Hi, my name is Emily and I want to kick your _____
I had a bad night at work, which is sort of unfortunate. I went in with a surprisingly pleasant mood, and maintained it for quite some time. I was staying busy, but on top of things and was relatively pleased with my customers. I got sat a two top of women, and shortly there after a party of 8. Everything was going well, and as I started to take the 8 top's order, the stupid hostesses sat me with another 4 top. Anybody who's ever waited tables before knows it can take (as it did) an absurdly long time to take an order for an 8 top. Naturally the 4 top gets irritated because I didn't come to their table right away (so sorry I can't be in two places at once and my hostesses are retarted). I got over there as soon as I was done taking the order for the party of 8, and took care of the 4 top as well as I could. $55 dollar check and the shitheads left me 51 cents. I know its nothing I should take personally, and it in no way reflects my waitressing abilities, but somehow it hurt my feelings anyway. This is my job, my livelyhood. Leaving a poor tip makes a statement (and though it wasn't my fault I would understand a somewhat shitty tip), but leaving 51 cents is flat out mean, and it ruined my night. So, to the four top at table #43 - fuck you. Then I go to look at side work, and every single person on that list had one thing to do, except Emily. I get two things, and two substantial things at that. Ken had to take the peanut buckets to the dishwasher, another person had to wipe down the bread oven, but I had to restock all the dry goods including the sugar bags, clean the registers, restock the tape, fill the oil and vinegars, wipe down the salad window. I think the world was plotted against me this evening , and I thought I should share that with all of you beautiful people.
Additionally, I realized that the only place I ever feel like a commodity, ever feel like I'm REALLY noticed by guys is work. Too bad theyre mostly high school dropouts, or almost dropouts with no college education and no intention of ever getting one. Judging people like that makes me feel horribly superficial somehow. Some people just don't go to college. My dad didn't until after he was married. But its one of those things that tends to turn me off, and I can't really help that.
Tomorrow night is semi-formal. I'm almost excited. I think it will be fun, at least more so then say, jingle ball. I have a feeling though, that as usual I will be one of the few sober people attending. Someone has to drive though, and I guess I tend to not enjoy or feel the need to enjoy alcohol so often as the majority of the population does.
I'm trying really hard to not take things so personally these days. Sure, I'd love to live in a world where everyone cared as much about everything as I do about most things, but thats not in the least bit reasonable. I realize I am different, that I have very high expectations and thats a hard thing to overcome. Sometimes thouh, I need to just let go. That doesn't mean that I have to stop caring, it's realizing I can't control someone else. Its admitting powerlessness, accepting that the outcome isn't in my hands. Its not judging people, but acknowledging that, like me, theyre only human. I've got to get out of the middle, stop trying to arrange everything. I need to focus on my shortcomings and fix those instead, rather then fret over everyone else's. I'm done (or at least trying to be done) regretting the past, worrying over the past, because I have to start living for all the tomorrows.
Alright, gotta go feed the dog. It's late and much like me, I am sure he is starving. *sigh*
Additionally, I realized that the only place I ever feel like a commodity, ever feel like I'm REALLY noticed by guys is work. Too bad theyre mostly high school dropouts, or almost dropouts with no college education and no intention of ever getting one. Judging people like that makes me feel horribly superficial somehow. Some people just don't go to college. My dad didn't until after he was married. But its one of those things that tends to turn me off, and I can't really help that.
Tomorrow night is semi-formal. I'm almost excited. I think it will be fun, at least more so then say, jingle ball. I have a feeling though, that as usual I will be one of the few sober people attending. Someone has to drive though, and I guess I tend to not enjoy or feel the need to enjoy alcohol so often as the majority of the population does.
I'm trying really hard to not take things so personally these days. Sure, I'd love to live in a world where everyone cared as much about everything as I do about most things, but thats not in the least bit reasonable. I realize I am different, that I have very high expectations and thats a hard thing to overcome. Sometimes thouh, I need to just let go. That doesn't mean that I have to stop caring, it's realizing I can't control someone else. Its admitting powerlessness, accepting that the outcome isn't in my hands. Its not judging people, but acknowledging that, like me, theyre only human. I've got to get out of the middle, stop trying to arrange everything. I need to focus on my shortcomings and fix those instead, rather then fret over everyone else's. I'm done (or at least trying to be done) regretting the past, worrying over the past, because I have to start living for all the tomorrows.
Alright, gotta go feed the dog. It's late and much like me, I am sure he is starving. *sigh*