fic-a-wha?
Title: How to Date an International Super Star (and Still Be a Bad Ass)
Chapter: 2/?
Warning: R, Because not even Orbit can clean up Puck's dirty mouth.
Character: Puck/Rachel
Summary: 10 years in the future Puck and Rachel are stuck in first class together. Is there still a spark?
Word Count: 4,772
Beta: saavira, thank you!
Disclaimer: Obviously I don't own Glee. If I did, I would be vacaying somewhere tropical instead of spending all summer in my house in Japan trying not to die of heat and rain.
A/N: Sorry this took so long folks. I had some RL stuff happening and I also watched the first three seasons of Friday Night Lights. Don't think I wasn't trying to figure out an awesome crossover. (Don't worry, I won't actually write one.) I also updated the first chapter with a few changes that had been bugging me. You can read it here.
“Noah!” Rachel poked him roughly.
“What?” Puck said his voice rough with sleep. He did not roll over to face her, it would just encourage her to keep yapping.
“I just saw you on TV!” she squeaked.
“And?” he still wasn’t rolling over. He held onto a shred of hope he could just go back to sleep.
“It was a commercial!” she prodded him with the remote. “You didn’t tell me you did commercials!”
Puck regretted inviting her to stay in his apartment instead of just taking her to her fancy hotel. Against his better judgment he rolled over to face her. She was sitting primly next to him on the bed in a fancy nightgown that probably cost more than he was paid to make that stupid commercial.
“This is Japan. I’m a tall guy who isn’t Japanese,” he explained. “It’s easy money. Can I go back to sleep now?”
“I don’t know how you can sleep.” Rachel said. “I still don’t feel the tiniest bit tired.”
“That’s because you slept half the flight, totally JV traveling move.”
“You weren’t sleeping, too?” she asked. “I fell asleep practically on top of you, what did you do while I slept?”
Puck had spent the time smelling her hair, noticing the new lines on her face, admiring her legs, thinking about how them getting back together was probably the worst idea in the history of light bulbs. “Played my PSP,” Puck said.
“How much did you get paid to do that commercial?” Rachel asked as he rolled over to go back to sleep.
“You make a bajillion dollars, why do you care how much money I made making a Japanese commercial?” he asked.
“I’m just curious,” she replied. “You obviously live well here, although this apartment is very small,” she looked around the bedroom and continued, “but I’ve heard real estate here is not what I’m used to." Puck rolled his eyes. “What did you make?”
Puck gave in and sat up. “Was it ramen or a camera?” He obviously wasn’t going to go back to sleep with the chatterbox next to him.
“A camera commercial.” She scooted closer to him on the bed.
“In dollars or yen?”
“Obviously, since I don’t know the current exchange rate I would need the US figure,” Rachel said. Puck could tell she wasn’t being snotty, so much as being her normal, wordy, precise self. Hollywood hadn’t stolen that from her personality.
“About 800 bucks.”
“And how long was the shoot?” Rachel asked.
“I dunno, a couple hours.” Puck answered, shrugging his shoulders.
“That’s appropriate.” She seemed appeased so he yawned and started to get comfortable again.
“Noah…”she started again as soon as his eyes were closed.
“What?!” The little patience he had was completely exhausted.
“I’m scared,” her voice was tiny.
“Why?” he asked in a nicer tone.
“Haven’t you ever seen that movie The Grudge?” she answered. He started to laugh and she smacked his arm.
“It’s not funny, it was a very scary movie and it took place in Tokyo, guess where we are now?”
“You’ve got to be kidding me!” Puck groaned. “Do you know how many horror movies are set in Japan? Go to sleep. No big bad ghost with crappy hair is gonna get you. I’ll drop kick ‘em…” Rachel beamed at the statement. “Not for coming after you, but for interrupting my sleep again.” Her smile fell at that, but he just wanted to get some sleep.
“Fine,” no sooner had she lay down next to him, she piped up again. “I can’t sleep.”
“Oh, good God!” Puck roared. “Listen Rach, you’ve got three choices here: you go to sleep here, or I call a car to take you to your actual hotel to do whatever the hell you want, or we have some crazy, nasty, sex to make up for the fact that you are keeping me awake for lame ass reasons. Survey says?”
Rachel snuggled down into her pillow meekly. “I’ll go to sleep.”
They went to sleep deliberately not touching, but as any two people who used to share a bed would do, they ended up cuddled together. Puck woke up holding Rachel close to his chest. Thankfully, he was up before she was (it was his time zone) and could pull away before she woke. Maybe she wouldn’t notice it.
After carefully sliding out of bed, Puck picked up his phone and headed into the other room and dialed.
“How may I help you Pucky Poo?” Kurt answered.
“Never call me that,” Puck growled.
“Just trying it out…it doesn’t suit you anyways,” Kurt said.
“Hey, uh, how come you didn’t mention the famous Rachel Berry was heading to my neck of the woods?”
“Tokyo’s a big place, right?” Kurt asked. “I figured the odds of the two of you bumping into each other were like the odds of Finn Hudson calling me for a date.”
“You realize I left Lima yesterday, right?”
“Oh no,” Kurt said. “You ran into Rachel LAX?”
“We sat next to each other for a nine hour ride.”
“And you didn’t kill her?” Kurt asked nervously. “I haven’t heard rumors of her death.”
“Nope,” Puck replied proudly. “Wanted to, but didn’t.”
“Did you sleep with her?”
“Not technically.” Puck answered. “Wait, what do you care?” He raised his voice but as soon as he did it he remembered the sleeping girl in his apartment. He really didn’t want her to know that he cared so much as to call Kurt about her.
“Put your briefs back on, Puck,” Kurt said with that dismissive tone of his. “You know me, I love the juicy details. Are you guys going to get back together? She’s not seeing anyone.”
“Tell me again why you keep up with Rachel’s life?” Puck asked. “It’s not like you two ever got along…ever.”
“I’m a gossip columnist, Puck,” he could tell Kurt was smiling. “Everything you say to me right now will be going into a column.”
“You think I won’t beat the shit out of you before your fingers hit send?” he said it, but he knew Kurt really wouldn’t say anything. They were just bantering back and forth per their usual routine.
