[FanFic] The Seer's Diary: Dementors (7/37?)
Title: The Seer's Diary: Dementors (7/37?)
Status: WIP
Word Count: 3084
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Adventure/Romance
Characters/Pairings: Lily/James, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, Severus Snape, Dorcas Meadowes, Alice/Frank, Petunia Evans, and many others
Summary: 1977-Suddenly Lily Evans's world is turned upside-down when she comes across an old journal with a strange connection to the school's past, and stories of the future that just can't be true.
"No..." Lily muttered, pulling away from James completely. Her head seemed to be spinning with confusion and fear. She wasn't sure what was happening but she knew it was completely wrong, and she was afraid for her friend and herself.
Quickly James grabbed her wrist, pulling her back to him, and she felt herself instinctively clutching herself to him. "James," she breathed, "what's going on?"
"Dementors," he whispered, and Lily felt her heart stop. After all of the stories she'd heard from Snape, she couldn't help but feel terrified. Just the thought of them, the idea of tall hooded figures with scabbed, greying flesh and no face but a gaping hole for a mouth.. the image made her shiver. And to think they'd have to somehow brave them, to overcome the frightening images they'd instil in their brains to save Dorcas. But that was it-they had to do it.
"We have to find Dorcas," she said, swallowing her fear, pulling away from James once again, drawing out her wand and igniting it by muttering, "Lumos."
The two made their ways quickly but carefully down the street. The cold, heavy feeling the Dementors brought was slowly dissipating. Lily hoped against hope that they had disappeared already, but something in her stomach told her things still weren't right.
"Dorcas?" James hissed, and the ray of light emitted from Lily's wand suddenly caught her figure. She and James rushed to her side.
"Dorcas!" Lily cried, taking her friend in her arms. "Oh my god, oh my god, are you okay?"
"Lily?" Dorcas asked wearily. "Lily, it's horrible, I can't..." Her eyes widened suddenly and she screamed, staring over Lily's shoulder. Lily whipped around, toppling backwards, her elbows colliding painfully with the pavement. Her wand fell from her hands and rolled down the street as she came face to face with a Dementor.
"Expecto Patronum!" James shouted, and Lily stared as the Dementor quickly backed away. The shield quickly died out, and the Dementor instead went for James, who stumbled backwards and fell to the ground, his glasses slipping off his face.
"Expecto-Expecto Patronum!" Dorcas stammered, weakly pointing her own wand at the Dementor.
"Wand," Lily muttered suddenly, realising she needed to help the two of them. "Wand..." She quickly got to her knees, feeling the ground for her wand, desperately wanting to help as she heard James summon another shield.
Her hand ran across something sharp, and she quickly realised she'd found James's glasses, a massive crack across one of the lenses. She took them in her left hand, still blindly groping for her wand.
"Expecto Patronum!" she heard Dorcas shout again, stronger this time, as Lily wrapped her fingers around her wand. She breathed a sigh of relief, turning and shouting the incantation to create her own shield.
She rushed to James, pressing his glasses into his palm.
"Thanks," he panted, sliding them onto his nose, the broken lens obscuring his left eye. "You okay?" he asked her, and she nodded faintly.
"Yeah," she muttered. Suddenly she gasped, another two Dementors appearing just behind James. He whipped around, conjuring a silvery shield to buy them time once again.
"There's more," she said frantically. "James, where are they coming from?"
"I'll bet anything Voldemort and his stupid Death Eaters have to do with this." He put his hand on her back, pushing her slightly. "Go help Dorcas, I can get these two."
Lily nodded, running to her best friend's side. Dorcas was holding her wand in front of her, a faint shield fending off a tall hooded figure.
Before Lily could even stop to think, three more Dementors appeared, and then she felt it; it was like all of the breath was suddenly sucked out of her lungs, and she stumbled, clutching her sides.
