Title: The art of being liked
Author: Crystal_marbles
Pairing, Character(s): Santana/Rachel (Pezberry)
Rating: R
Genre: Angst/Some Romance
Warnings: Dub-con
Spoilers: Season 1
Disclaimer: Glee is not mine!
Summary:"Do what I do. Never say no." Rachel follows the advice. (Based on a prompt on the Angst meme)
Word count: 520
Rachel isn’t gay. She really isn’t. She likes abs and masculinity and the sweaty smell of a man. She’s tried looking at the girls in the locker-room. Followed their bodies with her eyes, looking at Brittany’s breasts and Mercedes’ soft skin. She’s tried to imagine having sex with any of them, but in the end it just wasn't something that she found appealing on a sexual level. She could appreciate the aesthetic qualities of the Cheerios, but they didn’t attract her the way the football team did. So Rachel had realized that despite her parents, she just was not gay. She was fairly certain that she could never appreciate sex with a woman.
But there is another thing that Rachel wants even more than boys; and that’s being liked. She’s just so tired of people yelling at her, their cruel words ringing in her head for days. She’s tired of the people she cares about breaking her heart every single time she walks into the choir room. She’s tried just about everything to get the Glee-club to acknowledge her, but it had always been met with disdain and cruelty. She’s tired of being disliked which is why she is currently in Santana’s bed, the Cheerios lips on hers, the sound of the other girls voice ringing in her ears.
”Do what I do: Just never say no.”
So she doesn’t. She doesn’t tell Santana that she’s not gay or that she really doesn’t want to lose her virginity to a person she is not even remotely interested in. That she’s not ready for this. Instead she lets Santana un-hook her bra and stroke her breasts, her nails scratching lightly at Rachels| nipples. She shudders a little at the sensation, but feels mostly detached.
Santana has stopped kissing her and is now tracing her lips down her stomach and then even lower. Under her skirt and underwear to places that she’s never let anyone touch her, ever. Santana is surprisingly gentle, though, and Rachel figures that’s a good thing at the very least. The rest of the night is a blur of sensations and conflicting emotions. She remembers wetness under her fingers, and the feeling of Santanas fingers pushing up and in, breasts pressed against hers and rose-scented perfume. Rachel climaxes, in the end, and she is almost amazed at her bodys ability to get that aroused from the physical sensations alone. It’s almost as fascinating as it is disgusting.
The next day at school Santana(and the rest of the cheerios as well) is just a little nicer and when she enters the choir room Kurt actually smiles at her. Somehow, it doesn’t make her as happy as it should. She feels numb, undeserving of their attention. Like a liar, a fake. But despite that, she still wants their attention. Wants Kurt to acknowledge her as a friend, and Santana to respect her. So that’s why, even though she feels like crying, Rachel fakes a smile and runs over to the other gleeks. She sits down next to the two cheerios and wonders if it was worth it in the end.