2 in a row.. oh my goodness
well nicole just commented on a couple of my entries about my friend abby's death. and i know bonnie commented to at least one also so they are kind of some indirect inspiration for this post..
i was thinking about abby the other day. her parents contacted one of our friends about pictures from her memorial service. i don't think i had mentioned this but at the memorial service they had for her here they sprinkled some of her ashes on the softball field at leitch park (behind waterworks) and when they were done the ashes had formed a heart in the dirt... and then we looked up in the sky there was a cloud in the shape of a heart... if any of you have my myspace i have pictures of them on there.. well anyway her parents did another memorial service for her. i don't know if it was here also or if it was in minnesota where they were having her ashes buried, but they said that at the time they also noticed a heart shaped cloud... weird.
anyway, i haven't been getting randomly sad about what happened and such so i guess that's good right? some things still remind me of her but i know that is something that will probably always happen. however there are still times that i will think about her and i will think that i will just see her in a couple days at work... like i still find it pretty unbelieveable that she is gone. but i think that is kind of a problem that i have.
and i've found that i still think stuff like that about my dad. friday will be 6 years that he's been gone and there are still times that i think ya know it was just a bad dream and if i wanted to i could call him or i could just go to my grandma's and he will be there i really think it's kind of a problem.. i mean it's not something that effects my everyday life but it just doesn't seem natural to me... i mean seriously, it's been almost 6 years, why have i not allowed myself to fully come to terms with it? i don't know. maybe i'm just putting too much thought into it. it's not like it's something that i think about on a daily basis.. just whenever something reminds me of him.
but oh my goodness... i said one time that i am really big on signs, or sometimes i read too much into things or whatever... so anyway, before my dad died he would always hang out at the bar at famous daves and for a few years after he died i refused to go in there at all. well now i work there ya know and there is always this man there that sits at the bar during the lunch shift and he is almost the spitting image of my dad. days that i see him in there i just can't help but stand there and stare at him. and for a brief moment i just get lost in myself.. i don't like it. i want to find out what his name is but i'm almost scared to ask. i'm pretty much terrified that he will say his name is dennis or even james (that was my dad's middle name)
i think i need to get away for a little while... go somewhere by myself and have absolutely no contact with anyone at all until i'm ready to come home.. i wonder if that would even help... maybe i'm just crazy. i guess that's possible
i was thinking about abby the other day. her parents contacted one of our friends about pictures from her memorial service. i don't think i had mentioned this but at the memorial service they had for her here they sprinkled some of her ashes on the softball field at leitch park (behind waterworks) and when they were done the ashes had formed a heart in the dirt... and then we looked up in the sky there was a cloud in the shape of a heart... if any of you have my myspace i have pictures of them on there.. well anyway her parents did another memorial service for her. i don't know if it was here also or if it was in minnesota where they were having her ashes buried, but they said that at the time they also noticed a heart shaped cloud... weird.
anyway, i haven't been getting randomly sad about what happened and such so i guess that's good right? some things still remind me of her but i know that is something that will probably always happen. however there are still times that i will think about her and i will think that i will just see her in a couple days at work... like i still find it pretty unbelieveable that she is gone. but i think that is kind of a problem that i have.
and i've found that i still think stuff like that about my dad. friday will be 6 years that he's been gone and there are still times that i think ya know it was just a bad dream and if i wanted to i could call him or i could just go to my grandma's and he will be there i really think it's kind of a problem.. i mean it's not something that effects my everyday life but it just doesn't seem natural to me... i mean seriously, it's been almost 6 years, why have i not allowed myself to fully come to terms with it? i don't know. maybe i'm just putting too much thought into it. it's not like it's something that i think about on a daily basis.. just whenever something reminds me of him.
but oh my goodness... i said one time that i am really big on signs, or sometimes i read too much into things or whatever... so anyway, before my dad died he would always hang out at the bar at famous daves and for a few years after he died i refused to go in there at all. well now i work there ya know and there is always this man there that sits at the bar during the lunch shift and he is almost the spitting image of my dad. days that i see him in there i just can't help but stand there and stare at him. and for a brief moment i just get lost in myself.. i don't like it. i want to find out what his name is but i'm almost scared to ask. i'm pretty much terrified that he will say his name is dennis or even james (that was my dad's middle name)
i think i need to get away for a little while... go somewhere by myself and have absolutely no contact with anyone at all until i'm ready to come home.. i wonder if that would even help... maybe i'm just crazy. i guess that's possible