of endings
Despite a restless night in which I was too excited to sleep until past four, I was up bright and early for my Psych final. The studying and painful construction of little memory tricks worked wonderfully - I'm pretty damn sure I aced it. After class was over, I headed straight for the computer lab to print my paper, and hauled it off to Goodman Hall. The I's are dotted, the T's are crossed, everything is cited, signed, and turned in.
I AM FREE FOR THE NEXT MONTH.
GOD YES.
The only thing is, I'm freaking exhausted. Turned my mom down to hang out today - I needed sleep.
Oh, also. During that restless night?
I finished Twilight.
Here's my verdict:
It's an okay book. Easiest read I've had in a while, but then again, I'm used to dry, turn-of-the-century stuff, so that could just be me. I have no respect for it as a piece of literature. The characters are cardboard-cutouts with shaky motivations. I give that it is plausible - if you turn your head and squint and ignore a few things. The concept has potential, and with some work, the mythos could be legitimate. There's nothing at all that can be done about the sparkling, though.
I do not hate Bella. However, I do dislike her rather intensely. She's got no reason for what she does, and is basically the author oops, I mean reader-proxy character and is dragged around by Meyer like a puppet. All the boys being into her I could understand, as it's a tiny, tiny high school, and she's fresh meat. However, if she gives them the cold shoulder, they're not going to risk previous friendships and stalk her. that's Edward's job Bros before hos, anyone? It is not a requirement of a literary heroine to be pursued by every male she comes into contact with. (There's only one human girl who dislikes her, and said girl is protrayed as ugly with fish-eyes and a nasal voice. I'll get to Rosalie in a minute.)
Which brings me to Jacob. I just....I dunno, I like him less now that I've read the book. I'm guessing it's the Stephenie Meyer character treatment - he's so damn flat. He builds cars, though, and that's kind of cute. I took an issue with Bella flirting with him to get information. Dude. He's fifteen. And he's actually nice, and you think you might want to be friends with him. But nooo, you're all EDWARD EDWARD EDWARD I MUST FIND OUT ABOUT EDWARD SO I WILL TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THIS POOR SAP'S FEELINGS FOR ME. Bitch. lol I could so crack a wolf joke here
But while I was reading it, I had a strange experience. Every time Bella did something I did, like READ OLDER LIT FOR FUN, or be passive-LIFE ISN'T FAIR, I found myself noticing it much more than I would in another character. I'm chalking this up to Meyer writing her as a reader-proxy, who behaves like the reader would like to behave (i.e. little fear of Edward, taking stupid risks to advance the story and TRUE LOVE OMG, everyone wants her after seventeen years of never being noticed ever) and her choice to write it in first-person helps with that. She has no defining character traits, making her shoes ridiculously easy to slip into. Alarm bells went off in my head the first time, and sirens blared the second, third, and fourth. She reminds me more of my sister than anything else.
Anyway. ON TO THE SPARKLEPIRES.
Edward Cullen? I could care less about. He's a creeper. From watching her around her house to watching her sleep to tasting her tears.... All right. All of it, I could understand, if I tried. It can be seen as plausible. But these are not qualities of a romantic hero. Bella is not supposed to find out that Edward followed her on her shopping trip with her girl-friends (who she doesn't care about) and think, WOW, THAT SORT OF GIVES ME WARM FUZZIES. To her credit, she thinks that she should be creeped out, but that doesn't redeem her LOL YOU'RE DANGEROUS BUT I DON'T CARE BECAUSE I'M SO IN LOOOOOOOVE WITH YOOOOOOOOU MAKE ME A VAMPIRE EDWARD SO I CAN STAY WITH YOU FOREVER AND DON'T HAVE TO GET OLD AND UGLY LIKE EVERYONE ELSE~~~
Anyway. Edward's personality is a bit easier to understand in the books, and the fluctuation makes a bit more sense. However, he has very few defining character traits beside his CREEPINESS and OVER-PROTECTIVENESS OF BELLA. It's painfully obvious that he's there to be utterly perfect in every way and you're supposed to fall in true vampire loooooooove with him. I'm pretty indifferent. The whole vampire concept could be made to work, with tweaking. However, Meyer focuses on all the wrong things. I'm trying to legitimize it, and may make a seperate post about that. But Edward himself bores me.
Although I admit to laughing every time Bella compares him to a Greek god, because this is the mental image I get:
That's right: even the beard sparkles, right down to the last ringlet.