"Expecto Patronum!" she heard weakly from beside her, Dorcas with her wand arm raised, the other hand holding her head. The Dementor pulled back, and Dorcas, helped Lily up. "You okay?" she asked her breathlessly.
Lily nodded, and she felt another body join them. "Are you two all right?" he asked, panting. Lily could hear the faint fear in his voice, and it was unsettling. Lily nodded, and she was fairly certain Dorcas nodded beside her as well.
Without another moment passing, several Dementors seemed to surround them; she suddenly felt the scene before her dissolve into darkness, still winded, gasping for air and putting her hands to her head.
"I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!"
It was Sev's voice; there was no doubt about it. It was Sev, and it was that horrible day just over a year before. She felt disoriented; she was sure that it had happened before, but she could hear his voice so clearly it felt as though it was happening at that exact moment, all over again.
"No..." she said, falling to her knees. She felt the rocks cut into them, but the pain didn't matter. Then-
"I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just-"
And she heard her own voice echoing in her head, telling him how it was no good.
And she felt it. The sickening regret.
I forgive you, she heard herself say in her head, but she knew that it was no good. I know you didn't mean it, let's just forget...
"Stupid mudblood!"
No, no, no, she wanted to say. I know you don't mean it, Sev. Please...
"Dorcas!" she heard someone yell faintly. James. That was James speaking. But he sounded like he was several metres away. Why did he sound so far away? "Can you get that one?"
She must have nodded, and she heard James mutter the incantation, sure that some of the Dementors must be leaving. She was feeling less weak, but still... echoing in her head...
"And you're still just as naïve as ever if you actually think she means it!"
Lily felt tears streaming down her face. "No, no, no..."
There was a scream, just like the scream she'd heard earlier, and Lily forced her eyes open. The blackness wasn't threatening to swallow her any longer, and she could just faintly see what was in front of her. She watched, horrified as Dorcas fell to her knees, her wand still out in front of her, trying her hardest to produce a Patronus. Only a small wisp of silvery light emitted from the tip of her wand. She slumped over, crumpling to the ground.
It was just what she needed to yank her out of the Dementors' effects, enough to bring her back to the real world for just a few moments.
"No," Lily breathed, pushing the memories invading her brain to the back of her mind, still hearing faint echoes of Snape's voice. Mustering up all of her strength she produced her own feeble shield for just a moment and she rushed clumsily to her friend's side. She shook her gently, hair falling out of Dorcas's braids, into her face. "Please wake up," Lily muttered. "Dorcas, please."
James too was falling forward, on his hands and knees, a Dementor closing in on him. Lily's heart was pounding in her chest; nothing could happen to James, she couldn't bare the idea. What if she never got the chance to tell him how she thought she might feel about him? What if she could never go on a date with him? What if she never found out what it was like to really hold his hand, not simply out of fear, or kiss him, like they'd been so close to just minutes before? What if, what if, what if..?
A sudden vision crossed her mind, picturing the scene as James kissed her passionately, maybe in a celebratory manner after a Quidditch game or after a long night in the common room, and her stomach gave a funny lurch. She needed for James to be all right, to find out what his lips felt like and how his skin smelled, to tell him that maybe she did care about him, after all, a lot more than she ever thought possible. Her heart felt suddenly warm and she concentrated on the very thought.
"Expecto Patronum!" she shouted, and something erupted from the tip of her wand. She felt her legs give out beneath her, watching tiredly as her Patronus galloped around the street, the Dementors fleeing immediately. As the Patronus returned to her, Lily gave it a funny look; it wasn't the stallion that had been hers since the year before whilst practising in Defense Against the Dark Arts, and she didn't know why it changed. She didn't even know that it could change.
As the animal gracefully approached her, she realised that it was a doe, beautiful and shining. It was a gorgeous creature, but she couldn't fathom how or why it changed from its previous shape.
James seemed to notice the change as well, when he looked up from his position on all fours. He gave the creature a strange look and carefully stood up, making his way slowly over to Lily and Dorcas as the creature disappeared into thin air, the street lamps flickering back to life.
