(no subject)
There's a lot going on right now, and it's hard to keep track of it all. I've got so many crazy emotions going back and forth.
* Graduation is Wednesday. Everyone is excited, scared, and sad, and it's all coming out in weird ways. Some people go out all the time with their friends to celebrate and enjoy last moments together, others hole up in their room. It still seems very surreal. Leigh and I were watching the stage go up and we were laughing and chatting, until we realized it was for us and we both got quiet. After 4 years of this place, it's hard to believe there's a world outside of it and we'll actually be kicked out 1600 on Wednesday. There's a lot of last-time-doing-this moments, and a lot of times when I look back on a "last time" and wonder if I knew it then, would I have done things differently? Some people I'll never see again and I'm okay with that, others (especially MES), I'm going to miss. A couple relationships I feel like I've really screwed up, and I'm not sure whether to apologize, or just let it go... I've made some good friends here, had some good adventures, and I'm sad to see that go, but excited what the future will bring.
* The first 48 hours without James was absolutely awful, but now it's all settled out. I miss him, but we don't communicate that much, and it worries me a little: Are we going to lose touch and eventually not know each other at all? But it's all part of life, and life isn't always fun and rosy. I cried off and on for two days before he left, and I've broken down a couple times since. But there's so many exciting things happening that it's hard to focus. When we talk on the phone his voice sounds very far away, and I don't hear much affection in it.
* Monday night was Girls Night Out that landed us at a country music dance, Tuesday was time with Aimee, Wednesday was a Batchorette party, Thursday was a Macro book burning party at someone's house, and tonight it's off to the gay bar. My family comes on Sunday evening, then the amazing amount of rellies decend from that. This is stressful.
* Isaac's father died from cancer. He's been dying a while. I didn't know it until I saw it on LiveJournal. Over the phone his voice sounds very sad but settled, and I cried after I hung up the phone. I wish I could help my friend, but I think picking him up from the airport and spending time with him will say more than words ever could. Death really hits me hard; I never really mourned over my grandfather and I've been waiting for that to hit.
* The weather is terrible today. I wish it was sunny.
* Graduation is Wednesday. Everyone is excited, scared, and sad, and it's all coming out in weird ways. Some people go out all the time with their friends to celebrate and enjoy last moments together, others hole up in their room. It still seems very surreal. Leigh and I were watching the stage go up and we were laughing and chatting, until we realized it was for us and we both got quiet. After 4 years of this place, it's hard to believe there's a world outside of it and we'll actually be kicked out 1600 on Wednesday. There's a lot of last-time-doing-this moments, and a lot of times when I look back on a "last time" and wonder if I knew it then, would I have done things differently? Some people I'll never see again and I'm okay with that, others (especially MES), I'm going to miss. A couple relationships I feel like I've really screwed up, and I'm not sure whether to apologize, or just let it go... I've made some good friends here, had some good adventures, and I'm sad to see that go, but excited what the future will bring.
* The first 48 hours without James was absolutely awful, but now it's all settled out. I miss him, but we don't communicate that much, and it worries me a little: Are we going to lose touch and eventually not know each other at all? But it's all part of life, and life isn't always fun and rosy. I cried off and on for two days before he left, and I've broken down a couple times since. But there's so many exciting things happening that it's hard to focus. When we talk on the phone his voice sounds very far away, and I don't hear much affection in it.
* Monday night was Girls Night Out that landed us at a country music dance, Tuesday was time with Aimee, Wednesday was a Batchorette party, Thursday was a Macro book burning party at someone's house, and tonight it's off to the gay bar. My family comes on Sunday evening, then the amazing amount of rellies decend from that. This is stressful.
* Isaac's father died from cancer. He's been dying a while. I didn't know it until I saw it on LiveJournal. Over the phone his voice sounds very sad but settled, and I cried after I hung up the phone. I wish I could help my friend, but I think picking him up from the airport and spending time with him will say more than words ever could. Death really hits me hard; I never really mourned over my grandfather and I've been waiting for that to hit.
* The weather is terrible today. I wish it was sunny.