“Sorry, I forgot how you hate my profession,” Kurt said. “Why are you calling me anyways, especially knowing that it might end up on the internet?”
“You’re the only person whose number I had laying around,” Puck said. He was lying. Kurt was the only one that could talk him out of Rachel Berry. Artie and Tina would think it was romantic. He hadn’t talked to Hudson or Q, not since their wedding. Santana was very busy being an environmentalist and his friends in Japan had no idea that he had once been the boyfriend to a famous pop star. If he called his mom or sister they would just try to talk him into it. Kurt was his fucking Obi Wan.
“So, what is your purpose in calling?” Kurt asked. “You didn’t sleep with her, you didn’t kill her, oh my God, do you want advice from me?!” he squealed.
“No, I don’t want advice,” Puck sighed. “You’re more Perez Hilton than Dear Abby. I just…”Puck paused wondering what he wanted from Kurt. “Remind me why I hate her…”
“She slept with Zac Efron while filming Grand Stand.”
“No, she didn’t.” Puck knew that was a total fabrication because he’d been on set and Efron was gayer than Kurt. That hot girlfriend of his was a total beard.
“She wore that thing with the feathers to the AMAs that one time.”
“You have the most lame ass reasons to hate her,” Puck replied. “You gonna bring up the fact she stole all your solos in high school, too?”
“Someone sounds like they don’t hate the diva at all,” Kurt said with a hint of teasing. “You want to get back together, don’t you?”
“What’s that? I can’t hear you. I’m too busy being more bad ass than you.” Puck hung up the phone and walked into his kitchen. He needed food to think clearly.
Of course, he had no food because he’d been stateside for almost a month. He checked on Rachel and with the sound of her heavy breathing, he knew he’d have time to run out and grab something.
Nine years ago
“Why, Noah Puckerman, I didn’t know you could cook!” Rachel said as she stretched. Puck popped his head into the bedroom.
“I didn’t,” he smiled coyly. “I paid the homeless guy on the corner to come up and do it.”
“You’re joking! Tell me you’re joking!” Rachel’s voice became shrill as she pulled the covers around her for modesty. “You know that he could be infected with all kinds of disease!”
“I’m joking, geez Berry, he’s a homeless person not a sewer rat.” Puck rolled his eyes and brought in a tray full of food into the bedroom.
“So, about last night…” Rachel started.
“Eat your French toast.” Puck cut her off, handing her a fork. “It’s delicious and I found a recipe with bananas instead of eggs.”
“For me?” Rachel smiled. “How is it possible that you’ve hidden these cooking skills from me?”
“You know my mom worked a lot, so she taught me how to make stuff. So my sister and I didn’t live off Mickey D’s Dollar Menu. I don’t do it a ton now cause I’m too lazy,” he smiled while picking up his own fork. “But I crave French toast like a pregnant chick, so I make it a lot. I like it with bacon, but neither of us had any.”
Rachel shook her head. He was a terrible Jew.
“What are we doing?” she asked quietly. Puck didn’t need a magic eight ball to tell him some big speech about the two of them finally sleeping together was in his near future
Everyone just assumed they’d done the nasty back at McKinley, but they hadn’t. Not even almost. Okay, maybe almost. That time she found out Finn had turned in his V Card to Santana, Rachel had come to him in tears. And one thing led to another, but inexplicably he couldn’t do it. So yeah, here they were first day post sexy times and she wanted to talk. Why did girls always want to talk this shit out? Why not just go with the flow?
“We’re eating breakfast,” Puck replied. Rachel dropped her fork. Her mood turned faster than Quinn without Cocoa Pebbles for breakfast those last few weeks of her pregnancy.
“Noah, is this just a fling for you?” she asked clearly frustrated.
“I don’t want to talk about this right now!” Puck stood up for no other reason than to stand. He paced back and forth.
“By the look of you, I’d say you’re feeling backed into a corner,” Rachel glared at him. “So fine, it was nothing, just get out.”
“People that fuck just to fuck,” he said making sure to use the harshest language he could as he knew she hated it “don’t make French toast the next morning.” He grabbed his shirt and slammed the door on his way out of the apartment.
When he came in the door he heard Rachel on the phone. Puck stepped out of his shoes and headed into the kitchen with his bag. Rachel walked in as he was putting the milk away.
“You brought coffee?” Rachel asked hopefully.
“Skinny ass soy girly latte,” Puck handed her the cup. “Just how you like it.”
“You should come with me today,” Rachel said, taking sip of her latte.
“I was not auditioning to be your assistant with that drink,” Puck replied.
“Are those Krispy Kreme?” Puck nodded while Rachel grabbed the box. “I didn’t know they had them here!”
“It’s Japan not Somalia, and the way Krispy Kreme is branching out, they probably have it in Somalia.” Before he had finished talking she had downed an entire donut. He liked Mister Donut more but Krispy Kreme was closer and he knew she loved them especially since they were the first chain to start carrying a vegan donut. “I guess you’re not on any kind of carb restricting diet.”
“Do I need to diet?” Rachel choked on her donut for a minute. “Do I look bad?”
“No, you look hot,” Puck said it like it wasn’t a compliment. “But I figured all these years in the biz you wouldn’t eat real food anymore.”
“I like real food.”
“I can see that, you’ve got powdered sugar all over your face.” Rachel brought her hand up to her mouth to cover it.
“I’m just gonna go change.” As she walked off she kept talking, “I meant it about coming with me. It could be fun.”
“It will be in no way fun,” he said dryly as he searched for a suitable donut.
“Oh come on, I’m just doing two interviews.” Rachel popped out of the bathroom with a curling iron stuck to her head. “And you said you wanted to see me on Japanese TV.”
“I hate junket crap, you know that.” He remembered all the times she dragged him to her never ending interviews. They were so boring. Then again, this was Japanese TV. It might be a little fun.
“Do you need the address so a car can come pick you up?” he asked while settling on the chocolate crueler.
“No, I told them I’d get there myself,” Rachel replied, this time popping out with a makeup brush in her hand.
“Oh yeah?” Puck shook his head. “How are you going to get to a studio for a shoot if you have no idea how to flush the toilet in my apartment?”