"Your Patronus," he panted, and Lily looked at him to notice how close he was, kneeling right in front of her, making her heart pound even faster. "It changed."
"Yeah," Lily whispered. His nose was about a centimetre away from hers, and she could feel his hot breath on her freezing cheeks. "Yeah, it did."
He hesitantly lifted his hand, brushing some of the hair out of Lily's face, and she shivered involuntarily. He ran his fingers through her hair and along the side of her face, resting at the back of her neck. "Lily..."
"James," she breathed, closing her eyes. "I-"
He leaned forward so that their cheeks were touching, and Lily could feel his hair tickling her nose. She leaned slightly into him, enjoying the feeling of his skin. "Go out with me," he whispered in her ear.
"I..." Lily's mind was racing, and it felt as though there was a war raging inside of her. She thought that maybe she wanted to, and yet something seemed to tug painfully inside her head, screaming that it was a horrible idea, that it was all wrong, and at last that something seemed to take over. "I can't."
"Why not?" he asked, pulling away slightly, his voice strange. Lily had heard him hurt before, but this was different, as though on an entirely new level. "Lily-"
"I can't!" she said more firmly, and James pulled away from her completely.
"What is it that you're so afraid of?" James asked her fiercely, and Lily felt suddenly angry by his reaction.
"Nothing, Potter," she told him flatly. "I just don't want-"
"You can't pretend you don't feel anything for me," he ploughed on.
"I'm not pretending anything!" Lily said.
James let out a small shout of frustration. "I can't believe you, sometimes! Why won't you just open up and let yourself feel for once?" he asked angrily. "Are you afraid that I'm going to hurt you like Snape, or your sister? I won't, you know. I've never cared about anyone like you, as much as you-"
"Just give it up!" she yelled. "I'm never going to feel anything for you, Potter."
He simply blinked, picking himself up off the ground. "Fine," he said coldly, and Lily felt a chill in her bones, similar to the icy feeling the Dementors gave her.
"James, I'm sorry," she said quickly, grabbing his hand. "I didn't mean it, I just-"
"No," James replied, just as coolly as before. "You've said all you need to." He took his hand from hers, turning and walking slowly back to his house up the street.
Lily stared after him. Something was aching inside her, telling her that she should be running after him, trying to set things right, telling him how she really felt about him. So why wasn't she?
She pulled her legs up to her chest, squeezing them tightly to her. She'd done the right thing, hadn't she? She and James would make an awful couple, they wouldn't last more than a few weeks, and things would never be able to go back to normal after that. It wouldn't be worth it, really; it would just ruin their friendship.
Which, she thought bitterly, she might have just done, anyway.
There was a small movement beside her, and she quickly shifted herself onto her knees, leaning over Dorcas, who was lifting herself up onto one of her elbows, her other hand rubbing her forehead.
"You okay?" Lily asked her weakly to her friend.
Dorcas nodded slowly, wincing as she did so. "Yeah... What-what happened to James?"
Lily sat back down on the pavement, biting her lip as Dorcas attempted sitting up. She once more stared off into the direction that James had disappeared not long before. Again, she had to remind herself she'd done the right thing; acting on any feelings she might have thought she felt would completely ruin their friendship, and simply put herself up for more hurt and disappointment. That was just something she would not let happen.
"Lily?" Dorcas pressed on.
Lily shook her head. "Let's get you back to your house, yeah?" she said, forcing a smile. Dorcas looked sceptical and Lily sighed. "I promise, I'll tell you everything when we're not sitting in the middle of the road."
Dorcas reluctantly agreed, allowing Lily to help her up, leaning on her as they both made their way to her house. When they arrived, Dorcas tapped her wand on the door as she'd done the night before, and the two made their way inside.
"Dorcas?" her mother called out from the kitchen. The older woman quickly came to the door, wiping her hands on her apron as she did so. "Oh Merlin!" she cried upon seeing the two girls. She rushed over to them, helping them back into the kitchen, where they both took seats at the table. "What on earth happened?" she asked, worriedly.
