back from korea pt. 2
im still in the process of overcoming jetlag, so i fall asleep around 9 and get up around 5. still thinking that im in korea, i [excitedly] get online as soon as i wake up, expecting a whole crowd of people to be online because hey, it's 6 pm in america!
not so.
korea was definitely a Good Thing. six weeks that could have been spent with friends turned into six weeks i spent with myself. starting from the plane ride there (even though my grandma went with me, she was in an upper class of the airplane, so i was "deserted" in the economy), i was alone. once i got to korea, i spent most of my time with my dad, but he was at work during the day, leaving me in an empty house (which almost never happened in the states; someone was almost always around). since my relatives are located all over korea, i traveled a lot as well, most of the time using KTX (high-speed trains). and who accompanied me? bingo, myself.
when i had to spend time with people, they were Instant Relationships--a few hours spent together, usually over a meal. im fairly good at leaving good impressions during I.R.s, so of course everyone thought me as ms. angel. "your parents must be so proud of you!" "[addressing my dad, if he was there], she has grown up to be such a fine lady!" etc. constant repetition of such things made me actually believe i was a masterpiece created by my parents, which caused me to 1) have an enormous amount of self pride, and 2) be incredibly thankful to my parents for not "failing." believing really is a powerful thing: once i "knew" in my heart that i was a Good Person, i started acting like one. before i left the states, i was little ms. bitch. i tried to be nice on the outside (but failed even then), but pointed out all the bad parts of somebody inside (or with jennifer, haha). swearing was a common thing. well, swearing didn't bode so well in korea since i dont know any of the modern cuss words and even if i did, there wasn't anyone to really use it at because no one bothered me particularly (nor was i driving). i wasn't around anybody long to enough to find out things to hate him/her for (and my dad doesn't count because I could never hate him). basically, conditions were outstanding for me to become nice again.
i don't know how long this will last, but i definitely feel detoxified, mostly emotionally. i try not to get angry at people, because most of the time they didn't do something to make me mad (at least i tell myself that). i try not to shit talk, because of something my aunt told me: if you talk badly about somebody behind their backs, it's bound to get to somebody else, although perhaps not the person himself. people tend to exaggerate, so bad impressions of somebody can be left on other people who don't even know this guy (or girl). the same applies to why i shouldnt be in bad terms with anybody--that person could spread bad words about me which could get to people i dont even know, who will no doubt think of me as a horrible person even before meeting me, therefore limiting the scope of people i could befriend.
and im proud to say God is becoming a presence in my life. my aunt talked to me about it in Korea, and today a distant uncle and aunt visited with the primary purpose of bringing our family to church (so i got a Bible). even though i still sometimes wonder if all these religious people are actually lured into a humongous cult, and if all those extremely religious people (i.e. the ones who speak in tongue, hear God's voice, etc.) are all suffering from mild to severe mental diseases, im going to give it a shot because it can't hurt to believe that someone loves me unconditionally and will bless me with a spot in heaven if i live a good life and (here's the hook) believe in Him and that He's the one responsible for my making, etc. (i need some more education regarding what exactly im supposed to believe). it's easy to become negative in such a scary world, but believing makes you thankful of the smallest things. even if you don't want to believe in God, the concept seems to provide the ideal state of mind. and perhaps im rambling again, haha.
still haven't uploaded pictures yet. whooops.
not so.
korea was definitely a Good Thing. six weeks that could have been spent with friends turned into six weeks i spent with myself. starting from the plane ride there (even though my grandma went with me, she was in an upper class of the airplane, so i was "deserted" in the economy), i was alone. once i got to korea, i spent most of my time with my dad, but he was at work during the day, leaving me in an empty house (which almost never happened in the states; someone was almost always around). since my relatives are located all over korea, i traveled a lot as well, most of the time using KTX (high-speed trains). and who accompanied me? bingo, myself.
when i had to spend time with people, they were Instant Relationships--a few hours spent together, usually over a meal. im fairly good at leaving good impressions during I.R.s, so of course everyone thought me as ms. angel. "your parents must be so proud of you!" "[addressing my dad, if he was there], she has grown up to be such a fine lady!" etc. constant repetition of such things made me actually believe i was a masterpiece created by my parents, which caused me to 1) have an enormous amount of self pride, and 2) be incredibly thankful to my parents for not "failing." believing really is a powerful thing: once i "knew" in my heart that i was a Good Person, i started acting like one. before i left the states, i was little ms. bitch. i tried to be nice on the outside (but failed even then), but pointed out all the bad parts of somebody inside (or with jennifer, haha). swearing was a common thing. well, swearing didn't bode so well in korea since i dont know any of the modern cuss words and even if i did, there wasn't anyone to really use it at because no one bothered me particularly (nor was i driving). i wasn't around anybody long to enough to find out things to hate him/her for (and my dad doesn't count because I could never hate him). basically, conditions were outstanding for me to become nice again.
i don't know how long this will last, but i definitely feel detoxified, mostly emotionally. i try not to get angry at people, because most of the time they didn't do something to make me mad (at least i tell myself that). i try not to shit talk, because of something my aunt told me: if you talk badly about somebody behind their backs, it's bound to get to somebody else, although perhaps not the person himself. people tend to exaggerate, so bad impressions of somebody can be left on other people who don't even know this guy (or girl). the same applies to why i shouldnt be in bad terms with anybody--that person could spread bad words about me which could get to people i dont even know, who will no doubt think of me as a horrible person even before meeting me, therefore limiting the scope of people i could befriend.
and im proud to say God is becoming a presence in my life. my aunt talked to me about it in Korea, and today a distant uncle and aunt visited with the primary purpose of bringing our family to church (so i got a Bible). even though i still sometimes wonder if all these religious people are actually lured into a humongous cult, and if all those extremely religious people (i.e. the ones who speak in tongue, hear God's voice, etc.) are all suffering from mild to severe mental diseases, im going to give it a shot because it can't hurt to believe that someone loves me unconditionally and will bless me with a spot in heaven if i live a good life and (here's the hook) believe in Him and that He's the one responsible for my making, etc. (i need some more education regarding what exactly im supposed to believe). it's easy to become negative in such a scary world, but believing makes you thankful of the smallest things. even if you don't want to believe in God, the concept seems to provide the ideal state of mind. and perhaps im rambling again, haha.
still haven't uploaded pictures yet. whooops.