“You’re coming with me.” He hated the way she decided crap like that for him. He mentally placed that on the Con side of the list. Con: Rachel doesn’t take ‘no’ for an answer.
As they got onto the train Rachel pulled her coat up around her. There was nowhere to sit so they stood by the door.
“We could have taken a cab, God knows you can afford it,” he whispered to her like they were in a library.
“Why are you whispering?” she replied in that loud, stupid American voice.
“Do you see anyone else making a ruckus with their conversations?” She turned around and noticed all the people texting or whispering quietly to one another. A few older people were reading books and there was a kid playing DS on the other side of a sleeping grandma. The kid got up and headed for the door all by himself exiting the train at the next stop.
“Why is that kid leaving without his grandma?” Rachel asked worried, quieter than before, but still nowhere near a whisper.
“That’s obviously not his grandma.”
“But, he couldn’t be more than six,” Rachel said, concern still evident in her voice.
“Yeah, so, the kid’s gotta get to school.” Rachel still looked confused and worried. “Rachel, this is Tokyo, not New York. That kid is perfectly safe on his own.”
“That is so strange” Rachel said still shocked.
“Welcome to Japan,” Puck said. “That won’t be the strangest thing you see today. Did you ask them for someone to meet us at the station?”
“Yes, they said someone would meet us at the West Exit,” Rachel replied. “Why do we need someone to meet us? Can’t we just find it ourselves?”
“You can try all you want, but I’m not up for that guessing game,” Puck answered calmly. “I thought you loved minions.”
“I used to.”
“Right, you’re the new Rachel Berry who doesn’t like fame,” Puck said expecting some kind of a reaction. But none came. “Have you been abducted by aliens? Or Jehovah’s Witnesses?”
“No,” Rachel sighed. “Why did you call Kurt?”
“Now you’ve got super powers? Seriously, was there a radioactive fame hating spider that bit you?” Rachel just rolled her eyes and huffed. “How do you know I called Kurt and not one of my girlfriends?”
For a minute, Rachel looked a little hurt. Then she recovered confidently.
“You said something about beating him up before he hit send. You were definitely talking to Kurt, or Us Weekly, but that’s not likely. And why do you still talk to Kurt?”
“Listen Veronica Mars, back off the interrogation” Puck said. “This is our stop.”
“How can you tell?”
“I’ve been paying attention and they just announced it, get ready to push,” He warned.
“What?”
As the doors open, Rachel took in the sea of people in front of her. Puck started to walk, but Rachel couldn’t. It was like she was stuck. Puck turned around, grabbed her hand, and started to drag her.
“What’s a matter?” Puck spoke over the din. “You only know how to handle massive amounts of people if they are begging for an autograph?”
Puck supposed this must be different than fans. These people had a singular purpose, to get on a train. Everyone always said the Japanese were polite, and that was mostly true, but in a train station (or crosswalk) all bets were off. You could be politely trampled to death.
Once they were out of the fray and heading to the exit, Puck dropped Rachel’s hand, but she promptly grabbed it again. He might think it was cute except she had that death grip again and a wild look in her eyes.
“You are bound and determined to help me lose my hand, aren’t you?” he teased.
“I don’t want to get lost,” Rachel said. “I don’t usually travel like this. It’s a little scarier than I thought it would be.”
“It’s not like anywhere you’ve ever been,” Puck stopped at the gate and pulled his card out and her ticket. “When was the last time you rode anywhere on the subway?”
“It’s been years.”
“Rachel Berry, welcome back to the real world.”
As they came up the steps of the West Exit he saw a small entourage just in front of them. They had umbrellas, even though it was only cloudy, and all had cell phones out. An American woman waved her hand and came running over.
“Ms. Berry,” she started. “We’ve got to get you to hair and makeup, I’m sorry no one came to get you with a car, there must have been some kind of mistake.”
“I told them I could get here myself,” she explained, still not letting go of Puck’s hand. But this time it seemed like she just wanted to hold it. Puck noted that over the last 24 hours his life had been one big trip through Wacky Land. Of course, when one was hanging with Berry that was typical.
“Let’s get to the car then,” the queen assistant suggested. After walking out of the alley they found a van sitting at the curb waiting. It was not a limo, but he supposed if Rachel really wanted one, she would have had it pick her up at his apartment.
Another assistant opened the door and motioned for Rachel to get in. She finally released his hand and hopped in. Puck motioned for the assistants to get in with a “dozo” and a smile. When everyone but Puck was loaded into the van he went to shut the door. Rachel yipped.
“I told you I’d get you there, I didn’t say I’d go with you,” he reminded her. He figured he was in a pretty good position to bargain. The hand holding earlier had thrown him and he was not prepared for a walk through CrazyBerrytopia again. Now on the sidewalk by himself, his head was clear.
“Noah,” she whined and looked at him with those big brown eyes.
“Your powers have no hold on me, El Superstaro.”
“Puck!” he heard her stomp her foot like a child.
“Do I look like a minion?”
The car full of assistants looked very uncomfortable. It was their job to keep Berryzilla happy and he was definitely not helping them accomplish it. This wasn’t his problem though. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew he was testing her. He didn’t want to go, but how she reacted was going to help him make up his mind on this ‘getting back together’ issue.
Rachel wiggled her way out of the van and stood in front of him.
“Give me one reason to go with you,” Puck asked as she tapped her little foot in front of him, arms folded across her chest.
“You like me.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Yes, you do,” Rachel smiled coyly. “It’s why you brought me my ‘skinny ass soy girly latte’ and my favorite donuts.”
“Just because Krispy Kreme is around the corner from my apartment doesn’t mean I like you,” Puck said, but she was right. She didn’t need to know that, though.
“You miss me.” More coy smiles and flirty lashes came his way.
“Not even a little,” he lied.
“Then why did you call Kurt to talk you out of getting back together with me?”
“That’s not what we talked about.” But he could tell that she knew he was lying. Her hips were wiggling like they always did when she knew she was going to get her way. Damn, he hated her. Except he didn’t.
“Fine,” Puck conceded. Then he added. “But I want a million dollars.” He wasn’t serious, but he wasn’t just going to roll over either.