"Dementors," Dorcas said weakly, and her mother gasped.
"Here?" she asked. "But this is a primarily Muggle settlement!"
Dorcas nodded at her mother. "They were there, mum. A lot of them."
Her mother quickly summoned two bottles of butterbeer, placing each in front of one of the girls. "Drink these," she told them. "I need to go write an owl to Dumbledore. He'll want to know about this immediately."
"Thanks," Dorcas said in a tiny voice as her mother bustled out of the room, turning to look at Lily. She opened up her bottle of butterbeer, taking a sip. "Care to explain now?" she asked, still sounding rather weak.
"I think I mucked things up," Lily sighed, twisting off her bottle cap and running her thumb around the edges. "I have a tendency for it though, don't I?"
Dorcas exhaled sadly. "You know that's not true," she said. "At least, not completely."
"Things were going so well," Lily went on. "We went over to Potter's today, had some fun over in London. Then we came back here, and I-well, he-he..." Lily swallowed, suddenly deciding against telling Dorcas of the almost kiss. "The Dementors showed up, and I heard you scream... Then after you passed out, it was so strange... I managed a fully-fledged Patronus."
"That's amazing!" Dorcas told her. "That's well beyond N.E.W.T.-level magic, to think you achieved it during an actual attack-I mean, we were told that most can't-"
"That's not what was so strange," Lily said awkwardly. "It was... different."
"What do you mean?"
"My Patronus," Lily continued. "When we practised last year, when I got an actual form it was always a stallion. But today, it wasn't. It was a doe."
Dorcas stared at her, amazed. "Wow..."
"And Potter took it as-as some sort of sign," she said. "He was making comments like it meant something, like it's this great big deal-"
"Lily," Dorcas interrupted, "it is a big deal."
"What?" Lily blinked, completely nonplussed.
"It's not something that happens often," Dorcas went on. "In fact, it's pretty rare for a Patronus to change. It usually takes a major event in your life, a great realisation of some kind."
"Well, nothing that important has happened," Lily said, still confused.
Dorcas shifted uncomfortably in her chair. "Lily," she said delicately, "do you, perchance, know what James's Patronus is?"
Lily stared at her. "I haven't the foggiest," she shrugged.
Dorcas bit her lip. "It's a stag."
Lily said nothing, feeling her cheeks burn from the insinuation that she feared Dorcas was making.
"A common reason for a Patronus to change is when someone... er... well, when someone realises they have deep feelings for another person," she said awkwardly. "Then your Patronus tends to match theirs."
"Look, Dorcas, I-"
"I'm not trying to say anything," Dorcas said quickly. "But that's obviously what James was thinking and-"
"Oh god." Lily buried her face in her hands, feeling sick to her stomach. "It's true."
Dorcas was silent as Lily ran her hands through her hair.
She was right. Hell, he was right, too. They'd all been so right about how she felt, and she'd spent so long convincing herself otherwise, afraid of putting her heart on the line, afraid of getting hurt, afraid of losing another friend. She wasn't brave at all, just a terrified coward. Some Gryffindor she was.
How many chances had she had? At least a hundred over the past year, she figured. All the times since they'd become friends... the time she'd first noticed that the way he ruffled his hair when he was nervous was actually rather cute and endearing, the way he'd open doors for her and make her laugh no matter how upset she may be... the fact that the biggest fight they'd had was when James started dating Bethany Gilly, a Ravenclaw a year below them, how angry Lily would feel whenever she saw her and how perfect she was with her brown hair and freckles; she'd even refused to speak to James for the entire three weeks they'd dated, until he told her late one night that it simply "didn't feel right". She'd felt so immensely relieved and strangely hopeful when he told her. She had convinced herself that he was her brother, that she had no romantic feelings for him whatsoever; at least, that was what she'd wanted...