The other Cullens are varying steps away from cardboard cut-outs. Alice is spunky and knows everything. Jasper exists to calm Bella down with his emotion-controlling-powers. Rosalie is a hot bitch who HATES BELLA. Emmet is fucking strong. Esme loves Bella because OMG MOTHER. And Carlisle is nice. To everyone.
....okay, maybe I'm not being quite fair. I did like some of the Cullens, and they've got a bit more to them than that.
Alice has a sort of neat backstory. She was in an asylum because she had some precognition powers, but doesn't remember anything before being turned. However, she's protrayed as a NICE GIRL WHO IS ON BELA AND EDWARD'S SIDE AND IS FUN AND GRACEFUL AND OH BTW REVEALS INFORMATION AND POKES THE PLOT ALONG AND GUESS WHAT BELLA'S GONNA BE A VAMP SOONER OR LATER SPOILERS LOLOLOL. She's a walking spoiler machine. I did like her a lot, and she was handled better than some of the other characters, but so much more could have been done with her.
Jasper....exists to calm Bella down with his emotion-controlling powers. And look slightly pained. And be arm-candy for Rosalie. Apparently, he was very charismatic in life. It'd be nice to see some of this through something other than BECAUSE BELLA SAYS SO.
Rosalie.....is just a really hot bitch who HATES BELLA. Apparently, she's also jealous of Bella for being human, as she wants to be human herself. Other than that, she has no personality, a common trend in this book. Ah,well, at least she doesn't fall into the OMG ONLY UGLY PEOPLE HATE BELLA thing.
Emmett is strong. And a jock. And violent. Pretty boring as a character, although he does say some things that I wished I could say. He also mocks Bella and her clumsiness, which won him a few points.
Now, Esme (whose name I can't read without thinking of Granny Weatherwax, god help me GRANNY AND RYUUKEN FOREVER OH GOD YES) is EVERYONE'S MOM. She collects children like Pokemon, because she lost a child a long time ago and tried to kill herself over it. I wish she would do more than just FILL THE ROLE OF MOM-FIGURE AND LOVE BELLA BECAUSE EDWARD HER BELOVED SON HAS FOUND LOVE AT LAST AND BELLA IS CHANGING HIM AND FINALLY EDWARD WILL BE HAPPY. She could be a cool character - heck, all of them could - if they weren't so one-dimensional.
......and now we come to Carlisle. Hooo boy. Those of you who know me know I'm horribly biased toward Carlisle. SHUT UP SHUT UP JUST BECAUSE HE'S LIKE THREE HUNDRED AND SIXTY YEARS OLD AND PROBABLY HAS MANUSCRIPTS FROM THE NINTEENTH CENTURY IN THOSE BOOKSHELVES IN HIS OFFICE. */////* CURSE MY THING FOR MEN WITH BIG LIBRARIES. AND NOT ONE WORD ABOUT THE DOCTOR THING. My trouble is, I really like nice guys, and Carlisle's defining character trait is his OMG KINDNESS AND COMPASSION. Sorry, but I find his training-himself-to-control-his-bloodlust-and-becoming-a-doctor-as-penance-for-being-a-demon much more compelling than Bella's OH MY GOD EDWARD HE'S SO TRAGIC AND MYSTERIOUS AND HE TRIES SO HARD NOT TO BE A MONSTER BY LIVING ON ANIMAL BLOOOOOD. Now, to be fair, he's also pretty flat, and exists to be nice to everyone. There's no struggle with anything anymore. He's just a little too perfect to be a legitimate character.
That's the trouble with the vampires. They're sparkly and beautiful and much too perfect. Even if they do have flaws, they barely count. Rosalie may be the most flawed one of the bunch, and she's a bitch just because. Or maybe I'm imagining it, because she got the least screentime of anyone in the book. That's also a trend: the less a character appears, the more appealing they seem, because Meyer hasn't had a chance to butcher them yet.
One last note on Carlisle, though. I think Charlie's gay for him. Just sayin'. >.>
Speaking of slash, I ship Alice and Bella. It could be adorable. Screw you and your donation to Prop 8, Meyer.
My biggest problem with the book is, everyone is perfect and beautiful and everyone pairs up perfectly. Like, it's sending the message that you're not complete unless you find THE ONE PERSON YOU'RE DESTINED TO BE WITH FOR ETERNITY. The whole thing's unhealthy. I'd write it off as escapist, fantasy, wish-fulfullment literature, but the thing is, tons and tons of teenage girls are going to be reading this, and will be looking for their Edward Cullen, an overbearing, protective-to-the-point-of-obsession, jealous, stalking, paranoid boyfriend. If he doesn't stalk you, he obviously doesn't care enough. That's what worries me.
