Exploration of self.
I can't stand to look at myself. My body is that much of an eyesore to me... it's misshapen, deformed, just WRONG.
After three years on hormones, however, the sensations are a lot different than before. Though I can't stand to look at it, exploring it on a tactile level is a different experience... feeling the sensations, noting what happens when i lightly touch one place, or grab another place roughly. It's mind-blowing at times. I can't stand the way it appears still - too masculine in places, overweight, scarred... but at least it's starting to feel less like something that should just be tossed out with the bathwater, and more like something that has some potential for salvage.
After three years on hormones, however, the sensations are a lot different than before. Though I can't stand to look at it, exploring it on a tactile level is a different experience... feeling the sensations, noting what happens when i lightly touch one place, or grab another place roughly. It's mind-blowing at times. I can't stand the way it appears still - too masculine in places, overweight, scarred... but at least it's starting to feel less like something that should just be tossed out with the bathwater, and more like something that has some potential for salvage.