"Dorcas, you're right," Lily said miserably. "I fancy James."
Status: WIP
Word Count: 3084
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Adventure/Romance
Characters/Pairings: Lily/James, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, Severus Snape, Dorcas Meadowes, Alice/Frank, Petunia Evans, and many others
Summary: 1977-Suddenly Lily Evans's world is turned upside-down when she comes across an old journal with a strange connection to the school's past, and stories of the future that just can't be true.
"No..." Lily muttered, pulling away from James completely. Her head seemed to be spinning with confusion and fear. She wasn't sure what was happening but she knew it was completely wrong, and she was afraid for her friend and herself.
Quickly James grabbed her wrist, pulling her back to him, and she felt herself instinctively clutching herself to him. "James," she breathed, "what's going on?"
"Dementors," he whispered, and Lily felt her heart stop. After all of the stories she'd heard from Snape, she couldn't help but feel terrified. Just the thought of them, the idea of tall hooded figures with scabbed, greying flesh and no face but a gaping hole for a mouth.. the image made her shiver. And to think they'd have to somehow brave them, to overcome the frightening images they'd instil in their brains to save Dorcas. But that was it-they had to do it.
"We have to find Dorcas," she said, swallowing her fear, pulling away from James once again, drawing out her wand and igniting it by muttering, "Lumos."
The two made their ways quickly but carefully down the street. The cold, heavy feeling the Dementors brought was slowly dissipating. Lily hoped against hope that they had disappeared already, but something in her stomach told her things still weren't right.
"Dorcas?" James hissed, and the ray of light emitted from Lily's wand suddenly caught her figure. She and James rushed to her side.
"Dorcas!" Lily cried, taking her friend in her arms. "Oh my god, oh my god, are you okay?"
"Lily?" Dorcas asked wearily. "Lily, it's horrible, I can't..." Her eyes widened suddenly and she screamed, staring over Lily's shoulder. Lily whipped around, toppling backwards, her elbows colliding painfully with the pavement. Her wand fell from her hands and rolled down the street as she came face to face with a Dementor.
"Expecto Patronum!" James shouted, and Lily stared as the Dementor quickly backed away. The shield quickly died out, and the Dementor instead went for James, who stumbled backwards and fell to the ground, his glasses slipping off his face.
"Expecto-Expecto Patronum!" Dorcas stammered, weakly pointing her own wand at the Dementor.
"Wand," Lily muttered suddenly, realising she needed to help the two of them. "Wand..." She quickly got to her knees, feeling the ground for her wand, desperately wanting to help as she heard James summon another shield.
Her hand ran across something sharp, and she quickly realised she'd found James's glasses, a massive crack across one of the lenses. She took them in her left hand, still blindly groping for her wand.
"Expecto Patronum!" she heard Dorcas shout again, stronger this time, as Lily wrapped her fingers around her wand. She breathed a sigh of relief, turning and shouting the incantation to create her own shield.
She rushed to James, pressing his glasses into his palm.
"Thanks," he panted, sliding them onto his nose, the broken lens obscuring his left eye. "You okay?" he asked her, and she nodded faintly.
"Yeah," she muttered. Suddenly she gasped, another two Dementors appearing just behind James. He whipped around, conjuring a silvery shield to buy them time once again.
"There's more," she said frantically. "James, where are they coming from?"
"I'll bet anything Voldemort and his stupid Death Eaters have to do with this." He put his hand on her back, pushing her slightly. "Go help Dorcas, I can get these two."
Lily nodded, running to her best friend's side. Dorcas was holding her wand in front of her, a faint shield fending off a tall hooded figure.
Before Lily could even stop to think, three more Dementors appeared, and then she felt it; it was like all of the breath was suddenly sucked out of her lungs, and she stumbled, clutching her sides.
"Expecto Patronum!" she heard weakly from beside her, Dorcas with her wand arm raised, the other hand holding her head. The Dementor pulled back, and Dorcas, helped Lily up. "You okay?" she asked her breathlessly.
