Last......
hi
im just saying that this will be the last post i ever make ive done alot in the last while, some good some bad, and had lots of time to think and decided that if anyone wants to know my thaughts ide rather them ask me then read them on a computer screen.ima type a little now im goin to be very blunt i dont feel liek being cryptic tonight.
it sucks being the eldest in a group of freinds cause you get to watch everyone around you change while you stay the same cause you have allready hit that part of your life. im hopeing in the next little while to find out (to put it bluntly) who is freind and who is foe.
to every one who knows me i would like to point out my biggest pet peave..... i am very observant and very smart i act dumb as a defence mechanism dont treat me like im stupid because even if no one tells me i know i can read it in your face your tone of voice or the twitching of your eye.(reading books is a hobby reading people is a skill)
im so freaking shy even if i know i wanna say somehting i cant cause im so fuckign shy im quiet im not sued to haveing to raise my voice and when i do im usually to loud, it sucks wanting to tell someone something but never able to muster up enough curage to say a damn thing...
MY mask is coming off behold the monster within.
my mind is so fucked up right now with inner turmoil im haveing problems sleeping again, (yay insomnia!!!) i try to sleep but my mind is realing with "i hate myself".well dont i sound emo tonight, oh well nothing a few visits to freinds wont fix.
i wanna go camping annyone up for camping i wanta night or 2 outside in the wilderness with nothing but stars!! i miss the memories they used to bring, memories of happy times when i felt like i belonged. tho slowly im finding people i feel very comfy with like kris and kay i loke spending time with those 2 we have so much in commen and kris allways says something to make me smile in some way :).
anyone besides me find that chris guy very creepy? all he wanted todo was talk about his dick and porn and masterbation and and and.. by the night he was leaving i decided i had had enough with porn / sex talk and went home (yes alister that is why i left or else i woulda stayed the night) i mean one night of sex talk is fine but every time i saw him it was sex talk does his mind think of nothing else!!!! first time it was funny it was fun next time it was just freakign awkward i feel sorry for you alister you got to deal with him eveyr night for 2 weeks my hat is off to you!!! i woulda snapped and let him have it youe a much better man then me :).
to those who cannot keep a secret for the life of them i give you a virtual slap! if soemoent ells you somehting and tells you not to tell someone else dont tell them or anyone who may tell them its just stupid. in the end it hurts you alot more then it hurts them sure everyone knows something about them they didnt know before but the person who did the telling loses the trust of a freind wich is 10x more precous then gold.
The man with nothing left
Ryan
<3
im just saying that this will be the last post i ever make ive done alot in the last while, some good some bad, and had lots of time to think and decided that if anyone wants to know my thaughts ide rather them ask me then read them on a computer screen.ima type a little now im goin to be very blunt i dont feel liek being cryptic tonight.
it sucks being the eldest in a group of freinds cause you get to watch everyone around you change while you stay the same cause you have allready hit that part of your life. im hopeing in the next little while to find out (to put it bluntly) who is freind and who is foe.
to every one who knows me i would like to point out my biggest pet peave..... i am very observant and very smart i act dumb as a defence mechanism dont treat me like im stupid because even if no one tells me i know i can read it in your face your tone of voice or the twitching of your eye.(reading books is a hobby reading people is a skill)
im so freaking shy even if i know i wanna say somehting i cant cause im so fuckign shy im quiet im not sued to haveing to raise my voice and when i do im usually to loud, it sucks wanting to tell someone something but never able to muster up enough curage to say a damn thing...
MY mask is coming off behold the monster within.
my mind is so fucked up right now with inner turmoil im haveing problems sleeping again, (yay insomnia!!!) i try to sleep but my mind is realing with "i hate myself".well dont i sound emo tonight, oh well nothing a few visits to freinds wont fix.
i wanna go camping annyone up for camping i wanta night or 2 outside in the wilderness with nothing but stars!! i miss the memories they used to bring, memories of happy times when i felt like i belonged. tho slowly im finding people i feel very comfy with like kris and kay i loke spending time with those 2 we have so much in commen and kris allways says something to make me smile in some way :).
anyone besides me find that chris guy very creepy? all he wanted todo was talk about his dick and porn and masterbation and and and.. by the night he was leaving i decided i had had enough with porn / sex talk and went home (yes alister that is why i left or else i woulda stayed the night) i mean one night of sex talk is fine but every time i saw him it was sex talk does his mind think of nothing else!!!! first time it was funny it was fun next time it was just freakign awkward i feel sorry for you alister you got to deal with him eveyr night for 2 weeks my hat is off to you!!! i woulda snapped and let him have it youe a much better man then me :).
to those who cannot keep a secret for the life of them i give you a virtual slap! if soemoent ells you somehting and tells you not to tell someone else dont tell them or anyone who may tell them its just stupid. in the end it hurts you alot more then it hurts them sure everyone knows something about them they didnt know before but the person who did the telling loses the trust of a freind wich is 10x more precous then gold.
The man with nothing left
Ryan
<3