FFXII: Fly On By; PG13 ; Vaan/Balthier
Title: Fly On By
Pairing: Vaan/Balthier
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: An accident proves irreparable, and Vaan's finding it harder to cope then it should be.
Warning: Character death, angst, language
It was cold that day, near evening, the night’s chill sweeping in from the towering windows of Ashe’s newly restored throne room. Hundreds of people where there, most who had never known the young blonde who now rested peacefully in the open coffin. Yet there where a select few, a handful or two at most, who knew. They knew the tune of her laughter, the echoes of past scolding’s and helpful hints to find the treasure buried somewhere they couldn’t see.
Of those who knew, five stood together, the Queen beside her new ally of Archadia and his faithful knight; behind them, though not out of sight, stood two infamous sky pirates. Of the five standing together, each sending their own silent prayers, only one did not look to the coffin. No, Balthier’s eyes where instead trained on the silent orphan leader, not ten feet away.
Vaan’s eyes where glazed, lost in thoughts one could only guess at. He stood in a relaxed position, his hands raised and resting on the back of his neck. To the unknowing, he seemed completely at ease, uncaring of the death of his un-related sister. And to the rest of Ivalice, it was a part well played. But to Dalmasca’s visiting sky pirate, it was the poorest attempt he’d ever seen. Balthier thought it almost obvious-Vaan’s act was a veil his eyes had no trouble seeing through; the tightness in the set of his shoulders, the barely present trembles rocking down his spine, and the motion of rapidly blinking away the tears he couldn’t see.
Kytes and Filo weren’t as strong as their leader, clinging to one another as their sobs echoed in the large hall. And as the Priests called out their last prayers to the gods, Migelo came forwards, eyeing Vaan and leading the children towards the dead girl at the blonde’s nod. The orphans left their leader, only a few pausing to look back until he gave them the best reassuring smile he could manage.
Then suddenly it was as if the world seemed to move up, wanting to see and give their condolences for the girl they never knew to the people they’d never met, and Vaan took a step back. He couldn’t bring himself to look at the corpse of his best friend, just as he couldn’t stop the flood of memories as he ran from the room, unaware of the pirate hot on his heels.
-
Finding no one and wishing there was someone, Vaan stood complacently at the boundary between the West Gate and the Westersand. It was eating at him, his breath coming in ragged pants, and he wondered if maybe he’d come apart at the seams. It hurt, she was dead, and there was no coming back from that. First he’d lost his brother in the war, now he’d lost his almost-sister to an accident.
He hadn’t been able to face them, not knowing what he knew. Knowing there was no one to blame but himself, because Kytes and Filo hadn’t meant to do it on purpose. If he’d paid more attention, if he’d been sure that the thrusters where correctly stabilized, the explosion wouldn’t have happened. But it had. And she was never coming back. Never. Coming. Back.
He sank to his knee’s as the shudders racked his body, held onto himself as tightly as he could, he wasn’t allowed to break, dammit, he couldn’t break now. He’d held it together at the funeral in front of them all, had quietly assured Kytes and Filo that everything would be okay, they’d get past this… But he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t lie to himself the way that he could lie to everyone else. It was shredding his grasp on humanity, his body was racking in shivers because of a cold he couldn’t feel, and the thought of summoning Belias to watch him burn would be a temptation he couldn’t resist, if only he knew that Penelo would smack his wits out of him if he tried.
“You should know better then to run off like that, Vaan. What will your orphans think?”
In his shock at hearing, and not hearing, Balthier’s approach, Vaan only managed a squawk when he spun and fell to face the pirate. His face went beet-red, and he rubbed at his eyes in an attempt to keep Balthier from seeing just how badly he missed his sister.
With a deep sigh, as if he was completely inconvenienced by helping, he Balthier reached down and tugged up at Vaan’s wrist, forcing him to hit his chest. His arms wrapped around the thief, keeping him balanced as the younger struggled against him.
“Vaan-“
“It’s none of your business, Balthier. Leave me alone.” It was easy to feel Vaan’s tremors now as Balthier held him, and it only made the brunets grip tighten further. He ignored Vaan’s hiss. “Dammit, Balthier-“
“Don’t do this to yourself, Vaan.” The younger froze in his arms, shivering for everything he was worth. Balthier wrapped his arms more securely around the blonde, using both his role as leading man and mentor in efforts to sooth Vaan’s emotions. “Keep it in, run from it, and it will only get worse. You’ll end up running for the rest of your short life.”