“Done.”
“Damn, I forgot you had that kinda money to play with,” Puck shook his head. “I don’t want it. That would be too easy. We’re going grocery shopping after the interviews.”
“We can just have someone do that for you,” she waved her hand at the van full of people watching the negotiations nervously.
“I thought you hated minions?” he said.
“I hate grocery shopping more.”
“If you want to be a real girl, you gotta do your own damn shopping,” Puck said with a little smile. He remembered she used to spend hours making a list and dreading the choices of fruit and veggies and God forbid having to see the meat! She hated the meat.
“Fine,” Rachel huffed. “Get in the van.”
“Say ‘please,’” he smiled.
“Please, accompany me,” she asked, sugary sweet.
When they finally got to the studio Puck stopped at the lobby of the tall building. He grabbed one of the assistants, “tell me you have a cigarette on you.”
“Hai,” the scrawny man said as he rustled in his pockets.
“What floor is it on?”
“Ninth floor,” the man said while handing Puck the cigarette and a lighter.
“What are you doing?” screeched Rachel. “I thought you quit smoking?”
“I did, but being around you has made me crave the nicotine,” he smiled that wicked smile. “I’m surprised your entire staff isn’t out here puffing away.”
“It’s disgusting,” she said.
“I know, I’ll meet you up there,” she stood in front of him on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek.
“Find some gum when you’re through,” she said as if they did this shit every day. “I’ll be waiting.”
Puck needed a minute to think. He’d entered the Twilight Zone or something. Why was she acting like that and why was he letting her?
“I’ve never seen her do that,” a tall kid who couldn’t be more than 22 walked toward Puck.
“What? Be almost human?” Puck replied.
“Yeah,” the guy lit a cigarette for himself. “She’s either yelling at someone or her nose is in the air and she won’t give you the time of day.”
Puck tilted his head and shrugged his shoulders. “Maybe she’s just having a good day.”
They stood in silence, both enjoying their smoke.
“You look familiar,” he said. “I’m Nathan.” He held out his hand for a shake. Puck ignored it.
“You probably saw my lame commercial selling ramen.” Puck could smell douche and this guy was oozing the stench.
“Why is the Devil herself being nice to you?” Nathan asked. “She doesn’t take time for commercial stars.”
“I’ll see you inside, man,” Puck said ignoring the question and putting out his cigarette.
As Puck hit the elevator button, Nathan followed him inside.
“You’re Noah Puckerman.”
“As I live and breathe,” Puck said in his best southern accent.
“I cannot imagine dating her. She’s so evil,” Nathan said brashly. “How did you manage to stick with her so long?”
“None of your damn business.” Puck was itching to hit this kid and he’d only known him four minutes. He hoped the elevator was the kind that went super fast.
“I bet you got a lot of ass,” Nathan prodded. “The staff, the fans, there are all kind of opportunities. And who could stay faithful to that bitch?”
Before Puck had even fully processed what the asshole had said, his fist was connecting with Nathan’s jaw. “No one calls Berry a bitch,” Puck glared at the kid holding his face. “Except me. And only because I really know her shit, you have no right.”
As if God was smiling, the elevator opened up to a huge studio and Puck walked off the elevator.
“Sumi ma sen,” he stopped a passing assistant. “Do you have some gum?” The assistant nodded and rushed off, then rushed right back. “Arigato gozaimasu.”
Rachel was easy to find after the assistant shuffled him off to a sort of green room.
“I was worried you might not come up,” Rachel said, smiling nervously.
“And miss the wheel of fun?” he smiled, trying to put her at ease. “Why do you have douche named Nathan working for you?”
“Mmm, Nathan?” Rachel asked. “Blond, bad teeth?” Puck chuckled at her description.
“Yeah, him. You should fire him.”
“My manager sent him, said he’d be great to replace my assistant,” Rachel said while flipping through a portfolio of dresses. “He did some work on the last tour. Seemed it was sufficient, but I don’t think he’s ready to be my assistant. And he smokes. I can’t have that near my instrument.” At that statement, she looked at him expectantly.
“Do I smell?”
“No, you always smell nice,” she smiled. Puck stuck out his tongue displaying the gum on it.
“Pass the Berry inspection?” he asked playfully. Damn. He was starting to get mushy about her.
“It does, thank you,” she said while patting the couch indicating he should sit. “What’s this about Nathan?”
“From this point on to be known as ‘Nathan the Douche,’” Puck said. “He needs to be fired. I just popped a cap in his ass for calling you a bitch.”
“You did what?!” Rachel screeched.
“Chill, Rach,” Puck said. “I just socked him in the jaw. You should be more concerned about what he did, not me. “
“You defended my honor,” Rachel smiled proudly. “You like me.”
“No, I don’t.” Puck turned from her and slumped on the couch. He pulled out his phone. “I was defending myself, too. It was just lucky the punch helped you out.”
“How is punching someone that calls me a…” Rachel paused, and then whispered “bitch defending yourself?”
He smiled at the way she whispered. That was the old Rachel. She still existed and she seemed to be coming out more. He’d seen more of her in the last 24 hours than he’d seen the last month of their relationship all those years ago. Maybe she really was changing.
“Doesn’t matter, the guy is a class one fuckin’ ass hat.”
“Your ability to use vulgarity always astonishes me,” she said in awe.
“That is so not the best I’ve got,” he said while texting. “Let’s go fire Nathan, I miss watching you fire people.”
“You miss me?” Rachel asked.
“No, I miss watching you fire people,” he said while standing. “You’re a force to be reckoned with. I wish I could have seen you dump Finn Hudson. I’m sure it was pure gold. Multiple occasions of pure gold.” Puck paused thinking of the many times she and Finn had broken up and how he’d missed almost all of them. What a waste.
“You know, for someone who isn’t fond of swear words, you can really tear someone up without them. It’s like magic.” Puck was starting to get a little worked up over the idea. He shook himself with excitement. “Let’s go!”
Rachel rolled her eyes and looked ready to give into Puck’s idea when a small Japanese man walked in. He had a headset and a clip board and Puck knew the firing would have to wait.