Now, Krystal, you say. That's not fair. What about Harry Potter? You argue that people have the good sense not to think they're wizards, and the people who do have trouble with the line between fantasy and reality anyway. What's so different about Twilight?
The difference is, in Harry Potter, the underlying themes are of love and courage and fighting intolerance.
In Twilight, the message is that the ideal man is one who is so focused on you that nothing else matters to him, not even that restraining order you're going to put on him. And as for you, the woman, if you're really in love, you'll drop everything and let him stalk you, because this is romantic.
Wake-up call, girls. It's only romantic when you want it, and with a man like that, you're not going to want it forever. Eventually, you'll get sick of it, and what then? You've got an unwanted stalker, which is NOT romantic. It's terrifying.
As for the other message the book sends, the one that EVERYONE MUST HAVE SOMEONE TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH? Everyone's paired up. Bella and Edward, Esme and Carlisle, Rosalie and Emmett, Alice and Jasper, and even the mundane human friends who are nothing but a distraction from the OMG VAMPIRES all pair up perfectly. Every guy who's going after Bella has a normal girl who's looking to get with them. Mike and Jessica, Eric and Angela, and Tyler and Lauren. Yes, Lauren, the nasal fish bitch - even she has somebody. God FORBID someone be AVERAGE-LOOKING and *gasp!* SINGLE in Meyertopia! If you just got the same llama mental image I got, then GET OUT OF MY HEAD EDWARD, GOD. GO BACK TO YOUR BRUNETTE WHOSE BLOOD IS SO MESSED UP IT SMELLS LIKE FLOWERS, AND NOT LIKE METAL.
Also, everyone is locked in these relationships forever. People change. As much as I would like to believe in true love, Bella is seventeen. I'm not much older myself, and I know I don't want to be locked into a relationship yet. Heck, I'm not sure I'd want to be in the fated, destiny, BONDED FOREVER kind of Twilight relationship ever.
Ah, but I've gone on way too long. My two cents turned out to be closer to twenty bucks, haha. Ah, well, I hope it was an entertaining read, at least.
In the meantime, I, unlike Edward Cullen The Gorgeous, need to eat, and unlike Bella, who does not have to go to college because she's a vampire, I have to clean my dorm and get the place ready before I leave for winter break. Ciao~
Edit: God, I love Arcadian. I checked my mail to find one of those musical record-your-own-message Christmas cards in my mailbox, and it promptly informed me that I'd lost the game. XDDD
I AM FREE FOR THE NEXT MONTH.
GOD YES.
The only thing is, I'm freaking exhausted. Turned my mom down to hang out today - I needed sleep.
Oh, also. During that restless night?
I finished Twilight.
Here's my verdict:
It's an okay book. Easiest read I've had in a while, but then again, I'm used to dry, turn-of-the-century stuff, so that could just be me. I have no respect for it as a piece of literature. The characters are cardboard-cutouts with shaky motivations. I give that it is plausible - if you turn your head and squint and ignore a few things. The concept has potential, and with some work, the mythos could be legitimate. There's nothing at all that can be done about the sparkling, though.
I do not hate Bella. However, I do dislike her rather intensely. She's got no reason for what she does, and is basically the author oops, I mean reader-proxy character and is dragged around by Meyer like a puppet. All the boys being into her I could understand, as it's a tiny, tiny high school, and she's fresh meat. However, if she gives them the cold shoulder, they're not going to risk previous friendships and stalk her. that's Edward's job Bros before hos, anyone? It is not a requirement of a literary heroine to be pursued by every male she comes into contact with. (There's only one human girl who dislikes her, and said girl is protrayed as ugly with fish-eyes and a nasal voice. I'll get to Rosalie in a minute.)
Which brings me to Jacob. I just....I dunno, I like him less now that I've read the book. I'm guessing it's the Stephenie Meyer character treatment - he's so damn flat. He builds cars, though, and that's kind of cute. I took an issue with Bella flirting with him to get information. Dude. He's fifteen. And he's actually nice, and you think you might want to be friends with him. But nooo, you're all EDWARD EDWARD EDWARD I MUST FIND OUT ABOUT EDWARD SO I WILL TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THIS POOR SAP'S FEELINGS FOR ME. Bitch. lol I could so crack a wolf joke here
But while I was reading it, I had a strange experience. Every time Bella did something I did, like READ OLDER LIT FOR FUN, or be passive-LIFE ISN'T FAIR, I found myself noticing it much more than I would in another character. I'm chalking this up to Meyer writing her as a reader-proxy, who behaves like the reader would like to behave (i.e. little fear of Edward, taking stupid risks to advance the story and TRUE LOVE OMG, everyone wants her after seventeen years of never being noticed ever) and her choice to write it in first-person helps with that. She has no defining character traits, making her shoes ridiculously easy to slip into. Alarm bells went off in my head the first time, and sirens blared the second, third, and fourth. She reminds me more of my sister than anything else.