Vaan’s eyes furrowed, and he shrugged his shoulders back to look into his partners eyes. “What do you mean short? I don’t plan on dying anytime soon, you know.” He scowled at Balthier’s dismissive eye roll. “I mean it!”
“Oh, I’m sure you do. But if you’re racked with grief, you won’t be paying attention, in which case you’ll be shot off, will you not?” When Vaan refused to meet his gaze, Balthier nodded. “I thought so.”
“As if that’s any of your business, ‘thier.” He turned his head away, frowning thoughtfully as Balthier’s lips descended on his neck, pressing light kisses. He shook his head, pushing back against the leather-clad chest. “No, this isn’t… Balthier, I don’t want this now.”
“You need the distraction, do you not?” He took Vaan’s silence as an agreement, tugging the teen’s hips to his. “I can be that for you. I’m rather skilled at it, as you well know.”
Vaan couldn’t help his bemused smile, pushing back still, though resting his head against Balthier’s temple. “I don’t want you to think that’s all you are to me. And I shouldn’t… Penelo…”
“Would not want you suffering.”
Vaan frowned again. He didn’t want to stop thinking about her, but he wanted the pain to go away. He didn’t want the silence to keep ripping at him, he didn’t want to keep wishing he could be anywhere else, as long as she was there.
“I love you.”
And Balthier had his attention again, as Vaan surrendered to the only thing he could hope would keep him sane.
-
Vaan was gone the next morning. It was like he’d fallen off the face of Ivalice. There was no sign-anywhere-of the boy’s location. And Balthier had looked. He’d flown over the Yensa Sandsea more times than he could count; he’d combed the tunnels of the Giruvegan and never-ending Henne Mines. But there was no sight of him. Vaan had vanished into thin air.
Fran was sympathetic, in her own way. She didn’t give any cryptic remarks; she didn’t send him any looks as he poured over map after map, his eyes never leaving the page. She just watched, shot down enemies that stood in his path, and only stopped him when he pushed himself to hard. “You will be no good to anyone if you do not take care of yourself. Rest, and we will begin again.”
Basch had worried, fretted over the loss of Penelo, and had helped as much as he could. But Larsa needed him, and as a Captain, Basch was far more aware of what happened when a soldier couldn’t stand losing his brother in arms. He’d even made the attempt of speaking to Balthier on this matter, but to no avail.
Ashe was little to no help. She was too busy rebuilding her kingdom to spare any search parties for an apprentice sky-pirate. She would be grateful for everything they had done to help her, but sometimes, sacrifices had to be made. Their journey had taught her that.
The orphans had searched throughout their city. If there were any signs of Vaan, those who knew him best didn’t see them. Reddas promised to keep an eye out, but nothing had come of it.
Time passed. Soon enough, they started hearing things. Whispers on the wind, lost thoughts of a hunter whole flew on the currents of the air, taking only the best and disappearing as fast as he’d come. Then there where priceless treasure snatched before any other pirate or thief could get a sniff of them, stolen before their legends could be told to those with eager ears and slim purses.
He’d run into Vaan, once. Not on purpose. He’d been taking one of his few ‘stops,’ at Fran’s insistence. She had all but shoved him out of the Stahl as soon as they’d made port, and had told him quite firmly that if she saw him or heard of him doing anything other then drinking a tankard of ale, she would personally tear apart the insides of his beloved ship, in which case they would be grounded until proper repairs could be made. And above all else, Balthier needed speed.
So he’d relented. He’d gone, bought the damned ale (lest ordering anything else give his partner ideas), and had plopped down into a suitable dark corner to people-watch. Hours had passed, and nothing of interest caught him. He’d drunk enough to feel the sway in his steps, but the slur would take a bit more, and he wanted to be able to get home without having his pockets picked by local thieves. And just as he stood, sand colored strands took hold of his vision.
His face was passive, but the slight quirk to his lips reminded Balthier that a devious mind lay behind those cool eyes. Vaan had grown his hair out, and he’d adjusted his outfit, throwing a shirt on under his vest. Balthier couldn’t honestly say if he was disappointed to have his view obstructed by the apparent cloth, or if he was proud of the boy for finally finding something to hide that view from the rest of the world with.
