H to the Izzo
I've been meaning to update for quite some time now, but what can I say? Life has gotten in the way.
So much is going on in the world and it makes me sad to think about. I feel everywhere I turn there are just things that are trying to bring me down, horrible depressing things, things I never thought I would have to deal with.
I don't feel like I'm living anymore. I feel like I'm just a body in motion. Nothing really ends, I'm never done. Its just finish one thing and pick up the next. Go. Go. Go. Go. Go. That makes me sad. I find temporary pleasure in simple things, but nothing lasts. Where is my perfect summer? Who do I hang with? Why this awkward space? Where do I go? And I have found myself so frustrated with everything and everyone, myself in particular. Dependancy issues, and I see it in every aspect of my life.
I remember when i was very young, not long after we'd moved into the house at 1990. Mom and Dad made it very clear that I was not to associate myself with the boy next door. He was bad news they said, into bad things. He was NOT my friend. I got home one weekend and his house was burnt down. He'd left a cigarette lit on his matress, and caught the house on fire. We moved to 1945 and I didn't see much of him after that. I'd see him driving through the neighborhood here and there...or I should say speeding through the neighborhood. The older and less naive i got, I realized why mom and dad wouldn't let me talk to him - he was into drinking and drugs and gangs. He was your all american 'bad ass' - the one that died saturday evening driving home from kroger. His parents were out of town in florida and he was throwing a party. Intoxicated, and with more then one drug in his system he drove to kroger to pick up some stuff. On his way back, going 100 miles an hour down dean road (speed limit of 40) he came around a curve and lost control of the car, into a tree he went, and died immediately.
My first reaction was "he got what was coming to him - thats what you get for driving drunk" but the more I think about it, the more it saddens me. Theres a huge thing up with his picture on it where he died. Everytime I drive by it, something just comes over me. No matter what hes into, what he did wrong in his life the truth is hes really no different then the rest of us, we all make stupid decisions. Besides that...I think about his family. What he has done is his life doesn't make it any easier for them to cope with their loss. I don't know...that could have been so many people I know, and I think that is what makes it most scary.
Well, off to the roadhouse. I'll try to post more again later.