Anyway. ON TO THE SPARKLEPIRES.
Edward Cullen? I could care less about. He's a creeper. From watching her around her house to watching her sleep to tasting her tears.... All right. All of it, I could understand, if I tried. It can be seen as plausible. But these are not qualities of a romantic hero. Bella is not supposed to find out that Edward followed her on her shopping trip with her girl-friends (who she doesn't care about) and think, WOW, THAT SORT OF GIVES ME WARM FUZZIES. To her credit, she thinks that she should be creeped out, but that doesn't redeem her LOL YOU'RE DANGEROUS BUT I DON'T CARE BECAUSE I'M SO IN LOOOOOOOVE WITH YOOOOOOOOU MAKE ME A VAMPIRE EDWARD SO I CAN STAY WITH YOU FOREVER AND DON'T HAVE TO GET OLD AND UGLY LIKE EVERYONE ELSE~~~
Anyway. Edward's personality is a bit easier to understand in the books, and the fluctuation makes a bit more sense. However, he has very few defining character traits beside his CREEPINESS and OVER-PROTECTIVENESS OF BELLA. It's painfully obvious that he's there to be utterly perfect in every way and you're supposed to fall in true vampire loooooooove with him. I'm pretty indifferent. The whole vampire concept could be made to work, with tweaking. However, Meyer focuses on all the wrong things. I'm trying to legitimize it, and may make a seperate post about that. But Edward himself bores me.
Although I admit to laughing every time Bella compares him to a Greek god, because this is the mental image I get:
That's right: even the beard sparkles, right down to the last ringlet.
The other Cullens are varying steps away from cardboard cut-outs. Alice is spunky and knows everything. Jasper exists to calm Bella down with his emotion-controlling-powers. Rosalie is a hot bitch who HATES BELLA. Emmet is fucking strong. Esme loves Bella because OMG MOTHER. And Carlisle is nice. To everyone.
....okay, maybe I'm not being quite fair. I did like some of the Cullens, and they've got a bit more to them than that.
Alice has a sort of neat backstory. She was in an asylum because she had some precognition powers, but doesn't remember anything before being turned. However, she's protrayed as a NICE GIRL WHO IS ON BELA AND EDWARD'S SIDE AND IS FUN AND GRACEFUL AND OH BTW REVEALS INFORMATION AND POKES THE PLOT ALONG AND GUESS WHAT BELLA'S GONNA BE A VAMP SOONER OR LATER SPOILERS LOLOLOL. She's a walking spoiler machine. I did like her a lot, and she was handled better than some of the other characters, but so much more could have been done with her.
Jasper....exists to calm Bella down with his emotion-controlling powers. And look slightly pained. And be arm-candy for Rosalie. Apparently, he was very charismatic in life. It'd be nice to see some of this through something other than BECAUSE BELLA SAYS SO.
Rosalie.....is just a really hot bitch who HATES BELLA. Apparently, she's also jealous of Bella for being human, as she wants to be human herself. Other than that, she has no personality, a common trend in this book. Ah,well, at least she doesn't fall into the OMG ONLY UGLY PEOPLE HATE BELLA thing.
Emmett is strong. And a jock. And violent. Pretty boring as a character, although he does say some things that I wished I could say. He also mocks Bella and her clumsiness, which won him a few points.
Now, Esme (whose name I can't read without thinking of Granny Weatherwax, god help me GRANNY AND RYUUKEN FOREVER OH GOD YES) is EVERYONE'S MOM. She collects children like Pokemon, because she lost a child a long time ago and tried to kill herself over it. I wish she would do more than just FILL THE ROLE OF MOM-FIGURE AND LOVE BELLA BECAUSE EDWARD HER BELOVED SON HAS FOUND LOVE AT LAST AND BELLA IS CHANGING HIM AND FINALLY EDWARD WILL BE HAPPY. She could be a cool character - heck, all of them could - if they weren't so one-dimensional.
