In My Head
I realized I do something pretty weird. When I don't see people for a long time, when I barely talk to them, maybe a conversation on AIM or a quick texts, but never on the phone, i start to create a new them in my head. I think of the good things that they do and make a superior person to what they really are. It's ridiculous and causes me to love people for something I created. Like I'm taking their good qualities, then masking their bad qualities and soon enough they are almost the perfect person.. then I talk to them and cannot figure out what is wrong. I'll think they are being mean or rude, I'll think they don't like me that much, I'll feel like I spoke out of turn. I've done this soo many times and have been so disappointed. I could never figure out why it was like this until I thought of my biggest example. I made a person. A person I really liked, a person who had only small faults. I would talk to them quite a bit through texts and on the internet...would always get really excited about seeing them, and you know what their were phone calls but they were quick nice ones. I thought I knew this person soo well and we were so right for each other, then I would see them and all I would feel was disappointed. It was completely bad but the person I was with, something seemed completely off. The person I had in my head was completely different to the one I was with. The one I was with had a huge amount of bad qualities, they were selfish and mean and rude. When I stopped talking to them at first I felt bad like it was all my fault and that I really didn't know the person, but when I realized all this I realized I did know them. Extremely well. And you can argue well love is blind blah blah blah but I do this with people I know just as much. It doesn't matter what kinds of feelings I have for them. I always try to make people better in my head, unless I decide I don't like them, then I cover all their good qualities with bad ones. It's a bad quality, but the more I call it out, the easier it gets to figure it out.