Lily nodded, and she felt another body join them. "Are you two all right?" he asked, panting. Lily could hear the faint fear in his voice, and it was unsettling. Lily nodded, and she was fairly certain Dorcas nodded beside her as well.
Without another moment passing, several Dementors seemed to surround them; she suddenly felt the scene before her dissolve into darkness, still winded, gasping for air and putting her hands to her head.
"I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!"
It was Sev's voice; there was no doubt about it. It was Sev, and it was that horrible day just over a year before. She felt disoriented; she was sure that it had happened before, but she could hear his voice so clearly it felt as though it was happening at that exact moment, all over again.
"No..." she said, falling to her knees. She felt the rocks cut into them, but the pain didn't matter. Then-
"I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just-"
And she heard her own voice echoing in her head, telling him how it was no good.
And she felt it. The sickening regret.
I forgive you, she heard herself say in her head, but she knew that it was no good. I know you didn't mean it, let's just forget...
"Stupid mudblood!"
No, no, no, she wanted to say. I know you don't mean it, Sev. Please...
"Dorcas!" she heard someone yell faintly. James. That was James speaking. But he sounded like he was several metres away. Why did he sound so far away? "Can you get that one?"
She must have nodded, and she heard James mutter the incantation, sure that some of the Dementors must be leaving. She was feeling less weak, but still... echoing in her head...
"And you're still just as naïve as ever if you actually think she means it!"
Lily felt tears streaming down her face. "No, no, no..."
There was a scream, just like the scream she'd heard earlier, and Lily forced her eyes open. The blackness wasn't threatening to swallow her any longer, and she could just faintly see what was in front of her. She watched, horrified as Dorcas fell to her knees, her wand still out in front of her, trying her hardest to produce a Patronus. Only a small wisp of silvery light emitted from the tip of her wand. She slumped over, crumpling to the ground.
It was just what she needed to yank her out of the Dementors' effects, enough to bring her back to the real world for just a few moments.
"No," Lily breathed, pushing the memories invading her brain to the back of her mind, still hearing faint echoes of Snape's voice. Mustering up all of her strength she produced her own feeble shield for just a moment and she rushed clumsily to her friend's side. She shook her gently, hair falling out of Dorcas's braids, into her face. "Please wake up," Lily muttered. "Dorcas, please."
James too was falling forward, on his hands and knees, a Dementor closing in on him. Lily's heart was pounding in her chest; nothing could happen to James, she couldn't bare the idea. What if she never got the chance to tell him how she thought she might feel about him? What if she could never go on a date with him? What if she never found out what it was like to really hold his hand, not simply out of fear, or kiss him, like they'd been so close to just minutes before? What if, what if, what if..?
A sudden vision crossed her mind, picturing the scene as James kissed her passionately, maybe in a celebratory manner after a Quidditch game or after a long night in the common room, and her stomach gave a funny lurch. She needed for James to be all right, to find out what his lips felt like and how his skin smelled, to tell him that maybe she did care about him, after all, a lot more than she ever thought possible. Her heart felt suddenly warm and she concentrated on the very thought.
"Expecto Patronum!" she shouted, and something erupted from the tip of her wand. She felt her legs give out beneath her, watching tiredly as her Patronus galloped around the street, the Dementors fleeing immediately. As the Patronus returned to her, Lily gave it a funny look; it wasn't the stallion that had been hers since the year before whilst practising in Defense Against the Dark Arts, and she didn't know why it changed. She didn't even know that it could change.
As the animal gracefully approached her, she realised that it was a doe, beautiful and shining. It was a gorgeous creature, but she couldn't fathom how or why it changed from its previous shape.
James seemed to notice the change as well, when he looked up from his position on all fours. He gave the creature a strange look and carefully stood up, making his way slowly over to Lily and Dorcas as the creature disappeared into thin air, the street lamps flickering back to life.
