(no subject)
mmmhmm.
today, i have rehersal from 12:30-1.
2-3
and then 4:30 -....?
RENT is playing tonight and im ohh so excited for me and my roommie love to go see it!
i was talking to someone yesterday he made me realize that i may have been wrong in all of my previous thoughts on the people here. he was listening to me speak with someone else, about not having anything to do because of the lack of friends (or something like that) and he said something to the extent of:
"youre kidding, right? everytime i see you you are surrounded by other people. when you walk into rehersal everybody knows your name, and youve only been here for a week. my friends see you at the gym everynight and ask you how your training is going. i saw you walk into charlies today, you were automatically invited to join a table of people who like being around you. whenever i see you in the dining hall i want to go talk to you, but you are ALWAYS with other people. (this is true of him as well.) i know youre not everyones favorite person but no one is. and you feeling like you dont fit in is just you feeling like every other college freshman. ever."
so we sat down and made a list. (dorky i know), because he asked me how many friends (even though i would consider MOST of the aquantices) i have.
we came up with this:
ali
katie
him
gianna
eileen
catherine
autum
stephanie
(pretty much the rest of my floor... besides the few people who dont actually live here)
dominica
meghan
alex
alex
kim
justine
jen
ashley
sarah
........ and then theres about 15 people who i really dont consider my friends but are good aquantices, i guess.
i dunno, i feel bad because i do feel like i dont fit in, but i think im begining to realize that the kind of friendship i was hoping to find here im just not gonna find.
well, duh, i found it in one person, and id rather have her as a really really good friend than a few people as okay friends.
i have friends at home too.
everytime i go to worcester there a group of people i see.
and i love mon pheober and katie and ashley so much.
and then when you throw in eric and ryan and nina and natasha and jill(?) alex and melanie and all those great girls from dance...
yeah.
yeah, i GET IT. im not really alone.
but its not just me feeling alone for no reason....
and by talking to someone else last night, i think i realized that....
something happened to me early in 1st semester this year and i think i am begining to see the affects it has on my social life. i dont know how the two things are connected, but they are. and its difficult to explain this to people without telling them exactly what happened, but i dont want to do that. at all.
and i really wish i could talk to someone about it, (not that the person i talked to last night didnt help... i would just like to talk to someone in person about it), but only 3 people here know. and i dont know how to bring it up. plus, our CA seems really busy and i dont know if she really would want to talk with me about stuff like that.
i dont have time for a social life anyway. im the only one i know who goes to class and work from 8 to 5 everyday. and on my days off, i need to do hours and hours of homework and i like spending time with just my roommate.
so i guess everything is not as bad as i thought. besides that thing that i cant talk to anyone (except an ex boyfriend) about.
today, i have rehersal from 12:30-1.
2-3
and then 4:30 -....?
RENT is playing tonight and im ohh so excited for me and my roommie love to go see it!
i was talking to someone yesterday he made me realize that i may have been wrong in all of my previous thoughts on the people here. he was listening to me speak with someone else, about not having anything to do because of the lack of friends (or something like that) and he said something to the extent of:
"youre kidding, right? everytime i see you you are surrounded by other people. when you walk into rehersal everybody knows your name, and youve only been here for a week. my friends see you at the gym everynight and ask you how your training is going. i saw you walk into charlies today, you were automatically invited to join a table of people who like being around you. whenever i see you in the dining hall i want to go talk to you, but you are ALWAYS with other people. (this is true of him as well.) i know youre not everyones favorite person but no one is. and you feeling like you dont fit in is just you feeling like every other college freshman. ever."
so we sat down and made a list. (dorky i know), because he asked me how many friends (even though i would consider MOST of the aquantices) i have.
we came up with this:
ali
katie
him
gianna
eileen
catherine
autum
stephanie
(pretty much the rest of my floor... besides the few people who dont actually live here)
dominica
meghan
alex
alex
kim
justine
jen
ashley
sarah
........ and then theres about 15 people who i really dont consider my friends but are good aquantices, i guess.
i dunno, i feel bad because i do feel like i dont fit in, but i think im begining to realize that the kind of friendship i was hoping to find here im just not gonna find.
well, duh, i found it in one person, and id rather have her as a really really good friend than a few people as okay friends.
i have friends at home too.
everytime i go to worcester there a group of people i see.
and i love mon pheober and katie and ashley so much.
and then when you throw in eric and ryan and nina and natasha and jill(?) alex and melanie and all those great girls from dance...
yeah.
yeah, i GET IT. im not really alone.
but its not just me feeling alone for no reason....
and by talking to someone else last night, i think i realized that....
something happened to me early in 1st semester this year and i think i am begining to see the affects it has on my social life. i dont know how the two things are connected, but they are. and its difficult to explain this to people without telling them exactly what happened, but i dont want to do that. at all.
and i really wish i could talk to someone about it, (not that the person i talked to last night didnt help... i would just like to talk to someone in person about it), but only 3 people here know. and i dont know how to bring it up. plus, our CA seems really busy and i dont know if she really would want to talk with me about stuff like that.
i dont have time for a social life anyway. im the only one i know who goes to class and work from 8 to 5 everyday. and on my days off, i need to do hours and hours of homework and i like spending time with just my roommate.
so i guess everything is not as bad as i thought. besides that thing that i cant talk to anyone (except an ex boyfriend) about.