God im so paranoid. Im bored right now
I made mark a really nice collage with a pic and the 3 4-leaf clovers I found for him today, one has 4 heart-shaped leaves. Its my favorite one…I feel like im always missing sthg…when I was with Patrick I felt like sthg was missing, when I wasn’t with him I missed him, then when I found mark I was soo happy til he broke up w me, now im constantly missin him. Idk why im so stuck on this kid!!! It drives me nuts. Im not the type to do this. I keep my heart so protected cuz im so scared of getting hurt again and as soon as I let him in this happens…
….so now onto my weekend: Friday I fell asleep and ended up just staying in.. Saturday I woke up early cuz I slept from like 7 -11 Friday night then ended up just staying in bed… so Saturday I went tanning then went to see mark Johnson at work on my way to wallyworld. I went to get Dunkin some tennis balls, and laying on the floor in front of the balls were a pair of cuffs,.so I thot it would be funny to put them on marks car, and his friend found it….along with a scandalous pic! Hahaha oh man…so Saturday I was bored and went over mikes for the afternoon but he and mark were working on the bike so they went off and I went home. Then I read kylers away msg and it said getting ready for a party w mike and mark…idk if it was her friends or marks or mikes or what.. but I told mark to call if anything was going on (If they weren’t working on the bikes) so I got mad, and called him but he didn’t answer. So I ended up in barrington w Justin just watching movies and drinkin, smoking a lil…didn’t get high tho =(..shitty ass RI weed..nuccas..but the whole time I was upset about mark .. I know he wasn’t obligated to call but I just thot he might wanna spend time w me, esp after thurs night…
so Sunday when I went home I actually called kyler to see if she was coming over with mike and mark later Sunday night, mike stupidly didn’t tell her about it so I called mike to kill him verbally, and he mentioned the drive-in, so we ended up doing that instead..and it turned out they ditched kyler too which was gay of them ,but mark ended up not being a liar afterall…idk why im so paranoid! Grr..(wow im putting details in here this time)
so we ended up at the menden drive in and we saw Madagascar and KICKING AND SCREAMING..both funny … mark was getting all close and cuddly and he kissed me .. HE kissed mE,.. it was funny that we smoked right in the car with a buncha kids there, scandalous! So the movies went well then he slept over my house.. and I gave in, and we had our night…twice…it was great lol, but I know It meant more to me, so I asked what we were, etc… and he basically said exclusive friends w benefits…im not sure I can handle that. Idk what to do
anyway, he hadda go home early today so I dropped him off cuz he had yardwork to do, and he ended up chillen w kyler and Michael but I called and mike said he was outside doin work…so idk if that was true or not …but whatever if he wants to chill hell call…right now im getting some nice restricted calls..who does that?
So today I found the four leaf clovers and put them in a memory book page for him with a note and a pic of us on the beach. I hope he likes it..the note says “keep these four-leaf clovers for good luck. All my good luck came the night we ended up cuddling for warmth in that musty room that would have been a prison had you not been there for me to fall for…its funny how things happen, really. You know, I always dreamed of that perfect, cliché introduction in an oh-so romantic way that would make for a Hollywood movie. Then I met you (and actually spoke) - your dark smile screaming KISS ME and those deep eyes paralyzing my thoughts. Ending up in that freezing room with nothing but a bed skirt and you to keep me warm showed me what a perfect introduction truly is. And every time ive whispered ‘I hate you’ I think you know what ive really meant..<3”
I could go on for days about the things I love and hate bout him, but I even love the things I hate…I accept him for him. Hes not a project to me…………….i loved that!
I just called him to see if maybe he was calling my cell, and he didn’t answer. I hope he didn’t screen my call, but that’s just my paranoia I believe…..i hope =/ grr..anyway I gotta shower and then practice hackysacking then more mem book….goodbye..