But that swagger… Vaan had known he was there the entire evening, there was no doubt of it. And another look told him that not all was as well as it should seem. There was a stillness to him that showed a practiced art, and yet there was still that same damned tremor that had driven him off in the first place.
“Balthier.” His name off those lips called something forward. He couldn’t say what, but it was there. “You’re chasing me, I’ve heard.”
“Mm… You’ve heard right, then. Been speaking with Jules?” Balthier’s quirked eyebrow made the boy smile, and Vaan moved in closer, taking in the familiar scent of cinnamon and gun powder.
“Not just Jules. Apparently, you’ve got everyone talking, thinking I’m some rare jewel. What do you make of that?” Deft fingers walked their way up the leather covering Balthier’s chest, and one ringed hand came up to stop it, pulling the hand the arm it was attached to back to wrap around his neck. “Something wrong, ‘thier?”
“I’ve missed you, you prat. I want my heart back, before you drag it through anything else, making me chase after it.” Balthier leaned in, whispering along the tanned, tilted neck. Lips trailed over warm flesh, breath flew over a flitting pulse. “Vaan.”
“You’re the one who gave it to me, pirate. I had nothing to do with that.” Vaan nudged the others cheek, pressing a light kiss to it. “I’ve missed you, too. But I can’t stay. I’m still running.”
“Then run with me.” He couldn’t lose him again. Searching was hard, and he had the boy in his grasp. Now to find a way to keep him there. “The sky is the limit, Vaan. All you have to do is reach.”
A light laugh that sounded more like a chuckle then anything. “Don’t you get it yet, Leading Man? I can’t run with you. That would be pointless. I’m running from memories, and you bring all them back to me in one fell swoop every time I see you.” Vaan’s easy smile faded. “I can’t run with you. Not yet, at least. Maybe one day, though. When I’ve stopped running, when you’ve stopped chasing… Then, if the offer’s still open, I’ll run with you.” He pulled back, putting distance between them. “That’s all I can do, for now.”
“Is it?” One of his hands reached up, cupping a wind rough cheek into his palm. That’s hardly fair to me, don’t you think? After all this chasing I’ve done. You’ll only make me chase you more. You’re something I want, Vaan. And I won’t give up until I’ve caught you, no matter what it does to me.”
Vaan rolled his eyes, smiling lightly. “You’re insane, Balthier. I’m not a treasure you can steal.” Vaan’s eyes cooled again, watching, analyzing. Assessing him in ways only Fran used to be able to do. “But you’ll still chase me, won’t you? No matter what I say.” He sighed, not needing the answer. “It’s only going to hurt the both of us, you know. You’re hurting my business, and people aren’t willing to be friends with an obsessed head-hunter.”
“I am NOT a head hunter. Don’t lump me into the same category as that foul-mouthed bangaa, Ba’Gamnan.” Vaan only chuckled, to which Balthier pinched his check roughly, and Vaan only laughed more. “I mean it, twit.”
“I’m sure.” Vaan’s eyes lit up again, and he pressed a kiss to his favorite pirate’s lips. “I won’t ask you to stop chasing me. I know you well enough to know you won’t. But… Do me a favor. Find something else to do while your at it, will you?” He smiled, tapping Balthier’s nose. “Give me a bit of space. It… It may make things easier on me, if you do.”
Balthier shook his head. “And what guarantee do I have that I’ll see you again?”
A shrug was his answer. “I can’t stay away from you, ‘thier. Even if you don’t see me, I’ll see you. I’m closer then you think. Always.”
-
When he woke the next morning, Balthier had no idea how he’d gotten back to the Strahl. Though judging by Fran’s pleased, not-really-there smile, Vaan had dragged him back. He had no idea how the little git had done it, but he had.
And as Balthier lied back, he could only smirk in pleased satisfaction. Space. He could do that. If space is what Vaan wanted, space is what he would get. In the meantime, Balthier would find some other treasure to look for. Maybe they’d run into each other on a hunt or two. He’d been out of the game for so long, he hadn’t considered that going after what was comforting and familiar might be just what Vaan was doing.
And then he’d be closer. Spaced out, but close. The sky is the limit, Vaan… All you have to do is reach.
