(no subject)
ok. so i'll admit that in almost 20 years of being alive i've done some things that i'm not too proud of. there are more than a few things in my past that i wish i could just erase but that's not possible. i have this quote saved as one of my away messages and part of it says "...never regret anything that once made you smile." well there are a couple things that used to make me smile a lot and i can't help but regret them. erin said that you should never regret anything you've done because everything from your past makes you who you are today. i believe that 100% but i still can't help but regret things that make me less than proud of myself.
one thing that i do take pride in is that i don't lie. now i'm not saying that i don't have the occasional little white lie that won't hurt anyone... like not telling my mom that i'm home one weekend. or neglecting to say how hard i haven't been trying in school. really those are little things that don't effect anyone but me. but really. i take pride in the fact that i've grown out of the habit of lying all the time. and really now it's more like i'm honest to a fault. i can't keep a secret. not even my own secrets. i pretty much tell everything that there is to tell. and in the recent past i've pissed some people off by repeating things that i really shouldn't have.
there are 2 things that i hate more than anything else in the world. i hate being ignored and i hate being called a liar.
well a little bit ago i was on the phone and i spent about an hour sitting there being called a liar. ok sorry.. i apparently am a "lying bitch", well that's news to me. bitch i can deal with. yes i am a bitch, very frequently actually, but please don't call me a liar.
well, now due to the apparent fact that anything that comes out of my mouth is a flat out lie, i have a feeling i'm gonna be ignored for a while. i really, really hope that i'm wrong because i'm not sure if i'm gonna be able to deal with that. especially once i'm home. i mean i guess i'll get over it if that is the case but to say that it will hurt will be a great understatement.
i need to go to sleep but after laying there tossing and turning for 2 hours i doubt sleep is gonna happen anytime soon... so here i am left alone with my own thoughts. i think that's the most dangerous thing for me.
one thing that i do take pride in is that i don't lie. now i'm not saying that i don't have the occasional little white lie that won't hurt anyone... like not telling my mom that i'm home one weekend. or neglecting to say how hard i haven't been trying in school. really those are little things that don't effect anyone but me. but really. i take pride in the fact that i've grown out of the habit of lying all the time. and really now it's more like i'm honest to a fault. i can't keep a secret. not even my own secrets. i pretty much tell everything that there is to tell. and in the recent past i've pissed some people off by repeating things that i really shouldn't have.
there are 2 things that i hate more than anything else in the world. i hate being ignored and i hate being called a liar.
well a little bit ago i was on the phone and i spent about an hour sitting there being called a liar. ok sorry.. i apparently am a "lying bitch", well that's news to me. bitch i can deal with. yes i am a bitch, very frequently actually, but please don't call me a liar.
well, now due to the apparent fact that anything that comes out of my mouth is a flat out lie, i have a feeling i'm gonna be ignored for a while. i really, really hope that i'm wrong because i'm not sure if i'm gonna be able to deal with that. especially once i'm home. i mean i guess i'll get over it if that is the case but to say that it will hurt will be a great understatement.
i need to go to sleep but after laying there tossing and turning for 2 hours i doubt sleep is gonna happen anytime soon... so here i am left alone with my own thoughts. i think that's the most dangerous thing for me.