Ps-bermuda in 6 days! <3me
Good songs: thanks youre the best - the starting line; when im with you - simple plan; konstantine - something corporate…this song reminds me of mark times 1 billion
And I know its to early to talk like that but idk..i never believed in love at first sight but why not? Whos to say what love is or is not and who makes the rule deciding how long someone has to be together to fall in love? Love means different things for different people. I am a firm believer that a successful marriage is always between best friends, and im not jumpin into the marriage thing with mark, but what I always wanted was the serious guy throughout h.s. and college, or at least college, who I marry when I graduate..before law school..im gonna be 22 when I graduate. I want to have babies and a beautiful house on the beach! I want to wake up next to THAT PERSON who I know im going to spend eternity with…and I prayed for 2 signs, and they both came within seconds
…it makes me hold onto the hope of me and mark and I don’t know if that’s right or wrong, but that’s all I got at this point
Im scared!!!! Im so scared to get hurt im scared marks gonna hurt me like Patrick did. Hes gonna go fuck other girls and hes gonna use me as his “good girl” I hope its not like that. I hope he cares about me enough to not hurt me!!! And I know he doenst want to hurt me but he might accidentally and what do I do then? God im so paranoid. Im bored right now
I made mark a really nice collage with a pic and the 3 4-leaf clovers I found for him today, one has 4 heart-shaped leaves. Its my favorite one…I feel like im always missing sthg…when I was with Patrick I felt like sthg was missing, when I wasn’t with him I missed him, then when I found mark I was soo happy til he broke up w me, now im constantly missin him. Idk why im so stuck on this kid!!! It drives me nuts. Im not the type to do this. I keep my heart so protected cuz im so scared of getting hurt again and as soon as I let him in this happens…
….so now onto my weekend: Friday I fell asleep and ended up just staying in.. Saturday I woke up early cuz I slept from like 7 -11 Friday night then ended up just staying in bed… so Saturday I went tanning then went to see mark Johnson at work on my way to wallyworld. I went to get Dunkin some tennis balls, and laying on the floor in front of the balls were a pair of cuffs,.so I thot it would be funny to put them on marks car, and his friend found it….along with a scandalous pic! Hahaha oh man…so Saturday I was bored and went over mikes for the afternoon but he and mark were working on the bike so they went off and I went home. Then I read kylers away msg and it said getting ready for a party w mike and mark…idk if it was her friends or marks or mikes or what.. but I told mark to call if anything was going on (If they weren’t working on the bikes) so I got mad, and called him but he didn’t answer. So I ended up in barrington w Justin just watching movies and drinkin, smoking a lil…didn’t get high tho =(..shitty ass RI weed..nuccas..but the whole time I was upset about mark .. I know he wasn’t obligated to call but I just thot he might wanna spend time w me, esp after thurs night…
so Sunday when I went home I actually called kyler to see if she was coming over with mike and mark later Sunday night, mike stupidly didn’t tell her about it so I called mike to kill him verbally, and he mentioned the drive-in, so we ended up doing that instead..and it turned out they ditched kyler too which was gay of them ,but mark ended up not being a liar afterall…idk why im so paranoid! Grr..(wow im putting details in here this time)
so we ended up at the menden drive in and we saw Madagascar and KICKING AND SCREAMING..both funny … mark was getting all close and cuddly and he kissed me .. HE kissed mE,.. it was funny that we smoked right in the car with a buncha kids there, scandalous! So the movies went well then he slept over my house.. and I gave in, and we had our night…twice…it was great lol, but I know It meant more to me, so I asked what we were, etc… and he basically said exclusive friends w benefits…im not sure I can handle that. Idk what to do
anyway, he hadda go home early today so I dropped him off cuz he had yardwork to do, and he ended up chillen w kyler and Michael but I called and mike said he was outside doin work…so idk if that was true or not …but whatever if he wants to chill hell call…right now im getting some nice restricted calls..who does that?
So today I found the four leaf clovers and put them in a memory book page for him with a note and a pic of us on the beach. I hope he likes it..the note says “keep these four-leaf clovers for good luck. All my good luck came the night we ended up cuddling for warmth in that musty room that would have been a prison had you not been there for me to fall for…its funny how things happen, really. You know, I always dreamed of that perfect, cliché introduction in an oh-so romantic way that would make for a Hollywood movie. Then I met you (and actually spoke) - your dark smile screaming KISS ME and those deep eyes paralyzing my thoughts. Ending up in that freezing room with nothing but a bed skirt and you to keep me warm showed me what a perfect introduction truly is. And every time ive whispered ‘I hate you’ I think you know what ive really meant..<3”
I could go on for days about the things I love and hate bout him, but I even love the things I hate…I accept him for him. Hes not a project to me…………….i loved that!
I just called him to see if maybe he was calling my cell, and he didn’t answer. I hope he didn’t screen my call, but that’s just my paranoia I believe…..i hope =/ grr..anyway I gotta shower and then practice hackysacking then more mem book….goodbye..
Ps-bermuda in 6 days! <3me
Good songs: thanks youre the best - the starting line; when im with you - simple plan; konstantine - something corporate…this song reminds me of mark times 1 billion