Pairing: Vaan/Balthier
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: An accident proves irreparable, and Vaan's finding it harder to cope then it should be.
Warning: Character death, angst, language
It was cold that day, near evening, the night’s chill sweeping in from the towering windows of Ashe’s newly restored throne room. Hundreds of people where there, most who had never known the young blonde who now rested peacefully in the open coffin. Yet there where a select few, a handful or two at most, who knew. They knew the tune of her laughter, the echoes of past scolding’s and helpful hints to find the treasure buried somewhere they couldn’t see.
Of those who knew, five stood together, the Queen beside her new ally of Archadia and his faithful knight; behind them, though not out of sight, stood two infamous sky pirates. Of the five standing together, each sending their own silent prayers, only one did not look to the coffin. No, Balthier’s eyes where instead trained on the silent orphan leader, not ten feet away.
Vaan’s eyes where glazed, lost in thoughts one could only guess at. He stood in a relaxed position, his hands raised and resting on the back of his neck. To the unknowing, he seemed completely at ease, uncaring of the death of his un-related sister. And to the rest of Ivalice, it was a part well played. But to Dalmasca’s visiting sky pirate, it was the poorest attempt he’d ever seen. Balthier thought it almost obvious-Vaan’s act was a veil his eyes had no trouble seeing through; the tightness in the set of his shoulders, the barely present trembles rocking down his spine, and the motion of rapidly blinking away the tears he couldn’t see.
Kytes and Filo weren’t as strong as their leader, clinging to one another as their sobs echoed in the large hall. And as the Priests called out their last prayers to the gods, Migelo came forwards, eyeing Vaan and leading the children towards the dead girl at the blonde’s nod. The orphans left their leader, only a few pausing to look back until he gave them the best reassuring smile he could manage.
Then suddenly it was as if the world seemed to move up, wanting to see and give their condolences for the girl they never knew to the people they’d never met, and Vaan took a step back. He couldn’t bring himself to look at the corpse of his best friend, just as he couldn’t stop the flood of memories as he ran from the room, unaware of the pirate hot on his heels.
-
Finding no one and wishing there was someone, Vaan stood complacently at the boundary between the West Gate and the Westersand. It was eating at him, his breath coming in ragged pants, and he wondered if maybe he’d come apart at the seams. It hurt, she was dead, and there was no coming back from that. First he’d lost his brother in the war, now he’d lost his almost-sister to an accident.
He hadn’t been able to face them, not knowing what he knew. Knowing there was no one to blame but himself, because Kytes and Filo hadn’t meant to do it on purpose. If he’d paid more attention, if he’d been sure that the thrusters where correctly stabilized, the explosion wouldn’t have happened. But it had. And she was never coming back. Never. Coming. Back.
He sank to his knee’s as the shudders racked his body, held onto himself as tightly as he could, he wasn’t allowed to break, dammit, he couldn’t break now. He’d held it together at the funeral in front of them all, had quietly assured Kytes and Filo that everything would be okay, they’d get past this… But he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t lie to himself the way that he could lie to everyone else. It was shredding his grasp on humanity, his body was racking in shivers because of a cold he couldn’t feel, and the thought of summoning Belias to watch him burn would be a temptation he couldn’t resist, if only he knew that Penelo would smack his wits out of him if he tried.
“You should know better then to run off like that, Vaan. What will your orphans think?”
In his shock at hearing, and not hearing, Balthier’s approach, Vaan only managed a squawk when he spun and fell to face the pirate. His face went beet-red, and he rubbed at his eyes in an attempt to keep Balthier from seeing just how badly he missed his sister.
With a deep sigh, as if he was completely inconvenienced by helping, he Balthier reached down and tugged up at Vaan’s wrist, forcing him to hit his chest. His arms wrapped around the thief, keeping him balanced as the younger struggled against him.
“Vaan-“
“It’s none of your business, Balthier. Leave me alone.” It was easy to feel Vaan’s tremors now as Balthier held him, and it only made the brunets grip tighten further. He ignored Vaan’s hiss. “Dammit, Balthier-“
“Don’t do this to yourself, Vaan.” The younger froze in his arms, shivering for everything he was worth. Balthier wrapped his arms more securely around the blonde, using both his role as leading man and mentor in efforts to sooth Vaan’s emotions. “Keep it in, run from it, and it will only get worse. You’ll end up running for the rest of your short life.”