......and now we come to Carlisle. Hooo boy. Those of you who know me know I'm horribly biased toward Carlisle. SHUT UP SHUT UP JUST BECAUSE HE'S LIKE THREE HUNDRED AND SIXTY YEARS OLD AND PROBABLY HAS MANUSCRIPTS FROM THE NINTEENTH CENTURY IN THOSE BOOKSHELVES IN HIS OFFICE. */////* CURSE MY THING FOR MEN WITH BIG LIBRARIES. AND NOT ONE WORD ABOUT THE DOCTOR THING. My trouble is, I really like nice guys, and Carlisle's defining character trait is his OMG KINDNESS AND COMPASSION. Sorry, but I find his training-himself-to-control-his-bloodlust-and-becoming-a-doctor-as-penance-for-being-a-demon much more compelling than Bella's OH MY GOD EDWARD HE'S SO TRAGIC AND MYSTERIOUS AND HE TRIES SO HARD NOT TO BE A MONSTER BY LIVING ON ANIMAL BLOOOOOD. Now, to be fair, he's also pretty flat, and exists to be nice to everyone. There's no struggle with anything anymore. He's just a little too perfect to be a legitimate character.
That's the trouble with the vampires. They're sparkly and beautiful and much too perfect. Even if they do have flaws, they barely count. Rosalie may be the most flawed one of the bunch, and she's a bitch just because. Or maybe I'm imagining it, because she got the least screentime of anyone in the book. That's also a trend: the less a character appears, the more appealing they seem, because Meyer hasn't had a chance to butcher them yet.
One last note on Carlisle, though. I think Charlie's gay for him. Just sayin'. >.>
Speaking of slash, I ship Alice and Bella. It could be adorable. Screw you and your donation to Prop 8, Meyer.
My biggest problem with the book is, everyone is perfect and beautiful and everyone pairs up perfectly. Like, it's sending the message that you're not complete unless you find THE ONE PERSON YOU'RE DESTINED TO BE WITH FOR ETERNITY. The whole thing's unhealthy. I'd write it off as escapist, fantasy, wish-fulfullment literature, but the thing is, tons and tons of teenage girls are going to be reading this, and will be looking for their Edward Cullen, an overbearing, protective-to-the-point-of-obsession, jealous, stalking, paranoid boyfriend. If he doesn't stalk you, he obviously doesn't care enough. That's what worries me.
Now, Krystal, you say. That's not fair. What about Harry Potter? You argue that people have the good sense not to think they're wizards, and the people who do have trouble with the line between fantasy and reality anyway. What's so different about Twilight?
The difference is, in Harry Potter, the underlying themes are of love and courage and fighting intolerance.
In Twilight, the message is that the ideal man is one who is so focused on you that nothing else matters to him, not even that restraining order you're going to put on him. And as for you, the woman, if you're really in love, you'll drop everything and let him stalk you, because this is romantic.
Wake-up call, girls. It's only romantic when you want it, and with a man like that, you're not going to want it forever. Eventually, you'll get sick of it, and what then? You've got an unwanted stalker, which is NOT romantic. It's terrifying.
As for the other message the book sends, the one that EVERYONE MUST HAVE SOMEONE TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH? Everyone's paired up. Bella and Edward, Esme and Carlisle, Rosalie and Emmett, Alice and Jasper, and even the mundane human friends who are nothing but a distraction from the OMG VAMPIRES all pair up perfectly. Every guy who's going after Bella has a normal girl who's looking to get with them. Mike and Jessica, Eric and Angela, and Tyler and Lauren. Yes, Lauren, the nasal fish bitch - even she has somebody. God FORBID someone be AVERAGE-LOOKING and *gasp!* SINGLE in Meyertopia! If you just got the same llama mental image I got, then GET OUT OF MY HEAD EDWARD, GOD. GO BACK TO YOUR BRUNETTE WHOSE BLOOD IS SO MESSED UP IT SMELLS LIKE FLOWERS, AND NOT LIKE METAL.
Also, everyone is locked in these relationships forever. People change. As much as I would like to believe in true love, Bella is seventeen. I'm not much older myself, and I know I don't want to be locked into a relationship yet. Heck, I'm not sure I'd want to be in the fated, destiny, BONDED FOREVER kind of Twilight relationship ever.
Ah, but I've gone on way too long. My two cents turned out to be closer to twenty bucks, haha. Ah, well, I hope it was an entertaining read, at least.
In the meantime, I, unlike Edward Cullen The Gorgeous, need to eat, and unlike Bella, who does not have to go to college because she's a vampire, I have to clean my dorm and get the place ready before I leave for winter break. Ciao~
Edit: God, I love Arcadian. I checked my mail to find one of those musical record-your-own-message Christmas cards in my mailbox, and it promptly informed me that I'd lost the game. XDDD