“Miss Berry, this way,” the man said with impeccable English.
Chapter: 2/?
Warning: R, Because not even Orbit can clean up Puck's dirty mouth.
Character: Puck/Rachel
Summary: 10 years in the future Puck and Rachel are stuck in first class together. Is there still a spark?
Word Count: 4,772
Beta: saavira, thank you!
Disclaimer: Obviously I don't own Glee. If I did, I would be vacaying somewhere tropical instead of spending all summer in my house in Japan trying not to die of heat and rain.
A/N: Sorry this took so long folks. I had some RL stuff happening and I also watched the first three seasons of Friday Night Lights. Don't think I wasn't trying to figure out an awesome crossover. (Don't worry, I won't actually write one.) I also updated the first chapter with a few changes that had been bugging me. You can read it here.
“Noah!” Rachel poked him roughly.
“What?” Puck said his voice rough with sleep. He did not roll over to face her, it would just encourage her to keep yapping.
“I just saw you on TV!” she squeaked.
“And?” he still wasn’t rolling over. He held onto a shred of hope he could just go back to sleep.
“It was a commercial!” she prodded him with the remote. “You didn’t tell me you did commercials!”
Puck regretted inviting her to stay in his apartment instead of just taking her to her fancy hotel. Against his better judgment he rolled over to face her. She was sitting primly next to him on the bed in a fancy nightgown that probably cost more than he was paid to make that stupid commercial.
“This is Japan. I’m a tall guy who isn’t Japanese,” he explained. “It’s easy money. Can I go back to sleep now?”
“I don’t know how you can sleep.” Rachel said. “I still don’t feel the tiniest bit tired.”
“That’s because you slept half the flight, totally JV traveling move.”
“You weren’t sleeping, too?” she asked. “I fell asleep practically on top of you, what did you do while I slept?”
Puck had spent the time smelling her hair, noticing the new lines on her face, admiring her legs, thinking about how them getting back together was probably the worst idea in the history of light bulbs. “Played my PSP,” Puck said.
“How much did you get paid to do that commercial?” Rachel asked as he rolled over to go back to sleep.
“You make a bajillion dollars, why do you care how much money I made making a Japanese commercial?” he asked.
“I’m just curious,” she replied. “You obviously live well here, although this apartment is very small,” she looked around the bedroom and continued, “but I’ve heard real estate here is not what I’m used to." Puck rolled his eyes. “What did you make?”
Puck gave in and sat up. “Was it ramen or a camera?” He obviously wasn’t going to go back to sleep with the chatterbox next to him.
“A camera commercial.” She scooted closer to him on the bed.
“In dollars or yen?”
“Obviously, since I don’t know the current exchange rate I would need the US figure,” Rachel said. Puck could tell she wasn’t being snotty, so much as being her normal, wordy, precise self. Hollywood hadn’t stolen that from her personality.
“About 800 bucks.”
“And how long was the shoot?” Rachel asked.
“I dunno, a couple hours.” Puck answered, shrugging his shoulders.
“That’s appropriate.” She seemed appeased so he yawned and started to get comfortable again.
“Noah…”she started again as soon as his eyes were closed.
“What?!” The little patience he had was completely exhausted.
“I’m scared,” her voice was tiny.
“Why?” he asked in a nicer tone.
“Haven’t you ever seen that movie The Grudge?” she answered. He started to laugh and she smacked his arm.
“It’s not funny, it was a very scary movie and it took place in Tokyo, guess where we are now?”
“You’ve got to be kidding me!” Puck groaned. “Do you know how many horror movies are set in Japan? Go to sleep. No big bad ghost with crappy hair is gonna get you. I’ll drop kick ‘em…” Rachel beamed at the statement. “Not for coming after you, but for interrupting my sleep again.” Her smile fell at that, but he just wanted to get some sleep.
“Fine,” no sooner had she lay down next to him, she piped up again. “I can’t sleep.”
“Oh, good God!” Puck roared. “Listen Rach, you’ve got three choices here: you go to sleep here, or I call a car to take you to your actual hotel to do whatever the hell you want, or we have some crazy, nasty, sex to make up for the fact that you are keeping me awake for lame ass reasons. Survey says?”
Rachel snuggled down into her pillow meekly. “I’ll go to sleep.”
They went to sleep deliberately not touching, but as any two people who used to share a bed would do, they ended up cuddled together. Puck woke up holding Rachel close to his chest. Thankfully, he was up before she was (it was his time zone) and could pull away before she woke. Maybe she wouldn’t notice it.
After carefully sliding out of bed, Puck picked up his phone and headed into the other room and dialed.
“How may I help you Pucky Poo?” Kurt answered.
“Never call me that,” Puck growled.
“Just trying it out…it doesn’t suit you anyways,” Kurt said.
“Hey, uh, how come you didn’t mention the famous Rachel Berry was heading to my neck of the woods?”
“Tokyo’s a big place, right?” Kurt asked. “I figured the odds of the two of you bumping into each other were like the odds of Finn Hudson calling me for a date.”
“You realize I left Lima yesterday, right?”
“Oh no,” Kurt said. “You ran into Rachel LAX?”
“We sat next to each other for a nine hour ride.”
“And you didn’t kill her?” Kurt asked nervously. “I haven’t heard rumors of her death.”
“Nope,” Puck replied proudly. “Wanted to, but didn’t.”
“Did you sleep with her?”
“Not technically.” Puck answered. “Wait, what do you care?” He raised his voice but as soon as he did it he remembered the sleeping girl in his apartment. He really didn’t want her to know that he cared so much as to call Kurt about her.
“Put your briefs back on, Puck,” Kurt said with that dismissive tone of his. “You know me, I love the juicy details. Are you guys going to get back together? She’s not seeing anyone.”
“Tell me again why you keep up with Rachel’s life?” Puck asked. “It’s not like you two ever got along…ever.”
“I’m a gossip columnist, Puck,” he could tell Kurt was smiling. “Everything you say to me right now will be going into a column.”
“You think I won’t beat the shit out of you before your fingers hit send?” he said it, but he knew Kurt really wouldn’t say anything. They were just bantering back and forth per their usual routine.
