Better then a belly button birthday...
Why, he asks me, do I have such a fascination with the bad boy? Why
have I involved myself in so many harmful, poisonous relationships? Its
a question I've thought about a lot lately. One that I want answered.
One of those things I feel I need to know about myself in order to fix
it. With Charlies return fast approaching, I am beginning to realize
what I think is the answer. I fell in love once with a boy who treated
me like an absolute princess. I was his world, and he was mine. I'm not
going to say it was a perfect relationship, because it wasn't. We were
young, and dumb, and we made our mistakes. However, I will say that he
was without a doubt the best
of the guys I have been in relationships with. He broke my heart, and
it took me a long time before I truly got over it. It was hard, hard
enough that I'd never want to experience such heart break again. People
have such an obsession with the knight in shining armor, with the idea
of being swept off of their feet. We love the very thought of falling in
love. I definitely fall into this statistic. I want desperately to fall
in love. In the same breath, I am terrified of falling in love. I don't
want to ever have to hurt the way I did. And that, is what is so
appealing about the "bad boy" for me. Though I may seem to hope that
they will one day reform their ways, the truth is that there is a
certain safety in liking a "bad boy". I never expect them to treat me
like a pricess. I go into the relationship, or the situation as the
case may be, knowing full well what is going to happen in the end.
There is no falling, no trust, involved. It is safe
in a very twisted way. I am going to try to close my eyes and take, not
a trust fall, but a trust stroll. I will walk slowly, but surely and
see what happens.