could you please, would you please?
life is very interesting. i've celebrated my birthday like 75 times now, with lots of different people, in varying states of drunk. last night i had a real conversation and made a new real friend, which is very rare for me.
i've been thinking about this last year a lot. there's been so much loss i don't understand how anyone is still standing. last week alone i knew 3 people who died. fire, heart attack, cancer. i miss clif. i miss him and i never really got to know him because he got sick.
i'm only 20, but it feels like i've aged so much in the past 3 years it's more like i'm turning 30. hanging out with kids in college, i just feel old even though we're all the same age. there's something in my that i just can't describe to them, who knows if they'll ever understand. i don't fully.
somethings if forget that there was good that happened too. all the shows i got cast in, getting into the school of music, reconnecting with katie and steffanie who hold me up a lot of the time. me and corbin almost breaking up but realizing that probably won't ever happen regardless of the crazy things we feel outside of the relationship. life's a really beautiful thing.
the savage garden as anne rice refers to life as (who i have been rereading). astounding, painful, real. i don't think life would function any other way. you need pain and fighting to have real love as joss whedon says (because i don't need to rewatch to quote).
and those are you my 20th birthday reflections.
i've been thinking about this last year a lot. there's been so much loss i don't understand how anyone is still standing. last week alone i knew 3 people who died. fire, heart attack, cancer. i miss clif. i miss him and i never really got to know him because he got sick.
i'm only 20, but it feels like i've aged so much in the past 3 years it's more like i'm turning 30. hanging out with kids in college, i just feel old even though we're all the same age. there's something in my that i just can't describe to them, who knows if they'll ever understand. i don't fully.
somethings if forget that there was good that happened too. all the shows i got cast in, getting into the school of music, reconnecting with katie and steffanie who hold me up a lot of the time. me and corbin almost breaking up but realizing that probably won't ever happen regardless of the crazy things we feel outside of the relationship. life's a really beautiful thing.
the savage garden as anne rice refers to life as (who i have been rereading). astounding, painful, real. i don't think life would function any other way. you need pain and fighting to have real love as joss whedon says (because i don't need to rewatch to quote).
and those are you my 20th birthday reflections.