(no subject)
I want to be good at something. Not just good, better than good. I'm average at everything. Which is better than poor, but i'm tired of it. Average grades, average looks, average life, average everything. I've been beat, and put down so much that every spark of hope i have in myself is fading quickly. Everywhere i look my peers are doing wonderful things, for wonderful people, having huge dreams, and they're on their way to pursuing them. I don't even know what my dreams are anymore. I envy J.K. Rowling more than i should. I wish i could pick her brain, i wish i could be that creative. I wish i could be creative at all anymore. No one appreciates creativity anymore. It's all about normalness, average. The people closest to me, around me each day, they don't care what I think about, what i think of, what i can create. I crave the act of making another proud. I don't make anyone proud, because I'm just average. I take that back, i make my mom and sometimes my brother proud. And that means the world to me. But i just need more than this life i'm leading. I need more than my small oasis in Huntington, W.V. I need more than average grades and average nights. I want to smile like i used to, have fun all the time, i want to be surrounded by people that feel the same way. People that don't care about their age, people that are overcome by their inner child, like myself. That part inside of me is fun. That's the part i Like, that's the girl i like to be. When you're a child you don't have to worry about being above average. Just Satisfactory is enough. As long as you have the best pokemon cards, you're good to go. I wish i could find that pokemon card these days. I wish i could figure out what i want to do, who i want to be around and what makes me happy. What was a I born to be?