“Sorry, I forgot how you hate my profession,” Kurt said. “Why are you calling me anyways, especially knowing that it might end up on the internet?”
“You’re the only person whose number I had laying around,” Puck said. He was lying. Kurt was the only one that could talk him out of Rachel Berry. Artie and Tina would think it was romantic. He hadn’t talked to Hudson or Q, not since their wedding. Santana was very busy being an environmentalist and his friends in Japan had no idea that he had once been the boyfriend to a famous pop star. If he called his mom or sister they would just try to talk him into it. Kurt was his fucking Obi Wan.
“So, what is your purpose in calling?” Kurt asked. “You didn’t sleep with her, you didn’t kill her, oh my God, do you want advice from me?!” he squealed.
“No, I don’t want advice,” Puck sighed. “You’re more Perez Hilton than Dear Abby. I just…”Puck paused wondering what he wanted from Kurt. “Remind me why I hate her…”
“She slept with Zac Efron while filming Grand Stand.”
“No, she didn’t.” Puck knew that was a total fabrication because he’d been on set and Efron was gayer than Kurt. That hot girlfriend of his was a total beard.
“She wore that thing with the feathers to the AMAs that one time.”
“You have the most lame ass reasons to hate her,” Puck replied. “You gonna bring up the fact she stole all your solos in high school, too?”
“Someone sounds like they don’t hate the diva at all,” Kurt said with a hint of teasing. “You want to get back together, don’t you?”
“What’s that? I can’t hear you. I’m too busy being more bad ass than you.” Puck hung up the phone and walked into his kitchen. He needed food to think clearly.
Of course, he had no food because he’d been stateside for almost a month. He checked on Rachel and with the sound of her heavy breathing, he knew he’d have time to run out and grab something.
Nine years ago
“Why, Noah Puckerman, I didn’t know you could cook!” Rachel said as she stretched. Puck popped his head into the bedroom.
“I didn’t,” he smiled coyly. “I paid the homeless guy on the corner to come up and do it.”
“You’re joking! Tell me you’re joking!” Rachel’s voice became shrill as she pulled the covers around her for modesty. “You know that he could be infected with all kinds of disease!”
“I’m joking, geez Berry, he’s a homeless person not a sewer rat.” Puck rolled his eyes and brought in a tray full of food into the bedroom.
“So, about last night…” Rachel started.
“Eat your French toast.” Puck cut her off, handing her a fork. “It’s delicious and I found a recipe with bananas instead of eggs.”
“For me?” Rachel smiled. “How is it possible that you’ve hidden these cooking skills from me?”
“You know my mom worked a lot, so she taught me how to make stuff. So my sister and I didn’t live off Mickey D’s Dollar Menu. I don’t do it a ton now cause I’m too lazy,” he smiled while picking up his own fork. “But I crave French toast like a pregnant chick, so I make it a lot. I like it with bacon, but neither of us had any.”
Rachel shook her head. He was a terrible Jew.
“What are we doing?” she asked quietly. Puck didn’t need a magic eight ball to tell him some big speech about the two of them finally sleeping together was in his near future
Everyone just assumed they’d done the nasty back at McKinley, but they hadn’t. Not even almost. Okay, maybe almost. That time she found out Finn had turned in his V Card to Santana, Rachel had come to him in tears. And one thing led to another, but inexplicably he couldn’t do it. So yeah, here they were first day post sexy times and she wanted to talk. Why did girls always want to talk this shit out? Why not just go with the flow?
“We’re eating breakfast,” Puck replied. Rachel dropped her fork. Her mood turned faster than Quinn without Cocoa Pebbles for breakfast those last few weeks of her pregnancy.
“Noah, is this just a fling for you?” she asked clearly frustrated.
“I don’t want to talk about this right now!” Puck stood up for no other reason than to stand. He paced back and forth.
“By the look of you, I’d say you’re feeling backed into a corner,” Rachel glared at him. “So fine, it was nothing, just get out.”
“People that fuck just to fuck,” he said making sure to use the harshest language he could as he knew she hated it “don’t make French toast the next morning.” He grabbed his shirt and slammed the door on his way out of the apartment.
When he came in the door he heard Rachel on the phone. Puck stepped out of his shoes and headed into the kitchen with his bag. Rachel walked in as he was putting the milk away.
“You brought coffee?” Rachel asked hopefully.
“Skinny ass soy girly latte,” Puck handed her the cup. “Just how you like it.”
“You should come with me today,” Rachel said, taking sip of her latte.
“I was not auditioning to be your assistant with that drink,” Puck replied.
“Are those Krispy Kreme?” Puck nodded while Rachel grabbed the box. “I didn’t know they had them here!”
“It’s Japan not Somalia, and the way Krispy Kreme is branching out, they probably have it in Somalia.” Before he had finished talking she had downed an entire donut. He liked Mister Donut more but Krispy Kreme was closer and he knew she loved them especially since they were the first chain to start carrying a vegan donut. “I guess you’re not on any kind of carb restricting diet.”
“Do I need to diet?” Rachel choked on her donut for a minute. “Do I look bad?”
“No, you look hot,” Puck said it like it wasn’t a compliment. “But I figured all these years in the biz you wouldn’t eat real food anymore.”
“I like real food.”
“I can see that, you’ve got powdered sugar all over your face.” Rachel brought her hand up to her mouth to cover it.
“I’m just gonna go change.” As she walked off she kept talking, “I meant it about coming with me. It could be fun.”
“It will be in no way fun,” he said dryly as he searched for a suitable donut.
“Oh come on, I’m just doing two interviews.” Rachel popped out of the bathroom with a curling iron stuck to her head. “And you said you wanted to see me on Japanese TV.”
“I hate junket crap, you know that.” He remembered all the times she dragged him to her never ending interviews. They were so boring. Then again, this was Japanese TV. It might be a little fun.
“Do you need the address so a car can come pick you up?” he asked while settling on the chocolate crueler.
“No, I told them I’d get there myself,” Rachel replied, this time popping out with a makeup brush in her hand.
“Oh yeah?” Puck shook his head. “How are you going to get to a studio for a shoot if you have no idea how to flush the toilet in my apartment?”