Vaan’s eyes furrowed, and he shrugged his shoulders back to look into his partners eyes. “What do you mean short? I don’t plan on dying anytime soon, you know.” He scowled at Balthier’s dismissive eye roll. “I mean it!”
“Oh, I’m sure you do. But if you’re racked with grief, you won’t be paying attention, in which case you’ll be shot off, will you not?” When Vaan refused to meet his gaze, Balthier nodded. “I thought so.”
“As if that’s any of your business, ‘thier.” He turned his head away, frowning thoughtfully as Balthier’s lips descended on his neck, pressing light kisses. He shook his head, pushing back against the leather-clad chest. “No, this isn’t… Balthier, I don’t want this now.”
“You need the distraction, do you not?” He took Vaan’s silence as an agreement, tugging the teen’s hips to his. “I can be that for you. I’m rather skilled at it, as you well know.”
Vaan couldn’t help his bemused smile, pushing back still, though resting his head against Balthier’s temple. “I don’t want you to think that’s all you are to me. And I shouldn’t… Penelo…”
“Would not want you suffering.”
Vaan frowned again. He didn’t want to stop thinking about her, but he wanted the pain to go away. He didn’t want the silence to keep ripping at him, he didn’t want to keep wishing he could be anywhere else, as long as she was there.
“I love you.”
And Balthier had his attention again, as Vaan surrendered to the only thing he could hope would keep him sane.
-
Vaan was gone the next morning. It was like he’d fallen off the face of Ivalice. There was no sign-anywhere-of the boy’s location. And Balthier had looked. He’d flown over the Yensa Sandsea more times than he could count; he’d combed the tunnels of the Giruvegan and never-ending Henne Mines. But there was no sight of him. Vaan had vanished into thin air.
Fran was sympathetic, in her own way. She didn’t give any cryptic remarks; she didn’t send him any looks as he poured over map after map, his eyes never leaving the page. She just watched, shot down enemies that stood in his path, and only stopped him when he pushed himself to hard. “You will be no good to anyone if you do not take care of yourself. Rest, and we will begin again.”
Basch had worried, fretted over the loss of Penelo, and had helped as much as he could. But Larsa needed him, and as a Captain, Basch was far more aware of what happened when a soldier couldn’t stand losing his brother in arms. He’d even made the attempt of speaking to Balthier on this matter, but to no avail.
Ashe was little to no help. She was too busy rebuilding her kingdom to spare any search parties for an apprentice sky-pirate. She would be grateful for everything they had done to help her, but sometimes, sacrifices had to be made. Their journey had taught her that.
The orphans had searched throughout their city. If there were any signs of Vaan, those who knew him best didn’t see them. Reddas promised to keep an eye out, but nothing had come of it.
Time passed. Soon enough, they started hearing things. Whispers on the wind, lost thoughts of a hunter whole flew on the currents of the air, taking only the best and disappearing as fast as he’d come. Then there where priceless treasure snatched before any other pirate or thief could get a sniff of them, stolen before their legends could be told to those with eager ears and slim purses.
He’d run into Vaan, once. Not on purpose. He’d been taking one of his few ‘stops,’ at Fran’s insistence. She had all but shoved him out of the Stahl as soon as they’d made port, and had told him quite firmly that if she saw him or heard of him doing anything other then drinking a tankard of ale, she would personally tear apart the insides of his beloved ship, in which case they would be grounded until proper repairs could be made. And above all else, Balthier needed speed.
So he’d relented. He’d gone, bought the damned ale (lest ordering anything else give his partner ideas), and had plopped down into a suitable dark corner to people-watch. Hours had passed, and nothing of interest caught him. He’d drunk enough to feel the sway in his steps, but the slur would take a bit more, and he wanted to be able to get home without having his pockets picked by local thieves. And just as he stood, sand colored strands took hold of his vision.
His face was passive, but the slight quirk to his lips reminded Balthier that a devious mind lay behind those cool eyes. Vaan had grown his hair out, and he’d adjusted his outfit, throwing a shirt on under his vest. Balthier couldn’t honestly say if he was disappointed to have his view obstructed by the apparent cloth, or if he was proud of the boy for finally finding something to hide that view from the rest of the world with.