"Your Patronus," he panted, and Lily looked at him to notice how close he was, kneeling right in front of her, making her heart pound even faster. "It changed."
"Yeah," Lily whispered. His nose was about a centimetre away from hers, and she could feel his hot breath on her freezing cheeks. "Yeah, it did."
He hesitantly lifted his hand, brushing some of the hair out of Lily's face, and she shivered involuntarily. He ran his fingers through her hair and along the side of her face, resting at the back of her neck. "Lily..."
"James," she breathed, closing her eyes. "I-"
He leaned forward so that their cheeks were touching, and Lily could feel his hair tickling her nose. She leaned slightly into him, enjoying the feeling of his skin. "Go out with me," he whispered in her ear.
"I..." Lily's mind was racing, and it felt as though there was a war raging inside of her. She thought that maybe she wanted to, and yet something seemed to tug painfully inside her head, screaming that it was a horrible idea, that it was all wrong, and at last that something seemed to take over. "I can't."
"Why not?" he asked, pulling away slightly, his voice strange. Lily had heard him hurt before, but this was different, as though on an entirely new level. "Lily-"
"I can't!" she said more firmly, and James pulled away from her completely.
"What is it that you're so afraid of?" James asked her fiercely, and Lily felt suddenly angry by his reaction.
"Nothing, Potter," she told him flatly. "I just don't want-"
"You can't pretend you don't feel anything for me," he ploughed on.
"I'm not pretending anything!" Lily said.
James let out a small shout of frustration. "I can't believe you, sometimes! Why won't you just open up and let yourself feel for once?" he asked angrily. "Are you afraid that I'm going to hurt you like Snape, or your sister? I won't, you know. I've never cared about anyone like you, as much as you-"
"Just give it up!" she yelled. "I'm never going to feel anything for you, Potter."
He simply blinked, picking himself up off the ground. "Fine," he said coldly, and Lily felt a chill in her bones, similar to the icy feeling the Dementors gave her.
"James, I'm sorry," she said quickly, grabbing his hand. "I didn't mean it, I just-"
"No," James replied, just as coolly as before. "You've said all you need to." He took his hand from hers, turning and walking slowly back to his house up the street.
Lily stared after him. Something was aching inside her, telling her that she should be running after him, trying to set things right, telling him how she really felt about him. So why wasn't she?
She pulled her legs up to her chest, squeezing them tightly to her. She'd done the right thing, hadn't she? She and James would make an awful couple, they wouldn't last more than a few weeks, and things would never be able to go back to normal after that. It wouldn't be worth it, really; it would just ruin their friendship.
Which, she thought bitterly, she might have just done, anyway.
There was a small movement beside her, and she quickly shifted herself onto her knees, leaning over Dorcas, who was lifting herself up onto one of her elbows, her other hand rubbing her forehead.
"You okay?" Lily asked her weakly to her friend.
Dorcas nodded slowly, wincing as she did so. "Yeah... What-what happened to James?"
Lily sat back down on the pavement, biting her lip as Dorcas attempted sitting up. She once more stared off into the direction that James had disappeared not long before. Again, she had to remind herself she'd done the right thing; acting on any feelings she might have thought she felt would completely ruin their friendship, and simply put herself up for more hurt and disappointment. That was just something she would not let happen.
"Lily?" Dorcas pressed on.
Lily shook her head. "Let's get you back to your house, yeah?" she said, forcing a smile. Dorcas looked sceptical and Lily sighed. "I promise, I'll tell you everything when we're not sitting in the middle of the road."
Dorcas reluctantly agreed, allowing Lily to help her up, leaning on her as they both made their way to her house. When they arrived, Dorcas tapped her wand on the door as she'd done the night before, and the two made their way inside.
"Dorcas?" her mother called out from the kitchen. The older woman quickly came to the door, wiping her hands on her apron as she did so. "Oh Merlin!" she cried upon seeing the two girls. She rushed over to them, helping them back into the kitchen, where they both took seats at the table. "What on earth happened?" she asked, worriedly.