“You’re coming with me.” He hated the way she decided crap like that for him. He mentally placed that on the Con side of the list. Con: Rachel doesn’t take ‘no’ for an answer.
As they got onto the train Rachel pulled her coat up around her. There was nowhere to sit so they stood by the door.
“We could have taken a cab, God knows you can afford it,” he whispered to her like they were in a library.
“Why are you whispering?” she replied in that loud, stupid American voice.
“Do you see anyone else making a ruckus with their conversations?” She turned around and noticed all the people texting or whispering quietly to one another. A few older people were reading books and there was a kid playing DS on the other side of a sleeping grandma. The kid got up and headed for the door all by himself exiting the train at the next stop.
“Why is that kid leaving without his grandma?” Rachel asked worried, quieter than before, but still nowhere near a whisper.
“That’s obviously not his grandma.”
“But, he couldn’t be more than six,” Rachel said, concern still evident in her voice.
“Yeah, so, the kid’s gotta get to school.” Rachel still looked confused and worried. “Rachel, this is Tokyo, not New York. That kid is perfectly safe on his own.”
“That is so strange” Rachel said still shocked.
“Welcome to Japan,” Puck said. “That won’t be the strangest thing you see today. Did you ask them for someone to meet us at the station?”
“Yes, they said someone would meet us at the West Exit,” Rachel replied. “Why do we need someone to meet us? Can’t we just find it ourselves?”
“You can try all you want, but I’m not up for that guessing game,” Puck answered calmly. “I thought you loved minions.”
“I used to.”
“Right, you’re the new Rachel Berry who doesn’t like fame,” Puck said expecting some kind of a reaction. But none came. “Have you been abducted by aliens? Or Jehovah’s Witnesses?”
“No,” Rachel sighed. “Why did you call Kurt?”
“Now you’ve got super powers? Seriously, was there a radioactive fame hating spider that bit you?” Rachel just rolled her eyes and huffed. “How do you know I called Kurt and not one of my girlfriends?”
For a minute, Rachel looked a little hurt. Then she recovered confidently.
“You said something about beating him up before he hit send. You were definitely talking to Kurt, or Us Weekly, but that’s not likely. And why do you still talk to Kurt?”
“Listen Veronica Mars, back off the interrogation” Puck said. “This is our stop.”
“How can you tell?”
“I’ve been paying attention and they just announced it, get ready to push,” He warned.
“What?”
As the doors open, Rachel took in the sea of people in front of her. Puck started to walk, but Rachel couldn’t. It was like she was stuck. Puck turned around, grabbed her hand, and started to drag her.
“What’s a matter?” Puck spoke over the din. “You only know how to handle massive amounts of people if they are begging for an autograph?”
Puck supposed this must be different than fans. These people had a singular purpose, to get on a train. Everyone always said the Japanese were polite, and that was mostly true, but in a train station (or crosswalk) all bets were off. You could be politely trampled to death.
Once they were out of the fray and heading to the exit, Puck dropped Rachel’s hand, but she promptly grabbed it again. He might think it was cute except she had that death grip again and a wild look in her eyes.
“You are bound and determined to help me lose my hand, aren’t you?” he teased.
“I don’t want to get lost,” Rachel said. “I don’t usually travel like this. It’s a little scarier than I thought it would be.”
“It’s not like anywhere you’ve ever been,” Puck stopped at the gate and pulled his card out and her ticket. “When was the last time you rode anywhere on the subway?”
“It’s been years.”
“Rachel Berry, welcome back to the real world.”
As they came up the steps of the West Exit he saw a small entourage just in front of them. They had umbrellas, even though it was only cloudy, and all had cell phones out. An American woman waved her hand and came running over.
“Ms. Berry,” she started. “We’ve got to get you to hair and makeup, I’m sorry no one came to get you with a car, there must have been some kind of mistake.”
“I told them I could get here myself,” she explained, still not letting go of Puck’s hand. But this time it seemed like she just wanted to hold it. Puck noted that over the last 24 hours his life had been one big trip through Wacky Land. Of course, when one was hanging with Berry that was typical.
“Let’s get to the car then,” the queen assistant suggested. After walking out of the alley they found a van sitting at the curb waiting. It was not a limo, but he supposed if Rachel really wanted one, she would have had it pick her up at his apartment.
Another assistant opened the door and motioned for Rachel to get in. She finally released his hand and hopped in. Puck motioned for the assistants to get in with a “dozo” and a smile. When everyone but Puck was loaded into the van he went to shut the door. Rachel yipped.
“I told you I’d get you there, I didn’t say I’d go with you,” he reminded her. He figured he was in a pretty good position to bargain. The hand holding earlier had thrown him and he was not prepared for a walk through CrazyBerrytopia again. Now on the sidewalk by himself, his head was clear.
“Noah,” she whined and looked at him with those big brown eyes.
“Your powers have no hold on me, El Superstaro.”
“Puck!” he heard her stomp her foot like a child.
“Do I look like a minion?”
The car full of assistants looked very uncomfortable. It was their job to keep Berryzilla happy and he was definitely not helping them accomplish it. This wasn’t his problem though. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew he was testing her. He didn’t want to go, but how she reacted was going to help him make up his mind on this ‘getting back together’ issue.
Rachel wiggled her way out of the van and stood in front of him.
“Give me one reason to go with you,” Puck asked as she tapped her little foot in front of him, arms folded across her chest.
“You like me.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Yes, you do,” Rachel smiled coyly. “It’s why you brought me my ‘skinny ass soy girly latte’ and my favorite donuts.”
“Just because Krispy Kreme is around the corner from my apartment doesn’t mean I like you,” Puck said, but she was right. She didn’t need to know that, though.
“You miss me.” More coy smiles and flirty lashes came his way.
“Not even a little,” he lied.
“Then why did you call Kurt to talk you out of getting back together with me?”
“That’s not what we talked about.” But he could tell that she knew he was lying. Her hips were wiggling like they always did when she knew she was going to get her way. Damn, he hated her. Except he didn’t.
“Fine,” Puck conceded. Then he added. “But I want a million dollars.” He wasn’t serious, but he wasn’t just going to roll over either.