But that swagger… Vaan had known he was there the entire evening, there was no doubt of it. And another look told him that not all was as well as it should seem. There was a stillness to him that showed a practiced art, and yet there was still that same damned tremor that had driven him off in the first place.
“Balthier.” His name off those lips called something forward. He couldn’t say what, but it was there. “You’re chasing me, I’ve heard.”
“Mm… You’ve heard right, then. Been speaking with Jules?” Balthier’s quirked eyebrow made the boy smile, and Vaan moved in closer, taking in the familiar scent of cinnamon and gun powder.
“Not just Jules. Apparently, you’ve got everyone talking, thinking I’m some rare jewel. What do you make of that?” Deft fingers walked their way up the leather covering Balthier’s chest, and one ringed hand came up to stop it, pulling the hand the arm it was attached to back to wrap around his neck. “Something wrong, ‘thier?”
“I’ve missed you, you prat. I want my heart back, before you drag it through anything else, making me chase after it.” Balthier leaned in, whispering along the tanned, tilted neck. Lips trailed over warm flesh, breath flew over a flitting pulse. “Vaan.”
“You’re the one who gave it to me, pirate. I had nothing to do with that.” Vaan nudged the others cheek, pressing a light kiss to it. “I’ve missed you, too. But I can’t stay. I’m still running.”
“Then run with me.” He couldn’t lose him again. Searching was hard, and he had the boy in his grasp. Now to find a way to keep him there. “The sky is the limit, Vaan. All you have to do is reach.”
A light laugh that sounded more like a chuckle then anything. “Don’t you get it yet, Leading Man? I can’t run with you. That would be pointless. I’m running from memories, and you bring all them back to me in one fell swoop every time I see you.” Vaan’s easy smile faded. “I can’t run with you. Not yet, at least. Maybe one day, though. When I’ve stopped running, when you’ve stopped chasing… Then, if the offer’s still open, I’ll run with you.” He pulled back, putting distance between them. “That’s all I can do, for now.”
“Is it?” One of his hands reached up, cupping a wind rough cheek into his palm. That’s hardly fair to me, don’t you think? After all this chasing I’ve done. You’ll only make me chase you more. You’re something I want, Vaan. And I won’t give up until I’ve caught you, no matter what it does to me.”
Vaan rolled his eyes, smiling lightly. “You’re insane, Balthier. I’m not a treasure you can steal.” Vaan’s eyes cooled again, watching, analyzing. Assessing him in ways only Fran used to be able to do. “But you’ll still chase me, won’t you? No matter what I say.” He sighed, not needing the answer. “It’s only going to hurt the both of us, you know. You’re hurting my business, and people aren’t willing to be friends with an obsessed head-hunter.”
“I am NOT a head hunter. Don’t lump me into the same category as that foul-mouthed bangaa, Ba’Gamnan.” Vaan only chuckled, to which Balthier pinched his check roughly, and Vaan only laughed more. “I mean it, twit.”
“I’m sure.” Vaan’s eyes lit up again, and he pressed a kiss to his favorite pirate’s lips. “I won’t ask you to stop chasing me. I know you well enough to know you won’t. But… Do me a favor. Find something else to do while your at it, will you?” He smiled, tapping Balthier’s nose. “Give me a bit of space. It… It may make things easier on me, if you do.”
Balthier shook his head. “And what guarantee do I have that I’ll see you again?”
A shrug was his answer. “I can’t stay away from you, ‘thier. Even if you don’t see me, I’ll see you. I’m closer then you think. Always.”
-
When he woke the next morning, Balthier had no idea how he’d gotten back to the Strahl. Though judging by Fran’s pleased, not-really-there smile, Vaan had dragged him back. He had no idea how the little git had done it, but he had.
And as Balthier lied back, he could only smirk in pleased satisfaction. Space. He could do that. If space is what Vaan wanted, space is what he would get. In the meantime, Balthier would find some other treasure to look for. Maybe they’d run into each other on a hunt or two. He’d been out of the game for so long, he hadn’t considered that going after what was comforting and familiar might be just what Vaan was doing.
And then he’d be closer. Spaced out, but close. The sky is the limit, Vaan… All you have to do is reach.