"Dementors," Dorcas said weakly, and her mother gasped.
"Here?" she asked. "But this is a primarily Muggle settlement!"
Dorcas nodded at her mother. "They were there, mum. A lot of them."
Her mother quickly summoned two bottles of butterbeer, placing each in front of one of the girls. "Drink these," she told them. "I need to go write an owl to Dumbledore. He'll want to know about this immediately."
"Thanks," Dorcas said in a tiny voice as her mother bustled out of the room, turning to look at Lily. She opened up her bottle of butterbeer, taking a sip. "Care to explain now?" she asked, still sounding rather weak.
"I think I mucked things up," Lily sighed, twisting off her bottle cap and running her thumb around the edges. "I have a tendency for it though, don't I?"
Dorcas exhaled sadly. "You know that's not true," she said. "At least, not completely."
"Things were going so well," Lily went on. "We went over to Potter's today, had some fun over in London. Then we came back here, and I-well, he-he..." Lily swallowed, suddenly deciding against telling Dorcas of the almost kiss. "The Dementors showed up, and I heard you scream... Then after you passed out, it was so strange... I managed a fully-fledged Patronus."
"That's amazing!" Dorcas told her. "That's well beyond N.E.W.T.-level magic, to think you achieved it during an actual attack-I mean, we were told that most can't-"
"That's not what was so strange," Lily said awkwardly. "It was... different."
"What do you mean?"
"My Patronus," Lily continued. "When we practised last year, when I got an actual form it was always a stallion. But today, it wasn't. It was a doe."
Dorcas stared at her, amazed. "Wow..."
"And Potter took it as-as some sort of sign," she said. "He was making comments like it meant something, like it's this great big deal-"
"Lily," Dorcas interrupted, "it is a big deal."
"What?" Lily blinked, completely nonplussed.
"It's not something that happens often," Dorcas went on. "In fact, it's pretty rare for a Patronus to change. It usually takes a major event in your life, a great realisation of some kind."
"Well, nothing that important has happened," Lily said, still confused.
Dorcas shifted uncomfortably in her chair. "Lily," she said delicately, "do you, perchance, know what James's Patronus is?"
Lily stared at her. "I haven't the foggiest," she shrugged.
Dorcas bit her lip. "It's a stag."
Lily said nothing, feeling her cheeks burn from the insinuation that she feared Dorcas was making.
"A common reason for a Patronus to change is when someone... er... well, when someone realises they have deep feelings for another person," she said awkwardly. "Then your Patronus tends to match theirs."
"Look, Dorcas, I-"
"I'm not trying to say anything," Dorcas said quickly. "But that's obviously what James was thinking and-"
"Oh god." Lily buried her face in her hands, feeling sick to her stomach. "It's true."
Dorcas was silent as Lily ran her hands through her hair.
She was right. Hell, he was right, too. They'd all been so right about how she felt, and she'd spent so long convincing herself otherwise, afraid of putting her heart on the line, afraid of getting hurt, afraid of losing another friend. She wasn't brave at all, just a terrified coward. Some Gryffindor she was.
How many chances had she had? At least a hundred over the past year, she figured. All the times since they'd become friends... the time she'd first noticed that the way he ruffled his hair when he was nervous was actually rather cute and endearing, the way he'd open doors for her and make her laugh no matter how upset she may be... the fact that the biggest fight they'd had was when James started dating Bethany Gilly, a Ravenclaw a year below them, how angry Lily would feel whenever she saw her and how perfect she was with her brown hair and freckles; she'd even refused to speak to James for the entire three weeks they'd dated, until he told her late one night that it simply "didn't feel right". She'd felt so immensely relieved and strangely hopeful when he told her. She had convinced herself that he was her brother, that she had no romantic feelings for him whatsoever; at least, that was what she'd wanted...
"Dorcas, you're right," Lily said miserably. "I fancy James."