“Done.”
“Damn, I forgot you had that kinda money to play with,” Puck shook his head. “I don’t want it. That would be too easy. We’re going grocery shopping after the interviews.”
“We can just have someone do that for you,” she waved her hand at the van full of people watching the negotiations nervously.
“I thought you hated minions?” he said.
“I hate grocery shopping more.”
“If you want to be a real girl, you gotta do your own damn shopping,” Puck said with a little smile. He remembered she used to spend hours making a list and dreading the choices of fruit and veggies and God forbid having to see the meat! She hated the meat.
“Fine,” Rachel huffed. “Get in the van.”
“Say ‘please,’” he smiled.
“Please, accompany me,” she asked, sugary sweet.
When they finally got to the studio Puck stopped at the lobby of the tall building. He grabbed one of the assistants, “tell me you have a cigarette on you.”
“Hai,” the scrawny man said as he rustled in his pockets.
“What floor is it on?”
“Ninth floor,” the man said while handing Puck the cigarette and a lighter.
“What are you doing?” screeched Rachel. “I thought you quit smoking?”
“I did, but being around you has made me crave the nicotine,” he smiled that wicked smile. “I’m surprised your entire staff isn’t out here puffing away.”
“It’s disgusting,” she said.
“I know, I’ll meet you up there,” she stood in front of him on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek.
“Find some gum when you’re through,” she said as if they did this shit every day. “I’ll be waiting.”
Puck needed a minute to think. He’d entered the Twilight Zone or something. Why was she acting like that and why was he letting her?
“I’ve never seen her do that,” a tall kid who couldn’t be more than 22 walked toward Puck.
“What? Be almost human?” Puck replied.
“Yeah,” the guy lit a cigarette for himself. “She’s either yelling at someone or her nose is in the air and she won’t give you the time of day.”
Puck tilted his head and shrugged his shoulders. “Maybe she’s just having a good day.”
They stood in silence, both enjoying their smoke.
“You look familiar,” he said. “I’m Nathan.” He held out his hand for a shake. Puck ignored it.
“You probably saw my lame commercial selling ramen.” Puck could smell douche and this guy was oozing the stench.
“Why is the Devil herself being nice to you?” Nathan asked. “She doesn’t take time for commercial stars.”
“I’ll see you inside, man,” Puck said ignoring the question and putting out his cigarette.
As Puck hit the elevator button, Nathan followed him inside.
“You’re Noah Puckerman.”
“As I live and breathe,” Puck said in his best southern accent.
“I cannot imagine dating her. She’s so evil,” Nathan said brashly. “How did you manage to stick with her so long?”
“None of your damn business.” Puck was itching to hit this kid and he’d only known him four minutes. He hoped the elevator was the kind that went super fast.
“I bet you got a lot of ass,” Nathan prodded. “The staff, the fans, there are all kind of opportunities. And who could stay faithful to that bitch?”
Before Puck had even fully processed what the asshole had said, his fist was connecting with Nathan’s jaw. “No one calls Berry a bitch,” Puck glared at the kid holding his face. “Except me. And only because I really know her shit, you have no right.”
As if God was smiling, the elevator opened up to a huge studio and Puck walked off the elevator.
“Sumi ma sen,” he stopped a passing assistant. “Do you have some gum?” The assistant nodded and rushed off, then rushed right back. “Arigato gozaimasu.”
Rachel was easy to find after the assistant shuffled him off to a sort of green room.
“I was worried you might not come up,” Rachel said, smiling nervously.
“And miss the wheel of fun?” he smiled, trying to put her at ease. “Why do you have douche named Nathan working for you?”
“Mmm, Nathan?” Rachel asked. “Blond, bad teeth?” Puck chuckled at her description.
“Yeah, him. You should fire him.”
“My manager sent him, said he’d be great to replace my assistant,” Rachel said while flipping through a portfolio of dresses. “He did some work on the last tour. Seemed it was sufficient, but I don’t think he’s ready to be my assistant. And he smokes. I can’t have that near my instrument.” At that statement, she looked at him expectantly.
“Do I smell?”
“No, you always smell nice,” she smiled. Puck stuck out his tongue displaying the gum on it.
“Pass the Berry inspection?” he asked playfully. Damn. He was starting to get mushy about her.
“It does, thank you,” she said while patting the couch indicating he should sit. “What’s this about Nathan?”
“From this point on to be known as ‘Nathan the Douche,’” Puck said. “He needs to be fired. I just popped a cap in his ass for calling you a bitch.”
“You did what?!” Rachel screeched.
“Chill, Rach,” Puck said. “I just socked him in the jaw. You should be more concerned about what he did, not me. “
“You defended my honor,” Rachel smiled proudly. “You like me.”
“No, I don’t.” Puck turned from her and slumped on the couch. He pulled out his phone. “I was defending myself, too. It was just lucky the punch helped you out.”
“How is punching someone that calls me a…” Rachel paused, and then whispered “bitch defending yourself?”
He smiled at the way she whispered. That was the old Rachel. She still existed and she seemed to be coming out more. He’d seen more of her in the last 24 hours than he’d seen the last month of their relationship all those years ago. Maybe she really was changing.
“Doesn’t matter, the guy is a class one fuckin’ ass hat.”
“Your ability to use vulgarity always astonishes me,” she said in awe.
“That is so not the best I’ve got,” he said while texting. “Let’s go fire Nathan, I miss watching you fire people.”
“You miss me?” Rachel asked.
“No, I miss watching you fire people,” he said while standing. “You’re a force to be reckoned with. I wish I could have seen you dump Finn Hudson. I’m sure it was pure gold. Multiple occasions of pure gold.” Puck paused thinking of the many times she and Finn had broken up and how he’d missed almost all of them. What a waste.
“You know, for someone who isn’t fond of swear words, you can really tear someone up without them. It’s like magic.” Puck was starting to get a little worked up over the idea. He shook himself with excitement. “Let’s go!”
Rachel rolled her eyes and looked ready to give into Puck’s idea when a small Japanese man walked in. He had a headset and a clip board and Puck knew the firing would have to wait.
“Miss Berry, this way,” the man said with impeccable English.